Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health I don't give bj's. Never have. Never will.
I Don't expect oral in return of course, and have refused the gesture from earlier boyfriends.
The boyfriends I've had all say that they are okay with this in the beginning, thinking they can persuade me into it later. When they fail to do so, they sour and act as if I have done something wrong. I broke up with my last boyfriend due to him not respecting that this is something I'm unwilling to do.
Is this a dealbreaker for a lot of men out there? Why? isn't it enough that you get to be with a girl you care about?
I don't give bj's - is that a dealbreaker?
MsSunGifu Xper 2
Updates:
+1 y
We've had a breakthrough: Do you think that a girl who does not want to do bjs isn't attracted to you? Is this why its so sensitive if a girl says no to this specific sexual act?
+1 y
The main question I get is why i do not want to perform BJ's. The reason is simply that it does not turn me on/come off as romantic, nor do I find it morally right (someone pointed out this might be a reason, and to be on my knees is something im definitely against). Not trying to deprieve men from any kind of pleasure, just respecting and being true to my own sexuality. by the way, I'm Swedish, so if my Language is weird I apologise!
2 0
What Girls & Guys Said
15 97" The reason is simply that it does not turn me on/come off as romantic, nor do I find it morally right (someone pointed out this might be a reason, and to be on my knees is something im definitely against)"... I have been dying to see one girl saying that, a girl who wants to be respected, there are million ways to satisfy your lover instead of being on your knees, don't listen to these fuckin submission obsessed freaks, you're truly a diamond
Thanks for the input:-) I'm glad u see it like that. You are young still, so I hope it doesn't change. Thank you!:-)
So you never let a guy go down on you?
No. I expect he would like to have the favour returned, and as I'm not into oral its unfair to only have it go one way.
I'd even prefer it one way, me going down on her without her returning the favor
Really?
really
I suppose i can do without but sticking with same position is not going to happen. I want an exciting sex life, not a boring one.
Are all swedish women like you?
No, I can't speak for all Swedish women. We're as different here as women in other countries. I understand the need for a varied sexlife, and would ofcourse be willing to try other Things to compensate for not giving bjs. Thanks for Your reply.
Trying things like what?
Whatever would be an ok substitute for both. What would you prefer?
Giving a massage would be nice.
That wouldn't be a problem for instance:-)
Would it be a problem to massage the penis also?
No, that would be ok.
I guess so
Have you ever sucked a penor?
Penor?
A Johnson
No, I have not.
Ever had your tuna taco licked?
No. Please read my post and you will have Your answers:-)
yes it would be for me sorry
I understand. We're all different. Thanks for replying.
surely
Nah its not, bt i like anal is it a dealbreaker?
100% finished
I think you have the right to have your preferences and stick with it. I think it’s being dishonest if they think they can convince you later.
You will probably want to find a guy without alternative options, because that is a dealbreaker for most guys. I’m currently dating a woman that I’ve very good chemistry with. We’ve had sex 12 times but now she admitted that she doesn’t turn on it and prefers not to do it. She only once did allow me to cum in her orally, because she knew I liked it. So of course I can’t be with her. Sex plays an important role in my overall health life and in the long term it doesn’t feel right, that I know she doesn’t like it.
Same with me. I cannot stand sucking dick. I just wish men would be ok with that without cheating on you :,(
Is this basically the only thing you don't like to do in bed, or is this just the first in a list of things?
I'm open to trying quite a lot, I already have in the past, but im starting to realise im also very conservative in a lot of ways. But its my only 100% no thing.
I've been with a few girls like this and it's the same exact story. It's usually a long list of things inside and outside the bedroom. They'll always put their needs in front of yours, ALWAYS without fail. All they do is take take take and never give. Women like that are not to be trusted because if you actually truly love and care about your partner you're going to do everything you can to make them happy. Do you really want to be with a girl who's not going to try and be the best possible girlfriend she can be? That's what so many guys don't realize until they meet a girl like this. It's not her not giving you head that's significant, it's why she doesn't try and be the best girlfriend she possibly can be that's significant. I know I'm going to get attacked for this, but I don't give a shit. Been there, done that and it's the same story. Find yourself a woman that fulfills your wants and needs and not one that takes them away. It's a two way street and you should be doing the same for her.
@guy532 Wow, this hurt. You would rather have your girlfriend force herself into giving you bj's? You do not care about your girlfriend in that case. Best to agree to disagree.
the bj is irrelevant, that's what I'm trying to explain to you.
