Would you let your 14 year old daughter. . . ?

Would you let your 14 year old daughter. . . ?
This image reminds me of the arguments that I occasionally hear on G@G regarding sexual assault: a woman has the right to dress however she chooses when she goes out in public, or to even walk down the street nude, and that does not authorize anyone to sexually assault her, so. . . don't you DARE tell her that the way she dresses may encourage sexually inappropriate behavior which targets her. If you suggest that she bears any responsibility, however slight, to take steps to protect herself, then you will be condemned to feminist hell!

I think that argument misses the point. If someone steals your car, they are criminally responsible, but you still don't leave the car unlocked and the keys in the ignition when you leave it parked somewhere in public, do you? You don't encourage criminal behavior.

Back to sexual assault. Suppose you had a 14 year old daughter who was at home unsupervised during the summer while school is in recess. She calls you at work and asks if she can invite one of her female friends and two boys to the house so they can all go skinny dipping in the pool. There is a privacy fence and no one else will see them; the kids doing what she proposed is not illegal. Would you give her permission to do that? Would you tell her "absolutely not!"? Would you let her make that decision? If you would not allow her to do this, why not? Her going nude in the presence of boys doesn't authorize them to touch her in any way and she has the right to dress or undress however she chooses, right?
Swimming bear ass in the pool!
Swimming bear ass in the pool!
If you choose this as your forum to simply say whatever you want without first addressing the question I asked, your response will be hidden. Please at least begin on topic!
Yes, I would allow it. She should have that right.
Vote A
No, I would NOT allow it. That would be a poor decision.
Vote B
I would allow her to make that decision.
Vote C
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
1 2

Most Helpful Guys

  • By chance I have a 14 yr old daughter, I am also fairly open with things with her.

    there are however some very hard and fast ground rules.

    I was writing some of these up today - yes I write the fuckers out.

    I have a hot tub, so it’s a possible scenario.

    rule 1 is not hot tub use unless an adult trusted by me or my ex is in the house.

    the same would hold for the pool.

    no alcohol or drugs allowed

    no boys allowed unless adult trusted … etc

    no going in the garages

    no going in my office

    no going near gun / archery room…

    Never ever open a bottle of wine or whisky from my office, or garage.

    wine etc is in kitchen.

    now I trust her a lot as she has been taught from a young age how to behave, react, what stuff guys will do and say (I’ve taught her a load on Social Engineering lol).

    she has also been doing Kickboxing for about 4 years.

    back to the question, it’s all about risk management.

    she will at some point go in to Newcastle drinking, wearing usual short skirts etc.

    as a parent it’s teaching her to be street wise under controlled conditions.

    far to many parents are far too controlling, the kid then leaves home at 18 and goes to their very first party, very first time drunk very first time interacting with men etc.

    now by the time she is 16-17, she will have experience far more and I will be able to trust that she can handle herself and take sensible precautions to assess risks in almost any situation.

    • So, at age 14, that is a "no?"

    • As I said rule 1 is not hot tub use unless an adult trusted by me or my ex is in the house. the same would hold for the pool. This means not only no skinny dipping, no use of hot tub (or if had a pool) even in bikini. Water and kids does not mix. A friend lost his son through a pool accident.

    • Very sad loss. Got it!

    • Show All
  • Absolutely right!! She has a right to wear whatever she wants! Same goes for guys! But, she HAS to realize that, just because she holds up that sign once in a while, that DOESN'T mean that, suddenly, every guy that rapes is gonna stop!! She has to realize that what she wears MAY effect what happens to her and that a lot of guys will act upon their sexual urges no matter how much she protests it! It's a give and take situation! Just like if she wars a very revealing top and then expects NOT to get looked at!! "I don't want the attention or guys looking at my tits, which I KNOW they're gonna do, anyway, but I'm still gonna wear my see through top with my nipples sticking out!"
    I was discussing rape a few years ago with an ardent feminist and said that it was about the way girls dress. She countered that rape is NEVER about sex, it's about VIOLENCE! I still don't think so!! She's telling me that if an extremely horny guy sees a hot looking girl that is dressed like she WANTS to be fucked, and, he takes her up on it against her wishes, that's about VIOLENCE? I don't THINK so!!! That's mostly about raging hormones!!
    Other than guys who have a fetish for chasing after grannies, what are the chances that one would get raped, over the chances a sexy, hot young thing in a micro-mini skirt and a push-up bra would?

