Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Maybe it's a dumb question but recently somethings bothering me and it's a downer most off the time.
I am quite conservative when it comes to dating and relationships. I believe in monogamous relationships, loyality and would think of my self as a person who would never be down for a ONS and hookups. I want sex only with love and want a traditional marriage with kids. I also think I am rather prudish. I don't like showing much skin in public, I think sex and showing affections in for the private home not the public. I also have a strong moral concious. I am very law abiding and you could say I am rather strict about breaking rules and such. So basically like I said I strongly believe in traditional and conservative values when it comes to sex and relationships but I have this other side inside me which is the exact opposite. I don't wanna go into details but all of my sexual fantasies are really dirty and go against everyone of my values and morals. I don't know maybe they are there because of repressed feelings but it's not like I hate my strict personality so I don't know why I would need an outlet.
Eather way it's making me feel miserable because I don't know who I am anymore and if my values are even worth anything if I can throw them out of the window when something sexual is involved. I also feel like I am betraying my morals and feel dirty after engaging my fantasies. I feel like being two faced and I hate that. I know some of you will think its just a fantasy no big deal, but I really think I am starting to get into an existencial crisis over this because I really don't know myself, my moral compass and my true believes anymore.
What can I do?
How can you cope with conflicting feelings regarding your values and sexual desire?
Anonymous
2 6
What Girls & Guys Said
14 48Sadly you have to follow your heart.
No, it's a GREAT question.
It would appear I can not (or at least that it is difficult)
The overall trouble is that while it is clear being rule abiding is better, there is no rules-based-path to finding love (like there is for finding work/building a career)
Its because your fantasies are normal but you are supposed to be having regular sex and exploring them with your husband. If you aren't yet married at your age, you should really consider that this isn't the only area you are not traditional because a traditional woman would be married by age 21 probably the latest.
Its one thing to want to wait to be married but that does not work if you also want to wait to be married. Smh. Those two things do not work well together.
But I do understand. I'm very traditional as well. And the thing is hardly anyone is and so those who you look to as models of traditional conservative values often are not living up to them much at all either.
Women should be married basically as young as possible. 16 to 20 is ideal age. Partially to avoid what you're going through right now.
How could I marry that young If I am still studying? I said I am conservative not from the medival ages. Marrying with 16? Thats not even legal were I am from.
Well im sorry you feel that way but that is not how traditional relationships work. Just because everyone else is focusing on studying... well everyone else is also having premarital sex. And by the way many people get married at 18 19 years old. Do you not want a traditional conservative religious husband? Do you not want a family? You are not really moving in a direction of a traditional life. So if you don't really want a traditional life why are you so worried about not having sex? Go hookup with 10 guys.
I guess you are a religious fanatic. Traditional does not only consist of religious things. And being conservative has nothing to do with religion. I don't care about religion. I care about my own values not some a book dictates me. People also have other things to do than marry at that age. I think you're views are way too radical but it's not my business.
Your actions don't match your values. Those who don't want to have casual sex do not wait as long to get married. You are purposely tempting yourself for no reason to fit in with everyone else. Only 50 years ago the average age for a girl to marry was i believe 19 and average for a man 21. So what im suggesting is not weird at all.
Easy, when in bed, do your
sexual urges (unless you are not hurting kids and so on)
Outside of bed, then do your values
Or who really cares
Very normal. It's the way society generally is. Pressure for women to not give in and save themselves. Silly imo! Have you tried to relieve your desire with masturbation?
One day or another keeping those fantasies down will destroy you one way or another. So make compromises like what happens in the bed stays in the bed. You can certainly be dirty and conservative, you won't stick with vanilla sex cause you're ashamed of what you want just do it. At least to save you from doing something you might regret :)
Its frustrating, hell even. Its just the skeleton I live with.
Oh girl i can only read last paragraph 😅
I think that actually makes a lot of sense and I can see how you feel that way. I’m very conservative too or at least I used to be more so. I have lots of sexual fantasies that aren’t exactly aligned with how I view myself lifestyle going. Feel free to add me or message me if you like. But good luck with however you decided to deal with that.
Pick a side and stick to it. Don't mess both the things.
So you like to be dominated in bed. That doesn't mean you're betraying anything. Find a guy that will treat you like an equal and scratch that itch you have in bed whenever you want...
I am also like you dear. With so much morality in me on one hand and so much desire for sex on other hand.
If you can get married soon to a nice person then don't delay your marriage. After one sexual encounter all these feelings will go.
But if for some reason you are unable to get married, then there is no point to carry the baggage of morality. Let your sexual desires take good care of you then dear.
Sexual desire is far more stronger than morals
Well, for one thing you can send me a sexually dirty letter if you would? I would really love one, sounds like you could really put a good one to get her! And hey there is no worry you can have good values and st have your sex Fantasies! The two don’t have to be related! I’m sure you can find a way to superstructure the two and be happy in both worlds! You don’t have to get yourself all down on yourself! Don’t worry be happy!
There’s a simple solution to all of this. Make your sexual desires your morals.
Hey! I totally recognize your values about sex, relationship, nudity, love and most totally agree with them. To the very point you have elaborated in your question. And I'd say living like this is very difficult because, the world is very much outgoing and not even close to conservative. So if we were to take out societal play, I'd say that you would not be having this issue. Or maybe not intensively.
I am also very much cultured on this systems... So I would acknowledge that I face what you are facing. So I don't exactly have an "advice" for you. But I'd give you this back story.
I never really have been intimate with anyone until sometimes last year. Not even relationships (not because I din want to but because no one came around enough to want to stay...) And about being intimate. I only wanted it with someone I really loved and wanted most probably spending the rest of my life with. I did not agree with moving around in relationship. So I met this friend of mine last year and she was interested in me so much, she got her number in my phone. We started talking and I realized that she wanted a sexual relationship. And that was something that I could not give. But I din know how to push her off, because I was okay being friends with her. We hung out a few times at night and she understood why I wasn't going to get sexual with her. But she din relent. Cut the story short. Because I recognized that that was what she wanted. I began to fantasize about dirty things that could happen between us and one night I yielded. For the sake of not spilling all out. Since then, my fantasy grew so much. But it has never happened again. Because I told myself I wouldn't let it!
I think, anytime I think about it and I feel guilty I console myself by saying. I only experimented and it was a failed one.
So in essence, if you respect those values strong enough, don't break them. Cause the only reason why You have the conflict is because you chose to stick to them. And you have to be sticking to them no matter how hard it becomes.
I'd love to talk more with you. I hope you choose right...
Just stick to you morals
Just do what you're comfortable with.
Sexuality is a weird thing.
Some people are too repressed and others feel entitled to do things that hurt others for their own gratification.
You just need to find a balance.
Being satisfied without hurting or degrading anyone including yourself.
Just my opinion.