Sexual Relationships
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My girlfriend said "WE HAVE SEX ON MY SCHEDULE" basically meaning she controls the sex... am I right to be upset?

Yesterday, my girlfriend of 4 months said "we have sex on my schedule" basically implying that controls when we have sex or not. This really upset me, considering I've been feeling more and more that I put more into the relationship than she does, including sexually. I go down on her, but she barely returns the favour. When she finishes before me during sex, she won't finish me off unless I ask (and I hate asking). She has tried to control me with sex before. I find myself very frustrated sexually. She's the most frigid girl I've been with, and I've been with 11 women. I have never had to ask for oral sex or a handjob before. Other than that, this is the first girl I love. I've talked to her about this before but I'm not seeing many changes. She wants to live together, but I don't want to live with someone who withholds sex, uses it or is selfish with it
2 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • Obviously, sex is somewhat according to her schedule, based on her nature/period etc., but if she is deliberately withholding sex from you and does not make an effort at all, then she is using it to control you!

    I am not saying she has to jump into bed every time you want her to, but you can't be the only one making an effort after 4 months.

    I would explain to her that she needs to show improvement in this area and actually make an effort. If it were me I would put off moving in together or can the relationship altogether.

    Like so many other people have said on here, it will only get worse over time! Do you really want to get into a relationship where a woman uses her vagina to control you. If that is what she thinks love is... then bail! The sooner the better!

  • Nah, this smells like divorce if you keep it that way. She seems to put herself above you (like dude from the 50s with his woman).

    I don't know, maybe it's just that you are still in the early stage, you are biologically inclined to ignore or diminish her failures.

    For the way she sounds, I won't hold even 15 days with a woman like that, one of the characteristics I hate the most on people in general is selfishness.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Yeah, you definitely have a right to be upset over that. She sounds like a controlling, manipulative bitch. Sex should be a mutual enjoyment, and not something that one person controls. While, yes, you obviously can't have sex when she doesn't want to (or when you don't want to), using that to control someone is just wrong.
    All that being said, DON'T take the advice some guys here have given, and simply take her without taking no for an answer. Just don't. If there's a major incompatibility here (and it sounds like there is) it needs to be discussed, and the relationship needs to change, if not end.

  • People should only have sex when both partners are into it, so if there are some times when you want it and she doesn't that's ok and pretty normal - as is the reverse scenario. However, the way she outright said that SHE gets to decide all sexual encounters, and the fact that she doesn't seem to put any effort into pleasuring you tells me that she doesn't respect you or really want you at all. That is sad to me. This doesn't sound like a happy or healthy relationship and I think you should end it. She is manipulative and controlling and living together is only going to make it worse.

    • I'm pretty horrified at some of the comments for guys here. Holy jesus, they are straight up advocating that you rape her! What in the ever loving fuck? That's seriously fucked up. The way it seems she is treating you from what you wrote, it sounds like she's putting her needs way above yours and is possibly trying to control you and manipulate you, but the correct way to deal with it is to leave her if shit doesn't change after a good talk about it. Rape is the most horrible thing you can do to someone and NO ONE deserves that no matter how selfish or controlling they may be.

  • If that's what she means, I understand you being upset. It comes across as manipulative. You said she's done this before so I'm betting that's what she's doing and I wouldn't allow her to disrespect you like that. She also comes across as selfish: satisfying herself and not both of you.

    That said, there are women who don't get turned on as much as some men. Your girl does not seem like one of them.

    Please break up with her and find a woman who will respect you as you should be.

  • Obviously she has the right to choose when she wants to have sex and when she doesn't, but it doesn't seem like that's what this is about. You're right to see this as a red flag. She sounds selfish and controlling. You can try talking to her about it seriously and trying to make her see why her behavior is wrong- sometimes people just need a wakeup call- but if that doesn't work, I would suggest getting out of the relationship.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 14

  • while your girlfriend has the right to decide if/when she wants sex, it also sounds like she's being selfish and controlling (assuming that she is unwilling to compromise or uses sex to manipulate you).

    • yes ma'am. lol.

  • She is extremely selfish and if she isn't willing to compromise and work on it with you to find some middle ground then you have to decide if her positive qualities outweigh the sexual situation and if that is something you're okay living with forever.

  • Are you sure she isn't trying to be sexy?

    • Sexy as an asshole, you mean?

    • @es20490446e well some guys like that sort of thing. I had a guy who used to like getting push roughly down unto the bed, while I demanded for sex right that minute. Each to their own I guess. 🤔

  • she sounds like she's tryna be the man in the relationship, gotta take ur place and put ur foot down. Dnt force sex on her but she's obviously tryna control u and make u her bitch... sorry i had to to put it you like that :(

  • She is being very selfish. Obviously she doesn't care for you like you do for her. I would not move in with her. This will only get worse. Dump her now...

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My girlfriend said "WE HAVE SEX ON MY SCHEDULE" basically meaning she controls the sex... am I right to be upset?