I can't tell my boyfriend he hurts me during sex. Need help?

[Anonymous]

I can't find it in myself to tell my boyfriend he hurts me during sex. I don't know what to do. Afterwards I go the bathroom, draw water, and cry. That's not normal right? He's not doing it on purpose. He's too sweet and I really love him. His penis is just so big (8 inches and thick). When he gets into it he's very rough and I'm kinda scared to tell him "no". Not because I'm scared of him (again he's too sweet).. I'll just feel bad for takikng his pleasure away by complaining. What do I do? I'm lost. He's coming over in 4 hours and I'm really scared

[Cookies_AndMilk]

Tell him, it's important you find out what's wrong because if it's hurting you it could cause some damage. My boyfriend was my first and things were hurting for about 1-2 months whenever we tried anything. When you guys are having sex just ask him to slow down and try changing positions so you're more comfortable. He's probably more concerned with making you feel good than himself anyway. Talk to him sweet heart, it's important for both you and him and it'll be okay.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and never told anyone

[Cookies_AndMilk]

Sweet heart you can't keep things like that to yourself. I know it's scary but you do need to tell someone, that's what's most important, taking care of yourself.

[Asker]

It happened 1 year ago. It's too late. I just pretend it didn't happen

[Asker]

Well until now

[Cookies_AndMilk]

I know it seems like it doesn't matter now but there have been women who came out years later and were able to get the guy caught, it's not useless to say something. You would be helping in putting away a very bad person, because as long as he's out there, there's a VERY good chance he's doing the same thing to people again and again and that isn't fair to his victims nor to you. Keeping something like this inside is going to cause some extreme damage whether you realize it or not. You're hurting yourself.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Closed mouths don't get fed. Speak up and learn to express yourself. His pleasure isn't more important than your body is. What if the pain you're feeling is a sign of internal damage but you're too scared to speak up? If you're woman enough to have sex then be woman enough to speak up when you don't like something

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and never told anyone

[throwit]

I had the same problem, I didn't want to stop him and ruin sex for him. Have you recently lost your virginity? It took me months for it to stop hurting.
Tell him tonight you want it to be extra slow and sexy and sensual, lots of foreplay. Make sure he gets you wet enough, get lube if you have to.

[Asker]

Thanks foe the advice. Glad things are working out for you

[throwit]

From other responses it sounds like you have vaginismus, which is when you muscles clench out of fear. Tell him what you e been through, make sure he goes slow and gentle so you are warmed up before sex

[GirlsLie]

If he's "really sweet" then he should care that he's hurting you, he should also care enough to make sex good for you. Sex shouldn't just be for your boyfriend, you should enjoy yourself as well.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and never told anyone. Thanks though

[AustinMan]

He will probably be destroyed when he finds out you've been keeping this from him. You need to tell him but how you tell him will depend on what you want.

1) If her were more gentle until you're really turned on, would that help?
2) Are you using lube?
3) Is the pain from friction or stretching?
4) Are you naturally sexually submissive?
5) What positions have you tried?
6) Is he your first lover?

[hellionthesage]

Just tell him the truth, its not going to change if you don't tell him. Plus eventually your going to any way and imagine how devastating it will be for him when he finds out that this entire time he has been hurting you, it will make him feel guilty to an extreme. Just tell him whats happening, use lubricant and have him go slow. Do more foreplay as well since that will help the vaginal canal loosen up more.

[Asker]

Thank you. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and I never told anyone

[hellionthesage]

That shouldn't hold you back. He cares about you and by not telling him your hurting both of you. The problem will never be resolved if it isn't confronted. Besides which he probably is aware that something is wrong so he is probably wondering if he is doing something wrong or you are not interested etc. So its better to clear things up now before any misconceptions occur. So just be forward but let him know your not blaming him, admit you should have told him sooner but didn't want to hurt him and then go from there. Good luck.

[Asker]

Ok. Thank you very much :) Good luck to you too

[hellionthesage]

Thank you and glad I could help :)

[GirlScout]

You need to be more aroused, take more time with foreplay. Just gently tell him that it has been a bit uncomfortable and you think you might need a bit more time to warm up. Make sure you are really ready and not rushing things, get into a position whereby you can control the pace, or tell him to slow down while you're fucking. Start communicating with him, it will make your sex life a million times better.

