My boyfriend loses his erection during sex... HELP?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months.. Its not the happiest relationship bc most of the times we fuck he loses his erection.. Actually one moment he wants to come and the other he suddenly loses it. he clarified that it's not my fault (Btw I'm way more experienced than him and maybe that's a turn off?).. He keeps saying that he doesn't know what's wrong. He gets very mad at himself and then we just lay there and hug both sad and quiet.. it's so frustrating we are only in our 20's and we cannot have sex... what do you think of this situation? Have you experienced anything similar? Girls would you break up?

[AskAlthea]

Has he always lost his erection during these 4 months of dating or is a recent/sporadic event?

He is correct though, it is not your fault. It happened to my boyfriend and I, he would want to get off, but then would get soft after a short period of time, so I'd get him hard again, we'd try again but he'd go soft. He still wanted to get off, so we found that oral worked where vaginal sex didn't. Even though I knew it wasn't my fault, there was definitely a part of me that wondered if there was something he didn't like about being in my vagina. But keep reminding yourself that it's not you, because it isn't. Eventually we figured out that it was anxiety, he was worried about getting himself to come that he kept losing his erection.

Has he ever complained about your experience? Has he ever mentioned it as an issue? If not, I wouldn't worry that your experience is a turn off. What I think is most likely happening is performance anxiety. Perhaps he's worried he'll fall short of your exes, perhaps like my boyfriend he's so worried about getting himself to come that he loses his erection. Whatever the reason for his anxiety might be, I think the best thing you can do for him is to be patient while you guys figure this out. The worst thing you could do is leave him for it, it'll probably make his anxiety worse. Now if you've been patient and it's been a few months and he's still not maintaining an erection, ask him to see a doctor. If he doesn't, then I think it's acceptable to break up.

The other causes can be stress, medical reasons (depression, ED, etc.), being overweight, etc. but the most common reason is anxiety. I assume he's a healthy man in his 20's so I would put my money on anxiety.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like it has become a hang-up for him and that makes it worse and more likely to happen. He should talk to his doctor.

PS. There is all kinds of sex to have that doesn't require an erection.

[sakshi31jan]

see its really not ur fault n if he really loves you then its not an issue n if u r afraid of pregnancy then HV papaya immediately after missing ur periods the pregnancy will be terminated... OK

[Dargil]

His habits when you are not with him can have an effect. If he has a frequent porn and masturbation routine, he needs to reduce or eliminate it so his libido improves. If he is seeing others, you may be getting inadequate leftovers. You have to be direct on asking about these two things. If neither is present, then you have a decision to make about continuing the relationship under the assumption that intercourse will always be problematic and you will have to "make do" with other items on the sexual menu.
Questions, then.
*Can he get off consistently from oral you give him?
*Can he bring you off by oral?
*Can he get off by consistently by "hand jobs" you give him?
*Can he bring you off by fingering?
Assuming "yeses" here:
*Can you and he develop a routine based on some combination of hand and oral (or 69 oral) which is adequate for both of you? If yes, you should focus on this and place intercourse on hold. If your routine is successful and satisfying, stay with it and occasionally try for an "intercourse finish" where he is about to come and mounts up to finish. Your satisfaction can't be ignored and the routine should include your having an orgasm from hand or oral before he mounts up for his finish. Other couples do this all the time and use the intercourse finish as a reproductive strategy.
*This is not as complicated in practice as it is in person because sex is more fluid than a "procedure".

[pas666]

Read about performance anxiety in males. It's a thing when they can't reach orgasm our brains start to go haywire and we lose focus. He has to focus on his own orgasm first and not worry about yours, make it fun for himself first not worry about your pleasure. He could be worried about pregnancy... you guys should know what to do to control that fear. Other then that it could be prescription drugs, Rec drugs too. IT COULD be too much porn I had a problem with this my self it's called DEATH grip not even trolling.

Other then that... it could be a problem a doctor or sex therapist can help with. It's not worth breaking up with because you could truly love one another and there's an opportunity here for you to truly show you love him and want to support him through this

[simpliiegeekiie]

Well no i wouldn't break up with him he loves you very much there's more than sex in a relationship

[That1tallguy]

is this with a condom or no condom?

[Asker]

With

[dizmuhjam]

Why does that matter? Even if it would work without a condom, the penis should work with both like every other penis does. He needs to see a doctor, end of the story.

[Asker]

@dizmuhjam that's not the problem I've asked him

[dizmuhjam]

okay can he still come alone? Like masturbate? Because then its just that he's doing something with his hand unknowingly that a woman doesn't know of and thats why it doesn't trigger the right feeling. For example a slight twist with his hand or more pressure on the ring finger than on the other fingers, or a harder grip in general.

[That1tallguy]

it might not matter to you cus you have a quick trigger but for a lot of guys it does. there's a shit load of diffrent condoms you have to find which 1 is right for you. some guys aren't as sensitive so they need thin condoms or it could be difficult to stay hard. if your on the larger side some condoms could feel too tight and uncomfortable. I remember my first time I had trouble staying hard because the condom was taking to much sensitivity away but when I tried the ultra thin condoms I didn't have that problem.

[dizmuhjam]

aight I see.

[That1tallguy]

at his age he shouldn't have E. D they can be a lot of factors he could be masturbating to often and too hard aka death grip tell him to stop masturbating. It think most likely it's psychological if he's worried he'll lose his erection he's going to lose his erection a lot of it is in your head.

[hassan9873]

you said your way too experienced, may be he has some pressure on him that he may not satisfy you or may not give you what you desire, so just tell him that how much you love being with him and how much you enjoy having sex with him, and also about the porn thing. if he watch porn then ask him to quit. that will help you both. and also, Mr. dargil is correct,(one who committed on the post.)

[dizmuhjam]

Let him see an urologist. Force him because some guys are scared of them for whatever reason.

[meatballs21]

Performance anxiety.
Condoms.
Drugs/alcohol.
Tiredness/stress.
Jacking it too much.
Sometimes it can be hard to get over the top of the mountain, if you know what I mean, and if you come super close but don't quite finish your arousal can sometimes drop off precipitously afterwards.

[plastic]

Hm maybe he just watched too much porn? It used to happen to me, i started nofap challenge and now everything is finr

[xKirito]

I have a serious question. How much porn does he watch? They have done studies that watching porn trains the brain to only be aroused by a screen.

[Asker]

He knows many female pornstars so I guess a lot😂

[xKirito]

That could be part of the problem

[JustCallMeLeon]

It happened to me too when i was 25 or so. Lasted many days and got me really worried. I went to a doc who ensured me that i was ok and that most guys go through a phase like that but its 99.99% mental. The key is to have more sex and not to worry. Tell him you re not worried and its ok. :) dont worry. He will go through this and the sex will be awesome.

[Noodle_fan]

He is telling you the truth , it is not your fault.
Ed problem? It is more common than you think , especialy among men nowadays

[Seppel]

I think Sex isn't realy important but if you are mad go to sex Therapie vor maybe he should go to Therapie. maybe he has a big Problem with something

[Anonymous]

he needs to see a doctor

[Anonymous]

Does he lose it if you're just fooling around?

[Anonymous]

He's use to "hand" not hole. Tell him to lay off the porn for about a month. He'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

that's called erectile dysfunction... research it

[Asker]

How possible is that? He didn't have this problem before

[Opinion Owner]

Highly likely based on what you just said

[Opinion Owner]

Have some confidence woman

[Asker]

I am very confident where did that came from?

[Opinion Owner]

Your update... 'This isn't going to work but I'll try anyway'