My boyfriend has had 100 sexual partners, how many is too many?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were talking about how many people we've slept with the other day... I knew he had slept with a lot of girls but when he told me it was between 80 and 100 (he stopped counting) I was kinda surprised and I don't know how I feel about it...

He's obviously clean and doesn't have any STIs and isn't sleeping with other people whilst with me...

How many is too many for you guys?

[Anonymous]

First off, I will never understand why people think it's a good idea to talk about past sexual partners. It's in the past. The things I've done in the past, not just sexual, are some things I'd rather not talk about.
Secondly, why does it matter? If he's with you then clearly there's something he gets from you that those 80-100 didn't give him, again I dont mean just sexual, but who knows maybe it is. ‍‌‌‌‌‍‌‌😉 lol
Third, again I ask, what does it matter if he's been with 1, 10 or 100 women? It's irrelivent in the end, he is either a good guy or he isn't.
I'd be more concerned with if he was safe with them and if he's clean now.
Don't get hung up with where he's been. If he's a good guy and he treats you right who cares what he's done in the past. It's the past. No one wants to be judged on that. Judge him by his actions now, with you.

[Malik00]

It's Less about judging you for your past and more of an inclination of what you will do in the future. I want to know what i would expect from you, hiding something from your S/O isn't much different from lying to them. And someone who isn't open to me is someone i don't wanna be around. How can i trust they won't stab me in the back or use and then abandon me for someone else? I want the truth... all of it... and if that's too much to ask of you, then the door is behind you.

[Opinion Owner]

@Malik00 that's fair I suppose but what if I told you I had gone through a klepto phase or I though I was a lesbian for a while there. Does that mean you're going to expect me to steal your shit and go down on your sister? Probably not, right? Because it was in the past. I get what you're saying, past behavior and patterns. It makes sense but that's not always fair and true. People make mistakes. People want to "sow their wild oats". As for trusting someone won't stab you in the back, that's just faith. You can't assume someone who has cheated in the past will cheat on you now, yes there is a pattern but what about the person that hasn't ever cheated and then does? There was no pattern or past history to indicate that would happen and yet it did. I totally understand wanting to protect yourself but you can only take a person's past history so far. It's not foolproof. I believe people change for good or bad. As for me, I do consider a person's past but it only holds so much weight

[Malik00]

Hmmm... yeah you do make a lot of sense... I still at least wanna know that she will be open with me at the very least I can accept that she wants to put her past behind her, provided she won't hide anything from me from that point forward.

[independentman]

Yea at least he's honest being a liar can affect trust in a relationship, but still I wonder if he'll cheat or leave

[Opinion Owner]

@independentman Yea ok he's being honest that's awesome for him. As for running the risk of him cheating or leaving, isn't that really the risk you run in every relationship? I don't know for sure but just thinking off the top of my head Id almost guess he would be less likely to cheat because he's been around a time or two. Now think about the guy that's only been in a few relationships, he may be tempted and stray because he doesn't know what else is out there. Obviously, this is just a thought and I have nothing to back it up and everyone is different so no one can really say for sure one way or the other.

[Malik00]

I honestly can't speak for every man but personally, I wouldn't really sleep with someone if i didn't like them as a person... how attractive they are is completely irrelevant. I need to see myself being around you outside of a fuck session, if i can't see that then there is no point in us being around each other. So at least for me i don't see myself sleeping around, quality over quantity... ya know?

[bloodmountain1990]

@PrettyKitty31 I completely agree. I've had girls share too many details about past sexual partners/encounters or even abortions early on and it makes me wonder what is going through their head when they tell me that and what they expect me to say back after sharing that? It's not even out of jealousy or possesiveness, but when I date a girl, I don't wanna think about the times she had sex with other people. I just figure she's had sex with other people before that. In other words, don't ask questions that have answers you don't want to know.

[bloodmountain1990]

It's like if talking about your ex constantly to someone you're currently dating is rude and a turnoff, then what possibly makes one think talking about a past sex partner/encounter is a good idea, ya know?

[Opinion Owner]

@bloodmountain1990 YES!!! Exactly!

[bloodmountain1990]

The only times it turns me off is when a girl acts like a sex object or uses/hurts people. Saying this only because I'm into women, For example, there was a girl I dated who seemed cool at first and had a lot in common but she was on the rebound, and the worst part was when she invited me over to her place for our last date and then when we finally had sex, I found an empty condom wrapper that was clearly from another guy's just laying in the bed. Then she dropped me, blocked me from social media, and then when I ran into her months later she manipulated me and played me again and acts like it's my fault for her behavior. I was at a concert with another girl and my friend and yet when I saw her there, she was turning her friends and people on me saying I'm stalking her/following her and just overall taking no accountability for her actions. I knew she had a pretty sexual past from her okcupid questions, prior to meeting her, but the problem was how she treated me, not her past.

