Why do men want to know when you were last intimate especially when we aren’t in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

What’s the reason?

esp. when we aren’t in a relationship

[MrOracle]

Mostly because they want to make sure you're not currently messing around with other guys. There are plenty of girls who have booty calls/friends with benefits but are out "dating" other guys at the same time, and while guys who are just looking to get laid probably won't care, nearly any guy who is actually looking for a relationship is going to find that completely unacceptable.

Can you lie about it? Sure. Perhaps you can even do so convincingly. But he's likely also going to be checking other sources too, and so if you lie about this, and get caught, at best he will end things on the spot and just be done with you, and at worst, it could get ugly.

You may not be the type of girl who would do this, but there are a LOT of girls out there who do, and it can be hard to tell the difference.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/uDMvq1K-Yyc

I'm not sure if the imbedded time works, but if not, jump ahead to 19:26. And while this girl is an extreme example, she's also an example of a TikTok girl who are setting the example for tons of other girls, who think sleeping with 100+ guys a year is "no big deal" and "her business." Sure, that's true - except it also means that no guy is going to take her seriously for a relationship - EVER - unless he's a beta cuck.

You probably should expect to get more and more personal questions going forward as you date, because more and more guys are learning to vet their potential partners before they invest much into them, as they've realized that so many women have CHOSEN to be women who aren't worth investing in. If you've made better choices, that's actually to your advantage, because more men will be available to you, but if you are promiscuous, then it's safe to assume that virtually all men are going to see you as "recreational use only."

This is NOT a personal judgement - obviously I don't know you or anything at all about your dating history - I'm just answering your question and giving you some context.

[Asker]

He also said something about the pics I post…. He asked me if my father knows or approve of them…

[MrOracle]

Well, that just confirms that he's trying to determine if you are "relationship material" or "for recreational use only."

[Asker]

I think he went with recreational use only… I wanted to wait for sex and he ghosted lol I’m relationship material… I have a degree, a good job… I just post revealing pics… bc of my self esteem but he never seemed to have an issue with it. He said he didn’t want to invest if we didn’t eventually have sex… yet he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship So I’m confused on if he liked me as more or not but he ghosted in the end

[MrOracle]

Don't think I'm trying to be mean, because I'm really not. I'm hoping to educate you a bit so that you have a better understanding of men, so that you can have better outcomes with men, and/or better protect yourself. "I’m relationship material… I have a degree, a good job… I just post revealing pics" You stated that you are relationship material, and then the next 3 points you made are: - irrelevant at best, negative at worst - irrelevant at best, negative at worst - a great example of a girl who is NOT relationship material

[MrOracle]

In the context of your potential value as a relationship partner (which is different than your value to society in general), your education, your degree, and your career are of ZERO value - men assign NO POINTS to these things. It would be like a guy telling you that you should date him because he has a video game collection and has a certain brand of tires on his car - would those things motivate you to date him? I suspect you would assign no extra value to his video games and car tires when evaluating him as a potential boyfriend or husband. That's what your education and career means to a guy - those aren't things that men need from a woman or provide value to him - and to mention those things as bringing value makes you seem completely out of touch - which is, I'm sure, what you would think of a guy who was so proud of his video games and tires. And posting revealing pics online is not something a woman who is "relationship material" does. Men see that and they think "I would fuck her", but they absolutely do not think "I would commit to a relationship with her." Again, I'm not trying to judge you - I'm trying to help you see though the eyes of a man, because if you understand what men find important - and what they find objectionable - then you have a much better chance of getting what you want and less chance of getting hurt or used. You will always have men that may be attractive but aren't on the same page, and you'll have to filter them out, but that's how you find the good ones.

[HawkPerception]

Well said as always MrOracle

[Whitewulf]

I tried to explain this in an earlier conversation. How alit of the girls I’ve even dated , wanted to wait before we had sex and not rush it. Yet they were still having sex with their ole standby. Later this comes out as a hahah moment for them not know the words coming out of her mouth will be the last I’ll ever hear from her and our demise.

[nawtee_me]

If you are trying to see if someone is worth putting time into towards a relationship is it ever a good time to bring up sex? I believe it is if done correctly. First don’t assume the other person is going to say anything at all about it. Then only tell them how you feel about it. Ex. I know this is not the time for it but I think sex is an important part of the bonding process in a relationship. I know that you have your own opinion and will let me know what it is when you are ready. I just wanted you to know how I felt about it. Then give them a couple of weeks and if they haven’t said anything then start putting more time between dates

[Asker]

Yeah but I wish he communicated that sex was important to him instead of ghosting. I did say that I wanted to possibly wait until marriage

[nawtee_me]

Good Communication is the key….

[Anonymous]

It could be a variety of reasons. He wants to know if you’re having sex with random people and how often wants to know how long you went without, or if you’re were having sex with just the person you were in a relationship with. There are so many reasons a person can ask that. I wouldn’t just want to limit why when it could have just been as a conversation starter. lol. You’ll be surprised the things people ask when trying to find a topic to talk about when meeting someone new.

