There are both men and women who want and prefer open relationships, and for those people, open relationships are fine. But if one person wants an open relationship and the other person does not, then the relationship isn't going to work. That's a fundamental incompatibility: one of you will be miserable, and will likely do your best to make the other miserable too.
These are the kinds of things that you should discuss at length BEFORE committing to each other (there's a long list of such things, but they're all related to your morals, values, and future desires, whether that be marriage, kids, religion, finances, lifestyles, etc.). If you don't set boundaries and expectations from the start, then you can't be surprised when your relationship is messy and confusing down the road. It's just like a job: if your role and your expectations are clearly defined, it's a lot easier to get your job done, and a lot easier to interact with others, who know what to expect from you.
At this point, it's too late to fix the past, so you need to end this and move on - and next time, DO THE WORK and have all the discussions - and make sure you get reasonable answers - before you commit.
It is natural behavior for males of all species to spread their genes. It’s a survival instinct. If the two of you really love each other than you should realize that he’s not looking for love with other but to satisfy his primal urges. It is difficult for women to separate sex and love. Women grow up thinking and learning that you only have sex with people you love. So when her man has sex with someone else she thinks it’s because he loves her. The truth is men can separate sex and love very easily. To him it’s just sex. Sex is a biological need for men and women but it’s stronger in men.
Sex is just the act of copulation. Love is what you feel. Of course when you love someone and have sex it’s always better. But just because a man steps out on his mate it’s not a reflection on you or your relationship. Tiger woods had a gorgeous wife and yet he still had other women.
When women don’t get the love they need in their relationship they seek love from other men which includes sex. But men will seek only sex. Otherwise he would leave.
I know it’s a shock that he asked but to be honest it’s actually a good thing. It means he wants to but cares about your feelings. He could have just done it. But he asked because he thinks you’ll understand his needs and allow him the freedom to fulfill his needs. That means you have a healthy relationship. We are only fooling ourselves if we think we can fulfill all of our partner’s needs. If we want to make them happy the we will allow them the freedom to find the things they need if we can’t provide them. The same goes for you. If you need sex and he isn’t fulfilling that need for you then you should be able to find the things you need in others.
The reason I know all this is because it’s the arrangement I have with my wife. She has a couple boyfriends and I have a both male and female friends with benefits.
Feel free to PM me if you have other questions or concerns.
How are doing? Handling it ok?
It could be that he is curious about open relationships and wants to try them out, it could be that he is actually polyamorous and doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship anymore, or it could be that he is just bored and wants to experiment with new people.
Regardless of what he wants, you need to think about what you want. Is an open relationship a hard no for you? Is it something that you feel you could change your mind on later, and you just need time to process it? I would just be open with him about your feelings. Maybe you can see yourself being okay with an open relationship, as long as there are strict rules in place. Maybe you can't see yourself being okay with it at all, and in that case he needs to either accept that you want a monogamous relationship and let it go, or find someone else who is okay with it.
Don't say yes to it right now if you're feeling like this just to please him though, because you'll regret it later. Open relationships don't really work unless both parties are comfortable with it. If he really cares about you, he'll understand how you feel.
Some people find that they are interested in being in a relationship with just one person but others would prefer to have multiple partners or an open relationship.
Personally I honestly feel that both can be good options but require everyone to desire and accept the same, I don’t think this is something you have ever considered and is something that only you can decide if you are comfortable with. If you decide that it isn’t then he should respect your decision and should not be pressuring you into a situation where you are not happy, if he can’t remain faithful to just you then I would say it is probably best that you are both honest and admit that the relationship should end before someone get hurt emotionally or ends up resenting the other.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Sounds like he has no intentions on being serious with you at the moment , but wants his cake and eat it too. Be smart, and don’t fall for it
It appears He still Wants to have His Cake and Take-----Two now. Tell him he Can't have it Both ways. It is Disrespectful to You and your Long Term relationship. xx
Sounds pretty normal. I think it’s good he’s being open with you. I don’t think he’s trying to break up. You could have some fun experiences.
The number of years you've been together is meaningless. This is an indicator of a relationship which has reached a dead end. If you want to allow him to bang other girls... well, that's your own business, but he's done with you and your relationship. Your mileage may vary, but I strongly suggest that you move on.
He kinda wants to have his cake and eat it too I guess so-to-speak. How has your sex life been with him. Maybe try to increase the frequency? Are you two living together?
You mean your EX-BOYFRIEND.
He needs to go.
Now.
This isn't normal. That's not a boyfriend that's someone who belongs to the streets. Sorry girl.
If I were you I would run over the bastard with his car. Let's see how well he can have sex with other people after that :)
I cannot see this working if you are having this kind of reaction to it.
Tbh there's no harm in having an open relationship
Some people like open relationships, cause it can be reciprocal.
If that's what he wanted to do he should have been upfront with you at the beginning.
Been with? So there was courtship and romance at the beginning, and now 4 years later that whole thing has gone away into this "lets be open" talk? If he is the type that can't handle staying alone, this is the best way to keep someone as a safety - just in case things don't work out with someone new. If he always been kind of a kinkster, then maybe you didn't notice?
Get a new boyfriend. Not sure why he's spring it on you after that long into a relationship. If you aren't into it, don't feel pressured to accept it.
I agree that if he's pressuring her into it when she's not comfortable about it, then absolutely she should leave him. But she should talk to him first about her feelings, it's possible he only brought up the open relationship idea as a fantasy and wasn't really asking her if they could open the relationship up for real.
I thought so too, but I was also basing my response on the fact she's been having issues with the same guy I imagine. Either way she's probably better off without him, the sooner the better. Sometimes people drag out relationships that have run their course because they fear the alternative.
@oceaction I disagree with that. He went into the relationship as monogamous. 4 years into the relationship, honeymoon stage is officially over and this piece right here could be signaling that he has urges to cheat. I know any guy that has urges to cheat will usually cheat.
That sucks. Either stay with him or break up with him. Sounds like the reason why he wants to see other people because your probably not open in bed. Most women don't like anal sex and most of them don't like their man Cumming in their mouths like oral creampies or throatpie. He also could be looking for MFM when most people really wants FMF.
Things change over time but if that’s not what you want you are in trouble and should just leave the relationship
I'd say break up. I've never seen this work out.
Sorry, sis, but when he talks like that, it means that that is not your boyfriend; you have already lost him.
Everyone I know that has got people involved in their sex life while in a relationship has had their relationship ruined. Including 2 of my brothers. I say a hard no to that. I’d not do that unless the girl was like, you better try or I’m leaving. I mean. It would be hot but that just causes problems.
You sound not into that, the best thing would be to end it. He obviously wants to have intercourse with other people. This sounds like you are incompatible.
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