    • You are trying to inject logic into an argument that is based entirely on emotion. Bad boy!

    • Smack me little botty!!

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

14 26
  • This boils down to what the word of God says about you don't discipline you don't love. I don't care what crap they got going on about their body their choice nonsense. I don't care if they explain about sticking with whatever the heck they want with their parents know they cannot pair it they are under 18 years old, they're living under my roof, they go where would I find and Dima Pro. Nothing wrong with having a little fashion, and wanted to express yourself, but I will warn them to be careful what message they want to send. It ain't about teaching somebody not to rape of person. The point is is understanding the biology of both male and female, and because most boys are being influenced to what in the first place, all the more reason why you need to teach your daughter some dignity and respect the same way boys need to be taught the same way. Because a lot of these females these days, one minute they want the guards attention, next minute they don't. Then they claim they don't want to go looking at the desired of anyway. A lot of these people are confused. And I need to be taught right from wrong, and I need to figure out the source of that confusion besides keeping away toxic messages from your children. All this is is basically Rebellion. As much as I would not mind having my daughter having appropriate friends oh, I for one will not have my daughter unsupervised. Neither what I just have my daughter with just any other parents especially if I don't trust that parents or Old Friends. They are still minors, and I need to have adults present concerning my children parents and if I cannot trust that adult, if I can I trust those friends, neither will I be able to trust my daughter, let alone any of my children being male or female, with people that are going to cause my children harm.

    A few months ago I had the same conversation with my sister concerning about her boys. The parents of the females that my nephews had interest in, and already grown to be sexually interested in, have parents that try to set them up where they can have sex together and she would not care. You think I'm going to be happy knowing that this is happening with my nephews? Hell NO. And I told my sister this, as she was scared to become a grandma wuth the boys unmarried. I told her to have more faith and belief in her boys that theu won't do the wrong thing. And forbid them from going. Thank God that never happened, and one of the boys just graduated hugh school.

    These people that allow this kind of stuff needs a greater responsibility and accountability for their own negligence and stop blaming everything on their children for something that they may ask at an innocent. Even do not owe them would be innocent and I thought process. You need to show your child that you love them you care about them, and you're not going to have them do anything that's going to cause them harm. It's one thing to have privacy, it's another of your going to be doing something irresponsible. That kind of mess happen because people think it's okay to do these things and it's not okay. They are young, and unlike when the 8 9 10 years old maybe, everybody's homos is Raging, boys especially at least a good majority now is dabbling in pornography more than they did when they were 8 years old, you think I want to put my daughter in Jeopardy? No way in hell. If these things happen to the daughters, I'll look at the parents. Not just a daughter. Because she act like she's grown, sadly sweetheart, then you got to deal with it like an adult.

  • Hi.

    You had to have known I would have posted on something like this lol.

    I am balancing my thoughts between being a mother of 2 (including my 6 year old daughter) and being a feminist. I do agree that you should have no say on how my child should dress. I do believe that boys and men should be taught not to approach women in a predatory sense when it comes to things like raising their own "body count" and like 99% of the stuff that comes out of these incels mouths. How a woman dresses gives them no license to attack her. I mean think about it, if a guy is topless at the beach is he asking for it too for showing off too much flesh? Of course not. So holding it against women for what they wear is asinine.

    That being said, as a mother who fully understands that there are people out there who do not have my daughters best interests at heart, I would strongly encourage her to minimize her risks. If at 13 if she asks to skinny dip in our pool, the answer is no. Even if all 3 of those kids were on their best behavior (which let's be honest... teenage hormones are a thing) then there are still neighbors around that put all 3 of those children at risk.

    If she asks if she can just have friends over to swim in general than yeah probably.

    • Yes, agree, and YOU understand why men tell women that they should dress more carefully and not expose themselves. It's not a matter of blame; it's a matter of talking realistic precautions in an imperfect world.

    • I get it, but boy does it suck that women are forced to play by different rules because there are jerks out there ruining it for both men and women. This is why I try to fight so hard on some of the topics I do on here. I actually don't have a problem with anyone, just certain ideas that have persisted too long and I just want another voice in the room to counter it.