@guy532 yeah, that makes sense. the only women that I've known who wouldn't give BJs are one's who are so incredibly hot, desired, or self absorbed that they don't NEED to do anything. Its very tough to have an open mind talking this this girl in this topic and give her the benefit of the doubt considering she is very good looking too. She has not given a reason for it either.
@guy532 So I'm an awful person for not inflicting emotional pain on myself in order to please a bf?
I'm not saying you're an awful person, believe it or not I'm actually trying to help you to see the real reason why it's such a big deal breaker for so many men. Even if you think I'm a huge asshole for it it's fine :), I'm sure you're a wonderful person in many aspects. It's like this: the problem is that you won't give head, the reason it's a problem is because you're depriving the person that you supposedly (I'm saying supposedly because this is what guys are going to think) care about from an extremely pleasurable experience, for a lot of men the most pleasurable sexual experience. By depriving him of something as important as that it makes him feel as if you don't care about making him happy and that you'll always put your needs above his even when it it's something extremely important to him. It feels as if you don't really love him wholeheartedly because if you did there's just about nothing you wouldn't for him. Not wanting to give him head because you basically think it's
yucky is so disrespectful to him. You actually cannot stand a part of his body and that makes him feel unloved. I HATE giving massages, I can't stand them, they're so boring to give and makes my fingers tired and when the girl goes to return the favor she's pretty much shit at it. However, in my nightstand I have a bunch of different massage oils and bars so when my lady asks for one I can give her a full body 1 hour massage even though I hate doing it. Why? Because I know it's going to make her so happy if I give her one and her happiness makes me happy. The only time that I won't do something for my girl is if it brings real pain, has major consequences, or it completely goes against my moral beliefs. Men show love through action, by doing things and trying to fix things, and that's what we're in tune with. So when our partner is not willing to perform an action or help us with something it tells us that you don't actually love us or care about us and that's why it's so hurful and
a dealbreaker for so many guys.
@GraveTruth I'm doing my best not to make assumptions but I have been with girls like this and sadly there's an underlying theme. The girls were lovely too, they just didn't realize what the real problem was and why it was a problem that carried over to a lot of other aspects of the relationships. It really is being so self absorbed that you fail to realize how it hurts your partner and their wants and needs. Best way I can describe it is they want their cake and eat it too. Relationships are all about sacrifice and if you're partner can't take one for the team to make you happy then a lot of problems are going to pop up and not just in the bedroom. I've found out the hard way with these types of girls (hate to categorize them, but it's always been the case) that they're only around for the good times and will ditch the moment hard times hit because they're so self absorbed and it's always about them so the moment you take that away even temporarily for valid reasons they'll ditch.
@GraveTruth I can never trust a girl to be loyal to me and be there for me through thick and thin if she's not even willing to do her best at making me happy and deprive me of my favorite sexual act.
Blowjobs are not that high on my list of things I crave during sex. However going entirely without them is a big deal in a long term relationship. On the short term it doesn't matter much. In the long term it depends on -why- Now for some men it's going to be their favourite sex act so it's a fast dealbreaker regardless. For me, and I'd guess a fair number of others, it's more like something we would want occasionally and to never get it would feel like we didn't matter much. The reality is I'm a giver in relationships. I'd do so much for my partner. And if she can't fairly happily give me a blowjob once a year even if she dislikes it? It feels like I don't matter. Rarely and never are quite different. And the reason can matter. I know women who for example had abusive experiences in the past and oral is basically a trigger: in that case I would be much more understanding. But she just dislikes it? That's enough that I'd rarely want it, but never?
by the way as for your comment: without any question how extreme a partner is willing and eager to go sexually with us is probably the biggest measuring stick we have for how desired and wanted we feel. It trumps everything else.
no I'm not into that. by the way from your pic your attractive
Thank you:-)
deal breaker
I've found it funny how so many girls and guys think that sex is the premises for a relationship, moreso than enjoying each other's company and caring for each other.
HALLELUJAH
Yeah... I'd like to see you on a sexless marriage, though. But hey, as long as the company is pleasant, right? XD
@bedroomdweller are you married?
lol no, not a chance in hell
@bedroomdweller Well she said no bjs, she didn't say no sex...
Yeah well but my point is that sex is important. Much more so than company. If both parties are equally satisfied in the sex department, they'll have great company, where if the sex sucks or there isn't whatsoever everything else falls apart.
