Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health So my boyfriend isn’t usually pushy and he lets me make the first move because I’ve told him I’ve had a traumatic past of sexual assault.
We don’t have sex as much as we used to because it’s been hurting but we’ve been trying different things to remedy the situation.
Today after we kissed for a while he touched my vagina region (I was clothed) and I winced and told him it didn’t feel right and made myself more comfortable (it had hurt). Then later on I jokingly said looking at a goofy picture of him made me wet.
He tried to touch me again and I held his hand away and said Don’t but he touched me anyway. Later I asked him to please not push back when I say not to touch me and to just refrain from touching me when I tell him not to and he said “I can touch you wherever I want whenever I want because we’re dating.” I said no you can’t and he got mad and a fight ensued.
So I told him to please tell me if he felt he wasn’t getting enough sexually from me. He said he didn’t understand why it was okay for me to kiss him but when he touched my lady region I said no.
I told him I shouldn’t have to explain consent to him. He said he didn’t understand why it’s usually okay but today it wasn’t.
I wasn’t mad that he tried I was upset because when I asked him not to he resisted me and that when I asked him not to resist me saying no, that he got mad.
Girls and Guys what is your opinion on this?
My boyfriend said “I can touch you wherever I want whenever I want because we’re dating.” Am I right to be upset?
Anonymous
Updates:
+1 y
Just a clarification: We do have sex. When I said we are trying different things so it doesn’t hurt I meant we’ve been trying lube, then organic lube, then latex free condoms, then adding toys and making sure they’re latex free then doing more foreplay etc. At that time we were kissing, he went to touch me and I was fully clothed and I stopped him and asked him not to because it hurt. He got mad and said what he said.
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What Girls & Guys Said
39 83Dump him. He considers you nothing but property
Oh you gotta just throw the whole boyfriend away. Personally, if I was in this situation, I would leave him. Would you ever tolerate anyone else saying they are entitled to you and your body? A co-worker? Your neighbour? Someone you were on a first date with? No, of course not, so why would it be any less awful and scary coming from an SO? I don't think I could ever trust my partner again if I knew hr thought like this. It's a HUGE red flag, and I would really start looking for others in hus past and current behaviour
Well he's wrong to say that but I sense sexual frustration coming through.
He is also voicing confusion and you are not helping him because you think you shouldn't have to. I think that's a bad move. Explicitly set the rules then hold him to them. At the moment, you're giving mixed messages.
You have the right to be upset, just because you're dating a person doesn't mean that they can touch you whenever. It's your body
This is the problem with consent. It is a major turn of. Relationship is about trust and understanding. You say no if you don't want to but he shouldn't need to ask. Relationships is a give and take but ofc no one should be uncomfortable and a firm no should be respected.
I get understand you have been hurt and I am sorry you had to experience that but understand how he feels when his girlfriend can't get aroused by him. Sex is an important part of a relationship, it is hard to be happy without it, he will get frustrated. You should seek help and start meditating on letting things go. Stop trying to force sex but instead focus on being intimate in different ways. Massage eachother, take a shower and wash eachothers back, take a glass of whine and have deep coversations. See it as a very long foreplay until you can't help wanting him. You need to feel safe and protected like he never will hurt you. I hope you get better.
C'mon now...
Yeah that line isn't okay. But you shouldn't also tease him by saying he makes you wet and then be surprised when he wants you
It's tricky he absolutely must accept your boundaries even if they are shifting. Yes sometimes it's okay, others not. And you must explain that that is the case. There are times when I don't want to be touched by my wife, and we've known each other for over 30 years. Sometimes things are just hard. But she understands no, and he should as well. I had a pretty bad episode last Saturday and she knew enough to wait for my lead.
he's an idiot if any man gets mad over not being able to touch someones gentiles like there a peace of cake at a birthday party then that's his problem I say leave him.
Your past trauma is holding you back from sexually satisfying him. When men become sexually depleted in a relationship, they become desperate and start becoming more territorial. They start to feel the need to assert a certain type of overbearing sexual behavior because they feel as if they won’t be satisfied unless they get what they want. He doesn’t trust you to satisfy him when he’s not essentially pressuring you into it.
You can set some boundaries, and be clear about them, but relationships are a collaborative team effort. If you can’t satisfy him sexually, then he will naturally start to feel insecure and think something is wrong with himself. In an attempt to alleviate these feelings of inadequacy, he tries to forcefully put himself onto and gain control.
You have to either be willing to stop acting so uptight sexually to his standards, and work with him... or simply move on.
You deserve someone who can be patient considering your history, and he deserves someone who makes him feel adequate sexually.
Hope this helps.
I think you should break up with him. He clearly doesn't respect you enough. A guy that really lives his girlfriend would care more about her wellbeing, happiness and pleasure than his own. He has no right to touch you whenever and wherever he wants because you are dating. Get rid of that sexist asshole
He'll move on. This is a dead end.
Yes. There’s something called the Phoenix act which is taking action in California soon, protection against domestic abuse which is what this guy is stupidly talking about. You have every right to whatever reaction you are having to this and to stop seeing this person.
I understand where both of you are coming from. But as a guy i can also understand how you're sending him mixed signals.
Girl, it’s your body! If he thinks that he can touch you without your consent that’s messed up!
He can touch you whenever and wherever you allow him to. If you need to explain consent and ask this questions maybe it's time to move on? I really hope you to find someone who respects your boundaries, even if you're already having sex. Relationships need respect to work out, and your partner clearly has none.
If i was him, I'd dump you. I can't imagine choosing to be in a relationship with someone who's repelled at my advances.
It's possible he's completely different to me, in the sense he doesn't give you a shoulder to cry on to deal with past hurts, but rather actively avoids them. In which case i can completely understand why you'd respond to his advances in this way. If that is the case, then you should dump him.
In either case, this is not a healthy relationship. You need therapy more than you need a relationship.
I’m not repelled it just hurts. I have no control over that. That’s why I’ve tried different things to make it work
what do you mean it hurts? physically?
Yeah. We have sex but it almost always starts hurting and we have to stop. I’ve been trying different things so it doesn’t end up hurting but it isn’t working. ... I feel like I’m explaining this to a very concerned kitten 😂🙈
are you just really small, or something else?
I never had this problem with other guys. At all. I haven’t always had it with him either. I’ve seen a gynaecologist and my family doctor and they’re both like “Well 🤷🏼♀️ is it what it is“
Has how you've emotionally felt about him or the relationship changed over that time?
if I were you I would leave him. It's your body and only you can make choices for it. But more importantly he sounds like a control freak and your life will be a nightmare. Get out and don't look back. No human needs to be treated like that.
Sure, but I think his point probably that in an ideal relationship, which everyone wants, you would be okay with that and want that, so he doesn't understand why you wouldn't. Clearly his drive is far higher than yours. This is a typical problem. One of you has to be willing to change, and there's no reason why it should have to be him. If you don't want to, that's fine, but you shouldn't lead him on by staying with him.
My sex drive is high I just haven’t found a way to avoid the pain at this point. I am not trying to lead him on which is why I asked if he felt unsatisfied with our relationship. I’m trying to be as open and clear as possible.
There is no way that he is satisfied if your sexual relationship have so much issues.
tvtropes.org/.../ImAManICantHelpIt
You're body but you're leaving out important detail is he ya boyfriend or dating if had sex his basically ya boyfriend and he should if ya just dating the. Hell nar it's your body you do whatever you want tell him No put him in his place