Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
Advice about sex? Someone to tell me something that I'm not seeing.
Anonymous
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a month. And now my problem is sex. Some of you reading are probably going “WHAT A MONTH AND YOU’RE THINKING OF SEX?!” and some of you are like “What….? You haven’t had sex yet?” My friends, most of them aren’t even virgins. I still am. My one friend, who has at least 10 sex partners since spring break and might I say, you can label her as a whore by now… she thinks of sex as, “no big deal. Losing my virginity wasn’t a big deal. I don’t get why people make a big fuss over it?” My best friend (who is like my sister) has gone to let’s say 3rd base. And her and I share similar views on sex but it seems she acts like a know-it-all with sex and I don't know hard to explain. For me, my boyfriend and I, we’ve talked about sex. Through texting and in person. He tells me “sex isn’t a big deal to me. I'm in this relationship not because of sex. I could care less whether we have it or not. I'm not saying I don’t want it at all, of course I wouldn’t care if we did, but it doesn’t matter. I’m ready whenever you are ready.” And him saying that makes me feel okay to myself. Calm. Not pressured. With my friends, they always talk about when they’ve had sex, say how it’s no big deal. And with my best friend, with her boyfriend, she’s went that far and it almost feels like a race. Hard to explain. My boyfriend and I the farthest we’ve done was make out and had me shirtless (bra too). Even then I was freaking out. When we were over at his house on his bed, doing whatever lol, he went to try to undo my shorts, and he looked at me as if to see if I was OK with it and I shook my head no and moved his hand off my short’s button. He didn’t get mad or offended or whatever he seemed okay and came back up to just kissing me. He will do that, almost like testing me if I’m okay with it but when I tell him no, he stops. I know he tells me sex isn’t important but when it comes down to it, I know he’s ready to go. I can tell to myself now, I’m not ready for sex. But I feel pressured by my friends that I should be having sex now. Anyone who finds out I’m a virgin will say “WHAT? You’re still a virgin?!” and it puts me down into thinking “maybe I shouldn’t be” I have the desire to want to have sex with him, who knows it’s just my hormones, but when it comes down to being on a bed with him I start to get nervous and scared. I’m scared that I won’t know what to do, my body won’t be what he’s looking for, or something’s going to happen that’s going to be extremely embarrassing and we won't be able to look at each other the same way. A girl I know, which is still in my head of her saying “if you don’t give him what he wants, he’ll just go else where for it” and that always stays in my head. This whole sex thing stresses me out. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I lead myself to believe “sex isn’t a big deal. Losing your virginity isn’t THAT big of a deal. You’re going to e
Updates:
+1 y
You're going to have sex eventually. But then I think I'm just lying to myself to feel it is okay. I really don't know what to do. I'm just nervous, scared and unsure. Advice? :(
7 9
What Girls & Guys Said
52 202Before you know it, you will be living life for your friends, rather than for yourself. This is a common trap and most people aren't strong enough to live their own life uninfected by the virus of peer pressure.
Stop worrying about what your friends are doing... or who they are doing... they are followers and well adjusted to this hookup culture. You do you ( no pun).
i didn’t lose my virginity until 19. i just wanted to get it over with; so i guess you’ll know when you know.
But having with someone random is much more fun
Stand your ground (as hard as that may be with peer pressure) and don't have sex until you are absolutely certain you feel completely ready. If your boyfriend teases you but stops immediately when you say no, then he's doing the right thing and seems decent. Ignore your friend's views on "sex isn't a big deal" because to some people sex is a sacred experience, it's as intimate as you can get with someone. Maintain your true emotions on how you feel, that you feel you're not ready yet. You'll know when you're ready to go ahead with it, whether that's two months or two years. Don't rush it.
If you're not ready, don't have sex. Forget about your friends or any outside pressure. It's your body and you're the one that's in charge. I lf you think loosing your virginity means something then it does and you should wait until you're ready and comfortable and with someone you trust. That's what I'm doing becuase I also believe it's special, to me.
is good
You might be over thinking this a bit? But, it's obviously important to you and if you're not comfortable, then don't. If a guy truly likes you, he'll understand if you just explain it to him. It's when you don't communicate with each other that causes problems because feelings get involved (on both sides) and people make assumptions and don't communicate. Then they just avoid it completely instead of talking it through.
Girl I’m 27 And haven’t had sex willingly was raped last year when hanging with friends even though I was pushing away but don’t think there’s anything wrong with still being a virgin virgin you’re still waiting I’m trying to figure out what you want
I'm not going to read the rest of this, it seems like you're just trying to fit in with your friends which just makes me kind of cringe.
