If a girl wants to get married to a quality guy, can she wait until she is sure of the guy’s intention and practically engaged before having sex?

[KelleyNice]

In most movies not made for children, the main characters hop into bed almost before they have dinner. In my opinion, our society should not be that way. I don’t fault the guys but girls shouldn’t be that easy. And, if they are, that implies they may sleep with a different guy every few weekend for years before they get married. That is not just a handful. That is dozens, even a hundred or more. What guy wants a wife that slept with that many guys?

Perhaps girls believe if they don’t sleep with a guy, he will find someone that will and perhaps he will. However, in my opinion, that means the guy is not ready for a wife or else, she is only a hook-up girl. I cannot predict with certainty what I will do in the future. If a guy cannot wait a couple of months, until after he has met my family, and we have at least discussed getting married then, even if have to settle for less, I will find a guy that will.

I want a guy to be my first and only. It is not necessary that I will be his first. However, I intend to be his last.

[Th3ft]

Well let me correct you in two things before I give my answer.
1. The guys are as much to blame as the girls. Girls may be easy but guys are pushy I have known several good girls who wanted a quality guy and waited a few month’s hopping they had a great guy only to have him dump her after having sex. And true there was more bad decisions made in those situations then just him gabbing and tagging but still the point stands that both individuals made bad choices.
2. today’s television shows a sexy hungry society and as much as we have become one we are not that bad. Most girls know to wait until the second or third date before having sex so that if it is bad they won’t get pulled under the covers by a creep. That being said most of todays young people understand that a higher body count is kind of to be expected. Not that you can’t find people with low numbers but people who don't care about that number have high numbers.
Now your question was is it a good idea to wait a couple of months? My answer will s yes! In fact I would suggest waiting until marriage. But you are young still. If focus on school and your brain. Focus on getting through school before sex or marriage and if you can find a guy to date who will wait with you through that then I think you will find a keeper. But honestly if you have that as your standard then it won’t matter if you date someone because you will be able to focus on your mental health and learning. And good guys find that extremely attractive!

[KelleyNice]

From certain angles, the guys are just as much at fault. However, our ancestors are men that impregnated the most women and no amount of blame, name calling, or even laws are going to change the last 2 million years of human evolution. Of course men lie because all species adapt to reward and punishment. The men know they are far more likely to be rewarded with what they want from a girl if they say, “You are beautiful. You are my dream girl” than if they tell the truth by saying, “I’m horny so you will do.”

Therefore, in the examples you mentioned, when the girls had sex with a great guy, (probably an exceptionally hot guy), they knew or should have known that when the guy is out of their league, most likely it is not marriage he is after. I agree with your assessment that the girls made mistake. However, I don’t agree that the guys made a mistake because they got what they wanted.

For a one night stand, men are not very choosy but women demand an exceptionally attractive guy. See www.sciencedaily.com/.../090811080749.htm In those case, the women know or should know that most likely the guys are not interested in long-term relationships.

Girls are or should be the gatekeepers of sex and to a far greater extend, that is the way it used to be. In modern movies girls sleep with guys without given it a second though. However, in the 1940s and 1950s movies, if girls had sex outside of marriage something bad would happen with the exception of “Love in the Afternoon” when Audrey Hepburn had sex and then married the man.

[bamesjond0069]

Its the mans test. From a mans perspective its not a bad decision to try and have sex with a girl. Either she does it and we get sex or she doesn't and we are lucky to be dating someone worth our time. Win win. There is no lose in the scenario.

[KelleyNice]

@bamesjond0069 That is an interesting analysis and I don't doubt that it is at least partly true.

[bamesjond0069]

Thats always been my approach to dating. Try and hit it asap and if she does i get sex and then move on. Aka fuckboy. However some girls have gotten me in a relationship generally by being a virgin and waiting.

[Katie1964]

Waiting is probably better but... 32 years ago, I did a cute guy in a car I had just met in the bar. Now he's my Husband of almost 30 years. Sometimes bad decisions work out so right.

[DWornock]

Provided a guy wants to get married and views her as wife material, he will wait for a girl as long as necessary. If he is unwilling to wait, either he believes she is not that interested in him, or else, he has other and most likely better options.