    • There are many things that are imperfect in this world, and many of them depend on whether you are male or female. At times, guys get the short end of the stick, too. Yes, in a perfect world, walk around naked and no one cares, no one bothers you. No body ever commits a crime and everyone helps their neighbor. It's a great ideal. But it's not the world in which we live. And when a guy tells a girl to take reasonable precautions - out of concern for her safety - we get yelled at as if it's our fault the world has rapists and murders.

    • Show All
  • practically speaking i wouldn't buy my daughter a bikini and panties at this age... she would just have a simple swimsuit for teen girls... and that wouldn't be a problem really... the school in which i studied had a swimming classes till standard 8th.. and till standard 5th boys and girls used to swim together... obviously in the presence of teacher

    • Do you understand what "skinny dipping" means?

    • oh im sorry didn't see that word... obviously not then..

  • Kids in the throes of hormonal chaos should not be given a carte blanche by their parents to parade around nude. This is an entre to unprotected sex and that's a big no-no.

    Kids think they are indestrucible, they'll never get caught, nothing will ever happen to them, they can't get pregnant the first time and a host of fantastical ideas.
    It's simply because they're so young and inexperienced.

    Parents are the voices of reason and restraint, which kids need because they don't have much restraint.

    Biologically speaking 12 year olds are ready to have children. Emotionally, financially and mentally they won't be ready for eight years or more.

    If we were all cave people, 12 year olds would be parents in extended families. But civilized humans are spread all over the planet. Parents no longer have grandparents and great grandparents around to help. If 12 year olds are having children, their 24 year old parents are grandparents, 36 year old parent's parents are around and 58 year old great grandparents are also around and relatively young. It's even likely that 70 year old great great great grandparents would have contributions to child care and instruction.

    Since this isn't the case, keep the teeny boppers clothed and SUPERVISED. No kids should be in your house partying when you're not home and they're 14 year olds.

  • No, and I really take issue with this term, "victim-blaming". I am not blaming the victim when someone places a hand in an alligator's mouth and gets it bitten off. The alligator is clearly the monster here. I'm just trying to recommend not to put our hands in alligator's mouths if we value having hands.

    • * alligators' mouths Similar to the unlocked car analogy. I am assigning all guilt to the thief. But I'm just trying to suggest we lock our cars in the future if we want to minimize the chance of getting our cars stolen in the future.

    • Well, I don't think we have to be guilty of anything to seek to change our behaviors in order to improve the probability of a better future. I don't consider a shy person who struggles to make friends guilty of anything. But I'm still going to suggest they try to overcome their shyness if they want friends. I'm not pointing fingers.

    • I hope I answered the question adequately while balancing out my two cents. The reason I say "no" here though has nothing to do with fault. In an ideal world, a girl should be able to run around completely naked in a room full of young men with no repercussions just as, in some ideal world, a person should be able to kiss an alligator on the mouth without getting their head chewed off. But the world isn't ideal and I want to protect people, especially people who aren't adults yet, from it while preparing them for it.

    • Show All
  • My daughter would be grounded for life. It is parents who didn't give a care that would allow their daughters to wear revealing clothes. But on G@G you have a bunch of raunchy women who live their want to be lives through their daughters so would allow it. Plus they get grand children in the process.

    Would you let your 14 year old daughter. . . ?
  • I know, the girl's arguments are "It's her body, she can dress as she likes. It's the guys who should hold themselves in check, no matter what we wear or even if it can be construed as teasing. You don't see money left lying around in plain sight in a bank do you? It might tempt people to steal. I remember someone saying once when he saw a girl dressing provocatively. "How much for sex?" "What?" the girl asked indignantly "I'm not a prostitute!" "Then stop advertising like one." One might say a guy's body is his, he do do what he wants, including rape. But he can't go around hurting people! Well a girl can't go around tempting guys either. And don't give me no guff that it's the guy's problem. He shouldn't look. Well isn't that the reasons girls dress that way, to be seen?

    Romans 14:21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything to cause your brother to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything else if it might cause another believer to stumble. Dressing like a Ho will most likely cause someone to stumble.

