Is it okay that I’ve never had sex?

I am 20 and the idea scares me. Is that normal? I think guys are very cute and I do have a crush but the idea of becoming sexual is scary to me.
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Superb Opinion

  • First of all there is nothing wrong with never having had sex.

    Based on the question I assume it's something your inquisitive about but you have fears about the experience that are stopping you.

    I know most fears are the worries of pain and bleeding the first time and based on what I hear that is not guaranteed to be something that will happen.

    Maybe you need to learn about what you will experience without just going for it with a guy. Best way is masturbation set some time aside for yourself when you can relax and not rush.
    Start with fingers maybe some lube to make things easier. You don't have to go for the big O first time just enjoy the sensations. Move onto toys or phallic shaped objects (cleaned and no sharp edges) as and when ready.

    The more you know the smoother things will go when you have sex the first time I just can't promise if it's his first time too that he will give a comparable performance to a vibrator but the right guy will be willing to learn.

Most Helpful Guy

  • There's nothing abnormal about not had sex at 20. People ask that all the time, and I always tell them that I had sex at 24 and now I have great sex.

    The thing is: it's normal to feel awkward about sex that soon with someone! You need to walk the path first.

    Instead of thinking about sex think about hugging, kissing and being nice to each other. Then the want of sex will come naturally, and it will feel right.

Most Helpful Girls

  • @jimmiebryon
    Just don't "jump into the pool" as some of the guys said. Most guys your age - upwards to mid 30s really - are only interested in their own satisfaction and don't necessarily respect nor care about the women they "date" hence why things like friends with benefits, flings, etc. are common.

    If you do think of having sex just don't go with any chap as you're more than likely to be disappointed. Make sure it's someone you trust, dated for a while, etc. And don't give into demands for early sex as that's what loser men want.

  • Yes, it's completely fine. There's many people in their 20s (and some even in their 30s) who've never had sex yet. I'm 21 and also a virgin. I'd say to just wait until you're with a boyfriend that you're comfortable with. But remember: You do not have to go full sex. You can tell him that you'd like to warm up to it first.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • What is it about sex that scares you? After all, billions of women before you have had sex and virtually all of them survived the experience. Many of them liked it.

    • Honestly, I’m not quite sure. I find guys very attractive, I just would be very nervous about it which I don’t think anyone would find appealing. I also think that there’s something sacred and private about my body and I wouldn’t want anybody to invade that privacy especially knowing that guys my age just f*ck like bunnies.

    • When it come to the first time, everyone is nervous, especially the guys if they're with an experienced girl. I've never seem any reliable data, but I've always suspected that at your age (20) there are more virgin guys than girls. The reality is that first time sex is not as scary as you imagine. Nevertheless, Set your own standards, and then abide by them.

  • No, that makes perfect sense. It is an emotional minefield, and taking an emotional walk through it ought to be scary.

  • I don´t see a problem in that. Sex isn´t everything.

  • Perhaps it would be less scary if you decided to empower yourself and decide YOU will be in charge in the bedroom. Find a cute guy who is willing to be your obedient slave in the bedroom, preferably one who is also a virgin.

  • Same here. Never had sex. Still 20. Been in a relationship of 3 years and still no sex

  • You don't need to have sex to have a fulfilling life.
    Kind of sure that if you can get over your self-inflicted woe and give it a try you won't be able to stop though.

  • Perfectly normal to have fears and reservations. It’s a big thing after all.

  • Of course it is. There is no rush. When/if you are ready and not until then.

  • What specifically do you fear? That it will be painful? That you may get pregnant? That you may contract an STD? That your partner will leave you soon after?

  • Why does it scare you?

  • It's okay, everyone's ready for it at different points in their life. You'll get there when it's your time.

  • It’s okay. There is no need to have sex before you are ready.

  • Have you looked into asexuality?

  • This is absolutely okay

  • You are fine, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
    Find a guy you like and get to know each other and when the two of you are ready then go for it.
    Don't just have a one night stand with a stranger like I did.

  • Seems pretty normal… Especially in today's dating culture.

    • I don't know if you've seen these articles get posted, they were posted even before the pandemic started:
      www.reuters.com/.../young-u-s-men-having-a-lot-less-sex-in-the-21st-century-study-shows-idUSKBN23J2LI

    • @moviedude714 I have seen those! Hookup culture is more like "paralyzed with fear of intimacy" culture.

    • I wonder if that means there is also a rise in adult male virgins

    • Show All
  • Apparently many people have these crisies. I went through this last fall, as did a girl who since dropped out of the school.

    It's totally okay to be a virgin in your 20's. Case and point - I'm two years older than you and also a virgin.

  • No , there's nothing wrong with you are a virgin that you haven't done it yet its probably not a race waiting to you know the time is right is a good method.

    • Thank You 🙏

    • I don't think that's there's nothing wrong with you being a virgin and that you haven't done it yet don't let anyone pressure you into doing it , its probably not a race waiting is a good method

    • your welcome

  • Living fear is a giant fail. I highly recommend you seek professional counseling. You can get a referral from your regular doctor. This is a mild mental illness, and they are experts at helping people through irrational fears. It's never bad or wrong to ask for help.

  • Ya know it's funny but I totally get where you're coming from. Reading some of the s*** guys say on here I don't think if I was in your shoes I'd EVER let a guy touch me. Lol

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