If a girl has ridden the carousel and/or she is sleeping with some other guy while holding him at arm’s length. He is not going to be happy and likely he will leave. However, if she makes it clear that she is not kind of girl and wants to wait until she is sure she found the guy she wants to marry, most guys will wait.

[SteveSmith1985]

So the answer to your actual question (before the explanation part) is "yes, but."

So you can certainly do exactly what you planned. You can wait until you are so sure of a guy's intentions that you are practically engaged before having sex. You can even wait until after your engaged, or until you're married depending on your personal feelings.

You can certainly find a "quality guy" by following your plan. Some girls do exactly what you're proposing. And there's no problem whatsoever with following that plan. It can certainly work how you're hoping it will. The logic of your plan is perfectly sound.

There are a few things to consider though.

I think the key thing you said here, was that you noted: that you couldn't be sure what you might end up doing in the future. I think that was actually a really significant thing for you to have noted. It seems like a little caveat, but it's not. It's actually key

Life... is honestly crazy. It's crazy how differently you can come to see things depending on what life throws at you. That doesn't mean you'll feel differently about this. You might not change a thing about the way you see this. And that's just fine. I'm in no way trying to say you're wrong here. It made me smile to read this. And not in a patronizing way, but in like a 'hopeful' way. It's good to hear a young girl thinking this way.

What you are saying makes sense; it is possible; it makes sense; women DO follow your plan to a successful conclusion sometimes...

but life...

life happens.

I'll give you an example:

When I was 16, I loved my girlfriend. I had been with her for years, we had a really intense (too intense actually) relationship... and I did genuinely love that girl. I lost my virginity to her, as she did to me when I was 16 and she was 15. Because... in our minds and our hearts... we WERE practically already engaged. We were in a relationship that was absolutely meant to last the rest of our lives. I was going to marry her, she was going to marry me... we were in love, so waiting is stupid. Why wait.

You know how you said that you intended to be the man's "last" in terms of who he sleeps with... that can get really murky when you've been with someone for years... you DO have a legitimately deep connection. It's love (if not Love). You cannot imagine your life without them, and you are 1000% sure you're going to marry that person. You really do come to feel that way about any significant relationship. And it's not... like..."false" or "wrong". It's not "fake love" of "puppy love" or "lust". It's legitimately deep feelings. It's the right feelings. It's just... the wrong person... after... all..

So we broke up when I was 19, I hated her goddamn guts for a long time, but I hope she's out there doing well and living her life. So a WHOLE LOT of life happened, but after a totally separate breakup in my late 20's I'm single again, and getting a little jaded about meeting the right person after all and yadda yadda yadda.

Well I ended up meeting a girl and... it was like a movie. It was... love after all. We lived together, slept in the same bed. A marriage was more just... not a priority for either of us for practical reasons (these were some poor-ass-years frankly) but... unless you're religious... if you're living with a woman for years and years that's a wife in all but name. But it was... who I DEFINITELY thought I was going to be spending my life with.

Wrong again. Found myself single in my 30's.

Life happens.

I think that is why that plan you've got, can be difficult to follow.

Life really is long and complicated. You are also completely discounting your own urges and desires. It's not making a choice in an objective and rational way (not in the same way that it is when you're looking at it from where you stand now)

I think you've got the right mindset for sure. If I had a daughter I would love to hear her say, what you've said here. Not... because I'd believe that this was actually what my daughter was likely to DO... but because it says to me that you've got (what I'd call a) healthy view of sex.

You give proper value to how special it is to share your body with another. That's the right mindset. You might very-well change your MIND, but keep this MINDSET and no matter what you end up doing, you're gonna end up with a "high quality man". 🙂

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes it's a good practice! I made my first boyfriend wait exactly 1yr to the day (and I was no longer a virgin, because 3 days after my 13th birthday my uncle raped me, repeatedly, and continued to do that to me almost every weekday for 3 ½ months! But I wanted to wait, I was not ready for sex. And since Rape is not sex, it a crime of violence, so even though I'd been raped by him over 100 times, I still had never had sex, or made love! The. second guy waited about 9 mos. My fiancé was a couple of months, but he proved his love for me over and over again! When the time finally came, I was going through a bad time, and he took me away to a resort and spa, and booked TWO rooms! When I asked him why, he said that he wanted me to feel safe, to know i'm loved, and to never once think he had ulterior motives! We made love that night! He asked me to marry him, about 7 mos later. Waiting definitely pays off in the end! You definitely get the best men. Guys do not want to wife-up a woman with a high body count! Men like to know that they are special to us... When he knows we can compare him to 100 other guys, how is he supposed to believe we think he special, or that he's the best, because me love him so