  • I mean... I feel like teenagers would do whatever their parents would refuse to allow anyways but not sure

  • A rapist isn't going to sit down for a chat on ethics. He's looking for an excuse to rape and he knows a jury isn't going to readily believe a girl who dresses like a slut.

    • good point

  • A 14 year old might reasonably ask for permission to invite friends over to swim, but they would never in a million years specify skinny dip. If she did, you know it would be code for sex because virtually everybody wears a swim suit when swimming. If you gave permission to the skinny dip request, you know you would be giving her permission to have an orgy.
    If, once there, they decided to get naked, it would be for the purpose of messing around sexually. And the entire thing would be mutual.

    Unlike a human being, a car can't feel pain, fear, humiliation or anything at all when it gets stolen. So, while the idea of leaving the keys in it can make it easier to steal, stealing it isn't anything like the violent, abusive, degrading act of assaulting and sexually abusing it. Stealing a car isn't anything like assaulting it.

    And that's the bottom line. There is no way to justify assaulting another human being. You certainly can't justify it by saying you were horny.

    I am grateful for the female gender. The female form is a work of art. It's a gift when women feel comfortable and/or confident enough to look good in public. I might find a hot women in a tight fitting pencil skirt and heels just as attractive as a woman with nice breasts in a tube top or low cut blouse with push up bra. Women in bikinis at the pool or beach are absolutely lovely. But NOTHING gives me the right to treat them like objects that I can take and do what I want with. I HATE the kind of horrible, sub-human men who make women feel fearful or uncomfortable in their own skin. They ruin it for everyone.

    Granted some women wear tasteless outfits that make them look like they are advertising sex. So what if they like sex and enjoy being sexy. It's still up to them to consent.

    I've seen photos from the 70s of college girls in places like Afghanistan and Iraq wearing conservative western attire - buttoned blouses and knee-length skirts. Was that really so tempting that the women needed to be forced to wear burkas from head to toe?

    Are girls who get gang raped in India guilty of wearing sexualized clothing? Not even close.

    I reject the idea that men who rape are driven to it by a women's attire. They do it because they are violent and full of rage. They have contempt for women and see them as objects to be vandalized.
    I would eliminate such men from the gene pool.

    • You did exactly what I asked you to not do. You used this as a forum to express your views on this topic, in general, but you ever answered the hypothetical question. You simply avoided answering it. The analogy of the car keys is that you don't simply rely on some saw about "people aren't supposed to steal stuff." You take reasonable precautions because you know people will do wrong things. I was not comparing rape to auto theft.

    • I pretty much did answer the question. I said, it you gave your daughter permission to invite boys over to skinny dip, you would be consenting to an orgy. It was a deliberately absurd scenario that had only one possible answer - "No." How weird that you went on and on about your opinion that women who chose the wrong clothes are inviting assault, but didn't want to hear anyone else's thoughts. You should have made it a MyTake instead of a loaded question. Whatever. I'm sorry I answered.

    • "I said if you gave your daughter permission to invite boys over to skinny dip, you would be consenting to an orgy." That's the way I see it, too. "It was a deliberately absurd scenario that had only one possible answer - No." However, at this point, 20% have answered "Yes" and 19% have answered that they would allow the daughter to make the decision. "your opinion that women who chose the wrong clothes are inviting assault" I never said that, but I did say that there are reasonable precautions that people can take and they should be encouraged to do so. The point of the question is that this forces people to re-evaluate that "they should be able to walk down the street naked and not get assaulted" argument. Sorry if that hit you the wrong way.

  • I work from home. If i had a hypothetical daughter (I’ve been blessed with boys) yes I would. She will do it anyway. My house is a safe place.

    • While you are home working, it is a safe place. When you are gone and others are there with your daughter (Miss Hypothetical) it can not be considered a safe place. As for she would do it anyway, I hate to think that you would raise a daughter to ignore your rules in your home. And remember, you are trying to keep her safe.

    • My parents had too many rules. I wouldn’t make that mistake with my daughter.

  • No I wouldn't allow it I remember being 18 at my uncles for a couple of weeks and chatting to distant family and this girl, a cousin of mine, was complaining that this gup kept charing at her (about 14 at the time) and my uncle said you should have flashed him you might of gotten free stuff. I was appalled of what I heard that day like omg k... Seriously

  • Absolutely not. I don't even want kids, but if I had any, I wouldn't be that much of a sh*tty parent to let my teenage daughter do that. If my daughter even had that kind of mindset, then I'd feel like I already failed her as a parent and would need to take six months off work to home school her to fix the problem.

