Why do men watch porn when they have an active sex life with their girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I found out that my boyfriend still watches porn alone even though we are sexually active regularly. I am secure in my relationship with him and his feelings for me, but I do feel a little hurt and insecure about whether I am sexually satisfactory for him. He watches porn even on the nights after we had sex during the day sometimes. I would like to keep an open mind and hear some reasons as to why men sometimes continue to watch porn frequently when they are having sex regularly with a girlfriend they love

[MrOracle]

There's a few reasons:

• They want to masturbate without having to be responsible for someone else's pleasure. It's not that they don't enjoy sex with their partner, but sometimes they just want some selfish pleasure. Nothing wrong with that.
• They feel like if they want sex with their partner too often, she'll just get insecure about the relationship ("does he only want me for sex?") and so taking care of a percentage of his own urges himself is a way of showing her that he's not simply in it just for the sex. Nor is he selfishly imposing his own urges on her all the time.*
• Many guys spend a significant amount of their lives single, and so they get used to watching porn. It's not necessarily addiction - just habit. And it can be hard to break a habit, even if the habit is fairly benign.
• Some guys are legitimately addicted to porn. It doesn't sound like that's the case here though.
• Men are attracted to variation in women - our biological imperative is to spread our seed - but instead of cheating by actually having sex with a real flesh-and-blood woman, and possibly risk STDs or pregnancy on top of that - he can satisfy those urges via porn without ever talking to another woman.

If you want to know HIS answer, then TALK to him. Make sure you remove ALL tones of accusation or blame from your voice, and just ASK HIM why he's watching porn instead of coming to you? Don't guilt him or blame him, just LISTEN to him, and then tell him how it made you feel, and then see if you can't work out a better solution, or at least find a way to be more comfortable with him doing what he's doing. That's how you strengthen your relationship instead of blowing it up.

*Long ago, in my early 20s, my girlfriend at the time found out that I sometimes woke up horny in the middle of the night, but did not wake her up for sex. I was trying to be respectful of her sleep, but she was VERY upset - she insisted that I wake her up in the future, and that I bring my sexual urges to her anytime, day or night. I honestly wasn't expecting that, but I've since learned that many women feel that way. Ever since, I've actually had that conversation with the girls I've been in relationships with, and roughly 25% of them said "let me sleep" or "go watch porn" and about 75% said "if you need sex or a BJ, just let me know, whenever."

As a guy, we're expected to "just know" how our woman thinks - we're supposed to read minds - but, really, we don't know, and it sometimes feels like we can't win. And many guys are afraid to bring this kind of thing up with their girl - so if YOU bring it up, you can have an honest conversation with him and work it out. Likely, you'll BOTH be happier that way.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for the great advice. I went to talk to him about it, and I’m pretty satisfied with his reason. When we’ve had sex he occasionally has trouble staying erect even if he really wants to have sex, or sometimes he will precum many times and have to pull out just in case so the rhythm is stopped. He has been searching for ways to resolve these issues, and internet searches have said that masturbating and cumming before sex will help him to stay erect during sex. He’s been watching porn because it is difficult for him to cum by himself without visual aids. I told him I’m mostly okay with this, and that I was just worried he wasn’t getting what he needed from sex between us or that my body type wasn’t ideal, to which he immediately reassured me that these weren’t the cases at all and that he just wants to last longer for me so that he can please me more during sex. Thanks again for all the input! Talking really helped.

[MrOracle]

"Talking really helped." You'll find that if you can talk to each other without accusations or guilt or shaming each other, that it will nearly always help improve your relationship. So much relationship friction is really just minor misunderstandings that blow up into huge problems because of poor communication practices.

[TheorionMage]

Everybody CLAIMS they don't want to JUST be an animate means to his ache-to-release BUT...
if you TRULY care about your SO beyond access to her anatomy, and she's expressed she's
not 'into' what YOU find intensely arousing AND you don't want to 'cheat' on her with a purposeful
'playmate' friends with benefits... that ONLY leaves the 'theatre of the mind' and humans are INTENSELY visually
stimulated. With Erotica some term 'porn' ... males WILL voyeuristically vicariously fantasize... often stroke for stroke.

In my pre-teen formative youth I fixated upon the initially-accidental sensations associated with the visual and tactile sensations of massage through silks and satin; the subtle 'hiss' as nylons run across her inner thighs, and the way she shivers and gets 'goose-bumps' when my fingernails tease ever upward to taunt her increasingly-moist Clitoral lips. And these 'imprinted' into my psyche as 'fetish'.
Consider them as kind of mental 'condiments'---

Few women themselves admit to... thinking THIS FIXATEDLY about the 'mechanics' of the 'glamoury' AFFECT of their attire. But, ANY female IMPERSONATOR considers these insights as their stock-in-trade. To catch short-sighted mice by having learned to make noise like cheese... from their OWN mouse's perception! "If SHE were my daughter, I'd..." "What WOULD you do, Daddy?"-Frank Zappa

