Don't women value giving themselves only to their husbands anymore?

[Anonymous]

What's with all the whoring around? In the end you'll regret it when you won't be able to tell your husband honestly about your sexual past, how good it was, and the things you did.

[Anonymous]

Not that this answers the question, but since I've seen several answers say this... It's not true that all men are rushing out to have sex and will not wait till marriage. It's also not true that all men who wait are extremely religious. I am not an extremist when it comes to my religious beliefs, and my religious beliefs are not remotely why I'm waiting till marriage. So I object to the only way to find a guy who saved himself means you have to date a religious "nut job" and take offense to it.

I also reject the idea that you have to have sex to know that you are sexually compatible with other person. First off you can know what you are interested in and work from there. If both people initially believe they have an interest in one thing but only one of them truly enjoys it, then you have to work around that. If the relationship is worth anything beyond good sex then both partners should be willing to work with one another to make sure both people are sexually satisfied. I'm not big on certain things, but would willing to do them if the woman I was with enjoyed them. Also if both parties are inexperienced you can grow together and both discover what you like and don't like. It's not a matter of, "I like X but my partner only likes Y" because the two of you tried things together.

Too many people want to make a relationship about sex when that is not and should not be the point of a relationship. Relationships are possible without sex.

Now in response to the question. It is more that both men and women are running off to have sex before marriage. Everyone is being bombarded with the idea that a dating is about sex and that marriage is about sex. I was watching a show where it was stated that there's a unwritten rule that you get sex on the third date. I remember when you were lucky to get a kiss by the third date.

It seems most people now-a-days only date to get in each others' pants and if they do hold out longer they get married and see this as a license to have sex without being frowned upon by their parents. This is a big reason that a lot of marriages don't work out and the divorce rate is so high and cheating partners is increasing.

People also don't see love as the foundation of a relationship because they don't know what love is. They are getting it all mixed up with lust and other things and the rushing off thinking they are in love when they aren't. This leads to them thinking that having sex with the person they supposedly love is OK because they "love" said person. Then when the relationship breaks apart they are hurt.

Sex is not just a physical pleasure to indulge in, it's met to be a bonding experience. But because it's being projected through everything as a "good time that feels good" people are only thinking of it as such. Hence so much sex without love.

And yell at me all you want and say this isn't true for you, but it is for a lot of people. You just have to read a lot of the posts on here to see tons of examples of it

[Asker]

Well said!

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Excellent answer. Hit every point that needed to be stated. True, relationships have become nothing more than sex, and how good this person was or wasn't. It's a terrible reality and I kind of wish things would go back to a more traditional sense; just both partners waiting.

[udolipixie]

Luv this. No hypocrisy here

[Asker]

Sweetness I knew you'd see the light! Glad to see you agree with me. Especially after your earlier criticism. You too Pixie.

[bel42]

this response is great.i wonder why you went anon when the points you made are valid.

[TheAnswerer]

I agree with most of your answers. However, you should know that psycologists define marriage as "Getting legal and societal permission to have sexual intercourse.", even though we put much more value to marriage than that.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol I made these same points (about love not being as important as sex) in my last argument and got 3 down votes? Anyway - QA we kept budding heads because I was trying to explain why women are more sexually free nowadays and you kept making comments about them being whores and stuff lol then there was the hypocrite thing - eh, I'm just glad we finally came to common grounds :)

[udolipixie]

@oOsweetonessOo You did but you're a girl and this answer is by a guy.

[Shaun]

So many people don't even believe in marriage anymore. Anyway, what difference does it make? There are casual sex people and relationship sex people. The two types shouldn't mix because that's when feelings get hurt.

Yes, QA, you have the right to know about her sexual past and values and to not be with her because of it but you don't have the right to call her names and basically do anything but move on amicably.

[Shaun]

Good grief, who could possibly disagree with that?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Great answer.

[Asker]

I agree. But women are so caught up in lying about this type of sh*t. Just post a question like "have you lied to a guy about his sexual performance" or something like that and see how many women do it and not only have done it but actually think its OK. Most women will f***ing lie cheat and steal to preserve the family unit. Nesting instincts are more powerful that personal integrity for these women.

[Shaun]

Look, all you can do is really get to know the woman you settle down with before you give her your heart. And when you find the woman who shares your values, cherish her.