@bedroomdweller No, if the sex sucks whatever. You're prioritising a lay over a life long companion. That is why so many marriages are ending in divorces. If its bad, get one of those dolls or something.
Be careful. That's why I said what I said... you might eat your words in a sexless relationship or one where your sexual needs aren't fulfilled. We can talk again by then...
@bedroomdweller aiight. thnx brother for the warning, ill keep it in mind. long live south india!
There has to be sexual compatibility in a relationship.
Thanks for your reply. Realising this more and more:-)
You are welcome :)
I don't know. Don't have sex experience but don't want to give bj's either.
Why have you been voted down for this? You are entitled to your likes and dislikes, and they should be respected.
Because men dislike women that don't want to perform a sexual act that pleased them, and would rather force you into doing something you don't like and then claim they never forced you. Girl, if I know anything about guys it's that they are whiny af.
I'm glad you are more enlightened than me. I have this naive thing about thinking men to be Nice until proven otherwise (which means proven too late) Good for you!
That's positive thinking, I'm more of a pessimist myself lol.
My question is why? That's important to know. I mean, I could get along without a bj if there was a good reason for it, but if the reasons are just basically selfish or some feminist rooted crap, I that it itself would be a deal breaker for me..
The reason is simply that i do not want genitalea (dont know if I spelled that right) in my mouth. I do not find it romantic, and is very much a turn off for me.
OK, thanks for sharing that. Your reason is as I suspected. When a woman feels that way about a man's penis, it speaks volumes about how she views sex in general and men, and I would not be able to be in a relationship with you. I can get along without a bj, but I could not be happy with a woman who thinks that way.
I see. We're all different and have different priorities in a relationship, so we can't all be compatible. I dont understand how you can draw a conclusion of my thoughts on men bades om this. I've been in deep love with a few men, and hold them in quite high regard. Thanks for your reply anyway.
*based
Let me put it this way. When I am sexually attracted to a woman it makes me want to kiss and lick her all over. It reminds me of they way I see an apple pie when I'm absolutely starving. I want to get my mouth on her asap, and especially her genitalia. It's part of sexual attraction... that desperate hunger for her body. I have noticed very similar behavior in the women I've been with. If a woman I was with was repulsed by the idea of my penis being in her mouth, that is exactly the opposite of what I would expect from a woman who cares about me and is sexually hungry for me, and an indication that something is very wrong.
I see. But thats your way of expressing sexual desire... i just have a different one. Who are you to say that my love or lust for someone isn't as strong and real as yours, simply because it is expressed differently?
Do you think this might be the reason men get extra upset with a woman who says she doesn't do bjs? They think im not into/attracted to them?
Fair enough. But I still think that being repulsed by a hard penis is a problem that is indicative of something deeper.
Im not repulsed by a hard penis😅 I just dont want it in my mouth 😊
Hmmm...
Regarding your update, she may be attracted to me, but not in the way I am attracted to her and want her to be attracted to me.
I see.
"nor do I find it morally right" "to be on my knees is something im definitely against" In your update, you have confirmed everything I was talking about earlier, and the fact that you are Swedish makes perfect sense. We see the same sort of screwed up mentality among feminists here in the US. Most men would gladly get on their knees to pleasure their partners sexually. What a shame that you have allowed yourself to be brainwashed by feminist ideology to the point where you would so seriously compromise you ability to enjoy sex and pleasure your partner.
I find it quite a harsh Language to Call me brainwashed. This isn't something i've been taught to think, its part of who I am. If you don't think much of that, that is fine. Its Nice that a lot of men would do that to please a girl they are With. I would never ask them to that for me, nor need them to.
No one likes being told they have been brainwashed. Doesn’t mean they haven’t, and it may do them some good to consider it. You’ve been raised in the most hyper-feminized society in human history (Sweden), and whether or not you recognize it, you have indeed been influenced by the extreme feminism. Yes, brainwashed.
Most women here in the US used to view fellatio the way you do, back in the dark days of decades gone by when the mental illness known as feminism was rampant here. Thankfully they have largely come to their senses and realized that things like fellatio do not in themselves represent anything degrading.
