My husband demands BJs constantly and I really start hating it. What am I to do?

[Anonymous]

I have been married for several years and my marriage has been very miserable for the most part, like most international marriages. There are so many things stand between us, cultural differences, language, parenting style, his previous marriage, his kids, his family and the list goes on and on, virtually forever, yet the biggest thorn among all is his strong holding on BJs. The first time, we were together, I was 24, he was 31; I was single and he was widowed with 2 kids; he accused me for not being a virgin, because I didn’t bleed during my first intercourse ever. I was so timid to stand up to him then to tell him that he shouldn’t be upset with me just because he doubted my virginity. He fathered a kid when he was 13! My first night with him, he demanded me to give him BJ, even twice. Ever since then, before and after our marriage, every time we had sex, he always finished in my mouth, he said that the sperm is full of protein and it’s good for me and it’s a good way to avoid pregnancy. After I came over to the states, from the night one, I had been giving him oral sex, had him cum in my mouth and had to swallow his sperm every single time. One night, I couldn’t take it anymore and told him to release inside of me and then Bang! I got pregnant. Sarcastically, even during my pregnancy, I still had to give BJs, even though I couldn’t get more pregnant than I already was! Once, he thought I bit him on his penis, he called me a bitch and pushed me off bed while I was pregnant. His mother was in the next room! I didn’t have an orgasm until the 5th year of our marriage, because our sex life is mostly about him. He wouldn’t let me go to sleep unless I give him BJ. Sometimes, I would just offer to give him that so I could go to sleep. I hated BJ so much, even from beginning, because I always perceive it as a punishment from my husband; I always feel degraded when I do it. He always gets so upset whenever I slightly shows the sign of not liking it! How can I like it?

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ugh. DIVORCE HIM! Why are you with a man that called you a bitch? A man that DEMANDS you to only please him?
Hell no. I would have kicked him to the curb. Sometimes it's better to be alone than in bad company.
DIVORCE HIM. You can do so much better.
Sometimes we are willing to give so much to the ones we love, but they are not willing to do the same. You deserve someone who will do the same for you. No este descaro de hombre.

[Asker]

I need to toughen it up and move on with my life.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Yes you do. Go to a lawyer. You may love him, but from that description you gave, he doesn't love you. Demanding something sexual is not a sign of respect. That's abuse. Not rape, but he's abusing you emotionally. He's controlling. These are not traits of a good person, much less of a good husband. Please leave him. You deserve someone who loves you and is willing to respect you.

[Nathalyy]

I honestly don't know of how less of a person you feel. If you dont stand up for yourself no-one will! Know yourself worth and don't let no-one treat you that way. You have been allowing him to treat you that way and he knows he has you that way. You have to learn how to say no. Who cares if he gets mad. Years and years are coming and we are getting older dont miss the chance of meeting someone worth it for being with him

[Asker]

Thanks for your support. I don't know why I got so timid. Maybe because I am from another country and knew nobody here for years besides him and his family. I will stand up to him and say no. And have been doing so for a month. He gets so pissed and makes my life a living hell here.

[Nathalyy]

I don't know you but cases like this get me so irritated and guys are like this because females allow it for one reason or another but if you don't stop it. You're only affecting yourself. If the sperm is so full of protein why don't he put it on a glass and drink it himself? Leave him. Have confidence in yourself. He's no good at all.

[springocelot]

What culture is your husband from? He acts like all his behavior is derived from his culture.

I'd seek legal advice about the abusive situation and divorce. Make sure you have full custody of the kids. If he wants to divorce you because you take a stand on no BJs, you're better off that way.

[Asker]

He is born and raised in the states. A regular white guy. I suspected that he was molested while he was young because his grandma told me so. Or could be that his first wife made him so demanding. She had seizure and was very obese. She probably loved him and was grateful that he married her so that she did whatever he wanted. She passed away and maybe he just wanted to find someone to replace her and raised his kids.

[springocelot]

Abusive people usually learn how to be abusive from their own families. If he was molested, that's where he probably got it from. But he should fix that himself and not pass his behavior to you. I'd seek legal advice right away rather than just wait for him to hand divorce papers. That way you'll have a plan.

[Watermelonoma]

"Ever since then, before and after our marriage, every time we had sex, he always finished in my mouth, he said that the sperm is full of protein and it’s good for me and it’s a good way to avoid pregnancy. "

wow. Seriously, you must have been feeling really fracking lonely to marry a guy like this. You probably should consider having a real serious talk with him. You need to start putting your foot down

[Asker]

I have been trying since the beginning of the year. He says that I am a bad wife to him and he deserves to be with someone who wants to please him. I am basically just saying no to BJs and try to be good to him and his kids. If he still wants to divorce me, and then let it be.

