Why would any man believe a real raped victim is damaged goods?

My friend knows some guy that has that type of mentality. He's fixated on a girl's virginity and thinks that makes her a good, valuable person.

He still thinks that a real raped victim (even if she was 10 years old when it happened) is unfortunately forever ruined and damaged goods. That sounds like a terrible losing situation. How is she damaged if she had no control over what a scumbag did to her? How is a woman that got raped as a kid damaged goods?

Why would any man think legitimate raped victims are damaged goods?

Updates:
2 mo
So if that woman is looking for commitment, why would she be damaged? It's not her fault what happened. Rape is one of the most horrible ordeal ever.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • People often times believe what they want to believe, no matter what evidence there is to the contrary. Why? Because they're ignorant; they choose to willfully ignore things that challenge their pre-conceived notions. Most people know someone who was raped or molested (statistically speaking).

    One girl I know was raped as an adult by someone who broke into her house. Obviously, it was life-threatening, and she feared for her life. I dated her and she was a very affectionate and loving girl, and she loved being held, kissed and touched. One day she told me the story about her rape and I commented "Isn't it unusual for someone who's been through that to be so very affectionate with a man?" She said "I've always been that way, long before it happened. I had a choice; let the rape ruin me for life and make me afraid to love, OR be who I was and live like I did before. I decided the best way to get revenge (he was caught and jailed eventually) was to show him and myself that it's not going to fuck me up and change who I am". Bravo for her. She went on to become a dance instructor. I miss that girl.

    • He's living in 1924, not 2024 by victim-blaming.

    • I'm glad the girl was able to overcome such a horrible ordeal. It would've been great if you guys still stayed together. It's great she follow her dreams of being a dance instructor. It's indeed pointless trying to point out how screwed up their mentality are. It's sad to hear that certain people think that even if a girl got molested and raped as a little girl, she's dirty and worthless of a loving relationship or marriage if she still desires that as an adult.

    • Yes, she's a strong woman. We weren't destined to stay together because we wanted different things, but she's a great woman.

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  • Because their mind is warped like a rapist honestly.
    They may not rape themselves but they have the same toxic and abusive thoughts of what sex is.
    Anyone who uses sex as a weapon is messed up and you are better off without them, and yes judging a person for not been a virgin is using sex as a weapon.

    • Yes it's sick to think there are those twisted minds still in this modern age. It's 2024 already, not 1950's. It feels like a lose-lose situation for a woman. Damn if she doesn't have sex (then that same guy thinks she's a prude, tease or whatever other names he uses) but damn if she does and all of the sudden she's isn't worth finding love.

    • It's 2024 but people will always act the same. People can be influenced not act such ways but there will always be people that do still. You'll never get rid of this issue or be able to understand it so just spend your energy on those that don't act this way. That's the best advice ya can get.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 18
  • He sounds like a total hypocrit. Quite willing to take a girl's virginity, then classing her as damaged goods while wanting to marry a virgin.

    • Where did she said that he taking girls virginity without marrying them? you made it up.

    • @Berethor A bit of logical deduction. Use your brain. I will tell you if you can't work it out.

    • @Jessica405 use yours, guy want virgin because he not want her used by someone else.

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  • Because she is, it has nothing to do with fault, she was defiled and now she is messed up.

    https://allthetropes.org/wiki/Defiled_Forever

    • So even if she got raped at the tender age of 8-10 (done by a pedophile), her childhood got taken away by force obviously... but she received support from her family, got therapy and the help needed and she wants to move on with her life and get married. She doesn't deserved marriage at all? She's forever not suitable to have a good life, to find love?

    • Making female unsuitable for marriage is one of the things that are so bad about rape.

    • That would be even more reason a rapist like that would deserve a life sentence or seriously executed. He took away her innocence and did something horrible. He should suffer a serious consequence for what he did.

  • Clearly, this guy is the damaged good and not the girl. If he has a daughter and the same thing happened, would he feel the same way about her? 🤔

    • That sentence makes no sense, especially if the guy is a virgin, but either way because no sane dad is going to look at their daughter and think about her "relationship value", super cringey thing for you to say tbh, its like your implying incest.

    • @TheSpaceGnome Lol! I didn't say it in a romantic way. I mean, if that happened to his daughter.. who is also a woman. Will he think of her as a damaged good for her future boyfriends/husband?

    • @SeriouslyNotSerious a father likely want to marry his daughter even if she full of shit.

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  • Anyone that uses virginity as a measure of being a good valuable person or thinks a rape victim as damaged goods isn't worth being around to start with.

    • yeah if anything, they are the damaged person.

    • @LadyKitty Men value purity, no amount of female shaming will change that.

    • @KrakenAttackin How do you feel about a woman that got raped by a child molester when she was 8-10 years old? In that case her childhood innocence got robbed. She never had a choice, nor chance to reject sex.

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  • No idea. My family has that mentality too. Like my mom doesn't care if someone throat fucked a baby, far as she's concerned, that baby has no worth now as a person. The mentality is fucking deranged and extreme

    • That's horrible. I feel terrible for the person that never had a chance to find love, whose innocence got taken away by force by a sick monster.

    • And then be seen as essentially worthless by your loved ones.

  • Traumatic events leave scars even if we can't see them. Women that were raped tend to have a harder time trusting men, a harder time being emotionally vulnerable, according to the statistics they also tend to be more likely to be assaulted again, to cheat and to be less happy and open in relationships. So rightly or wrongly she is by definition damaged goods. That isn't her fault but being damaged isn't about fault. All of this typically results in a very difficult relationship for the man and the woman and men deal with enough bs so they typically have no interest in picking up more. You are confusing fault and blame for her being traumatized and that trauma effecting how she lives life. They are not the same. No one is blaming her for being raped. She needs to work through what happened to her so she doesn't carry those scars for the rest of her life.