[Asker]

I like that. But the problem is these "reformed whores" that lie to their husbands about their pasts. Then you think you have similar values, and it may even be true at that point, but what you don't know is that she was a f***ing freak for everyone back in the day. She's lying and he's none the wiser. Now isn't that great for a marriage. But I feel you Shaun. You can only do so much to screen out the whores from the decent girls. They look a lot alike to the untrained eye.

[Shaun]

What you do is not come off all judgmental in the beginning and pretend you're cool with it and encourage them to share.

[Asker]

Yes! That's is great. I think I write something about that tomorrow. Basically how to trick a girl into telling you the truth of her sexual past because that is the only way you're going to get it from most girls. That's great! Look for my question tomorrow.

[sarahz]

I am a living breathing testament answer to your question.

There is something very very special with waiting for the love of your life to take that step.

I grew up in a very religious christian home, up until the last year I was very very devout. I am 19. My boyfriend and I started dating 6 months ago. I moved in 5 months ago. We didn't have sex until about 3 weeks ago. We were both virgins. He, by the way, is very NOT religious, and did not grow up in any sort of conservative home. I must admit, I was very surprised that he was a virgin.

I think that the only reason people wait till marriage (if not for religious reasons) is because they want to be absolutely sure that they make this step in a committed relationship (so they won't be hurt and full of regret in the end.) For me, I've come to the point that I am so in love with this person, and I am so secure in the fact that we will be married one day, that I have nothing holding me back for making that step.

Each person is different. I don't think I'm a whore because I didn't wait for marriage. If that makes me a whore, then so is my boyfriend, but we could care less what other say (not that we've heard anything negative) because we are so happy together. Truly a rare love we have.

Anyway, you shouldn't be so judge-mental because every girl is different. Some girls, yes, sleep around a lot, but if that's their type of life style, then that's their type of lifestyle! They have nothing to prove to you so leave them alone!

[Anonymous]

"The difference is women WANT ment to have experience."

The topic of experience is subjective; some women want a guy with exp, some women want him to be a virgin too.

Sex isn't a major factor to women in comparison with the emotional connection, support, and all the other things women need in a healthy relationship.

" Men on the other hand DON"T WANT women with experience. Generality I know but it's true, in general."

Now, I talked with a guy about this and he said it isn't so much the experience of a women, but biologically men have a hard time identifying their offspring than a women. So, men consider the exuberant amounts of time and resources spent raising a child, and would be devastated if the child wasn't theirs.

That's just the scientific aspect.

More socially, I think men are more intimidated by women who have experience, because now they feel the need to try and measure up to any previous lovers the women has had. There's always the haunting thought that maybe you as a man doesn't provide as well as her ex lovers whether sexually, emotionally, or mentally. Everyone's felt the threat of the exes, but I think the effect is more profound on men.

[Asker]

More socially, I think men are more intimidated by women who have experience, because now they feel the need to try and measure up to any previous lovers the women has had. There's always the haunting thought that maybe you as a man doesn't provide as well as her ex lovers whether sexually, emotionally, or mentally. YES! So why do this to your future husband. It wil tear your marriage to shreds. Either that or you'll be pressured or guilted into lying about it to "protect" him/the marriage.

[Opinion Owner]

No it won't. Your husband isn't going to care when he's saying " I do." And you'll plenty of years to have mind-blowing sex. Since you two are getting married, he's obviously out done the ex lovers on the mental, emotional stand-point. So after it's all said and done - he's the man who won over all others. Real men aren't intimidated by anything - let alone a women's old partners..

[peace-love-couture]

Girls "do this" because they intend of settling down with a logical, mature man. Not an irrational, hypocritical, contradicting, judgmental, immature being who has no life experience and sees the world as black and white. *cough cough*

[dudeman]

your right real men are not intimidated but some are disgusted

[Asker]

Yes. I don't want a peach that's been picked over licked and penetrated by a long list of guys. I'll take mine fresh and when its given to me I will appreciate it for the amazing gift that it is. I won't take it for granted and I won't mistreat it or favor another peach for it. The same can't be said for a peach that's been picked over. That peach I'd probably just throw away, let my friends eat it, or just find another better fresher peach when it suits me.

[udolipixie]

And if you're a picked peach most fresh peaches will throw you away.

[Asker]

that made no sense.