[Watermelonoma]

sounds like a terrible man. If he does divorce you, he'd be doing you a favour honestly

[itskoda]

It's really wrong but he's right the worst that could happen is that he divorces you bu at the same time u deserve better. and at the same time I doubt that he will kus he sounds like a scumbag that doesn't know how to treat respect or value women and we'll all know no women wants a scumbag for a man so even tho he might act like he doesn't care about u deep down he knows with out u he'll probably never have sex again, tell him what's up and if he can't respect u and hoe u feel then he doesn't deserve u Hope that everyone on GAG helped on this dilemma of urs☺and wish u the best

[serg11]

I can understand a guy wanting that from his wife, but I would be careful with how he goes about it. If he wants daily bjs, then its between you guys. However, pushing youand treating you like that is abusive. You ask how can you like it? Sex should be about both of you and the closeness, not about him mistreating you. I would honestly have a stern talk and work it out. If not, you will be better off leaving.

[Asker]

He wants it all the time. Even if we have intercourse, he would still want to finish off with a BJs. I always believe sex should bring people together, but in my marriage it's the main force that drives us further and further apart.

[tinyclit]

You need to divorce that asshole as soon as possible, not because he needs oral sex, but because he's an asshole. It is a crying shame if he has made you dislike oral sex and cum swallowing because those things are very good when you have a good man.

[Asker]

He would smear that all over my lips and my face. If I wash it off, he gets upset. I never know I could have dislike any form of sex so much till now.

[wethepeople87]

Very good point

[pr3ttybr0wn]

He's abusive. Why are you kowtowing to his shit?

[Asker]

Sorry, not sure what "kowtowing" means...

[mistninja314]

Umm at what point does ENOUGH become ENOUGH or should I say "when are/were you going to quit being stuck on stupid?" I mean it's pretty obvious that this guy doesn't really care 1 bit about you. He seems ti treat you like a "toy/tool" that he can use, then toss aside until he wants to have fun again >> which is sad.

Don't let him make you feel guilty about being a BAD WIFE because in reality he ain't worth shit (scum) judging from your story at least HE NEEDS an ass whopping IMHO ^^

[abundantlyrich]

The wise words of da ninja...

[abundantlyrich]

She doesn't need to put with this abuse.

[Frost_Byte]

Tell him that u can still do bjs but only in moderation. If this is not enough to satisfy him then u should divorce him. He sounds mean and controlling, he sounds like a terrible husband.

[Asker]

I don't like it. But if it's in moderation, I think it's still doable. He isn't going to be happy with the quota thing and knows nothing of moderation. He thinks that since we are married, I should just do whatever he desires. He even forced anal once and I yielded. Still hated it. He won't settle for nothing but his way.

[Frost_Byte]

I'm really questioning why u married him in the first place.

[Asker]

Out of stupidity and ignorance. It's not uncommon in Asia for girls to overly fantasizing marriage with Westerners.

[Frost_Byte]

I see... well however it plays out, i wish u the best of luck :)

[Findingmyway]

Abusive and I'd be seeking a divorce.

[Asker]

I never worked here even though I am educated. I am worried that he will get so ugly that I will walk out of here penniless and childless. I am afraid that I will harm my kid if I seek a divorce. But I am harassed daily that couldn't be good either.

[Findingmyway]

Seek legal advice.. And protection.. He is abusive.. So sorry!!

[Findingmyway]

What country are you in? Do women have equal rights?

[Asker]

I am from China. People certainly have equal rights. All my friends were shocked that the length I had to go to keep this marriage. But not much longer, I am debating myself and also waiting for him to divorce. I have a feeling it's going to be soon. He is already having his 12-year-old son taking pictures for him while he poses. Supposedly going to post on some dating website...

[fearful]

All the harassing can't be good for your kid either, even if he doesn't do anything to your kid

[PepcKinase]

He doesn't seem to respect you at all. Please make sure you are safe.

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your concern. I am physically pretty safe. There are 3 police officers on my street and a friend live a cross the street. It's the mental torment I go through everyday that's draining me out.

[PepcKinase]

I can very well imagine. I'd say you need to tell him you feel unhappy with how things are, that you don't feel the fundaments of your relationship are there anymore. You really might want to get out. But by the sound of it, he's not going to take those kind of words very calmly.

[Rloco]

Divorce this jerk. I honestly don't know why you married him but it's unhealthy for you to be with him.

[Asker]

Definitely. I have committed suicide once over since. After that, I thought it was too stupid to punish myself with someone else's mistakes. I feel very sad every time I go to bathroom after I give him BJs. I would just sit there for while he is sound asleep.

[Rloco]

I hope you leave him. You deserve to be treated better. You can find someone who will treat you right.

