How can a woman improve her skills in the bedroom without sleeping around?

[WriterDreams]

This is my first relationship. Not ashamed of that but profoundly disappointed in myself for the little we did that I just know I was dreadful at. The man himself says I was fine but I think he is just being kind.

Should we ever turn that way again I want to be more knowledgeable and better or at least more confident in myself. I am however fiercely devoted to him and do not want to pressure him when he isn't ready or perhaps interested nor do I wish to get around while we are "on a break"

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

1. "On a break" probably means he broke up with you and tried to do it in a way that he thought would be less traumatic for you.

2. There are videos that are intended to educate people on sexual practices and techniques. The ones I have seen show people engaging in various sexual behaviors, but unlike porn, they are realistic portrayals of sex.

3. The main things that make a woman a good sexual partner are her enthusiasm/eagerness and her willingness to overcome inhibitions and try different things.

[WriterDreams]

Thank you for your points. Um... now the break up was the most traumatic way he could have done it, also he didn't choose to do it. It is fiercely complicated as he was unwell at the time and is still getting well. Medication messes with his memory, physical interests (if you get my drift) and his ability to know or identify his own feelings or register others. I don't think he did what he did to ditch me as he is sitting right next to me now. We are rather inseparable. The other suggestions are helpful thanks I'll look into them. Thanks.

[richardcory]

Lots of info in books and the internet - text, pictures or video, whichever you prefer. But really the most important is enjoying pleasing your parner, techniques are something you will just pick up.

by the way - not all men (or women) like the same things

[summiter]

Just take your time, have fun, go slow and do not feel like you have to have perfect skills. Sure you can watch porn to see different positions but remember that is just acting. It never hurts to ask a guy what feels good for him and what he likes.

[WriterDreams]

That was a very good reply. I appreciate the mature and heartfelt advice. Yes, the man in question and what he wants matter very much to me. I'm not looking to improve to be a player. Just to personally improve for us. Nothing more. So I appreciate your approach to the question. Thank you. 🙂

[summiter]

Just remember that the old saying "practice makes perfect" can make sense. The more you have sex with him the more comfortable both of you will be with each other. Do not be afraid to talk about sex with him... it is ok to talk about sex after all! And enjoy the great orgasms :)

[WriterDreams]

😂 oh I do. 😉 You are right too. Talking about sex isn't a bad thing. If those around me had that approach when I was younger I might not be so clueless now. Thanks for the advice.

[Dargil]

The internet (not porn sites) has a lot of first person descriptions of sexual technique. How to do something or how not to do it. When I was between relationships, I came to accept that have a short barrel and a hair trigger (in gun parlance). So I decided to learn the intricate details of cunnilingus and fingering so I could please a partner into orgasm before I ever even mounted up.

One book I read, and still own, is She Comes First: A Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner. It changed my life almost as much as the Bible. I standardized my approach by always bringing a girl into orgasm either orally or by hand before intercourse. This has given me good reviews.

If you spend the time and money researching, I have no doubt such a volume is available for women. You don't have to give away your body to gain skills. Give your mind to it instead.

[FilmGuy93]

Communication and active participation in the sex is hugely important. Women need to get more comfortable with directly expressing physical needs in the bedroom.

[Shedzij567]

Dildo

[hbg84]

Just ask him what he wants you to do. Communicate with each other

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm pretty sure they have exercise videos that focus solely on sex positions.

And there are tutorial videos as well, if you want a more detailed visual.

[Christoff92]

Drink some sugar free energy drinks 🤗

[WriterDreams]

Ha! Funnily enough those are his favourite drinks. 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

@Christoff92 Lol I don't know. When you have sex your heart rate is going to increase naturally. I wouldn't think that you'd need any extra energy.

[swettannie]

what do you want to improve especially?

[WriterDreams]

I lernt real fast that writing love scenes in my books for places like Harlequin have given me no personal finesse or even knowledge. Sure the books are all made up but I figured I knew a little but evidently I know nothing. Trust me to fall for a man that is the king of complicated. It's compounded my insecurities in myself. Not because he is neglectful or bad or anything but that I have discovered I don't know if he likes anything, what to do that might bring him enjoyment or how to physically do virtually anything. He is on medication that drastically decreases his physical interest too so I'm in a bind. I learnt about the whole thing out of a how body's work book I never got the talk now I have realised there are epic gaps in my knowledge of basics and actually having the ability to apply it to real world application. I don't even know too many of the names for positions, condom sizes, other birth control options, hygiene etc. Let alone what it takes to be interesting in the moment. I only lernt that I need to shut up in particular moments. Even though he loves me talking in that moment even I could tell it was off putting. I was just so nervous and unsure if I was doing it correctly. That is all I've managed to pieces together. Sadly my means to find legitimate information has been either not available or sends me to the sick and gross side of it like rape etc. Not helpful at all. So in short basically everything. Any information or direction to resources really it is obviously a tricky situation I should have had a mother tell me but I was deeply neglected in that. Hence my attempts at it now. I'm 34 I feel quite embarrassed at how little I know when I thought I knew at least something.

[In_Trance]

Can a guy?

[Z1pTD]

Imma just echo what people have been saying and say that communication takes it from 0-100

[Anonymous]

Watch porn and take notes.