    And that first picture is SO g-ddamn obnoxious! Women should have no responsibility for ANYthing, but at the same time, think men should be responsible for EVERYTHING including not committing "eye rape," but at the same time, want to "smash the patriarchy" and have some female-ruled dystopia of " 'EqUaLiTy' " where men are slaves to feminists? Feminists have such dumb-ass double standards and contradictions. (I did answer the question first before posting this.)

  • Of course, I wouldn't allow it.

    • Seems obvious to me, too, but at the moment, 15% would allow it and 17% would allow the 14 year old daughter to make the decision!

    • I wouldn't allow 15% or more of GAGers to spend 1 minute alone with a 14 year-old so...

    • Excellent!

  • I don't have kids so I honestly don't know for sure how I'd respond until I have to face it. I'd likely say no to the pool party and skinny dipping, just because it probably isn't a good idea for 14 year old mixed teens to run around naked without adult supervision.

  • Do you hear yourself?

    “you will be condemned to feminist hell!” are you a feminist?

    To answer the question, No. I will not allow my 14 year daughter to go skinny dipping with boys. Those hormones from both genders cannot control themselves in that type of environment.

    (I can’t believe you compared a rape victim to a car 🤦🏻‍♀️) Take out the ‘wiser’ from your name.

    • You are just looking for something to twist so you can justify being angry. You know that I did not make that comparison.

    • I’m not angry, you are by your post. With the feminist threat. I’m just confused by your comparison. If it wasn’t a comparison, then you probably should not have added the car situation in there.

    • I'm sorry that you don't understand the point of the analogy. I thought it was presented in relatively simple terms.

    • Show All
  • I would actually leave it to her, I mean I can't gurantee that she will listen to me if I tell her not to skinny dip. She is still the owner of her own body, I only have limited amount of authority on what I can tell her to do and what she will do behind my back. But I would definitely tell her to keep the taser close or the pepper spray. And I would have the boys on phone and threaten the living souls out of them.

  • Granted adolescent females mature emotionally, and psychologically faster than their male counterparts. However, an inexperienced 14 year old girl who is allowed to experience for the first time love, (emotional minefield) physical intimacy (along with love, emotionally overwhelming). Her naive expectations will force her to deal with the situation from an inexperienced perspective. She will undoubtably make bad decisions which could haunt her for the rest of her life.

  • I we told our daughter the same thing, like you said... its not your fault if something happens your a victim.

    We explained the unlocked car thing, or unlocked house thing. Just cause you don't lock your car or house doesn't make you responsible for it... anymore than what cloths you wear.

    Victim blaming is real.

    No I would not allow it, but if she really wanted to... my wife and I would likely say, sure... but we have to be home first. I mean swimming nude is way better than with a suit.

    The naturalist lifestyle isn't a big deal... and I've known others who lived it and their children did this. The difference was, the boys and girls were all naturalist and all grew up that way. Nudity wasn't sexual to them.

    I'd see an issue if no one was naturalist. Whoever isn't might not have been taught how it works and do something wrong, and it might not just be the boys it could be the girls assaulting the boys.

  • Regarding the argument at the top.
    Look if a woman is dressing like a hoe I sure as hell ain't gonna shy away from saying it.

    If you don't want to be gawked at, cat called, assaulted or raped by random ass people then don't like a 5 dollar hoe waiting on the street corner. .

    As for two boys skinny dipping in my pool with my daughter and another girl. I'll let that happen when hell freezes over. Ain't no way I would ever allow that to happen.

    As for why I wouldn't allow it I was a teenage boy once I know what goes on in their demented little heads.

    Two I just wouldn't want two horny ass teenage boys being naked around my underaged barely teen daughter in my eyes if you let that happen your a failure as a parent.

    Three I wouldn't allow my daughters to be home alone with a boy much less several when they are clothed, really think I'd allow it when they're naked? If she wanted to play in the pool with her friend and the boys wearing swimming suits while I was there supervising them that would fine.

    But alone and naked? No just no not happening.

  • Show More (20)