How do I stop my boyfriend from being so rough while fingering?

[Anonymous]

He is so rough that I dread foreplay. I have tried guiding his hand or pushing his hand away but he's not good with hints. I've been with him for five years and I've never enjoyed foreplay. He also is way too rough on my clit. Even while eating me out. He makes it hurt more so than anything. I want to point out that he never fingered or ate someone out before me.

[Sammy_007]

Omg! I've been through this experience! I got traumatise so I don't ever let anyone finger me... Ever!!! And when it comes to eating me out I always tell the guys I like nice and slow...
So I would speak to him and let him know that u love him and u want to be with him but u would like him to be abit more gentle with with fingers and when he's sucking u down there... That place is gentle and sensitive it needs to be treated that way... Be nice delivering the message so your don't bruise his ego...

[Asker]

I've tried in the past and his ego was seriously wounded. He was very self conscious for awhile afterward. And I hadn't been mean about it. All I said was that he was a little to rough and that I'm very sensitive down there.

[Cmasterson]

Oh my, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Anyway the right way to approach is to tell him, he's your boyfriend so you should feel comfortable. BUT if you find that extremely awkward whilst you guys are engaging in foreplay you can just lead his finger in and out slowly, he will never learn unless you correct him.

[Asker]

I've tried telling him but he gets really self conscious about it and holds out on sex for a few months.

[Cmasterson]

I mean tell him whilst he's super horny, and in a sexual way like "oh slow down, yes etc"

[kaylaS91]

... tell him. Tell him he's being too rough, that you'r prefer he just stroke around that area versus flicking or rubbing vigorously. Tell him for you, slow ans steady wins the race.

Preferably, tell him all of that outside the context of sex so you know he'll be all ears.

[ShaunaM95]

I had this same problem with my ex when we first started dating. I just said to him one day right before we had sex to please be a little more gentle and to go slower and it was fantastic after that. Just say it to him. It's the easiest way to get it through to him.

[MrOracle]

"he's not good with hints."

Most guys are not good with hints (hell, most guys will NEVER get a hint), so use that thing under your nose and above your chin and TALK to him. If you don't tell him what you like, how do you expect him to know? Obviously, after 5 years, "hinting" hasn't worked...

[elew4too]

Say, "Ow, you're hurting me." Utterances like that have helped my technique substantially throughout my learning curve.

[TheFireBert]

I am definitely in that boat. There have been numerous times when a girl was so into it that she forgets to *tell* me that it is starting to hurt and that I need to adjust, slow down, or switch it up. I really want to know when it hurts so I don't keep doing the thing that hurts. Communication is key and when there isn't any it only makes us feel like we did something bad if you end up really sore but it could have been prevented...

[VermillionLies]

It means he probably doesn't give two shits about your pleasure.
I'd break up with a guy who's like that.

[Taywallee16]

Just tell him. I told my boyfriend he was being too rough because I was new to everything and he eased back and now everything feels great.

[SolitaireBond]

That's very simple indeed girl.. Just open your mouth and TALK/TELL HIM.. There you are, problem solved.

[mishiii]

Hey moron – you tell them you get up and tell him and if he doesn't stop pushing away and drop him. What a fucking stupid question have you no self-respect or mine.

[RachelBrigs]

So instead of saying "slow down be more gentle" one time 5 years ago you've put up with this for 5 years?

Why do people have sex with people they can't communicate with at all?

[AmericanPoet]

Stop fucking hinting and just tell him. Why are things like this so complicated? Why do you expect him to be a mind reader?

Quick... what am I thinking right now.

[Asker]

Okay first off, quit being an asshole because you will truly not get anywhere with me. And secondly, its such a complicated topic for him and I because whenever I mention something about the bedroom in the context of trying to make things better he starts thinking that he isn't good enough in bed. Never claimed he was a mind reader. Never claimed any man was. So you should probably stop assuming that I am like the other women who expect men to "just know".

[AmericanPoet]

Maybe if you were more direct like this with him you wouldn't have to drop hints. Don't get mad at me because you didn't explain yourself very well. Maybe that's also part of the problem, your inability to communicate effectively.

[Metlahaed]

Just fucking tell him then teach him how you like it! Goddamnit 5 years woman?

[AmericanPoet]

Right? 5 years and she hasn't found a way to talk to him about it? I can see it being an issue the first few times and he should get it. Either he is clueless or she doesn't communicate.

[Asker]

@AmericanPoet I have communicated. He gets self conscious. So instead of you men just assuming I'm some ignorant woman who lacks communication, why don't you actually give me some helpful advice.

[Metlahaed]

Yes, feeling self conscious is a normal response... Then tell him it's ok and you want to teach him how to do it better. Don't be afraid to hurt him a little.

[Asker]

The only reason I'm afraid of hurting his ego is because it destroyed our sex life. We didn't have sex for like three months afterwards because he would always turn me down. I just need some ways to tell him without him getting extremely hurt.

[Metlahaed]

He will get hurt no matter what, he's just got to man up and take care of your needs.

[Metlahaed]

I like that other girls idea, right before you start to get into it, tell him to be more gentle, if he starts going hard again just keep reminding him till he learns. It's not fair to you, all he has to do is try... Pretty lame if his ego is so sensitive that he can't even attempt something different for you.

[Prof_Don]

Tell him to lick his fingers before going in, and to go in a slow rhythm.

The key is to TELL him, no hinting!

[Intraluminal]

Stop hinting, start TELLING! If that doesn't work - cut him off. You don't need pain - unless that's what you're into.

[idkwtftoputhere]

Then why are you "hinting"
JUST TELL HIM MAN

[Jennygzlz96]

Just tell him

[Murphallin]

Talk to him directly when you are not having sex and be very clear about what you want

[Asker]

Any suggestions on how to bring it up without causing it to hurt his ego? I've brought it up before and he got very self conscious.

[Murphallin]

Maybe just say some thing like " I would love to show what would make me crazy" or " If you did this to me I thing I would explode" BUt not while you are having sex. If you are starting to have sex maybe take his hand and say "follow me" "I love it like this"

[Asker]

Good suggestions. I will have to try these! Thank you!

[vouge]

lol i just say "stop its too hard" then he does ti better. cab with hints, just gotta tell him whats what

[Surfofthenomad]

Tell him to make a slow "come hither" motion when he fingers you. Tell him to also go slow licking you and explain that there are twice as many nerve endings around the clitoris than the penis, or give him a book on giving head.

[BrokenAndAlone74]

My ex was that way and I just said that really fricken hurts!!! Stop!!

[BrokenAndAlone74]

Except I didn't say fricken and I actually yelled haha

[Julie-lydia9]

Tell him to do it slow and that hurts he can't read your mind

[Asker]

Never claimed he could. Whenever I mention anything to better our sex he starts thinking that he isn't good enough and gets self conscious.

[Julie-lydia9]

Then you have a problem.

[davidv]

I agree with everyone. But, here is more. He does not know what he is doing. He is trying. You should talk to him not in the moment and tell him what he did wrong but tell him how to do it right.

[jmmmfi2]

Here's a wild idea... talk to him

[Anonymous]

Let him know. Just ask him to be a little gentler or tell him you like him to do it lightly and teasingly. I went through the same thing so I know where you're coming from!

[Anonymous]

Just tell him asap