Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I'm not used to having to try and seduce a guy to get sex, I don't feel comfortable with it and I don't even think it would help if I tried to be more sexy. I wonder if the problem is with him or me.
The first time or two we had sex he had erection problems, but they went away. Our sex is good but very much the same. We have loads to explore. I tried asking him what he likes, but he always says he likes what we're doing. I'm a bit too shy to try new things if I don't feel like he's into it.
I remember him saying at some point that it's not so exciting to have the same partner all the time, another time he said it's hard for him to finish if we have sex too often. But if we don't have sex regularly he doesn't last long enough for me to even get turned on. We don't really have any foreplay either. I try to initiate it, but he either doesn't aknowledge it or pretends he doesn't. Sometimes it's like trying to turn on a rock.
He's living with his twin brother who's also got a girlfriend, and I hear them have sex every night when we go to bed and every morning when we wake up. They've been together for quite some so they're not even new and it makes me feel even more shit.
My boyfriend works a lot, and I think he might feel stressed. His family is very comptetitive and he's a pretty "proud" personality. Even though he might not admit it I feel like he's sensitive and scared to get his ego hurt.
I wish he didn't get so defensive. Sometimes I wonder if he's interested in someone else. We're both under 30.
Men: What would you advise me to do? have you felt attracted to or loved a woman but still not felt that excited about having sex with her? What can a low sex drive come from and what do you need to increase it?
Women: Have you been in my situation? What did you do about it?
What Girls & Guys Said
57 169I have not really felt that but my now wife and I had a little bit of a dry period because she was never "in the mood" for like 3 months so I just got sick of trying. I think it could be from working a lot? My girlfriend was going through anxiety issues and not very confident in herself, your boyfriend could be different but our sex life was significantly better after she got through her self confidence issues and anxiety over sex.
wife and gf? do you got two partners lol
Aha no, they are one in the same person.
oohhh hahah
Well that almost got complicated
it sounds like you guys just have difference is sexual chemistry. if you are unhappy with the sexual relationship and are not satisfied to concede to his sexual desires... which is fair if you're not... then this relationship may not be for you
it sounds like he is pretty firm in his position and unwilling to change much but you could try to reach one last compromise. unfortunately though for most people big divergences in sexual desire and unfulfilled sexual needs are deal breakers in relationships
Maybe ask if he'd be alright with an open relationship? As long as you think you can handle having sex with others while still loving him, if not maybe you should consider a breakup, or try and discover why he doesn't want it and see if you can work around it.
Sex isn't just for pleasure, it's kind of a thing living creatures everywhere desire (unless you don't) so after a while of being so close to someone and with someone that you want but can't have anything with, it can get very frustrating and possible cause some depression
I did ask carefully without suggesting anything, because I was curious both to know if he'd be interested in switching partners but also because I felt like I was in an impossible situation where I wanted both love and sex and was looking for a way to get both. But I feel like if I find someone else to get a better sex life with it would probably be better to just be with him instead. Plus I don't think I can enjoy sex when I love another guy. Earlier in the relationship when I didn't have so strong feelings for him it could have worked for me but now I don't think so. He would be way to jealous to allow it anyway so it's out of question
I completely get that, that's how I would feel in that situation well, I just know some find it easier to do something like that. I guess try to find out why, what is it that makes him uninterested, and to contrast what can interest him, maybe even try talking with a professional. Obviously there's nothing wrong with him (unless maybe there genuinely is) but even just advice could help both of you. I have no idea as I'm not a professional myself, but as long as you approach this as something you could both benefit from it shouldn't make him feel unwanted
Lie down in the bed and give him a deepthroat.
www.kinkly.com/.../...8b0e4f7abf63f7a6692273bb.jpg
If he doesn't get turned on by that then.. I don't know what advice to give.
I'm sure 80 percent of the heterosexual men will not refuse this.
