Why won’t my husband make me cum?

We’ve been together for almost 9 years and married for 4, so he knows how to make me cum. Unfortunately though, for the past 6 months I have not cum once, and he knows. After sex he always apologizes and tells me how bad he feels, but doesn’t do anything to change it (and doesn’t finish me off in different ways either). I tell him to slow down or even stop for a minute if he needs to, but that never happens. I brought it up today because he’s been asking why I haven’t wanted to have sex recently. I explained myself very calmly, being careful with my words. He just got mad and now won’t talk to me. I’m at a loss. I’m really, really sad. Too embarrassed to talk to my friends about it. Not to be dramatic but I shed quiet tears after we have sex now because I feel so empty afterwards. I’ve run out of ideas. Please help? Love, confused wifey
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • What I’m having issues with is not him willing to finish you off in other ways part. There has to be some sort of compromise here, otherwise it won’t work. Have sex fool around, but don’t do what you did before. Do something new. I can’t believe I’m asking this, but does he know he can finish you off in different ways?


    I say, “Don’t get him off til you get off next time.” Try something new. Anything happen in your life recently that has your psych in a different place? Could be you just need to relax. Do you masturbate a lot? If that’s the case, it’s damn near impossible to get someone to cum when they’re so used to getting it their own way. Anything else? You got a crush on the mailman or anyone else?

    • Appreciate your comment. We’ve tried different things and have quite a few toys. Unfortunately, he just won’t spend a whole lot of time with those or doesn’t bother with them anymore. He doesn’t really put effort into it anymore like he used to. I guess I just don’t understand where the effort went. I feel like I go above and beyond for him but lately I don’t want to because I get the short end of the stick. I love my husband very much, I’m just confused.

    • “He doesn’t put any effort into it like he used to.” Has anything changed recently with him? Has he added anything on that would make him feel this way? Is he working more? You ever check his phone or the computer? He could be tugging it to Porn. He could be seeing someone else, or even worse, he only thinks of his needs. You ever try to look extra pretty when you go out? You should go out a few times with your girl friends and look hot. Maybe that will make him care more...

Most Helpful Guy

  • Apparently something has changed. If talking with him is not helping, I very strongly recommend that you and he go to a couple's counselor. They are trained and experienced working with couples in a way that lets the couple find what there problems are and what to do about them. If he will not go, that is strike two against him, but find a counselor you can go to alone. That may help. After that, if it still is bad, that is three strikes for him. Time to consider divorce and finding a guy worth being with.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Have an open conversation with him. That’s the only way I think to resolve the issue.. maybe do something you now he loves like a romantic dinner or go out, and then talk to him about it when he’s in a good mood.
    ps I’m not married and never had s x before so don’t know maybe the problem is with you, your stressed out or smth else. Maybe consult a professional if the problem is with you.

    • I think some kind of counseling is what we need at this point. I’ve brought this up when he’s in a good mood a few times and it always ends badly. I try to be careful with his feelings but he still gets upset.

    • I don’t know you know him best, either the issue is bothering him too or there’s something else like him being bored or maybe stressed out from work. You said you feel like you’re getting the short end if the stick so I suggest just distancing yourself from him a bit and breaking the routine, go out with your friends, look good and just put abit less effort into the thing with him and see how he responds. You can’t give men everything and be always available and expect them not to get bored they’rejuat wires differently than us women.

  • I couldn't be with someone who doesn't put in effort and for 9years you put up with it. This is so unfair to you. I suggest getting toys to make this marriage work or this could lead to things you never thought you would do.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

4 20
  • How old is your husband? How is his health? This is important.
    How are his erections?

    He could be getting the onset of ED.
    When this occurs, he can't last as long so, if he's going to pop, it'll be quick because his penis may lose its erection even while inside of you.
    It's frustrating as a man to begin to realize that we can't get the job done anymore and we don't want to discuss it or admit that we are becoming failures at lovemaking.

    • He’s 29. No health problems we are aware of. I haven’t noticed anything different about his erections. This could be a possibility, but isn’t 29 a little young?

    • 29 is young, but if he has unhealthy habits that are contributing to cardiovascular issues, he'd be on his way to ED. It does sound like he doesn't have ED. Maybe he's gotten into the routine and so it's just unconsciously selfish squirting. Try cowgirl so you can better control the rhythms and how he is in you. If he can maintain his erection, then you should be able to pop. I always recommend cowgirl for women to get off.

  • Cut him off until he makes you cum. Tell him that is the new price of sex. He gets to cum once for every time he helps you cum. Otherwise he is being incredibly selfish.

  • Climb on top of him and straddle him, cowgirl position.
    That way you can control the speed as you ride him. Then rub your clit as you ride his cock to climax.
    If he cums too early slap him and then straddle his face and make him lick while you rub your clit.
    Just an idea.

  • The only reason that comes to my mind is that he doesn't care enough about your satisfaction to get you to climax. That said, it could be something else I'm not thinking of

  • Couples therapy girl. He's being a selfish coont.

  • Oof damn I'm sorry. Therapy maybe? To much stress? Yeah you're gonna have to talk about this cuz that's unfortunate, it's hard enough finishing during sex as is. I can't imagine it just stopping.

  • He's doing that thing people do when they've been married for a while. Low effort, high expectations. Make him understand how frustrated his bullshit's making you, in whatever way works for you two.

  • If he knows how to make you orgasm and is withholding it, perhaps he is being passive aggressive?

  • I'd tell him you want to go with him to see a couple's therapist. If he's not interested in going it may be time for you to move on.

  • Sweetie 9 years.. He is getting old...
    Talk to him..
    Get him sex enhancement medication.. If that doesn't work.. Ask him to buy toys and stuff that makes you cum..

  • He’s bored

  • I understand you've had a communication with him on this... And he dint take it well... I would like to know more about it

    Why is it not happening with you? Does he finishes of too early? Is there a stress factor?

    Have you tried self pleasure to relieve you yet?

    Feel free to hit in dm if you want to

    • He shuts down when I try to talk about it. He gets very defensive. I try to be mindful of his feelings and speak about it gently. It’s a difficult conversation to have. He finished too early. We spend maybe 5 minutes? Maybe less. I’ve recently been masturbating during sex to try to cum quicker but he always cums first.

  • Share this with her, add another toy or another partner to your life

  • He’s having an affair

  • I suspect you need professional help. Maybe he doesn't know how to. But based off of your last communication he's definitely not going to be forthcoming with that.

  • I guess it depends on what makes you cum. If you need deep fast penetration, maybe he can't last long enough anymore. If it's something he can do but won't, then he's just selfish.

  • you shown him how to make you come

    • Yes. Our sex love has been great up until six months ago. Very little effort on his part.

    • why has he changed have you asked him

  • you need more stuff before you have sex. ya know, more teasing and stuff, helps women get going. men are so adamant on getting it in, cause well, who wouldn't but, women, it takes time for them to get going, but once they do, boy are they

  • His confidence took a big hit

  • This is how marriage life becomes toxic!

  • Show More (4)