[fearful]

I think it's not bjs that are problems but the man itself. Try to leave him if you can

[Asker]

I want to leave for sure. But with a plan! I have spent 8 years of my life and helped build him a family in suburb, I don't want to leave penniless. I am not greedy but feel that I deserve a fair share in what we have. He always tells me to get the hell out whenever I don't want to do do stuff like BJs, even though my name is on the deed of the house right next to his. His mom has been urging him to do an inventory of our financial matters. Yes, it's going to be a nasty battle.

[fearful]

Yes, but you need to get out while you are young. Get some good legal advice and once you can prove he's been emotionally and sexually abuse get your kid and all the money he owes you, that's not being greedy that's called getting what you deserve. You've stayed with this nasty man for 8 years so that shows that you've tried.

[SuperNurse42]

Why did you marry him again? I missed that part.

[Asker]

Thanks for your concern. We met on internet and didn't really know each other very much. He seemed to be a nice guy back then. We both thought we married the right person. But after the first time we were together, I already knew I made a mistake. I was just too traditional; I thought if I already slept with him. I should just married him. He asked me to repay him the expenses that he incurred because he went to see me. I was young, stupid, and timid and certainly didn't have the 2000 dollars he asked for. So I jumped into the hell of this marriage.

[abundantlyrich]

hmm this is why people criticise Asians for. I don't blame them for saying shit. For being naive and not knowing what other people are like from different countries before marrying some weirdo stranger from the internet... argh...

How can you be so submissive and not stand up for yourself? It's so sad to hear that you allowed it to happen. If I was in your shoes, i would point a knife to his penis and threaten the shit out of him.

[abundantlyrich]

My number advice is talk to a lawyer before you do anything else.

[abundantlyrich]

Ooops Number 1 advice

[aficionado]

@abundantlyrich Great answer!

[abundantlyrich]

This world is never kind to anybody, if you don't even develop a hard shield after the first abuse, then you're utterly broken, how are you going to survive the next time, when he hurls further abuse at you?

[abundantlyrich]

You played victim for far too long.

[Coolguy1928]

I agree with @JSmuve , leave as soon as possible. Who knows what would happen to you soon. :(

[Asker]

He's always edgy when he doesn't gets his manhood pampered with the greatest tenderness.

[JSmuve]

How the hell did you marry this fucktard? Get out as soon as you possibly can. He's a disease.

[Asker]

I was young, stupid, and didn't know that he could be this dominant.

[I_M_LEGEND]

is this guy a muslim? why is he so male dominant and sex crazed?

[Asker]

No, a regular white guy. A self-proclaimed Christian. Pro-life, pro-homeschooling, pro-Bible.

[I_M_LEGEND]

he sounds like an asshole and very selfish. i m christian and i m not like this... does he make all the money supporting you guys? what do you do?

[Asker]

He works and I am a staying at home mom. He has two kids from his previous marriage and was a widower when I married him. There is one kid between him and me. He supports the family and I have always stayed at home. Because of this, he has repeatedly told me that this house we have is his, even though we purchased 5 years after we got married. As if I contributed nothing. It's very frustrating and blood chilling. I am also going to school.

[grashopper]

Seek counceling, find a woman organization that could help you, or if this fails divorce him. What he's doing to you is not right. You're living in a free country. You have unalienable rights and deserve to be treated with respect. Always keep that in mind.

[Asker]

Thank you for yours words of encouragement.

[wethepeople87]

File for divorce. No one should out up with people like this.

[Asker]

Thanks for your support. I am thinking of one.

[Anonymous]

You could always bite. Hard. One time ought to drive the point home.

[Asker]

Last time I accidentally bit him and got pushed off time. He called me bitch and more importantly was that I was pregnant and his mom was in the living room that was one wall away. I don't want to go to jail by hurting someone's penis.

[Asker]

Got pushed off bed...

[Opinion Owner]

It sounds like he's an asshole and you deserve better than him.

[Anonymous]

sounds like a selfish prick... get away from him asap

[Anonymous]

yeah, guys need blowjobs or they will die.. do you want him to die?

[Asker]

No, I don't want him to die. But he can't make me do stuff all the time that makes me wish that I was never born.

[Opinion Owner]

Tell him to finish you off orally as many times as you do him. I would have no problem with that other than missing too many work days cause I'm "busy"

[Anonymous]

is he an arab by any chance? im not trying to be racist or anything, but a lot of arabic men treat women like this. they seem to think they own you or something.

[Asker]

He is just a regular white guy. He calls himself a prolife, pro-homeschooling, Bible-believing fundamental Christians. I asked him to show me a Bible verse about BJs. and he couldn't. lol

[Anonymous]

Divorce, divorce DIVORCE

[Asker]

I am afraid that I will lose custody of my son... He and his whole family are going to make the divorce a hell journey for me.

[Opinion Owner]

It is gonna be a big journey but you deserve better. And I don't think you will lose the custody of the child. He is the abusive one. Make it a hella journey for him too.