Help with friends with benefits Situation?

Help with friends with benefits Situation?
So this guy decided to leave me hanging right after asking me to come over to his place. And he’s done it 3 times now. No cancellation no nothing. He apologized the next day each time telling me that it was “his 3 jobs” , “he fell asleep” and such. So then I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine and do it back to him. And this is the result of it. He even called me by phone and tried to send a voicemail.
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(So basically I don’t know what to do, blame him for leaving me hanging and show my disappointment that he was disrespectful to me, or forgive him and say that it’s okay and that I understand)

(I have people telling me both sides. “Forgive him and say you understand because he gave you a reason each time”..” Punish him and make him do something for having disrespected you, so it won’t happen again””)
Updates:
1 y
And guys this did hurt 💔. It hurt because of how disrespectful it was, because of how deliberate it was. Because I waited for an hour or 2 for a reply or a cancellation… I don’t care if he was sleeping with another girl that’s what a friends with benefits is for! But the outright disrespect and him literally putting me as PLAN B is what hurrrrts. Not even a female friend of mine would do this to me. It did make me cry. (And now I just don’t know what to say to him) (What would you say to him)
1 y
Guys UPDATE! I chose to tell TYRONE here: “I’m sure you can find some” And he answered with: “What’s your problem” “I haven’t done anything to you” “But okay” “Like speak up and say what’s on your mind tell me what I did so wrong for you to be acting this way towards me?”
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Damn girl you know the answer to that crap. It’s rude as fuck. Leave him holding his dick and find someone else. I can not stand rude behavior from anyone. I hate it. Also remember the most precious thing you’ve got is your time. Time is finite just like you life. My advice is don’t be wasting that shit.
    I have never married I have steady female friends with benefits. They all know me , and love me. The reason is I’m polite and honest to them. I do not play games with women. The good ones appreciate that shit too. The stupid ones get ran down the road. I don’t put up with stupid at all.
    I told you that to say , I would never be rude , or dismissive of a female who took care of me in that manner. I’m an man and outlaw biker I don’t have to play games. I just tell them the truth every single time. I don’t care much who likes it either. If I make plans I show up , and do what I said I’d do. That is the mark of a man. Straight up.

  • just forget about him... if he has wasted your time once, then you can forgive, twice you are being very generous, three times is just silly. if i was into a lady and worked 3 jobs i would not leave them hanging 3 times. i would make time and even if i fell asleep when they came over, at least they could see for real.

    on a suspicious side, has he contacted more than one person (scatter gun effect) and the first one to come wins? why would he fall asleep 3 times?

    • Yes , the last thing I said to him was “loose my number” Basically I ended whatever that casual relationship was. I’m gonna miss the sex the most. The sex truly was something of a different world. But look he wasn’t even giving it to me either. So I’m not loosing much anyway. And yes, I don’t think I deserve that. I don’t deserve to be put as plan B or anything like that. Im never doing the friends with benefits thing again. It’s a waste of time and emotions. It’s a waste of sex. OH WELL 💔🍾

    • id block his also just in case lol glad you ended it, i know it would have been a difficult decision but for the best. i agree friends with benefits is not great, one person normally seems to develop feelings and gets hurt. also all the time you waste on these people, your potentially missing out on mr right. i hope that mr right is just around the corner and you find him soon.

    • @markm3212 I know and Thankyou. I’m actually afraid of serious relationships because of my abusive dad and what my mom went through with him. And I know that’s something I’m gonna have to speak with a professional with. I do have a lot of childhood traumas that I need to make peace with and confront. And I’m gonna hope for Mr. Right to show up as well. It’s always best to have hope. And fight for what’s right.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • I get you, so important to me that I can count on people, also when it is casual sex.
    I feel like you already gave him some chances, but now you also made the demonstration by ignoring him (rather childish, I do think) , maybe that was what he needed to pull himself together. Maybe one last chance after talking about it.
    That's what I have done in similar situations. I tell him he gets one more chance, but it is over if he disrespectfully don't respond again. Normally there really is no good excuses, and his is also bad. Having whatever job is not prohibiting you from responding in due time, he must know his limits and not text if he is so sleepy.

    • I agree, I chose to do it back to him for a demonstration like you said. Because a lot of guys and also girls advised me to give him a taste of his own medicine. I do believe that all of this behavior of his is due to me being too available. I am a very passionate sexual woman and my libido is beyond imaginable , so I was telling him “YES IM AVAILABLE!” No matter what. I was always there when he wanted me there. I also didn’t have any other males. It was only him. I wasn’t fond of the idea of having a 2nd or 3rd friends with benefits due to STDs and such. TYRONE there on the other hand has amazing BANANA, and is always using protection. I don’t have to put up with a man who’ll not wear protection or be shitty in the bedsheets when TYRONE has all the benefits I need. (And this mf ends up pulling this bs out of nowhere) 🤦🏼‍♀️

  • Do a combination, forgive him but in the future if he does not confirm right away move on and make other plans, assume he fell asleep again. Do not wait around to be hurt or expecting it.