[bloodmountain1990]

There's no double standard with that by the way. In spite of the stud/slut double standard, a guy or girl leaving a condom wrapper in the bed when inviting a date over, is equally disgusting and callous. I guarantee you had the roles been reversed and I invited her or some other girl with a condom wrapper from someone else in my bed, I'd be fucking crucified. There was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening on my end. Sorry I went off topic a bit but just making a point. Some people might argue that because she slept around in the past, I should have expected this, but most people, even ones who have slept around, don't try to put it out there that they sleep around with someone they date.

[Malik00]

@bloodmountain1990 Precisely my point. Why would i wanna go through that?

[bloodmountain1990]

@Malik00 go through what?

[Opinion Owner]

@Malik00 I think you're probably in the minority here, at least based on the guys i know. They would rather screw the hot chick if if when she talks it makes them shudder like nails on a chalk board. I agree quality over quantity but as I said, based on most of the guys I know, that's not the common thought. Perhaps, that changes with age, though. Younger guys want to rack up the numbers and older guys are done with that phase and are looking for more than just a random or longer term hook up. I assume your response was based on my thought that guys that haven't messed around might consider it. If so, then my point was guys that didn't have the chance to have those random hook ups might consider it down the road to see what all the fuss is about. I don't think thats law just a thought that came to mind.

[Opinion Owner]

@bloodmountain1990 wow that condom thing is super classy. I have to ask though, I assume you slept with her? After seeing that why? Haha and yes if the roles were reversed and I had a guy do that to me... without a doubt he'd be hanging on the wall.

[Malik00]

And that would be a good assumption... except i never went through that phase in the first place. I'm still a virgin... i just watched a lot of jerry springer and maury growing up.

[Opinion Owner]

@Malik00 Lol! Yeah I guess that will do it. Don't want any chairs thrown at you or women running backstage. But, like I said, I the majority of guys would go that way. As if to prove my point, it's always who's your baby daddy and I banged my girlfriend, her sister, her mom and her grandma topics.

[bloodmountain1990]

@PrettyKitty31 yes but of course I wrapped my shit. I just figured might as well get something out of it. She's still a piece of shit though and I'm pretty sure she's a sociopath and had borderline personality disorder. I'll PM you if you want.

[Malik00]

That's called insecurity, they should get that looked at.

[bloodmountain1990]

@Malik00 what's called insecurity? What are you referring to?

[Malik00]

@bloodmountain1990 people bragging about how many people they banged.

[Opinion Owner]

@bloodmountain1990 you can pm me. Im pretty sure the asker is or will be sick of seeing all the alerts.

[Opinion Owner]

@Malik00 lol yeah I think you're right there.

[estoydorado1]

I can't do casual sex, it's too intimate in my opinion.. 100 partners would give me the impression that sex was just a word to him. If my boyfriend told me he had more than 25 partners, I'm not sure we would be compatible due to the fact that we might not share the same values.

[jen_phils]

I think the bigger question here is what are you looking for in a relationship? If you're looking for something serious it would seem to me that a man with 100 partners isn't in it for the long haul. That being said 100 wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

[IwanderIwonder]

I don't believe there's anything like too many/little, it's all relative and so, numbers are irrelevant in my opinion. I don't judge people and would ideally not like to be judged but that doesn't seem to be the case. A lot of people care about the past and numbers and all that stuff which I don't think is for the best when it comes to your relationship and the future.
What's he like as a person and as a boyfriend/partner? Maybe those are the types questions regarding his past that do matter.
How did he get to that number? Was he unfaithful? Was he just someone with lots of short term flings? That's what could be important and relevant for your relationship.
As long as he's with you, he's living and faithful, that's all that you really should care about. Numbers at the end of the day are simply numbers.

[hellionthesagereborn]

That would be a red flag to me to run away as fast as possible. The more partners a person has the more likely they are to cheat/divorce/be unhappy in a long term relationship, be unsatisfied with the sex etc.(according to statistical data). Now the data suggests women are affected by this a bit more then men but men still are affected and, well thats a lot of partners. I personally would feel like that is to much but if you can move past it and you feel you can trust him go for it, what I would do is not necessarily what you would do nor what is best for you. I would just consider his behavior how he acts towards you, towards other women etc. if everthing is fine great, if you start noticing other things, other red flags well you might want to consider the data I mentioned. Either way good luck.

[WarlandWriter]

The problem is not the amount of bedpartners, the problem is the way he handles having had all those partners.
Did he cheat them into bed? Did he cheat on any of them? Did he act like an asshole towards them afterwards? Is he being an asshole about it now?
Or did he respect their wishes and only bedded them in a way that had them on the same page physically as well as mentally?