    • That's why it's important for her to have intensive therapy and get treated by a psychologist until she can feel able to move on to having a healthy relationship. One of my friends knew a girl that got raped when she was just 9 years old. The child molester got sentenced for a very long time and will likely die in prison. Supposedly she was able to work on her trauma but yes it took her years of help and support.

    • Exactly. The guy saying she is damaged is technically correct though it isn't permanent provided the girl or woman puts in the effort to move past it. It is an absolutely awful thing and should be dealt with.

    • @jacobjordan. This is the bottom line, she needs to have done the work to get past this trauma. Future men in her life should not have to bare the cross of her past trauma.

  • I do not agree with his mentality, nor the reasoning behind it.

    However, I can see another reason for a guy to consider a raped woman damaged goods. EVERYONE reacts to trauma differently. It would be awkward for a guy to just come out and ask what your triggers are out of fear of offending her, but if we do not know then we can accidentally trigger PTSD. Some guys would not want to risk walking on that eggshell.

  • You can’t control what some people think. You ignore them and find a better man.

  • No, but it is hard when she thinks of herself in those terms.

  • Some guys believe they are entitled to virgins.

    • and they probably think all virgins act the same, like the same things and are traditional. That's the funny part.

  • Immaturity and shit I guess

  • If I present to you a soda thats unopened, and one that is open that some random person jizzed in, which one would you want?

    It has nothing to do with fault.

    I'm not putting my dick in a vagina that has had another guy's dick in it, because its gross.

    You can have sympathy for a person without wanting to hump them, you need to stop pretending like thats impossible.

    • I'm talking about a real, legitimate rape victim. So if a girl really got raped at the age of 8-10 years old by a child molester, she's dirty too?

    • If you choose the clean, unopened soda, and some random asshole takes it out of your hand, jizzes in it, and gives it back to you, are you still going to drink it? No, no you're not. You're too hung up on lack of fault and her being a victim, thats not relevant to when she's an adult and whether or not any other guy at that point is going to want sex with someone who had another guy's junk in them, whether it was consensual or rape, it was still in there, so for the new guy, functionally speaking, its still just as gross. Yes, its "dirty", and no, you're not going to change my mind.

    • Good luck finding a virgin at your age. The older you are the less likely to get a virgin. I'm a virgin at this moment but I would really hate to have a guy that only likes me for that and nothing else, that doesn't bother knowing me better at all.

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  • I would say it could be because going through such an experience can permanently damage the victim's ability to trust and make positive connections with people. Rape can change someone forever.

    • If that woman had therapy, is willing to move on with her life and wants to find love, doesn't she deserve a happy life with someone that isn't going to judge her just because she's no longer a virgin?

    • I wouldn't judge her as being any different from a virgin. I'm just saying that she may be damaged in the sense that harm had been inflicted upon her. It is always possible to mend the damage and have everything be as great as it would be otherwise, but the fact remains that the damaging action had taken place, so she will always be someone with that in her past.

  • No, it wasn't her fault she got raped.

  • She should avoid him. Victim blaming is toxic.

  • The concept of virginity is really weird to me. You can have the most depraved sort of mind and be a virgin or you can be a total sweetheart and have hundreds of encounters under your belt.

    Trauma is damage though but shame on him for turning down a good person because of that.

    • I really hate this creepy virgin obsession some men have. I'm a virgin now but I would hate to think that's the only single reason a man likes me and that he would happily act disrespectful towards other women base on their sexuality but are hypocrites themselves. Hopefully I never get raped but one of my friends knew a girl that underwent that. It's such a horrific event and for her to get seen as worthless of love just because she got forced into sex seems sickl It sounds like a narcissistic trait to me.

    • I totally get you and don't think virginity matters. It's the person who does. Do they treat me well? Do we mesh well? That stuff. A lot of guys who are against non-virgins are also non-virgins, you are right in my opinion. I hope that doesn't happen to you either because I can't think of anyone who deserves to get raped. And ontop of it being seen as unworthy of being a full person and a mate because of it is pretty hurtful. I think people who view women like that are not empathetic either way. They think inside of a small, narrow viewpoint from what I can see. I used to be against the idea of sex and thought people who had sex were bad people when I was young. It was stupid of me and I realized it was when I befriended a woman who was pretty frank with her past experiences.

    • RIGHT ON, Juxtapose !!!

  • She may have issues from the trauma but she is definitely not damaged goods…..

  • some men needs to upgrade their brain but unfortunately that's not available in market!

    • It's so sad that in this year, 2024... that mentality still prevails.

    • @selenesecret some got their head is somewhere else... LOL

  • Damaged, of course not, but they could have personsl problems

    • I could understanding the permanent trauma to it and distrust but being categorized as a worthless person just because she's not a virgin after her rape seems twisted.

    • Exactly

    • He is the one that is damaged

  • I wouldn’t say she is damaged goods,
    it happened to my wife, they got her pregnant. We dropped the charges and decided to have the baby.
    She is the same woman I fell in love with in the beginning. No way shape or form dammaged

    This guy your describing, sounds like he has some serious issues bigger than what scratched the surface.

    • You cuck, decided to have the baby of a rapist, good that you had given him a prize. :)

    • I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. That's indeed a horrible experience and I hope she received therapy. I wouldn't have dropped the charges though. Those sick POS did deserved to get charged and sentenced.

    • We dropped it when we found out she was pregnant. The deal was we drop it, And he has nothing to do with the kid or us/ her.

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