Here’s a myTake on the subject, written by a normal woman. I thought you might appreciate the perspective of someone who hasn’t been brainwashed, or at least is savvy enough to recognize extreme feminist propaganda for what it is.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a34045-reasons-to-shamelessly-love-giving-head
Well, Thanks for informing me. What you call brainwashed, I call liberated. If anything, US women are brainwashed into being subdued sex dolls who and to think it ok. US is a great country, without a doubt, but simply because you are the US does not make your way of life/thinking right. Can I mention D. Trump as the biggest example? I never Asked this question in order to have guys like you try to change my mind, or tell me im brainwashed. As i Said in the post: I never have given bjs, and never will regardless of what you say. I wanted to know why it was important to a lot of men. You have not yet given me an answer to that question. I realise this discussion will get out of hand. Should we just agree to disagree?
"What you call brainwashed, I call liberated." Of course you do. That's how brainwashing works. America used to be similar to how Sweden is now with respect to feminism, but it has begun to return to sanity, and so will Sweden, eventually. Sweden is just behind the curve, that's all. It will not last. Sanity will return in Sweden as well. In the meantime it is laughed at by the world for being a swamp of feminism. But enjoy it while it lasts.
Yes, it works that way in the US as well. You call yourselves liberated, we we call it brainwashed.
And as I tried to ask: why is it som important for you to receie oral sex?
*so *receive
Lol, Swedish dictionary working against me here but you get the point i hope
Hmmm, I wonder why so many of your Swedish men are leaving Sweden to come to the US. Good luck with your liberated and joyless sex.
I enjoy my sexlife a lot, im into roleplay and costumes, love trying different positions, having sex in new places. Who said I had joyless sex? And what is it with dodging the real question I was asking?
I'm talking about joyless sex for your partner, not you. I answered your question very early on in this exchange. It's not the lack of oral sex, it's the mindset that results in it, which inevitably also results in all sorts of other issues, sexual and otherwise, which I would never intentionally subject myself to as a man. Women in the US certainly still have their problems, but thankfully they have come a long way since the worst of the dark days of feminism here. Sadly, Sweden is still deep in that hole.
Okay, I see. I do not understand how you can create an entire mindset out of the fact that I do not wish to give bjs. I still love having a penis inside me ( if you need to get it on print), and I fall in love with you guys harder and more often then I should. Yes, definitely. Southern European men tend to watch for American girls on holiday, because those are the ones who will follow them to bed. As I've worked as a maid abroad, I know how the talk goes (unfortunately for all women!)
Yes, I have profiled you. It's possible I may be wrong about you in some things, but the odds are strongly in favor of my argument, based on the facts. After all, not all vipers will bite you if you place your hand in front of them, but based on our knowledge of vipers it would still be unwise to do so. Yes, many American women do tend to be quite promiscuous, a fact that is also attributable to feminism. The talk mirrors the facts, and it may be unfortunate for women but they are also the cause of it, so there's that.
And by the way, I did not create an entire mindset just out of the fact that you do not wish to give bjs. You left out the very important facts that you are Swedish (the most extreme feminist society on the planet) and you find bjs morally wrong and degrading to women. You yourself gave me all the pieces to create the profile.
Yeah, this makes you a much less compelling partner than a LOT of girls out there. May be worth getting to the bottom of why you're so anti-oral.
I see. Thanks for your reply.
Any idea why you're so anti-oral? Have you tried it? Looks like you haven't, but why not?
I dont like the thought of having genitals in my mouth. Period. I have never understood how people can find this attractive at all? You pee with that thing, and then you expect me to have it in my mouth? Like i said in a different reply: its a preference. In 2017 we accept all kinds of expressions of sexuality: you can be bi, lesbian, gay, watch porn/not watch it, be into toys or not, like anal/not like anal. Why does it feel like im swearing in church by saying that i do not do bjs? No one has the right to get upset with me, like my bfs in the past have?
It's fine if you have that preference. I'm not sayin otherwise. But just so you know, pee is a LOT cleaner than most other things that come off a person. And a person's mouth has a lot more nasty crap in it than their genitals do, but I'm guessing you don't have a problem putting that in your mouth. Sex isn't a 100% clean sport. But in the grand scheme of things, a dick in your mouth isn't really any more gross than that same dick in your pussy.
Maybe. But dick in pussy is kind of how it is supposed to be done. Dick in mouth, not natural (to me)
Yeah, but again, the mouth has way more germs than the dick (or pussy for that matter). So if anything, it's more gross for the dick. Also, there's nothing really "unnatural" about dick in mouth. It's a pretty common act of foreplay--which is ALSO natural. Unless, of course, you think the best sex is just get it up and stick it in there! lol!