I hope this helps
Laura 🤗 🥰

[DizzyDesii]

I would definitely prefer to wait til at least engagement but i feel forced to give in sooner to keep the guy happy. Thats why i’d prefer to find someone on the exact same page so its no pressure to give in too soon

[Bigbuck1992]

I agree 100% but I also think that it’s fine to express your lust for someone. I would just play my cards right if the person thinks and questions a lot. Things could lead to disaster if you don’t play your cards right because people start overthinking about moving too fast. I also believe that I don’t want to wait out on sex just to find out that’s all I wanted from someone. Got to test the car before you buy it.

[KelleyNice]

@Bigbuck1992 that is a false and invalid argument that horny guys make because they believe the girls are ignorant enough to buy it. There may be a substantial risk of buying a car, especially a used car, without first driving it but women are not manufactured objects so there is no comparison. There is an insignificant risk that a young healthy, good looking couple will be sexually incompatible after they have dated for a couple of months and still wish to marry because if there is problem whether mental or otherwise, they would have discovered it. Therefore, the marriage is 50 times more likely to break up over money issues than sexual incompatibility. Therefore, instead of looking for extremely unlikely probabilities look for high risk probabilities.

[236color]

She can wait sure, easy. He can wait too, less easy. The question is will he? I can understand not wanting to jump into bed right away, but almost engaged? What if you get that far down the line and find out he's a selfish asshole in bed? I don't have great answers here. There are risks either way.

[Bluemax]

People, men and women alike, are free to have consensual sex under whatever conditions they agree upon... even if it's "I wanna wait until the wind is blowing out of 270 between 10 to 15 knots" or "I wanna wait until there's a certain party majority in both houses of Congress."

Similarly, people, men and women alike, are free to walk away from those circumstances due to sexual incompatibility. I believe anyone who decides to walk for whatever reasons isn't necessarily a bad person, nor should a statement of "If these conditions aren't met then I will walk" be considered emotional blackmail. It is a simple statement of fact.

[slatyb]

Why would you want to do that? Don't you enjoy sex? Or do you think it's something you can trade for something you really want?

[Drackusdredge]

I think its a great thing to wait longer and focus on relationships. People who wait till marriage, especially girls, tend to have much better odds for staying married and not divorcing too in terms of statistical averages.

As far as men, I do agree male and female sexuality is different so I give guys more leeway in terms of how I judge them regarding it usually, but men who don't take any responsibility or don't even want to pay child support after getting a woman pregnant and men who pressure women who are trying to wait are scum in my opinion and I am less tolerant of them.

That being said there is still benefits to sexual discipline for men too, and well women are the gatekeepers of sex men can help things by being more willing to wait esp. for more chaste girls. Not to mention sex has potential consequences, and being more responsible avoids negative consequences more.

[HighValue]

She could wait until they both have a strong emotional attachment, but many good quality guys don't want legal marriage because it is bad for men.

You should live together before marriage too. You don't really know someone until you live with them for a while no matter how long you have dated them.

If you do want marriage, be willing to sign a prenuptial agreement.

[KelleyNice]

I have no intention of living together before getting married. Nevertheless, before responding to your message, I Googled and read about 10 articles on living together before marraige. The consenses is the pros and cons are about equal. The divorce rates may be higher for those that live together first but primarily those that live together first comes from broken homes. It is extremely unlikely I will be asked to sign a prenup. As a homeschool student that had already completed two 10th grade courses, I will enter collage at age 16, graduate by age 20, and marry age within 4 years of my age by age 22. It is highly unlikely a guy not older than age 26, will have a lot of assets to protect.

[TenkRealist]

That's great. Hold the guy to the same standard. And you'll have a nice family life. Hopefully.

[KelleyNice]

Thank you.

[TenkRealist]

Yup. Don't change. You'll get tons of instances where you want to in future. But don't. Be who you are. Proud of you.

