Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health A friend of mine used to be very unpopular with women and was always rejected.
When he was 20 he went to a prostitute and lost his virginity there. Since then he went to prostitutes regularly, but still did his best to become more attractive to women. He started going to the gym and lost 10 kilos (22 pounds), took much better Tinder pictures, moved from his parents (from a small village) to Stuttgart (the nearest big city) in a shared flat and since then tried to meet as many people as possible.
His situation has indeed changed a lot! He is still not a womanizer, but he has managed to have many one-night stands lately.
Since a few days he has his first girlfriend and he is very happy because that is what he has always dreamed of.
When he told me that he now has a girlfriend I was very happy for him. But I asked him what he will say to his girlfriend when she asks him about his first time having sex, because in a relationship sooner or later people talk about how they lost their virginity. This made him think a lot and he didn't know if he should tell her the truth or rather not tell her about the prostitutes. He asked me what I would do:
Generally I am in favor of telling the truth. But in this case I consider a white lie legitimate. Since I am sure that for most women it would be a huge turn-off to find out that their boyfriend went to prostitutes and even lost his virginity with a prostitute, I recommended him to keep his prostitution past a secret from her. Of course he doesn't go to prostitutes anymore, because he has a girlfriend now and he is faithful to her.
Now my question: do you think he should tell the truth, or rather hide it?
By the way, prostitution is legal in my country.
Should a man lie to his girlfriend in this case?
Tonytoutouni123 Xper 6
To be honest, it would make my boyfriend less attractive to me if he had lost his virginity with a prostitute. But I probably wouldn't leave him because of that. I think your friend should tell her the truth!
Vote A
To be honest, it would make my boyfriend less attractive for me if he had lost his virginity with a prostitute and I would probably leave him because of that. Nevertheless I think your friend should tell her the truth!
Vote B
It wouldn't bother me at all and wouldn't make my boyfriend less attractive for me at all if I found out that he lost his virginity with a prostitute. I think he should tell her the truth!
Vote C
It wouldn't bother me at all and wouldn't make my boyfriend less attractive for me if I found out that he lost his virginity with a prostitute. Nevertheless I think he should lie because I think it would bother most women and I guess I am rather an exception!
Vote D
Something different (I will explain in the comments)
Vote E
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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What Girls & Guys Said
55 14I would want him to say the truth to me. Trust is very important in a relation. But still I would leave him. One reason is the chance of STDs. Even if he used protection and got tested, i would have a hard time believing its ok.
The main reason would be I don't want someone who gets swayed by sexual needs. If he was unpopular and got rejected and he went to prostitutes, it shows how much weak and desperate he was to have sex and experience it and be like everyone else. I don't think being a virgin at 20 is bad.
@hangry22 He always used a condom and if his girlfriend were concerned that he has STDs, he would be willing to get tested. „The main reason would be I don't want someone who gets swayed by sexual needs.“ why do you consider going to a prostitute and „get swayed by sexual needs“ to be something wrong? If you believe it or not, everyone who is not asexual is influenced by his or her sex drive in some way. What if he didn’t go to prostitutes but only had one night stands? Would that also bother you? „it shows how much weak and desperate he was to have sex and experience it“ Actually it only shows that he is not asexual and has a healthy libido. The experiences with the prostitutes helped him become more secure in communicating with women. It is scientifically proven that physical closeness is a basic human need that increases happiness. No need to shame for having this need cause everyone has it. If you were alone all your life without physical contact, it would also make you sad one day.
We have different opinions, but thanks for your opinion.
It's just my opinion. I probably have a sick mentality and close mindedness in this matter. Everything in life doesn't have to be based on science. I am not shaming someone who goes to prostitutes or have one night stands. I just can't be with someone like that because his past decisions reflect his personality. Going to a prostitute means he didn't have anyone else to have sex with. For many guys, that is the last option they resort to. So it just shows how much importance sex and "physical closeness". And no I wouldn't be sad if I didn't have physical closeness. I actually feel suffocated when someone touches me sexually. Anyway like you said our opinions differ
Will the LIE change the truth?
No! So please tell her honestly or else she would hate him and disrespect him later.
Lying and betraying is a huge disrespect and brutal honesty is more appreciated.
@elsa143 Do I understand correctly, that you want me to tell his girlfriend something? Not in a thousand years honey. How can she hate him if she never finds out?🤷♂️ She will always believe that he has always been the chad he nowadays is 😎
To be honest? I think avoiding the topic would be ideal for him. If she asked, he could say I don’t really want to discuss me being with other women. I’m with you and you’re what matters to me, which wouldn’t be a lie. You do not need to disclose everything about your past prior to meeting someone.