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah I'd say it's more of their attitude and how they carry themselves that's more concerning than what the actual number is. It's one thing if a girl gives her number honestly, regardless of what it is, but it's a whole different story when a girl or guy goes, yeah i fucked this guy/girl, this guy/girl, etc and brag about how they get around and talk about how sexual they are and share super personal details.

[bloodmountain1990]

If that makes any sense. I just see it going both ways. I hooked up with 2 girls the night I lost my virginity in college. It was a rare occurrence, but it's not something I'd share or volunteer to girls I'm dating. I couldn't see any benefit from sharing that with them.

[Being_a_good_Indian]

For all time horny dudes it is infinite.

For me one is enough.

[SnapTsch]

1. maybe you should have valid worries about being just another number in the list,

or

2. if not the first, there are valid grounds for you to doubt your partners ability to hold on to or maintain a steady long term relationship

or

3. if not 1 or 2, you also have valid reasons to question some deep rooted emotional issues since it seems like , there was a lack of emotions if he were through that many women and never felt anything for anyone of them

[BlackMaleYou]

80 is just already too fuckin much. Our opinion on how many is too much doesn't count. Ill be turned off by a girl who has had so many sex partners taking her age into consideration. If she was 18 and already has had 5 partners then Ill be asking myself how did we end up in a relationship in the first place. If she was 30 and she already had 20 guys, I can live with that and I wouldn't go for a woman who stopped counting.
It depends on you and what you expect from a guy.

[coachTanthony]

If the guy has slept with a hundred girls why does he want to stop now and just sleep with you? That is the million dollar question you should be asking.

[redeyemindtricks]

It happens.

[Levin]

Generally, I'm pretty open minded. Because I love people. But I have to say, more than 20 indicates certain things to me, which is really a lack of interest in people beyond physicality, a casual regard to sex, and possibly using sex in the superficial sense to blunt certain traumatic experiences.

I'd prefer less than 10. But generally, to each their own, it's not for me to judge. But 100 would be way too many to me. It just seems reckless. Less respect is important to me.

The thing I'd advise to you, is to be really sure about how you feel about this. Don't feel guilty about being unhappy about it, if you're really not happy with it.

[Levin]

Self respect*

[HungLikeAHorsefly]

If he doesn't have an STI *right now* and he's monogamous with you, what do you care?

[GingerGuy]

It's not important to me nor is it really anyone's business. I don't necessarily want to know how many people my partners been with. Curious, sure, but is knowing ever a good thing? Unless that number is 1 (you)? lol. As long as she's clean, not cheating on me and I trust her, it's not an issue.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yep, ever seen Clerks? Every time those conversations are had, I always imagine it ending like the whole 37 dicks bit. Those conversations don't end well. Even if a person with a high count isn't a deal breaker, I've never heard a guy or girl say yeah my partner is so great, he/she has slept with so many people, it's amazing.

[11dog22]

I don't know. I never thought of it as a game but to be respectful.

[suzel]

0 and girls having relationship with multiple guys is hard to accept for me

[JohnDoe3000]

100? Damn... That's a lot of skanks, I could understand if it makes you see him in a different light. But chances are you wouldn't have found him as attractive if you didn't instinctively know lots of girls wanted to sleep with him and if he didn't have the confidence that comes from having been a "successful" player.

[Dargil]

He started off as a knackwurst but has worn down to a little smoky.

[NerdInDenial]

Over 150

[Caaarl]

I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Like if they're 100% clean is there really anything truly different about a guy who fucked 20,40,80,160 girls. That by itself really shouldn't matter you should try and get over it.

[Coconutpie]

Is it weird if I am going to say that I don't give a shit? I don't look at someone's past, but how the person is in present. I am not saying that I wouldn't let him test it hehe.

[bloodmountain1990]

Maybe 20+ is too many for me, but honestly I never ask a girl how many dudes she's slept with. As long as she's clean, has no kids, no baggage, and doesn't cheat then that's all that matters to me.

If anything, I find it weird when a girl or guy starts ranting about her/his sexual past to me, especially early on, which a few girls have done.

Maybe im in the minority, but I feel like a person telling their current date about their past sexual partners/experiences is like someone going on and off about their exes. What matters to me is that they're with me now and how the treat me. Even if a girl only had 1 or 2 partners, Id still have no interest hearing the details about their sexaul encounters. I just don't see how people benefit from it.

[naraku]

20+ is too many for me. That's based on girl's I see are between 19-24 .

[AydenHazor]

As long as she's clean with no STIs, I don't really care about part relationships/hookups. If she told me she had 80-100 sexual partners I might wonder if I was just the next in a long line of partners but if still move forward as if there was no question

[AlphaStyles]

Lord have mercy
That guy is a sex freak
Nasty

[tylermason]

I would say above 15 is too many