I certainly wouldn't @Warmapplecrumble 😉 👅 🍌
@TaureanBull81 loool :-p
I'd definitely let you do that to me @Warmapplecrumble Love hot n dirty sex 😉
@TaureanBull81 lmao you are funny
Shhhh don't tell your fiancé @Warmapplecrumble 😉😂
@TaureanBull81 meoow *-*
Oooooh la la! I like how naughty you sound @Warmapplecrumble 😉
Leave him, he's not a child, express yourself, fix things or move on. You don't have time to waste, you're not the problem.
Should still try lol.. That mindset won't let you last in marriage or relationship.
@Müsli Her situation is not a relationship so I don't know what you're on about. I'd leave him because he's gonna make her think something is wrong with her, beginning of even worse things.
What do you mean? She is discussing about her relationship. She is unsatisfied with her bf's sex drive. Sure, it's not her fault but it doesn't mean she should leave him without trying to make things better. No one is perfect. If you expect your partner to do everything that you want, you will never meet such partner lmao
@Müsli Look Muslim, I hate your face Okay?
1. I am not a Muslim, in fact I am no where near from that region. (cough east Asia cough) 2. Müsli is a German dish. It's a bit like traditional form of what we call cereal. 3. You are culturally insensitive and uninterested. You are missing out. Explore more than your American pizza and burgers. Just a friendly recommendation. 4. Have a nice day
I've had dick problems twice in my life.
1) She cheated on me and I was hurt... I just didn't want her anymore. Problem went away as soon as I was with another woman.
and...
2) She became unattractive. Hygiene slipped, weight was gained... my boner was gone. Again, no issues as soon as I was with another woman... or when she corrected you lack of effort.
a relationship shouldn't be all about/based on sex. I think he is just stressed and going through a rough patch in his life atm. Just give him a bit of space to breathe then try again. If you truly love him it shouldn't matter whether you have it every night or once a year. its not important
I have had this situation. I left him and ended up finding a more compatible mate to my sexuality.
Question, how does he get aggressive about not having sex?
he gets aggressive when I tell him how I feel. he's like "why is it so important to fuck all the time" and kinda talks down gthe "bastards" who wants sex more and call them douches
Wow? That would be a problem for me.
it is for me too. he calms down immediately when I tell him to chill though, but we still don't get anywhere
You may need to think about my first suggestion.
I'm preparing for it but not there yet
Right now, I would be content simply for my girl to be able to be here with me. To fall asleep next to me, as a I wipe her bangs out of her eyebrows, place my hand on her shoulder, then drift off to sleep, able to feel her breath on my chest as my forehead leans against hers, and sleep in peace.
Even if there were no sex involved, I would be grateful for this simple pleasure. Yet, I fear it may never happen. And that she will move on, if she hasn't already. She lives in another country, so I knew going in the odds were slim. Even so... I don't currently desire anyone but her, even if I can't bring myself at the moment to feel that much sexual urge. Not for lack of trying, but... the gusto just isn't there. I miss her for other reasons.
I also worry that she doesn't feel the same about me; or worse, can't feel such things at all. Was I just a summer of fun on Skype to her? Is she afraid to get close because of conflicting cultural traditions? How do I bring it up, without scaring her away?
I have a bed designed for two. For yet another evening, I will be sleeping alone, praying she's okay, and that her work hasn't eaten away her entire soul.
Perhaps whatever he's going through, he needs you to be that kind of girlfriend. If Raging Sex Machine is your only dimension, even he will eventually get bored with that.
I know you two, in your 20s, think you should be above such things. The age of the raging libido that knows no limits. But get to your 30s like me, and you learn once more how to appreciate simple things.
Another reason I'd recommend you discuss marriage with him: it will help you put everything else in perspective. Even genitals get old after a while.
I am sorry for your issues. As you know every guy is different and I do not think that he will want more sex as he gets older! You could suggest therapy but I would bet that he says no to that idea. How often are you two having sex? At his age he should want sex daily if not more. Is it something you can talk about with him... after all i is ok to talk about sex. If he does not want to improve things then it may be best to move on... after all what will he be like in another 5- 10 years? Your thoughts?
