Why should I put effort into my appearance when my husband just looks at every other girl anyway?

[Anonymous]

its not like I've let myself go. I'm 22, he's 23. I go to the gym 5 days a week and I'm fairly active. I do t see the point of spending an hour on my hair when it's just going to get sweaty... I shower twice a day, I wear basic make up when I leave the house. Just foundation and mascara. I dress in normal clothes. My go to outfit is usually leggings or jeans with a t shirt. My husband is always complaining that I don't put any effort into what I look like. He says he's attracted to me, but he wants me to do my hair and wear nicer things for him. I once went to dinner with friends for a besties birthday to some really high class place. I put a lot of make up on, and my husband got upset, asking why I never put that much effort into looking good for him. Thing is, My husband is always checking out other girls. I don't see the point in getting dressed up and putting time into myself for someone that's just going to see a girl with bigger boobs and totally forget about me in that second. Why? I'd just feel stupid all done up while my guy is checking out other girls. Why should I dress up when he's attracted to everything else on the planet and there will always be someone better looking than me in his opinion. Best to just go to the gym, stay healthy and skip all the discouragement. Whst do you guys think?

[Married-in-PA]

Mlle.,

I am certain, from what you describe, that you are most likely a very lovely, very sexy woman. What you (may) fail to understand is that Human Males are three things:

1. Very Physically oriented
2. Indomitable
3. Hard wired to "notice" females

We can't help it; it simply our nature. To divorce this from a Man, is to force him to live as something other than a Man. What Good men aspire to, however, is to Conquer the baser natures of our lower Character, and embrace more Noble Qualities such as:

1. Honor
2. Truth
3. Respect

So, When a good man says he loves you, and means it, what he is saying is that he knows that he can't "help" himself from "looking" - BUT - and here's the big "but", he truly cares for you, and would never wish to hurt you by violating any of the things men derive Love from. (See under Honor, Truth, Respect above).

You have to understand that Men and Women experience the emotion of Love in VASTLY different ways... I dare not even attempt to describe the woman's side of this, lest I risk insanity... but I can say I have been married a long, long time.

And if there is one thing I have learned, it's this: There are many suitors out there for you, the Question is: Do you believe in Fate? There are a few "Potentials"... but there is only ever,

The One.

[chopper1977]

I take care of myself for me. I try to look good for me. I am totally feeling you though, because I watch him check other women out from head to foot when we are out and I cannot get so much as a compliment from time to time... by the way, he has let himself go and is overweight etc. So, WHY should I bother to look good for him. I don't, I do it for me. Personally, I think it would be cool to go out of my way to look like a hot mess when we go out LOL. I think I might start doing that. If you cannot give me so much as a compliment or glance, then ogle the young things when we are out, I am going to start looking the part. You make me feel sloppy and ugly, so why not doing it when we go out?

[schulzy]

Girl, you are 22 years old. You are just fine dressed up or not. And your husband is being immature, and you should bring up his behavior to him. But on the other hand, dressing up and looking even decently nice when going out with your SO isn't a bad thing, and if you don't talk to him about his behavior, start doing this and see if it changes. Nothing wrong with effort put into your appearance, even if you are just gonna wash it off. It only takes an hour or so.

[Cmasterson]

I do think every now and then would be nice because you would also feel better however it's really tedious to have to do it everyday when it's just going to get ruined. I think perhaps he just feels since you got married your effort is less which may be true but the point of being with someone is to always think they're attractive ya know however once a week maybe do it for yourself it can truly change the way you feel xx

[fauchelevent]

Because sometimes it's nice to look good for yourself? Fuck him, dude, it's totally natural to look at other people in a relationship, a quick glance isn't an issue. But if this is like constant and it's obviously distressing you, you should tell him about it and make him aware that he's hurting you.

[Gman1]

Personally, & I hope you don't take this the wrong way... But your husband kind of sounds immature and douchey.
An amateur intimate relationship it's not all about appearances... It's about making your lover feel the way you feel about them inside.

[Esplorare]

You should put effort into your appearance for you to celebrate your genetic gifts and physical blessings. Not to receive applause and validation from a man.

[Bobba_Fett]

You have a fault in your reasoning.
You seem to think that your husband looking at other women is a problem with you, when its a problem with him.

I recommend two things, first that you express your problem with him and suggest he cut back on the rubber necking. Second, that you adjust the way you think about yourself.

[peachblossomluck]

He's fortunate to have you and tempting fate by being the idiot he is and using this as a so-called excuse to act like an ass. Suggest a temporary separation so he has more time to gawk at other women without you getting in the way.

[ksoma]

Men will always look at other women. They still exist, and are still attractive. That does not mean he is not attracted to you. If you choose to no longer put any effort into your appearance, however, don't be too surprised if he does more than just look at others.