[Ekvark]

That's why that's a movie-it's not as it seems as it takes all kinds to make the world. That being said, love is a two way street. You have to find that person you're compatible with, now that right there is the tricky part.

[Fireguy17]

sure, there are many couples that wait, and others that do not wait.
It really comes down to what is important to the both of you.

[Sleeper07]

If a girl does not want to have sex with me on our first time together it tells me she's not actually attracted to me to begin with. A self respecting man will value his sexual health.

Your thought process is actually a result of men who are idealistic and above all hypocritical. Gatekeeping sex and being harshly prudish is self punishing behavior.

I think people forget that men have to masturbate if they don't want to incur wet dreams. At the very least he's imagining fucking you when he does it. At the very least he's probably watching porn when he does it. So just ask how holy do you think men actually are?

This trend of gatekeeping sex is just social programming. It is absolutely natural to have sex on the first night together, and you can absolutely build a relationship off of that.

My last girl introduced me to her family and we were already having sex, and the whole family was okay with it and in fact encouraged it because we were incredibly happy with each other.

The reason it didn't work out if you are curious is because my boundary is that although I loved this girl I didn't want to father her 4 children. And she was absolutely perfect, like the woman of my dreams, acted like it, excellent sex, very affectionate, good mother, let me lead the way and everything.

Men are absolutely thinking about sex when they're with you, that comes first, then everything else. Post nut clarity is when he's no longer thinking with his dick, and you will find his real self.

It's still nice for you to introduce your man to the family and for them to get along, that's a wonderful thing to have. Wait I just realized you're 13, why are you here?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Life isn't a porno movie.

Real people wait for the right person, or they end up fucking their lives up beyond repair.
Though you should hold men to the same higher standards you set for yourself, and put the topic as a whole on pause entirely since your not even 18 yet.

[Caunsos]

Should be watching porn at 13.

[Libarena]

Why?

[clampfan101]

I believe a quality man will wait until marriage.

[TheFlak38]

3-4 months is all the time you need. After that time period the person you've met will reveal his true self. If you ignore the red flags as all other women do then that's on your head. Same goes with desperate IDIOTIC beta men who compromise and settle down with the worst women possible in beta marriages. 5-10 years later there they are. Divorce-raped, ruined, depressed, sitting alone in a tiny dark apartment, wondering why their life has been destroyed. I've seen plenty of such men and I don't feel sorry for them.

[bamesjond0069]

Right on. You get it. Waiting can only help you!

[IsoUser]

Any girl has the right to decide whether or not to make love to any guy it is her decision and not any guy's beginning and end of it.

[Intothevoid666]

Depends on the type of guy she wants. Ur going to have to match the sex drive of the guy u want or there is not really any chance.

[Guardian45]

I admire that you "want a guy to be my first and only... and... intend to be his last."


A wise man named John Lennon once said:
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Please be open to possibilities and opportunities that could take you down a road less traveled and perhaps more fulfilling. You are your iwn person.

[KelleyNice]

I can't predict the future and my goals are not written in stone. It is possible that I may wish to delay marriage if I get a job that I enjoy.

[msc545]

She can wait and she can also lose him.

[KelleyNice]

No doubt that can be true, but do you believe it is always true? In your early 20s, would that have been the case for you?

[msc545]

yes...

[anylolone]

Nope, because he can't know about her intentions before marrying.

[Tstrbrainer]

She can.
Some guys are into it too

[Seppel]

I don't want to marry

[MasterKS]

personal choice, personal opinions.

[Anonymous]

I doubt it..

[Anonymous]

Guys in my opinion want a women with at least a bit experience. No man wants a virgin all the time because it can lead to obsessive qualities, as well as attachment issues.
And don’t let the guy cheat on you
I’ve been through all the ups and downs and I married older. Like 16 years older. But I’ve been happily married for 5.
And body counts below one hand thanks to finding him.

[Anonymous]

Only if she didn't have fuckbuddies, hookups or ONS. If she's a decent relationship girl, then yes. No guy is going to be made to wait for something she gave another guy 5 minutes after she met him.

[Anonymous]

I think they should also teach men self control or issue them a flesh light. We are taught by women that being a virgin is unattractive so the few of us who become quality guys will try to have sex with as many women as we can to not miss out. This causes virgin men and infected women to become leftovers and have no choice but to settle for someone they don't like as much as others