HELP! MY boyfriend WATCHING TRANS PORN?

[Anonymous]

Hello.. i have a relationship for a year. We’r going to be engaged next month. Last night i found out that my boyfriend is watching trans porns when i’m out of home. in our normally life i love lgbt people i have too many bisexual friends. but he doesn’t like them and he’s acting like he’s strong homophobic. he want to do anal w me but i don’t really feel that im ready to do that. if he is watching these because of the anal then why he didn't just search for fckn anal porns? im going to be crazy. i don’t want to touch him anymore. what should i do :(?

[Subglacial]

The fact that he's watching porn without you isn't cause for concern. Some people have this idea that their partner should think about them and only them, but while that sounds very romantic, it's not realistic. Guys will look at and fantasize about other people while still remaining faithful to you.

The fact that it's trans porn is not necessarily bad either. People can have a wiiiiide variety of sexual interests, and fantasy/porn is a safe way to explore those. TMI, maybe, but if you were to look at my various porn folders on my computer, you'd swear they were all owned by different people.

The fact that he's homophobic but still into it is... not good. Internalized homophobia is actually not uncommon, but it's not good. Society places a lot of weight on how guys are expected to express their sexuality, and if their sexuality is questioned, it can feel like their entire identity is threatened. If they struggle with or feel ashamed by their own interests, they can overcompensate by lashing out.

If I were you, I would not take the advice of anybody here. We can't tell you exactly why your guy feels this way or the best way to approach it. Get in touch with a psychotherapist or counselor with experience with this sort of thing. If you're not sure where to look, you can ask your doctor of PCP about mental health services. Remember: this isn't about fixing your fiancé, he may just need to be guided by someone who knows the territory.

If you choose to bring this up with your guy or confront him about it, be kind and patient. He's already in a defensive position, so hostility will only cause him to double down. He doesn't need your help beating him up -- he's probably done a good enough job of that by himself.

TL;DR: find a therapist or counselor.

[Subglacial]

doctor or PCP* Please let me edit my comments, G@G.

[Kinkyhubby]

Sit down and ask him, if you are getting ready to marry him, sometimes you have to talk your way through the problem. This could be a trial run for you. Maybe he like that fake it start off as a hot girl, but had a surprise. But if you choose to talk to him, sit down n talk, do not yell, or attack him because he will shut down and then get mad at you

[Asker]

yeah i did. he said that he just wondered whats going on

[Agape93]

Get over it, he can watch whatever porn he wants long as it doesn't involve kids or rape

[Asker]

he has rape fantasy also. he wants to roleplay w me sometimes. is there any wrong with it? what do you think?

[Agape93]

Rape fantasy is ok with established boundaries, a safe word and prior permission

[Guy13]

That’s enough to no longer be your boyfriend. You don’t possess his interest set. I would be out and end of story. You are not of a great concern to him.

[Asker]

im gonna cry

[MCheetah]

He's gay. You're "dating" a gay man. You're about to get married to a flaming homosexual, super, glory hole regular, "has Elton John on Speed Dial" gay man. It also doesn't matter if you have gay friends if you're a woman about to get married to a gay man.

My advice would be to call the wedding off, and reassess what you're about to do with your life. Which would be, marrying a homosexual male. You know, assuming this isn't a troll post. Nowadays, it could go either way... Just like him.

I know GAG really isn't the best place to take life advice from, but this is a No Brainer: Break up with him and get the f*ck outta there! ... If you're not trolling, that is.

[Asker]

i’m not trolling dude, relax. thank you for your advice

[Truth0225]

If you’re going to marry him, and he has sexual interests that he wasn’t forthcoming about, what else was he not forthcoming about?

[Asker]

THAT’S IT! You understand my fear

[Truth0225]

I think that’s enough to either end or post pone the marriage. My thing is for example: if I’m engaged to a woman who I had to find out that was into say bondage and she never told me that, I’d feel the same way as you

[Asker]

and im really open minded person. if he told me about that i could understand him. i don’t like secrets really

[Truth0225]

So I think that’s the real issue. I’d definitely rethink the marriage, not because of this one incident but because the trust is gone now

[Asker]

all of our families waiting for this. i don’t know what sould i say to them to delay engagement. i feel like im dying now lol.