    Decide in advance how long you are willing to wait and if he doesn't respond that fast, assume that he is sleeping or whatever.

    • That’s what I had done here. And then we went and did it 3 other times.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 10
  • Why not have a conversation with him and set boundaries that work for both you? This approach is ineffective and a waste of time. Either move on or have a conversation with him.

  • Hope you have severed that relationship!

    • Severed “? Like end it completely?

    • Yes exactly!

  • Help with friends with benefits Situation?

    You know the answer - dump him.

  • just ignore him... he's very pushy and isn't respecting your boundaries, you need someone better

  • You were not wrong for what You did. But just be the bigger person and talk to him about what he did and how he made you feel. I use to play get back to but I see now some men are idiots and it’s best to just tell him how he made you feel.

  • If thats your friend you gotta talk to him about it.
    I get petty at times to and I communicate that with them, lol.
    If he doesn't respect your boundaries or apologizes then it's probably time to let him go.

  • Yet u have now done the same thing 5o him so u can't really be upset with him otherwise u admit what u did was equally as wrong

    • So I u don't like being treated like that end the friends with benefits situation u understand the reason FEB are a thing is for a simple situation evolving sex why is it causing so much drama clearly its not worth it

    • he's causing the drama all by himself. I’ve been seeing him for almost 2 years. Never has this happened before.

    • No he is nit because instead of doing the adult thing and speaking to him about it u decided to go tit for tat now he is not the one in the wrong u both are and makes the situation a mess

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  • Punish him for being disrespectful. Cut him off from sexual benefits until he shows he’s really sorry.

  • It sounds like the two of you aren’t on the same page and might not be compatible. He has three jobs, so this is likely to happen again. How about not having a sexual relationship with him so you don’t have to worry about it?

    • @realmarek I can’t replace him, he’s too good at sex

    • Oh, well, in that case if he really does have three jobs he’s going to fall asleep sometimes when you are horny.

  • I would be honest about how I feel, and convey that to him.

  • You gave yourself to him too easy. He ain’t gonna respect you if you sleep with him so fast. Have more respect for yourself. You will weed out men who just want a quick fix.

    • I wasn’t attracted to him at all. That’s why I slept with him. I just wanted sex. When we started out, he even asked why I wasn’t affectionate or kissed or anything. I also didn’t show my breasts. I made it clear that this was all just for fun. I’ve been with him ever since for 2 years. We talk and respect eachother, I respect him. I feel that he’s been more into me than I am to him. For example he’d invited me to watch movies and shows. He tells be about his family and how he had to grief the passing of a family member. He tells me about his jobs. I just feel like he’s invested more than I have. SO it is very weird for him to pull this little weird out of nowhere game /trick… or whatever it is. One time he had mentioned that I might have feelings for him and unfortunately I didn’t even respond because I didn’t want to say “no I don’t”. I guess it’s some kind of trick to get me invested and make me feel emotions towards him. But it’s making me feel more angry than anything.

    • Oh I see. I thought you were invested in him, and he just wanted sex. My bad I must have read it wrong.

  • What you need to do is next time get him hard and ready then
    get up walk out

    • 😆 LMAOO

  • Yes you did right. If he has done this already few times. You deserve a better understanding guy. Move on from him

  • If he is just a friends with benefits, why be so annoyed with him. Just go to another friends with benefits.

    • So you’re telling me your guy friends invite you to their place to hang out , and then they never reply back and after that they make some dumb excuse? Would you respect them after that. IKR it’s called disrespect. If your employees “no call no show”, it’s called disrespect… right

    • It is disrespectful, but you can do better than him.

  • Well "punish" or games is pretty immature regardless, but also you can understand this maybe once or twice, but 3 times? If you are wanting to continue this relationship, what I would do is just give him the benefit of the doubt right now, BUT, the next time, he's going to call you and talk to you while you're on your way over so you know he's awake.

    • And if he's that tired to begin with, he shouldn't even be asking.

  • to me your trash so I wouldn't care

    • Don’t be jealous that I’m getting action. And you ain’t getting shit. SIMP

    • right, not HIV, AIDS, or anything else

    • I’m not getting none of that either. Wtf are you talking about? CLEARLY YOU HAVE NO EXPERIENCE