[WhitneySnow]

None of his business. I have no clue why he wants to know.

[Purpleronnie]

Do they? .. I wouldn’t. If even by a huge stretch of imagination that for this particular woman I did want to know, she doesn’t have to tell me or be honest.

[Billlewis]

Because that's the single most exciting question to have answered by a woman.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I can honestly say that I have never been curious about that.

[Wetdreamz]

So that they don't enter a dirty P

[slatyb]

Not a question I would ask.

[firenine909]

Same reason they ask for body count. They think if you have a lot of sex you’re a slut and think it’ll tell you something about your personality negatively if so

[Create21]

They don’t. Haha … I never wanted to know - what’s the point? I think only the insecure “want” to know. The only thing I know about the guy my wife dated before me was that he couldn’t get the job done. I don’t need or want to know anything else.

[Asker]

Insecure about his size?

[Create21]

Nope

[Asker]

Then what exactly?

[Create21]

I am not insecure.

[MikeTheBartender]

I don't wanna know. I hide my past as best I can so I wouldn't dare ask a woman about hers!

[Tim2nice]

They don’t actually what to know. They’re just too dumb to hold a better conversation and will ask shit when they run out of things to say.

[laly520]

being curious

[itsclearlynicholas]

If I was that picky/particular or fussy, I'd just stick to only dating 20s virgins like myself (obviously natural women versions lol)

[itsclearlynicholas]

Perhaps wary of baggage or disease or even offspring hidden?

[genericname85]

basically what they are trying to learn by asking this is: will the sex with me be "special" to you? if you just had sex with someone yesterday or last week. they won't feel special and likely lose interest.

[Yannae]

I'm a guy and I can't even tell you the answer. I would say they're horny.

[DiegoO]

I was never interested to know, with my only and previous relationship. I honestly don't see any good reason to even know. Before knowing your partner, you had a life, your partner had a life🤷

[DiegoO]

A healthy relationship works with trust. If there isn't enough trust, there is not much value to ad to a relation.

[Asker]

He wasn’t even ready for a relationship so why is he concerned about when I was last intimate unless he wanted to know if I’m horny.

[DiegoO]

When a date or a partner ask that is because of insecurity. Some even count days, looking to know when sex will start. I did the latter. What I learned is that trust is everything. If there's no respect, no reciprocity, there is more likely little to no trust. If there is little to know trust, there is not gonna be a satisfying emotional bond and sexual life

[Asker]

Yeah it was a guy I went on a date with…. Yet when I asked him the same thing he kind of looked away and chuckled… so … Then he said something regarding some pictures I had up… saying “does your father know you post those pics”…..

[verylovelyguy]

in what context are they asking

[Asker]

I mean we are on a date and they ask that…

[Peridot25]

They probably screwed around too but don’t want to admit it.

[Asker]

Oh for sure… when I asked him if he had a roster or when he was last intimate he would just kinda look away smirk and give a light laugh… Or change the subject

[Tractorguy13]

Not in a relationship or not fucking?

Because if we are having sex I can think of 2 reasons…..

1) If you tell me you’re pregnant down the road am I the daddy

2) If I go down on a girl I don’t want to be eating another dudes cum…… honestly sloppy seconds is pushing it

[Asker]

Neither lol Not in a relationship and not fucking… but I’m guessing he wanted to have sex yet he wasn’t ready for a relationship…

[Tractorguy13]

Makes sense, but my two reasons still apply if he is looking for sex. Certain things just bother certain guys and he wants to know before he goes further. Whether he gets anywhere is up you but it’s his beginning tactic

[Asker]

I also think he may have asked because he thinks I’m horny…? I kept mentioning

[Asker]

If all he wanted was sex

[Tractorguy13]

Not sure how old you are but that sounds like something common for teen to early 20’s years……. Trust me I’ve been there

[Asker]

I’m 26 he’s 36

[Tractorguy13]

Oh wow…… then he is very immature

[Tractorguy13]

Guarantee he only wants sex if that is how he is asking at that age

[Asker]

I think he was just trying to sabotage the date… I know he’s smarter than that… He wouldn’t have disrespected me if he truly liked me. I must really suck

[Tractorguy13]

Sabotaging the date can also be it. Might not be that you suck though…… he might just have trouble say why he ain’t vibing

[Asker]

I think I know why…. He probably thinks I’m not smart and he thinks I’m not that attractive But he claims he doesn’t want to invest if we won’t eventually have sx…. He even tried to demean me by saying “does your dad know you post those pics”

[Wiredone]

That's something that I don't think I've ever asked

[Squatting_Slav]

I have no idea why either. Pretty lame why would a dude want to know about another dude she's been with

[jahaims]

To see if you hoe around in-between relationships