Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Why is being desperate so unattractive?
Anonymous
I know it is, just don't know exactly why. Wouldn't you want someone who is going to be devoted to you and stuff?
Updates:
+1 y
thanks for all your comments. I got a much greater response than I had imagined
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What Girls & Guys Said
26 33well its only unattractive to the people that aren't desperate
I just wanted to add: I think the whole "you will just settle for him" is bullshit. I have been desperate before, and I wouldn't "just settle for anyone." Guys I was attracted to could potentially fulfill a longing of mine: unconditional love. And that's because they were caring and sometimes nurturing. I wouldn't settle for a guy no matter how "good looking or powerful" he is. So yeah, even at my most desperate I was seeking someone of a certain quality.
This ties into what I think about attractiveness. I think you are attracted to someone who is 1) physically attractive to you and 2) have certain qualities that you find irresistible. These qualities fulfill your needs. Attraction is pretty much instantaneous, and I don't really have a reason outside of the accepted "looking for someone of good sexual fitness," but physical attraction won't sustain unless there is more.
Desperation is unattractive because you don't have anything to give to anyone, including as one user pointed out, not being "worth" much, at least in the romantic competition scenario. You hook on to someone who you can build and maintain closeness with. If you are insecure, that's not going to work because you are most likely to take but not give. It's unequal. I think only parents are capable of such unconditional love. At least, that's what I think as of now. I want to believe unconditional love exists romantically too but, attraction can be a big and significant hurdle to cross before it can even get to become something that resembles love.
I have encountered quite a few people who could win anyone over, because they are intelligent, creative, passionate... but they hate themselves. If they loved themselves they would be irresistible for several people.
BECAUSE it obvious that you have so many feelings.
so, people want a little mystery.. don't show desperate, and theyll come runnnin
Desperation doesn't equal devotion. Desperation is sleeping with anyone or just getting with anyone even if you're not attracted. Desperate people will just get with someone so they don't have to be alone or so they can have sex. I think that's unfair to their partner who might actually like them.
Being devoted to someone is one thing. Being desperate and clingy is another. Desperate means they are taking the first girl who will stick. The girl isn't special other than she did not say no to them. And then they look to you for everything instead of being a balanced person who has friends and a life of their own as well as enjoy time with you. Not many guys or girls want a puppy dog following them around 24/7.
it's ten times worse if you are a guy...and look desperate.
Ya, I guess. But isn't it pretty bad for girls too? like when she is just all over him and lets him walk all over her? Or is that weirdly attractive to guys?
The reason I say this is look how society treats girls/guys who are heartbroken. In general when a girl is dumped she lets everybody know about it (she complains on fb), she cries about it, she keeps calling her ex. It takes her a while to get over it. Then look at a guy who gets dumped. If he is too be considered "masculine" is he given any room to be emotional? Girls might give him some sympathy on the surface...but deep down they are LESS attracted to him if he's lonely.
Seriously, it is so much easier for a girl to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend
You make a good point about the emotional stuff... but on the other hand I see a lot of guys make mistakes in relationships because they are afraid to come off too emotional, like not being able to apologize, or making their ex girlfriends jealous in hopes that they will come back to them, its like a catch 22
In order for a girl to be an alpha female, she just has to look good, that's all, nothing else, but for the oppossite, it is much more harder
because by being desperate, you're essentially putting the other party on a pedestal, thus lowering yourself. you make that person look like they are better and higher than you. which by default makes you look worse and lower. being desperate lowers your value and also makes it look like you are just hungry for a relationship, any relationship and can't function w/o them. you want someone to like YOU, not like the idea of having you, or just like you because you're there and paying attn to them
But there's still nothing wrong with a girl wanting to win over a guy who plays hard to get, cause it shouldn't seem like women are always the golden prize. The mistake that woman make when they give up very quickly on pursuing a guy she's been crushing on, is when she be's with another guy and he cheats on her, then she'll wish she would kept on fighting hard on trying to win the last guy over, since he takes relationships seriously. If men have to get over their pride on thinking they're too good to chase after a woman, so he can have a soulmate, then women should get over their pride too. I want to at least hear sometimes about certain girls who kept being persistent on a guy she's head over heels for but he thought at first she wasn't his type so he put her in the friendzone, but she didn't let that stop her, so later on in life, he change his mind about her and both him and her became a loving couple.
Makes you easy, less valuable, people want things they can't have, kids fight over toys for the sake of fighting over it and then lose interest in it when everyone else does to...
