Would you judge your boyfriend/girlfriend for his/her past especially when it comes to dating and sexual preferences?

For example, I match with this guy and he shared he was into crazy sex stuff with his ex. He literally told me he used to pee on her, of course with her consent.

It's just too much for me. That one thing alone is enough for me to stay away from him. Although he said he would never do anything that a girl doesn't like, he even said that his ex was the one to initiate this.

I do feel like it's not fair to judge people based on their past when they didn't forced or pressurized anyone but I can get over the fact that this used to pee of his ex.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Despite what some people SAY, in actual practice, MOST people are going to judge their potential partners based on their past behavior, sexual and otherwise, IF we are talking about committing to a serious relationship. It's important to understand here that most of the people who DON'T judge their partners on their past aren't actually making any kind of commitment (and this is a LOT of people) - they're essentially in a casual sex "relationship" with no intention of it being anything more. There's a smaller group who also doesn't judge despite committing to (their version of) a serious relationship, but most of this group is made up of people who are some combination of desperate for a relationship OR wants someone above their league OR has serious emotional trauma and are attracted to people who are obviously bad for them.

    For the majority - the "normal people" who are in the middle of the distribution curve, it is normal, logical, and to be expected that you will judge prospective partners based on their past behavior and that they will judge you for your past behavior. Past behavior not only the best predictor of future behavior, but it's also very revealing of a person's morals, values, and life-goals.

    It is incredibly foolish and shortsighted for anyone to believe otherwise, despite whatever political indoctrination might have taught some people otherwise. There is, essentially, a "market" for relationships - where people shop for, evaluate, and sometimes choose a partner, and if that person also feels that the other person is a "good value", then the partnership will happen. If that person feels that the other person is NOT a good value, then the relationship will not happen.

    If you want to be in a relationship, and are trying to be in a relationship, but are unsuccessful, then either your methods for seeking a relationship are poor OR your requirements for a partner are higher than your own market value, thus you have no "buyers" among the people you want. Such people either accept that they have to lower their requirements or they remain single. Many women, looking for a third option, can trade casual sex for attention and/or entertainment, but that's not going to result in a serious relationship - though many delude themselves otherwise. But a person's outcomes will ultimately show if they are evaluating their own value, as well as potential partners, fairly. People who are poor evaluators will not have a committed relationship.

  • Everyone has a past and it is the most important information when trying to predict their future behavior. The word "judge" has instant negative connotations and I know that young SJWs and virtue signallers love to condemn others (judge others) for making judgments, but you certainly should evaluate someone's potential as a future mate on the masis of their past behavior.

    • Thanks for MHO!

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Yes their past, present, and future decisions/goals will be a big deciding factor in if i’ll date hem

  • I would not judge my partner on that. I would just see it as a valuable insight on their past, and what might be possible turn-ons. I am always open to trying new things (within reason ofcourse), and this might be inspirational towards new sexual experimentation /adventure with your partner.

    If you are not open to it... At least don't judge on their past, but just on the present.

  • we all have our own guidance systems, it sounds like you'll have to figure out some parameters of what you personally accept. Some people like to share what they have experienced in the past, so that everything is out in the open and others like to keep the past behind them and move forward With new ideas in mind.

  • Yeah, I'm afraid I'm with you on this one. Chris Rock in a comedy routine once said this women in relationships would not back up financially, that is that new boyfriend has to be at least as rich as ex boyfriend. He went on too say men would not back up sexually. New girlfriend has to be at least as freaky as ex girlfriend. Not I'm not sure Chris Rock is the ultimate authority on dating, but I will say if I started a new relationship with a woman that said "I absolutely will not have oral sex" I'd question if we were sexually compatible. Now maybe she wanted to be peed on, but this is pretty extreme stuff if you're not into it, and lots of people, (myself included) aren't. I'd have a serious conversation about sexual desires, expectations and boundaries. Set firm limits and tell him if he can't live with them to walk away.

  • Of course not. My partner also told me he peed on his ex and his ex used to rim him which I won't do. Iv also told him that an ex of mine had a bigger dick. Sex is sex. It bothered me when he said he was deeply in love with his ex.

    • Ouch, how did he react when you told him that?

    • @pierre7i can't remember tbh. I know he used it to talk dirty to me when he fucked me.

  • no i hope he had fun before me

  • Of course

  • There is a chance that she would want to do it again, so yea I am gonna judge.

  • I will judge you on 2 things:

    1.) Wearing crocs and 2.) How you treat others especially children, service workers and minorities.

    As for sex - what 2 consenting ADULTS (18+) do in PRIVATE is their business

  • for their past? absolutly, i want 0 body count and no i don't have a low body count myself call me hypocrite and look if i give a damn or not.

    for their sexual preferences? depends to the things my boundaries are clear

    -NO OTHER GUYS: the most i can allow is another guy watching me have sex without involvement (again the absolute most involvement they can hope to have is fluffing me if they are trans/sissies) other girls are absolutly allowed and welcomed.

    -NO FEMDOM TYPE OF THİNGS OR EMASCULATİON: most that can be allowed is her on top positions, standing cunnilingus, her taking the lead and doing the active foreplay, grabbing my hair while i ate her or during sex, rimming, debatable.

    -NO SCAT, VOMİT, PEE THİNGS: the most i can allow is she wetting herself during sex (hopefully accidentally) or me peeing while she holds mine or when i am inside her (the last one is just a curiosity thing, cumming inside feels good would peeing inside be the same i wonder but generally not care all that much about it.

    -TOYS: not actually against them and even encourage a strap on or dildo if i am sleeping with more than 1 girl (the beautiful side of multi girl situations is you can have everything you can get with multi male situations without getting the ugly mutts along like double penetrations or spit roasting) but i don't like material things in my bed all that much they kind of turns me off, i'm a primal guy.

  • As long as it was consensual with them and she doesn't expect the things I don't want I don't care what they were in to.

  • Listen to your intuition

  • tbh i definitely would

  • One should not judge a person by their sexual past, let alone their preferences, unless these are illegal acts, such as sex with minors or children.

    pissing is a harmless act, it is not harmful and as he told you, he did it with the consent of his ex-girlfriend, he did not force anyone.

    in the end, if you think about it, pissing can be equated with menstrual sex, with anal sex, it doesn't differ that much, they are legitimate preferences, and both partners can do them with mutual consent;

    This applies to both boys and girls.

  • Sure.

    I would have never made a girl my wife or girlfriend with a wild past.

    Recreational use only.

    You do not commit and make girlfriends of those girls.

  • everyone is going to be judged by their past whether they like it or not that is how humans operate because everyone knows that ones past influences ones future. someone who has multiple abusive partners is more likely to become abusive in the future or to stay alone in the future or be far less trusting in the future. that is a reality. people with lots of sexual partners in their past have a harder time connecting emotionally and intimately with future partners, increased risk of stds, increased risk of promiscuity, increased risk of dissatisfaction, increased likelihood of having issues getting aroused. child that are abused tend to grow up and be abusers themselves. whether people like it or not YOUR past DOES matter which is why people should refrain from having a busy past.

  • No. Never

  • I wouldn't ask for a guest list but menu preferences would be helpful. Any female that brings up anal intercourse is a deal breaker.

  • that was then, this is now.

    Pretty much all of us have a history, it is part of growing up.

    Some history books are just thicker than others.

  • I would probably judge my partner. If when I met my husband he had told me that he peed on someone before he would never see me in his life ever again. That's gross, degrading and humiliating I'm not into that type of stuff.

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