Someone commented that someone would tell her, but who’s going to tell her when it’s not their place? Ultimately he will be the one to decide but it is not anyone’s place to tell the girlfriend if he wishes to not disclose that information.
why would you lie 💀 tf
@babysteph Because the truth makes him unattractive for many women (probably also for his girlfriend)
okay so if he knows that it’s definitely his responsibility to be truthful and open and to have qualities that could possibly redeem him. If not, it’s his mistake and he just has to live with that. Lying about sexual history is dangerous, disrespectful, and disgusting.
@babysteph one could also argument: his sexual past is part of his privacy and none of her business (as long as he is std free)...
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you’re getting the entire person. Past and present are both equally relevant. She deserves to know. Keeping it from her when he knows she thinks otherwise is simply lying. That’s all.
@babysteph Ok, that’s your opinion. Thanks for sharing it.
It would bother me but I wouldn't leave him. I dont think I would find him less attractive but I would pity him in a sort of weird way... and thats kind of worse in my opinion. As long as your friend isn't cheating on her with prostitutes and isn't exposing her to any diseases then he should probably just keep it to himself.
Thanks for your opinion!
voted #1.. would be a little bit of a turn off that he had to do that in the past.. but i def wouldn’t leave a guy over it if i really liked him 😊 and i would deff prefer him being honest about it than lying!! if he lied to me that would 101% be a deal breaker!!
@valentina4eva Thanks for your opinion 🙂
I mean, I don't see the harm in it generally ASSUMING he is STD free. It's not great to start a relationship off on a lie, but f he's genuinely ashamed of it I think it's sort of his right to protect himself mentally in this situation.
However, he has to consider what'll happen if they stay together longer and then this accidentally comes up or he feels compelled to come clean.
@criticaldiscourse Thanks for your opinion. Yes he is STD free. He always used protection because he was always very cautious about STDs himself. One time, he panicked afterwards because he touched the vagina of the prostitute with his hand and he had a very very little injury on his finger that was healed already. No blood at all, just a very little scar. But he feared that he might have gotten hiv 🤦♂️😂 By the way he is not ashamed or something. He doesn’t regret going to prostitutes at all. But he fears that it will either make him less attractive or that she even find it reprehensible to go to prostitutes. She is the best friend of his younger sister. So he also fears that his girlfriend could talk about it with his sister one day. And he doesn’t want his sister to know about this.
Who even asks a question like have you ever slept with a prostitute? I wouldn’t mention it but if my mate has done that that’s him. You got to be pretty desperate to risk that disease infested thing, I’d assume he’s insecure or was unattractive so yeah it’sa turn off still but not that serious
Thanks for your opinion
I think he should just tell about the girl and maybe say she was experiencing with sex and stuff but leave out the part that he paid 50 dollars in the end ( or start or whatever I don't know how it works)
@bratsondanielle He usually paid round about $70 for maximum 30 minutes and weather the payment is at the beginning or in the end depends on the form of prostitution, but he usually went to brothels and there the payment is in the beginning. (At least in Germany) 🙂 Thanks for your opinion!
Sounds like a good salary. Think imma move to Germany and work in the field lol.
I think he should keep it secret, it's not really a big deal. It's a good thing he became better and found a girlfriend. Sometimes keeping secrets is for the best.
@modelun242 Thanks for your opinion.
No, lying never goes down well. If he can’t be honest with her about it then he shouldn’t be with her especially so early in the relationship if he’s thinking of lying to her about things already
That would definitely make me less attracted to him. And I might consider dumping him. But lies only damage relationships.
@cherokeehp Is it, because you consider prostitution to be morally reprehensible or is it, that you don’t consider prostitution to be morally reprehensible but it makes a man appear less attractive if he went to prostitutes because it probably indicates that he cannot be very attractive because if he was, he wouldn’t need to go to prostitutes?
The second option.
@cherokeehp But suppose that would only have been the truth in the past and you knew that he is the biggest chad nowadays?
I would still think he’s kinda pathetic.
@cherokeehp Ok thanks for your opinion.
Id much rather him tell the truth. It would prove how honest he is
@oldschool_metalhead Yes but what if he loses his girlfriend because of this? He is really into her.