Ha! Yes--it's not a great sign of her being attracted if she doesn't love the D. :P
I guess we just have to agree to disagree:-) I have updated the question by the way. What do you think about those questions?
But why do I have to have your dick in my mouth to show you that I am attracted? isn't wanting to be with you in all other regards telling you that I am attracted to you?
Ha! Yeah--I was responding to your update. And you're absolutely right--there are most certainly other ways of letting a guy know you're attracted. It's just that for most girls they suck D before they have full on sex. So that tends to be an important step in physical escalation. But if you're into doing sex sooner that wouldn't be a problem. But it's still nice as foreplay and as an end in itself from time to time. Some girls LOVE the feeling of power they have get from making a guy blow like crazy with their mouths! ;-)
I see. Thanks for leaving a reply. As mentioned we might have to agree to disagree - none of us want to spend New years Eve on here. At least I'm heading out 🎉🎉
Later! Have fun!
Thanks for the update. You're English is very good by the way. But something else occurs to me. Is it less common for Swedish girls to give bjs do you think? Like, do a lot of the girls you know do it?
Thank u:-) I can't speak for all Swedish women, we're as different here as in other countries. But women and men are more equal here, you know, Scandinavian Socialism:-) I'm accused of being a feminist by a lot here, and even though there is nothing wrong with that, I wouldn't say I am. But the Viking attitude of being a strong woman able to take care of herself is a strong ideal I would say. Maybe its more common for American women to do such things?
True--I do know it's more egalitarian over there. My sense is that girls are more sexually open though. But maybe that's not the case. I understand it's obvious different for everyone, but I mean on average.
I guess it depends on who we are compared to. The US is probably the most open of all countries in the world, with very few sexual inhibitions. Except for maybe the Southern states? The British are not a very openly sexual country, but is the country With the highest use of toys (I just read this online, couldn't retrieve the article), and a very sexual People if you first get to that stage with them. If you compare us to eastern-European countries... Well, they are on the surface the most sexually conservative, but sex workers in Scandinavia mostly come from these contries (though that might be entirely connected to economy and nothing else) If you compare us to Arab countries... Yes, we are very open. My own perception is that we talk about sex very openly, and don't pass judgement on People who differ to our own sexual preferences. I think one night stands are quite acceptable here, but I would say we are more conservative than the US in general, but not a Southern state
Very interesting! I didn't realize things were a bit more conservative over there. I would have also thought Scandinavia would be more sexual given how hot everyone is! lol!
As I said, this is my perception! I'm not the girl who spends every weekend out partying, I rarely party at all, and do not have a lot of friends who do as I mostly just study, play sports and tend to family :) So I'm most likely not from the demographic that should be asked!
Nah--not at all! You're from the demographic that's most desirable from a dating perspective. Well, except for that pesky, "no bjs" preference! lol!
Haha, thank you, nice to hear I've got somethings that's desirable at least ;-p But again, the girls who might be at other end of the spetrum are not the ones I usually have deep or intimate conversations with, so It might be that I'm blissfully ignorant of the average Suedes sexhabits :)
Ha! No problem! I'm sure you've got more than that going for you! :D So do you currently have a boyfriend or have you had a few in the past? What did you end up doing with them?
I suppose it depends on whether or not they have been with girls who *are* willing to give BJs. If so then yeah it might be a dealbreaker for them.
If not, they can't miss what they haven't experienced, so maybe try looking for those kinds of guys. No matter what any guy says, deep down they will probably want it, and if they've had that privilege they won't want that privilege taken away.
Personally, I think if you're going to have sex for the sake of enjoyment rather than reproduction, you might as well do all of the foreplay things inbetween sex otherwise sex isn't being used to its full potential.
There's only so much you can do in bed that doesn't involve some form of oral sex, so eventually things might get boring.
For me, yes it is a deal break now. It didn't used to be but now it is. Luckily my girlfriend enjoys giving them and enjoys receiving too so I'm not the one with the issue.
I see. Thanks for your input.
You are very welcome. I hope my comment didn't come across as condescending.
Not at all, i appreciate a straight forward answer:-)
Honestly it kind of is a deal breaker. It would just leave me sexually frustrated because it's something I physically desire soo much.
There's nothing wrong with you not willing to do it though. It's just sexual incompatibility is all.
Thanks for your input.
No problem I'm sure there's a number of men out there who wouldn't have a problem with no oral sex.
Good to hear that someone thinks so:-)