Is this abuse husband drunk sex?

[Nicole8990]

I've been married to my husband for 7 years now and things have been very hard lately but last night we were drinking and he kept giving me more and more. I really didn't want anymore but I didn't want to kill the mood so I keep drinking and when I woke up the next morning I was extremely sore down there and I asked him what happened last night he told me we had great sex, but I don't remember any of it and I felt violated I told him this and he said I was his wife he'd have sex with me whenever he wanted which made me feel more used I just walked away. Thinking back on it he wasn't really drinking that much that night which make me think he internally got me drunk and planned it all out before hand. Iv never felt so sore after sex it hurt to walk is this normal, what should I do about my husband?

[hhadeshatesme]

If you guys were strangers and this happened yeah it’s outright rape. But you guys being married makes the situation a bit tricky cause everyone has different boundaries around that. Some are okay having too much to drink and still doing stuff and others aren’t. You could have giving him the okay while you were blacked out (that’s not okay for him to go off of but again yous are married so who knows what’s okay or not). but from his response about having sex with you whenever he wants leads me to believe he did take advantage of you. It’s a disgusting mindset to have to automatically assume you have your partners consent all the time just cause yous are together. A bunch of random people’s opinions on a website shouldn’t determine how you handle this situation cause bottom line none of us were there and don’t know your guys relationship. Trust your gut. You felt violated and he completely dismissed you. If that was me I’d cuss him out and leave. But yous are married so maybe you’re not as quick to throw the towel in as id be. If that’s the case bring it up again, let him know that his behaviours disgusting, and that you feel he took advantage. His response after that should tell you if it’s worth working through or not. Cause brushing it off and not speaking your mind now will probably lead to him still feeling it’s okay to do it again

[SueShe]

This is a case of domestic sexual abuse and you need to press charges against him for rape since obviously the penetration was not consensual.

Being his wife does not give him the right or authority to make you drunk and to sexually abuse you. If you let it be this one time, it is as if you give him the authority to do it all the time, whenever he wants to sexually abuse you.

By acting upon his sexual misconduct, you indicate that you are able to defend yourself and that you don't tolerate that king of assault. He will have to bear the consequences of his act.

However, you should have refused to get intoxicated and a court will also reduce this sentence on this basis as you will bear part of the responsibility of what happened to you.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like your husband only cares about himself and that you both are going through some issues , the fact that he said he can have sex with you whenever he wants cuz you are his wife just shows that he feels he has control over you which is borderline abuse and shows he only really cares about himself and his needs. I don’t know your full relationship with your husband so to give you a valid answer is hard cuz there is always 2 sides of the story , but from what you wrote it sounds like you are in a one sided relationship, but it also depends on how you treat your husband as well , If you barely initiate sex with him that can cause problems as well , so my suggestion is to sit down and talk to him and put yourself in his shoes before you make any final decisions and try to see where he is coming from before you jump the gun thinking he is a piece of shit , Marriage isn’t easy but if you love each other you can make it work with compromising and communicating with each other , if it feels like he isn’t listening to you and only wants things his way then maybe you should really reconsider that marriage or seek couples counseling

[Markm3212]

very sorry to hear this and read what happened to you. as every one else ahs been stating, this is some sort of abuse/rape and although i understand it may feel daunting to report this to the Police, you at the very least need to sit down and have a chat with your husband and say to him, this is not on or legal and although this time you will (take what action you feel is appropriate) next time, it will be reported and taken further. for sex to be consensual, both need to be able to say yes and remember it.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why are you still together? It doesn't sound like there is any joy in your marriage?

[Red_Arrow]

Kind of late now, but what you should have done is not mary him. If he thinks you are at his beck and call sexually, that is an abusive relationship!

[average-j0e]

this sounds like he did something shitty. id get a new husband either way. I've heard of plent of girls say theyre sore the next day and its hard to walk aafter theyve had a good night. so I don't know, but like how did he say whenever he wants? the way i read that sounds really bad. if its that bed def leave. altho that could be bad wording if he's prone to that. like i said tho leave bc you feel violated and he didn't say shit but ill do it again

[spartan55]

Okay, you are accusing your husband of seven years of scheming and planning to get you highly intoxicated for the sole purpose of having sex with you (his wife)? Why th would he need to do that? If you honestly believe that then you should not be with him at all, much less married to him.
Has your sex life been atypical leading up to this? Just because you don't remember the sex doesn't mean he forced you into doing it. Also, you were too drunk to remember the sex, yet you remember how much your husband drank? That makes no sense.

[Aurora1010]

You need therapy and a divorce, it's still rape.