I've been through this and I almost left him because of it. With my guy it was stress but it took a long time for him to communicate that to me. So I thought it was me and that he lost his attraction to me. I had to be honest with him several times how his lack of desire for me made me feel. He blew me off about it at first but the more open we were about how we felt and what we needed the better things got. Talk to him. Ask him to tell you what is going on with him that has made him lost interest. He needs to understand that he needs to find a way to make you a priority. My boyfriend ended up getting a new job and all that stress went away. And I got my horny man back. I've also learned to leave him alone during the work week and have great sex on the weekends. It's not as much as I would like but it's great when we do.
Thanks! Your response gave me hope! he actually has suggested finding a new job but he loves his current one and I know he doesn't want to so I said he doesn't have to u less he wants to. His friends and family are also quite demanding, i think it's not just pressure from his work but everything and he's the kind of guy who wants to have it all and not miss out on a single thing
When I have an issue I just tell my boyfriend and then we fix it
When I have an issue I tell my boyfriend and usually nothing happens.
then break up with him... If he doesn't care about your feelings and desires why are you with him?
he does care, but maybe not enough
well obviously he doesn't but even if he does and just doesn't care enough he still isn't worth your time.
maybe, I think I need some distance and chill a bit before I make any decisions
Find a New guy if sex is important to you.
My boyfriend and I don't have sex as much as we used to. For a while, we didn't have it for a month. The reason has partly to do with his back problem and when he is going through depression. Though, I do know we love each other very much.
From what it sounds like to me, your guy might either have an incredibly low libido or he is just a slut. Meaning he has to have someone new in order to get aroused. I want you to know, that isn't because you are ugly or not good enough. That is completely his problem. If he wants to be in a relationship with you, you can't be shy about what you want. Men cannot read minds. You must make it known you require intimacy.
But if he cares less, just break up with him. Because not being met at least halfway and feeling unwanted is worse than being single.
There are too many flags in this. He either does not find you attractive, he has sexual problems, or he is having affair or maybe a combination. Makes me uncomfortable and I would not want to be in long term relationship with a guy like this. I would want a guy that is open to share with me and be in a healthy relationship.
I've been in that situation where I was seeing a guy who rarely had sex with me when I say rarely we would have sex once every 2 weeks sometimes there were times it would be a month or more
I'm no longer with that guy
Did you ever find out why he didn't want it more often? We usually have more than once a week at least but sometimes less often than that too.
Never found out but had a really strong gut feeling he was either seeing someone else or was interested in another girl that gut feeling only got stronger when I noticed changes in him like less communication there were times he would ignore me he started doing weights and losing weight , he was also hiding his phone I remember once he got a phone call but he wouldn't answer the phone in front of me then next thing he asked me if i could go get some food for him when I got back he told me it was his Mum who called him but I found it odd that he didn't answer the phone if it was his mum since I've met his Mum and he has also answered her calls in front of me before there were a few times I would book a motel before I left to go home he asked me if it would be ok if he stayed back because he was meeting a guy about something
The oddest thing was he called me one day out of the blue asking me if I could book a motel room for him when I told him I would need to go to the motel myself and check in since the room will be booked under my name 10 minutes later he sends me a message saying something about how his mate booked the room for him
he sure sounds shady as hell. almost like he wanted you to think he was cheating.. my cheating ex was pretty obvious too
Looking back I dont think he was cheating since I met his parents and I met a few of his friends he has known for years I've even hung out with him while he was working but I honestly dont know doesn't help that he actually said to me one day that if he was sleeping with someone else I would never know which in a way its true but when we actually talked about it in person later on he was calm he never got angry we never faught I think he understood where I was coming from
whoa, why would he say something like that? And sorry but meeting parents and friends doesn't mean no cheating. My ex's parents basiclly adopted me and I knew all of his friends yet he was cheating on me. At his parent's home at that.
Has he seen a doctor to have his T levels checked? Low "T" can have erection problems and lack of sex drive. It can also cause mood disturbances and tiredness. Work and new things can also overload someone making them not as interested in sex.
But if his testosterone is normal, there could be a lack of communication or sexual differences. In that case, it's best to move on.
I think he might be asexual.
I have never been in that situation, but it sounds like the problem is with him, not you.
Sounds like he has erectile problems and he doesn't want to acknowledge the issue or try and fix it.