Maybe if she doesn't ask then he doesn't need to tell
@oldschool_metalhead I see no reason to take the risk. He shouldn’t be perceived as less attractive by his girlfriend because of his past. Why is he even obliged to talk about his sexual past. It is part of his privacy. 🤷♂️ His girlfriend doesn’t need to know. But if she asks him about it, it would be a bit strange if he said: "I don't want to talk about it". Then his girlfriend would suspect something strange. That's why I think he should lie.
If she asks him, he should tell the truth. But I think who the person is now is more important than that. In my case, I know very little about my boyfriend's sexual history and how he lost his virginity and I am fine with that. But everyone is different and if she wants to know about your friends past sexual experiences, it's always better to tell the truth
@proteus912 Thanks for your opinion!
He should be honest. All that time he had been trying to make himself attractive on the outside but forgot about the inside. It’s too late now. Honestly, he should have thought about that before he went to prostitutes. It doesn’t matter if he was “unattractive” or lonely. He decided to deal with it in the way that he did. If he can decide within himself that his past actions don’t paint him in the best light, then he can decide to deal with those consequences.
I’m not judging. I don’t give a rats ass. But lying to your partner is obviously wrong. He made his bed. He chose a “less than honorable” path and this is where it’s gotten him. And who knows? She might not care. Some people wouldn’t.
Also, covering that up isn’t a white lie. Sexual history is important because you have to consider the way your partner perceives life. She may not want to risk her emotional vulnerability or her physical health if she happens to not be happy with the *choices* he made.
@ellie-v Thanks for your opinion! But I think you misunderstand me. He has no regrets. Why should he? Going to a prostitute is not at all reprehensible in my opinion and in his. „He chose a “less than honorable” path and this is where it’s gotten him.“ No clue what you are talking about. What does sex has to do with honor. I don’t get it. „Sexual history is important because you have to consider the way your partner perceives life“ What does it say about his perceives on life? It only says that he is not asexual and maybe that he doesn’t want to be lonely. So what’s reprehensible about that? One could also say, sexual history is part of ones privacy and his girlfriend doesn’t need to know about it at all. One should be allowed to keep some of ones privacy, even in a relationship. „She may not want to risk her emotional vulnerability[…]“ Why would she? As I said, he doesn’t go to prostitutes nor other girls anymore since his relationship started. „physical health“ He always used protection because he was always very cautious about STDs himself. One time, he panicked afterwards because he touched the vagina of the prostitute with his hand and he had a very very little injury on his finger that was healed already. No blood at all, just a very little scar. But he feared that he might have gotten hiv 🤦♂️😂
Here's what honestly right I think that he should tell her the truth be honest not only to her but himself and if she leaves she is not the one for u. People hat love and care about u accept Ur past and try to build in your future me personally it wouldn't really bother me because that was before me and I would just think well I'm still his first because I'm the one that it really means something with. But hey dats just my opinion everyone don't think the same
Ok I see. Thanks for your opinion 🙂
Honesty is the best policy. I hope he got tested regularly during those times. But I can sympathize with a guy not being able to get chicks so he resorted to a prostitute. Now that being said, if the girl doesn’t wanna be with him because of that then thats her right as well. But its better to be honest
@songbird3 Thanks for your opinion! He didn’t get tested but he always used protection because he was always very cautious about STDs himself. One time, he panicked afterwards because he touched the vagina of the prostitute with his hand and he had a very very little injury on his finger that was healed already. No blood at all, just a very little scar. But he feared that he might have gotten hiv 🤦♂️. But if his girlfriend was concerned, he would be willing to make a std test.
-Would it bother her? Yes
-Would she feel abit turned off? Hmm, maybe I'm not sure
- Does he deserve a chance? Ofc, the past is the past and we can't change it.
Ok i see. Thanks for your opinion
i wouldn't give details if she doesn't ask. Like you can just say you lost it to a random person and that it was not meaningful.
I agree with this answer. 👍
@anonymity123999 Good one 👍 thanks for your opinion
Wouldn't bother me per say but I'd be worried about possible std's and obviously second guess yourself because he might be comparing you to a pro
@justrollthedice Thanks for your opinion! He always used protection because he was always very cautious about STDs himself. One time, he panicked afterwards because he touched the vagina of the prostitute with his hand and he had a very very little injury on his finger that was healed already. No blood at all, just a very little scar. But he feared that he might have gotten hiv 🤦♂️ But if his girlfriend was concerned, he would be willing to make a std test. “he might be comparing you to a pro” I am very sure that this concern would be groundless. Since he probably has feelings for his girlfriend, he will find sex with her better.