[electrollama]

I don't see why you'd be so afraid to tell him. Most sexperts say you should be mentioning this kind of stuff anyway during sex. It's not offensive or anything.

[TheGeorge]

Absolutely tell him. He doesn't know and probably thinks everything is fine. If you tell him he will try to be more careful. For example tell him not to use his whole dick and see if that helps. It is often a reason why people cannot make their girlfriend come during sex, because they go in too far and miss the right spot. It should be better if he doesn't go in with the full length of his dick. ;)

[Asker]

Thanks for the advise. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and never told anyone

[Asker]

*advice*

[TheGeorge]

I see. Guess that's another thing you don't tell him then, besides this problem. I think it's not easy to talk about being raped. So I won't judge you about that.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate it

[Rahdle]

Tell him you like it soft more. Tell him you enjoy it more when he does it slow. He will do whatever you enjoy more cuz that's how guys work. You being turned on is what turns us on

[amitwillson]

You have been raped ;( ?

[Rahdle]

Um... No. No I have not. What makes you think that @amitwillson?

[Goldie757]

My boyfriend sounds similar in size. It only ever hurts when foreplay is short. Try and extend foreplay and tell him how you feel. Good luck 🍀.

[Prilee1992]

I have a 49mm, 13cm penis, I think i can be gentle ;)

[Heavyhitter]

U need to tell him he would like to know he loves u and dosn't want to hurt u and pleasure is supposed to go both ways just tell him befor u get started what has been happening an how it makes u feel I promis he will be 100 with u and take things slower so u can both have fun

[Asker]

Thank you for advice. I appreciate it :)

[Heavyhitter]

Yah any time good luck :)

[BertMacklinFBI]

d00d, just tell him. your vagina is at sake who gives a fuck about his penis feelings.

[BertMacklinFBI]

stake*

[Xelebrum]

Just tell him to be more gentle.

Seriously. It really IS that simple.

[Xelebrum]

He's not a mind reader. And he's not a woman. It will be VERY unlikely that you'll somehow hurt his feelings by telling him. Not only will you be doing yourself a favor, but you'll be doing him one too. No guy who loves his girl would want to cause her pain, even if it's unintentional.

[Asker]

Not simple when I'm kind of traumatized and never told anyone or got help

[bobwallice]

Dude you gotta talk to him and let him know. If he finds out later that he has been hurting you he is going to feel super guilty.

[TripleAce]

Its normal, not all sizes are made for you... you'll have to get stretched out

But what is not normal is that you can't communicate this to him... I can't even imagine what else you guys will keep from each other

[Asker]

Thanks for the advice. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and never told anyone

[Intraluminal]

You may be experiencing vaginismus, which is an involuntary contraction of the vaginal walls/opening. The involuntary contraction may be caused by fear of injury and is more common in women who have had a negative experience such as the rape you experienced.

[Goldie757]

THIS ^^ Vaginas are able to accommodate such a size.

[Skadouchebag]

From your description of him, it sounds like he would want you to tell him.

[GreatnessPersonified]

You have to tell him ASAP. You are prolonging your suffering.
He might take it well since he knows he bringing the pain. lol

[Batbob]

Sex is a two way street. If it's hurting you that bad, you gotta tell him. But just talk to him... explain, and trust me, if he's as sweet as you say, he'll go more gently.

[Asker]

Thanks for the advise. It's just hard for me to tell him because I was raped before and never told anyone

[Asker]

*advice*

[Batbob]

ohhh, I see. ok then. :(

[RainbowFanGirl]

He should at least ask you if he's hurting you or something if he is that sweet. Tell him that he is hurting you, I'm sure he will understand and will do it softer. You have to be open with each other about everything, even that.

[chrisbigman]

I'd rather be crushed with you saying no than to give you pain.

[KidanisCortes]

Tell him his huge ding is a weapon he should use responsibly and to be gentler with you because that shit is huuuge... trust me his ego willl inflate so high that he won't care

[jakeofalltrades]

if you are scared of him than you need to end it

[forr_ama]

Just be honest with him. If he cares about you then he will take it slower and still enjoy it. Believe me.