If he is testing you, you should talk about it more and tell him you’ll let him know when you’re ready. If you are fine with where things are at, but still nervous about showing him your top, then the bottoms will really freak you out. Take your time, talk to him and just let him know where you are at. Better to have the conversation when it isn’t awkward and you are on the verge of tears because you aren’t ready.
Just move slow... maybe foreplay and stuff at first and eventually sex
I’m terrified to have sex and don’t want to get pregnant. Been dating 6 months and no mention of sex. Take it at your pace. If he don’t like it then that’s his problem. I’d prefer to wait until marriage. It’s special to me. Plus the whole unwanted pregnancy thing. Most people say their first time having sex was rushed and not special. I don’t want that. And you shouldn’t either. Baby steps and you’ll stop getting super nervous
If you want to know the truth, you are just nervous. You talked quite directly to the fact that you lay in bed next to him and the only thing going through your mind is all the "what if's". You are stressing over it constantly.
You need to relax. I've been there. I think most of us have.
All that bravado your friends talk about is just that - bravado. It's like being 5 years old again and exploring places with your friends. The first one to see or do something new is like the victor, queen for the day. They are adventure seekers, and attention seekers. That doesn't make them bad people, it just makes them human, like the rest of us.
Don't worry about it so much. Yes, it will be nervewracking the first time, you cannot change that. Doesn't matter if you want til your wedding day.. all those "what if's" will haunt you anyways. I say just get it over with, then decide if you like or don't like it. It will take a few times before you really get a good feel for the positives and negatives. In the end, for most, the good outweighs the bad by a large margin.
Good luck.
take your time. dont let anyone pressure you int sex ever
"A girl I know, which is still in my head of her saying “if you don’t give him what he wants, he’ll just go else where for it” and that always stays in my head." Girl if he's gonna go else where because you don't give him sex, he does NOT deserve your virginity. If you want to do it, go for it! But don't do it if it's purely out of pressure because you don't want to make a mistake.
But from what you said, he listens to you and cares about you so you have nothing to worry about unless you think he's cheating which he probably isn't.
Also as for being nervous and scared, completely normal. He knows your a virgin right? So he doesn't expect you to be an expert the first time! You will get there together :) Just make sure you're both comfortable.
When I read this I think about how many other points in your life people will make a big deal about something, do it, down play or up play it, go onto the next. It's not going to stop. You either take life under your own terms or you don't. Each time you can decide differently. But if you've already decided you don't want it, why compromise yourself? Or are you on the fence? What do YOU want?
You are young. I can tell. You have a long time to have sex. Your boyfriend sounds cool. And you're right he IS testing you. He's not going to force you but he will keep trying you. The reason everyone says its no big deal is because they all regret it. Trust me. Your viginity is a gift that can only be given once. So be VERY selective of who you give it to. Ask ANY woman over 30 amd she will tell you that her 1st time was horrible. Because she didn't wait and she found a guy she really wanted to give it to but she gave it to the idiot in HS that never called her again after. And the reason you freak out when your boyfriend tries is because YOU ARE NOT READY! WAIT! When you're ready you won't freak out. You will be nervous but not scared. You are a gift from God given to the man you chose... CHOOSE WISELY!
try not to wear tight things with buttons, wear a skirt and let him touch you a lot more to arouse you and grind you so you can feel his bulge knowing how good it will feel inside you.
Sex, like most things is stressful the first time. It's like jumping into a cold pool, you test the waters, pace around for awhile and finally jump in and it sucks.
Noone is going to know what they are doing for the first time, honestly it will probably be the worst sex of your life. Later you will look back and laugh at how awkward and short it was. But ultimately you decide when you jump into the pool, don't let people pressure you but understand at a certain point you have to conquer that fear.
Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy, a lot of people I knew growing up would have walked out of the room or got upset when you said no, and he deserves credit for caring about your feelings like that. Also, if he wasn't happy with your body, or like what he saw, he probably wouldn't still be around, so trust that he's happy with how you look.
If you don't want to do this then dont.
Sex is a big deal losing your virginity is a big deal and if you lose it to the wrong person you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. Make sure you know what you're doing before you do it I mean make sure you're doing what you want to do. The rest will come naturally don't worry about not knowing what you're doing
Yes right
Lame
Look, if you're not ready to have sex, then you're not ready. Doesn't matter what other people say. If being shirtless with him freaked you out, then you're not ready. You don't jump off the high dive if you barely know the doggy-paddle.
Good communication with your partner is key. It looks like you two are on the same page, and he understands your views. So I wouldn't be worried about it.