My girlfriend moves slowly, should I stay or Should I Go?

Hey Guys.. M20 here. I have been with my partner (F19) for 6 months now. She does not hail from my hometown, came here to do her undergrad. Lemme tell you about her inbrief.. She has no male friends, has 2 very close female friends, careeristic and ambitious woman. Has around 190 followers on instagram and isn't even active. If she doesn't receive my call, it means two of the following :

  • She is sleeping
  • She is studying
  • She is doing household chores.

We've been in a relationship for 6 months now.. But we haven't had sex yet... A relationship is more driven when there's sex right? But we haven't been able to b@ng yet :(

Apparently she was assaulted 2 years back in 2022 and she is just "afraid" to get sexually involved in anything cause of "trauma". She is kissing me, lets me do foreplay but why not sex?

I mean it's clearly an excuse no? that cause of that Sexual Assault she is unable to engage in anything sexual but she says it is traumatic. I mean it has been 2 years to that shit. How long does one take?

What am i supposed to do?

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Yo dude, that's a tough situation. A few thoughts:

    - Her past trauma is legit - assault impacts people differently and healing takes time. Believe what she says about still feeling afraid.

    - 6 months isn't that long, so maybe she just needs more time and comfort to feel ready. Forcing anything will only damage trust.

    - It was respectful of you to wait so far. But only you know how much longer you can wait without feeling frustration or like it's not progressing.

    - Have you told her openly how the lack of intimacy makes you feel? Communication is key. Listen without judgment too.

    - Counseling could help her - would she consider it? Might make decisions clearer.

    My advice - keep choosing patience for now. Don't pressure or rush her. But if waiting indefinitely won't work for your own health and needs long run, Better to end cleanly than cheat or resent each other. You both deserve to be happy!

    Trust your gut - there are no right answers here. Focus on caring for each other.

  • People react to traumatic stuff differently. You can absolutely leave. Though know that you are unlikely to find such a girl again (might be a good thing might not depending on the relationship) or you can stay and be supportive and potentially have a long life together. Either way your choice determines several things. I would also recommend you realize that true intimacy has emotion and is not just a physical act

Most Helpful Girls

  • Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

    • Thank you for the MHO.

  • I say go so she can find an understanding guy.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 7
  • Never rush someone who has gone through that terrible experience. There is no set time when she will be ready or not that is more internal on how she feels. It's not a simple recovery of just getting over it, it can affect people internally more than we might think. It has nothing to do with how she feels about you it is just possible that when people engage in something traumatic to them it can cause them to have flashbacks and feel the same way they felt at that time. I would say just go at her pace and make her feel comfortable or else you will make her start to think that is the only thing you care about.

    • Ref the last paragraph, a life time is how long it can last, do you really think something like is a simple move on from for people (guys and girls). Just move on if all you want is sex, you are definitely not the caring type, just get someone you can bang.

  • troolllllll @emmamary

    • @helpfulwoman Duly Awarded.

  • If you go there will be trouble…

  • I would have dumped her long ago. You will never get those two years back. I know this from experience.

  • You're both being unreasonable.
    Her because she's taking trauma caused by someone else and applying it to actions you do, which is stupid and unfair. And you because you expect sex sooner than 3 years in, which is also stupid (Unless you knew her for 2 years and 4 months prior to dating, in which case only she is being unreasonable/stupid).

  • Don’t push her for sex

  • Maybe if you love this girl you should marry her. But if you want to just have sex find somone else.