[Truth0225]

The families don’t have to live with him or marry him. And even if you do, do u believe you’ll be happy? What will they say if u marry him and divorce him? What if you guys have a kid and then divorce?

[Asker]

You’re right

[Truth0225]

Just understand that this guy has a lot of other things about him that you don’t know about.

[Asker]

im crying now.

[Berethor]

Sounds gay to me, and you really want to have anal with him? I think that anal is disgusting.

[Asker]

yeah i think so. i don’t want to do

[Berethor]

Good, well at least you find out the truth before you married him, now you can leave him.

[Sabretooth]

Anyone ever tell you that you sound like like you're in the closet?

[Berethor]

It's a common gay accusation, and a reverse psychology does not work on me.

[Sabretooth]

Apparently, it does.

[Sabretooth]

That, you're just deeply insecure.

[Berethor]

I am very insecure in being straight, that's why I never do gay stuff, anal is gay stuff.

[Sabretooth]

need me to get you more shovels?

[Berethor]

I don't need you and your gay propaganda.

[Sabretooth]

keep going... you're just digging yourself into a deeper hole. these are not the words of a secure man.

[Sabretooth]

look, we can have a good faith debate about liking trans girls--I used to view such men as being gay or bi--I no longer do... but calling a man gay for wanting anal with a girl... it makes you look like a complete idiot. sexual acts have no bearing on sexual orientation... were that the case--we'd have to agree that a man eating out a trans man is straight...

[Berethor]

Idiot? go fuck yourself, a "transman" is a woman, so the man doing that can be a straight.

[Sabretooth]

though, clearly, any attempt to have any kinda rational conversation with you would be as futile as trying to explain Einstein's theory of relativity to a Hershey bar. the fact that you think a straight man would even show interest in a man before even even getting to that point shows your ignorance about sexuality.

[mrmonogamous]

Dump his ass now! He’s not a real man. This is sickening! Much like a pedophile, he can’t be cured. Just be happy you found out early. Spread the word - he’s a freak!

[boggboss]

If its a issue speak to him about it

[Asker]

i think that he won't tell the truth

[boggboss]

Then you get to decide if I want to marry someone who will lie to you lol

[Asker]

he’s acting like homophobic. it’d be hard to say the truth i think lol

[boggboss]

Then again that's eho u have decided to be with

[YourFavoriteFriend]

If you are disgusted by his fetishes, then move on.

[TroyDT2]

Dump him.

[Asker]

why do you think so

[JPresidente]

🤮🤮🤮🤮

[joeldalton]

dump him. You're repulsed by his behavior.

[jayhams]

What makes you not want to touch him anymore? Have you tried talking to him about this?

[Asker]

because he’s not clear to me. i have a friend from school and her boyfriend cheated on her w trans. when she came to our home and told me this my boyfriend was here too. he said like 'omg thats horrible i can’t believe that vs.' now he’s watching trans porn. we watched porn together too many times, but he has never watched trans porn w me. why he is watching when im out of town? i feel like he’s lying about himself and i don’t want to touch him

[Asker]

i’ll talk tonight

[jayhams]

He is probably self conscious about it.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Yelp, your boyfriend is definitely in the closet. 100% straight men won't feel comfortable watching homosexuals have sex.

[Twalli]

Trans porn is actually surprisingly popular among straight males. From what we understand it comes from the fact that the penis is a part of the body, where sexual excitement is easy to see. The same thing for cumming. Therefore, we can see sexual excitement and cumming with trans girls. Plus they have boobs, and we like boobs.

[nawtee_me]

Peg him if he wants anal….

[In_Trance]

break up

[Teriyaki70]

Dump him

[Asker]

Why you think like that? i’m wondering ur opinion

[Teriyaki70]

That's my opinion

[Batz2u]

leave him

[CubaPirate]

Time to move on I'd say

[Sabretooth]

they're fascinating. don't overthink it. it's the most common category for straight men. sexuality is more complex than what we believed.

[Asker]

i talked to him and he said so

[Sabretooth]

hmm?

[Asker]

he said that he just wondered about whats going on and watched it

[Sabretooth]

so, think you can stop stressing about it?

[Farmerboy2]

Help! What do you want us to do about it.