Yeah I know. What the hell? I'm desperate. I wish girls would like it.
Yeah they should like it because it show them how much us guys want to be with them, how much we desire them
a lot of guys will date a girl who has no life, has a boring personality, overall is just a boring person, is bratty and mopes, whines around a lot, is clingy and desperate, but will still accept her as long as she is very hot and pretty, but even if a guy is very hot, like let's say the guy looks like Cristiano Ronaldo, Taylor Lautner, David Beckham, but if he is a boring person, has no life, is clingy and desperate, whines and mopes around a lot, girls will reject them instantly. Seriously, girls have an unfair advantage in the dating and relationship world. Plus, I still think girls have it easier because all they have to do is welcome or reject a guy's advances.
Not really because what if we don't get any advances? And who says a guy will still 'accept her' if she is hot but has bad character?
I've noticed that
Let me guess....this is "socalgamehater2006" ? You are pathetic man - accepting a girl with a terrible personality just because she's "hot"? It's OBVIOUS that you will cheat on her if her looks fade or even before then just because you see someone "hotter". *rolls eyes* You are NOT a REAL MAN. F*cking pathetic. Damn straight I wouldn't date a guy JUST because he's hot. That's YOUR mistake in dating and you honestly deserve to be miserable for it. I only care about being respected - looks aren't everything
I think sgh2006 was agreeing with the point raised that girls don't have to initiate. It is, after all, all he seems to talk about in these type of questions...
Well it's reality
This one dude really p*ssed me off on Plentyoffish on a forum, seriously I f***in’ hate him with a huge passion for what he said to me.
I asked this one dude as to why us guys have to do all or most of the work in order to get a girl, I asked him if it is because we are the more dominant and stronger sex, and here is what he said: “F*cking grow a pair. Seriously, man up. You need to have a spine, NO ONE respects a door mat, and you’ll NEVER get a relationship without respect. Realize that YOU are in control of your own destiny and women don’t OWE you sh*t, not a relationship, a bj, love, respect, sympathy, NONE of it.
You gotta EARN it. EARN it by realising that you don’t NEED to have a chick to validate your existance, realize that people try to help you all the time, but your LAZY ass ALWAYS blames society instead of taking initiative and making yourself more attractive the opposite sex. ADAPT! Don’t cry about women not wanting you, find out what they want and use that to make yourself more attractive. Oh and be a Man.
I FEEL LIKE KILLING THAT SON OF A BITCH, I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE HIM SQUEAL AS I BREAK HIS F***IN’ NECK!
sorry for my psychotic attitude, it’s just I really hate it and it get’s really annoying when people say those sexist phrases or quotes such as “man up, grow a pair”. Because even if you are a man and you have balls, you are still going to get rejected. Yes that’s life, but for a lot of us guys, it’s not because we are scared of approaching girls or asking them out, IT’S JUST THAT WE DON’T KNOW HOW!
Because in Life, knowing how to do something is half the battle, the other half is getting out there and doing it, but of course it is easier said than done. I f***in’ hate the status quo in our society that us guys have to initiate everything with girls, sure that’s the way it is, I can accept the way things are, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Some people say that, like other guys say it’s a good thing that us guys are the ones to make the first move and ask the girl out, overall, initiate everything, that we get to be in the driver’s seat, be in control. Well I don’t give a f*** about that, as long as I’m happy with someone.
SERIOUSLY, I F***IN’ HATE WHEN PEOPLE AND SOCIETY SAY TO US GUYS “MAN UP, GROW A PAIR, etc.” Sexist phrases like that, seriously I feel like f***in’ punching somebody in the face if they say that to me, I may not be man enough to get a girlfriend and approach them, start talking to them first, but I am man enough to stand up and fight for my respect, like I may not have game or success with the ladies, but I have respect for myself. So I’m not afraid to f***in’ punch or beat up some other dude who is talking crap about me. Also, for anyone who is saying that I am having a bitchy or whiny attitude, why don’t you come near my face and try to close my mouth yourself? Not to you, but to any cocky asshole douchbag. Man I f***in' hate that guy
So how come it's okay for a girl to be desperate, to need a guy to validate her existence, but it's not okay for a guy to need the same thing from a girl?