With the implementation of Erotica, as a male, I can endlessly 'replay' my most arousing sensations without the guilt of concerning or involving my SO in that which might feel degrading or insulting.
She needs not feel 'put upon' as I tarry to selfishly gorge upon pleasurable physical sensation~

[ZiZi_Bell]

I am very sexually active and I still watch porn. I enjoy the fantasy of it, of a situation I most likely will never find myself in. Lol
I'm also a bit of a voyeur, so it can be exciting watching other people have sex. Lol

[DizzyDesii]

When my ex went to sleep, i’d still watch porn because i wanted to keep going and he could only go so much. I was just never satisfied. I needed my lights fcked out to not watch porn after 🤷‍♀️

[AustinMan]

It's not a big deal but it might indicate that he has fantasies he's afraid to ask for role play. Talk to him.

How to Talk to Your SO About Sex ↗

[DaveJord]

Guys like seeing naked women. Regular sex actually increases guys testosterone levels. Especially in your age group of 18 -24.

Don't make it about you, its something you can't possibly understand... testosterone is a crazy wicked thing... its natures ultimate joke on me. Heathy men have this need that drives them to it.

It not that your not sexy, but are you seriously wanting to fuck every time you man feels a need to release?

I have sex at night, I wake up an want it again. Then by lunch I am thinking how good it was and I am all tied up by lunch... only one way to release the tension, and porn is just a tool that aids the process.

[RobT312]

Hmm I don’t know but I like it. Love masturbating to it, and love using it for research. I like trying new things in bed that I learn from porn

[wankiam]

i have always continued watching porn when in relationships... its never about a lack of attraction for the girl im with but more about a physical need to look at other girls too... dont know why which is why i regard it as an addiction. couldnt stop if i wanted to

[LinaDaGoddess]

I honestly believe this is becoming the norm. So many different women say the exact same thing.

[AviatorTom]

Having sex with your mate is reality... Porn is fantasy.

Sometimes, people need some fantasy in their life.

[Bricealan]

I think it is 'normal' for man, and probably for some women that 'really' like sex. I have a cousin that says that some women 'like' sex, and some women REALLY" like sex. I think it is the same with men, and I would watch porn in addition to fucking my girlfriend, and she had sex on line with other men with webcam, even thought we fucked on a regular basis.

[Natehunter199]

I have no clue. I had a sexless relationship and still didn't watch porn. Porn just isn't for me, all it dose is piss me off and get me sexualy frustrated.

[bean2k21]

Most girls have no clue what they're doing. Porn is it a good way to get off because the girls perform for money and you get what you pay for.

[DaveJord]

I love it when they ask if men really think women do the stuff we see in porn. I say if you'ee not, don't think you shouldn't, because I am sure your man would appreciate it. if you did.

[exitseven]

Maybe for variety.

[Hangry06]

It could be a porn addiciton or maybe he isn't satisfied

[PuNishant]

Old habit

[Slayerrrrrrr]

One of my managers at a place I worked at during college put it perfectly: could you eat filet mignon for the rest of your life? Yes, but at some point you'll wonder what pizza tastes like again...

[Ironic_Method]

Nothing to be worried about in my opinion. I have great sex regularly and also watch porn - it's just a bit different. Sometimes I just don't have the energy or want to interrupt my partners.

[BarryLiverstone]

Why do you feel insecure?

[Asker]

I worry that the sex is not good enough for him so he is seeking satisfaction from other sources in a non-cheating way. I worry about whether he likes my body enough, and I worry because the girls in porn have more curves than I do, and because porn is made to please horny watchers.

[BarryLiverstone]

But does he give you compliments about how you look? When you look in the mirror what do you see?

[Asker]

He does compliment me and say that I’m beautiful and gorgeous all the time, but that’s not just during sex. I suppose when I look I just see someone who is underweight with ribs showing and average curves. I do know he loves me, but maybe just because I personally do not like porn because I do not like seeing strangers naked, I have trouble being in my boyfriend’s shoes and understanding why he watches porn so frequently. Also, I don’t find the need for any material really since we are sexually active. If I want to pleasure myself in my own time, I just think of him.

[BarryLiverstone]

Might wanna look within to understand why you don’t find nudity attractive and understand what it is about porn you dislike. Sounds like he is making you feel beautiful so you should also have self esteem because this is the only body you get. Don’t others like your looks?

[Asker]

I am attracted to my partner’s nudity, but I am not interested in seeing anyone else naked (example being porn actors). This is the main reason I do not like porn, but I also do not like it because a lot of it feels very staged to me

[StrawberryShake]

I don't know. My boyfriend doesn't do that. He didn't even watch porn before we were together, it's just not his thing and when he's alone he has a low sex drive.

[Iron_Man]

They like to look at different girls

[Jamie05rhs]

No clue, tbh. I wouldn't do that.

[Jay3344]

When I’m in a relationship I stop watching porn unless it’s part of foreplay or something.

[Glasgow55]

I masturbate much more when I’m having great and regular sex. So that’s pretty much all the time 8-)