I'm not condoning cheating, by the way. The person who cheats is always the betrayer, and if he ever did, he is in the wrong... but if you put no effort into your appearance, he may look for satisfaction somewhere else.

That girl you two just walked past? The one whose ass he turned his head to look at as she walked by? Tonight, in bed, while you're still thinking of her and how upset you are at him for noticing her? He'll be lying there wondering why you're being frigid. He won't even remember her. He probably wouldn't remember her 5 minutes after he noticed her. It is very much so a here-and-now, see it and it's gone thing. He isn't thinking about her at all, and a lot of your stress is coming from the fact that, just because he sees other women as desirable, he must not want you any more, and that just simply is not true.

[isjusti]

i think you need to change husband

[Mustachekitteh]

Tell him how much you hate that he looks at other girls. That it makes it feel like it's pointless to look good to him at all.

Though you sound miserable with him and might end up having to get a divorce.

[jayyyjayyy]

You should tell him that it's really messed up that you always have to catch him into looking at other woman he doesn't even try to hide it I say express yourself to him especially into disrespecting you like that

[NJ_Casanova]

You have to let him know how disrespectful it is when he does that. Let him know how it makes you feel and it isn't all right.

[PinceNez]

Not cool!! Did you tell him he should lay off it?

[Lynx122]

He doesn't sound like the nicest guy :). But I have to say in defense of him it's not really his fault tht he's checking out girls and it doesn't mean by itself that he's not attracted to you or doesn't like you. It's one of the strongest instincts and it's very hard to resist, that's why fucking advertisers abuse it all the time which annoys me quite a bit. Even if you know what's beeing done and what they're trying to accomplish it still works. Look at this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdmTrEFfl68

What do you think they're there for?
That's just one aspect of your problem though the rest is his behaviour towards you, you have to know yourself if you wnat to put up with it or not.

[jdfarmer]

He wants what he can't have. If you diviorced him he would once again find your very desirable.

[AidenBlue]

It's true there will always be someone better looking it's a fact of life.

Second fact is guys will notice attractive girls - in a relationship or not.

He's an ass though for attacking your appearance. He should be with you for the full package - looks only bring a small part to the package. If that is the only part he's focusing on then this relationship is doomed. Your looks will fade like everyone. It's the rest of the package that determines longevity of happiness.

[Transigence]

If he's your husband, then you own him anyway. Do whatever the fuck you want. He's going to look at other women anyway, no matter what you do.

[Chaza23]

I'm pretty much in the same situation. I think if it's not totally out of your way to doll yourself up a bit more then why not? All he wants to see you putting effort in for him. That's how he sees your affection for him and probably why he has a wondering eye. Plus it brightens your day when you feel more confident.

[Humping_Tornadoes]

"I don't see the point in getting dressed up and putting time into myself for someone that's just going to see a girl with bigger boobs and totally forget about me in that second. "

Your husband is a total ungrateful ass. If you're telling the truth then let me tell you it's hard to find girls who actually like to exercise and want their figures to look good. If he is having all these wrong attitudes without being able to tell what's on his side is his fucking problem, not yours.

Tell him exactly how you feel. Talk things with him. But there's no need in changing your attitudes because of this. So to answer your question, yes stay healthy of course, but keep wearing the stuff you feel better/most attractive with. Maybe turning other dude's heads will make him wake the fuck up lol

[LyssaNicole]

I'd say divorce your husband

[ILuvBonitas]

because he'll cheat on you. you've gotta keep him enticed to stay home. looking is fine.. as long as he goes home with you.

[doodlecake]

Sounds like you need to tell him to stop looking at every girl everywhere.

[Anonymous]

From what you say, it may not matter much to him, he's checking out other girls.

But for the other older married guys like myself checking you out, we sure are appreciating your effort ;)

[Anonymous]

He sounds ridiculous. If he married you then he married you, not your makeup, or your clothes, or your hairstyle. He should love YOU not what you look like. If it were your boyfriend I would say to let him go, but in this case, just tell him how it is and that you like who you are and shouldn't need to change for his benefit.

[Anonymous]

Why you get married so young?

[Anonymous]

I'd say every once in a while, maybe surprise him. Cook dinner before he comes home, set the mood, put some time into your appearance and make his jaw drop! haha. That's just personally what I'd do.

But you should voice your feelings to your husband. Have a serious conversation other than just "you look at other women" and he replies "you dont take the time!" but really dig and see what the root of both your issues are.

[Anonymous]

Dont men prefer no makeup though? I guess some like it more. You live life for you, so dont stop something that makes you happy. However, you need to have a convo with him and reevaluate your happiness with him, is their things he isn't doing that he should. Like are you still physically attracted to him , is he still wooing you , and what can you two work on together for your relationship. Start checking out other guys so he knows how it feels.