IT IS NOT OK for any one to validate thru another....U lose your humanity that way if cosmo or whatever program says that guys have to have x amount of qualities & girls 1&YOU FOLLOW that - you are a moron & that is your problem Quit complaining & look for girls who respect themselves & have a brain..then you can feel like the EFFORT is mutual-- why? because that's not what you want..u don't care that a girl CAN get sex easily from a guy, you care that you CAN'T Stop lying to yourself -u just want SEX
Yeah but girls can get away with it more than guys can
I think that if anyone needs validating from other people they are weak, immature and need to grow up. A think a huge lesson in life is learning to stand on your own two feet and creating your own happiness. Hence, why I believe desperation in relationships is a recipe for disaster because you will never really get from the other person what you yourself needs to give to yourself
Yeah but society seems to make it acceptable for girls to need a guy to validate their existence, but not okay for guys
Ya, but maybe guys get the validation in other ways... like guys usually have more casual relationships and girls on the back burner than women have men on the back burner
I hate double-standards like that
I think a LOT of girls have casual relationships just as much as a lot of men do. I think a good 90% of both men and women act like sleezy scumbags majority of the time. Look at all the relationships that fail due to cheating etc.... it's women just as much as men. Society as a whole is a giant sh*tbag really. And there ARE plenty of women that make the first move. I've done it many times and ended up dating someone I made the first move on. Everyone controls themselves - bottom line.....
...& man up IS a stupid comment I think..not ALL men are the same. In my opinion...when sum1 says that - theyre sayin "b the stereotypical man" & I wldnt want that.B/c the stereotypical man is a lying b*stard that's addicted 2porn & talks sh*t abt his girl 2his guy friends etc.Screw that.A REAL man is respectful & caring & will always stand up 4his girl because he loves her. & not EVERY1 is comfortable makin the 1st move - but if you like sum1, go 4it. Nothin "man up" abt that - because I'M not a man! lol
I wish more girls would ask guys out and take initiative
I wish I could kill that guy who wrote that to me
I agree with the guy who said all that to you. He shouldn't have been so rude about it. Replace "grow a pair" with "take some initiative". Everything he said was harsh, but nothing in there he said was sexist or anti-woman. You should listen to what he says instead of getting angry about being talked down to. Even your worst enemy might have really good advice to follow.
well I hate taking initiative, it is a chore, burden, I hate how taking initiatve is a masculine, why is it associated with manliness? because I hate taking initiative and the result is nothing happens
seriously, I wish I knew, and what I hate is that it's okay for a girl to need or want a boyfriend to complete her life and validate her existence, but it's not okay for a guy to need or want a girlfriend to complete his life and validate his existence, seriously, I f***in' hate that but it's just the way it is.
Who said it is ok?! > know what is HATEFUL- since hate IT? - assuming that girls are dsperrate & need a boyfriend & all HER actions are reduced to a guy It is not ok - I'm not even getting involved with anyone till I'm done with school. Why don't you stop praying to the stereotype god & just meet girls with no standards & have sex -or put some effort into it & meet girls who actually respect themselves then you can feel like BOTH put the effort in seriously -what kind of girls are you hanging out with!
Are you saying that no gender owes it to each other to be their boyfriend/girlfriend? it's not okay for anyone to get their validation out of a relationship?
because they turn clingy. everyone needs their space and room to breathe.
desperate show that you aren't secure in who you are. it shows the other person that you need someone in your life to complete you when in reality, if you aren't ok with being alone you will never be ok in a relationship. desperate screams I am not ok being alone...it's a complete turn off!
Aww I'm really screwed then.
Really...
A very good point!
Yeah I can't stand being alone. I've been single my whole life while I see all of my friends gettting in relationships. I feel so lonely.
I am screwed too, and what really sucks is that it is very hard to become confident and become comfortable with yourself, it's very hard to fake and pretend that you are happy and confident, comfortable with yourself. I say that desperation screws guys more than it screws girls, like it's okay for a girl to need a boyfriend to validate her life, her existance, but not it's okay for a guy, why do you think so?
I don't think it' ok for a guy or a girl! You should go out have fun and enjoy being single. when you enjoy being alone, you will enjoy being in a relationship. if you dive in a relationship before you are ready....it's just gonna be hell!
U guys should shut up about ok for girls and not for guys-- where did you read that cosmo?! girls actually have a conscience a brain a perspective on the world & they actually care about themselves and other - like any human being - yea didn't you know? we are human beings after the sex too.
It is so much easier for you girls
You guys....lol GROW SOME BALLS! ;)
I hate and despise always having to initiate, but I have no choice but to do it
Fuck off!!