[Aurora1010]

Don't let him gaslight you, if you feel used then you're allowed to feel that way and you need to seek help

[FamilyGuy2020]

I couldn't agree you more

[FamilyGuy2020]

I am sick and tired of this crap

[FamilyGuy2020]

To be Perfectly I Couldn't Agree with you More

[FamilyGuy2020]

Can Anyone help his woman

[AndyOh]

Have a good talk with your husband. Without all the details about your relationship, it is hard to really say what you should do.
However, you are not his sex toy, at least in the USA; You can say no.
Whatever happened should be a wake-up call to you to realize there is an issue around sex. So figure it out before it becomes a problem.

[DonkeyDan]

Firstly, sorry this happened to you, sounds like he had planned this which makes it much worse.
Marital rape is a crine in the UK and the US, obviously it's your choice if you press charges ir not. If you did want to the sooner the better while there is still physical injury evidence to back up your claim.

[wankiam]

without consent, its rape and being married to you is not a legal out... he needs to brush up on the law. thing is though, outside of this new issue it sounds like your marriage is done anyway so you need to ask yourself if its time to separate

[spartan55]

@wankiam Where did she say she said 'no' or didn't give consent?

[wankiam]

@spartan55 she was drunk... again see what the law says on this

[spartan55]

@wakiam Is the law the same everywhere? Look, I'm not victim blaming here, the guys comment the next day was despicable. There are questionable things about her account. I'm certainly no attorney, but if they come to my mind there seems little chance it would even be prosecuted.

[wankiam]

@spartan55 the law in the uk and as far as i know, most of the western world is clear that consent can only be given when sober... now im not saying every drunken sex session will end up in a court room and nor should it but being drunk is not admissible as an excuse for sexual assault or rape. hope thats clear

[spartan55]

@wankiam Of course not, and we are in agreement on that. But she is framing this as a deliberate set up by her husband which seems very odd. Why would he do that? Also, she claims he didn't drink much throughout the evening, but doesn't remember the sex at all? Pretty spotty memory recall don't you think?

[wankiam]

@spartan55 yeah well thats where a court would have to decide but as you will see from my initial post, the asker should just see this as the end of a marriage that doesn't work and walk away... no need for court involvement then

[spartan55]

@wankiam Yeah, something tells me there are more problems in their marriage too. This incident would definitely qualify as 'ender' to me.

[Miristheiss]

It is hard to do anything about it now.

You've got to tell him how you feel about it and that you don't want it to happen again.

No one knows if you were unconscious or were a willing participant. I've never drunk so much in my life I had no memory of previous events. Unless he tied you up and forcefully inserted alcohol into your throat or gave you alcohol through an IV against your will then YOU CHOSE TO KEEP DRINKING.

"He keep giving me alcohol". That is BS. You are the only one who chose to pick it up and drink it. No one but you chose to drink that much.

If you don't like how things went (no one really knows at this point) then don't drink or don't drink so much.

[FamilyGuy2020]

I've never heard of anyone being hooked up to an iv drip of Alcohol

[DJB72]

If he intentionally gets you blitzed to the point you can't remember what happened, you can't consent either. Husband or not, that's sexual assault or even rape. His comment about the events demonstrates a serious disregard for you as a human being and his thinking of you as something to be used for his gratification, reducing sex to an expression of power.

[Gwenhwyfar]

That’s rape. Report it to the police.

[bowenw]

I'd set up a nanny cam and see what exactly he does when you're passed out, if you are up to going through it again.

[rod23]

Wow, that's sad, sorry. has he shown other signs of agression, if so , you need to get out

[crmoore]

It kind of seems planned, yeah, and he's absolutely wrong about you having to have sex with him whenever he wants. Definitely seems abusive.

[jahaims]

You are responsible for your intake of alcohol. Unless he put a funnel in your mouth and forced it, you chose to drink. Since you don't know what you did or didn't do because you were blacked out it's hard to say anything about the rest. If you fell asleep and he had sex with you and you didn't want it, that is rape. If you were into it in the moment and now don't remember that's on you. If you have been married for 7 years and this goes on you aren't in a healthy relationship obviously.

[boobliker]

My S O some time calls me the next day and ask what i used on her as sore and could not ride her bike back from work, so may if it's good sex then it's ok. but be aware next time he is getting you drunk?

[Twalli]

That's rape

[Cowboy6666]

Sounds like it was his plan. Feel bad for you, you Should avoid drinking that much and try to avoid drinking with him in future.

[CuriousMufuxka]

You kept willingly drinking. I'm not condoning whatever he did after, but why now? 7 years of marriage..

[whosnumber1]

sounds to me like you need to slip a pill in his drink and penis pump the shit of off his dick. then tell him paybacks a fucking bitch!!!

I think you have an issue there with your man that you need to address... sounds like he needs to be put in his place