[Opinion Owner]

@dudeman I agree. It's all about the guy's standards. Some dudes want virgins, some don't. @ Question Asker Are you a virgin?

[Asker]

I'm definitely not a virgin. If I could do it all over I'd wait for someone special and only be with a girl that had similar values. I'm not saying wait for marriage but serious relationships only and no casual sex. A bride with 7,8, 9, 20+ partners? That's just gross and unfortunate.

[Opinion Owner]

@Question Asker Don't make such statements then about purity and marriage if they don't apply to you. That's what the women on here are saying; most women don't engage in sex unless it's with a deeply commited partner. Most women have only been with 1to 3 men before getting married. Calling a women a whore because she has experience just isn't fair and illogical.

[Asker]

"most women don't engage in sex unless it's with a deeply commited partner. Most women have only been with 1to 3 men before getting married. Calling a women a whore because she has experience just isn't fair and illogical." This is so not true! At least not in my experience. Most girls I know have been with way more than 3 guys and most still are not married.

[udolipixie]

It makes plenty of sense to me if you treat women who you deem not valuing themselves as throwaways expect some women who value themselves to consider you a throwaway.

[Opinion Owner]

Those are the key words: In your experience. Because in my experience, most women I associate with are very self respecting and don't partake in reckless sexual activity.

[Asker]

I didn't say it was the girls I dated. I'm very popular and have had lots of friends that are girls over the years and I know how they are. They are usually sexually agressive and now in their late 20's they've racked up 20-50 sex partners and have nothing but a warn out vagina, maybe a random assortment of diseases (herpes, warts, hpv) and still wonder why they can't find or keep a man. Sure they can always find a man for the night but that's about it. They are PLAYED THE F*** OUT is what it is

[Opinion Owner]

But those are just the few girls you've encountered. There's what like 4.5 billion women in the world? You haven't met them all, so how can you say you know how girls are? Get out of here. Maybe in that small group of yours, but there's varying circumstances around the nation and the world.

[LaDeeDah]

Well, what you think women feel when their man's been whoring around most of his life? Do you think we like that? Nope. Makes us feel like garbage. He's cold-hearted and just use women for fun. PEOPLE need to value themselves more, not just women.

Young women get just as much pressure as young men do to be sexually active, virginity is now just a monkey to get of our backs---trust me I know, I'm a virgin. Just so you know.

I think you need to consider your point of view though. If I found out a guy was promiscuous in his past, I would dump him right then and there. It's sickening. It's not just men who feel this way about women!

You say men have it harder in being "good" at sex, but really, is sex ever bad? The answer is no. You don't have it hard, because sex is not hard. If you care about the person, and he/she cares about you, it won't matter how great you are in the sack. It's not gymnastics.

Just my two cents. But yeah, I see so many articles telling women not to be "whores," I just wish that some would be directed at men. Because I, for one, don't like man-whores.

[kateakanne]

No regrets. I've told my fiance everything too. He knows my sexual past, how good it wass, and everything I've done. I know his too.

[Asker]

Is your fiance the best sex ever?

[kateakanne]

How does that matter? We've told each other everything about our sexual pasts, our sex together, and how it makes us feel. I don't see how him being my best sex ever or not has to do with my needing to conceal my past from him?

[Asker]

So he's not:( Well did you tell him that? You are open and honest with everything right? You did say you "told each other everything about our sexual pasts...and how it makes us feel".

[Asker]

I'm not trying to attack you on this. I just have a hard time believing any woman would openly admit to their fiance or husband that he wasn't the best sex she's had.

[kateakanne]

Oh yes, I've told him the truth. He is the best sex I've had repetatively, but there were two unique circumstances which will always stand out in my mind as something very fun and special that can't be replicated. As of now, they stand near the top of my Wow list, but he has been my most consistant in quality. And he knows all of this.

[Asker]

Classy lady! I like that. Much respect.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

@shaun I think having standards makes it easier for you and your partner if you both meet them.

@ Question Asker

When did I say that? My argument is the opposite; I think sex has become more important than love and connection in most relationships nowadays.

Lol sorry let me expand on that;

sex has become more of the focus in relationships than love, therefore, it's causing issues with virginity because people want partners who are good/great at sex, more so, than good at loving.

I think love and connection should always have more significance than sex in a relationship.

[Asker]

guys usually don't complain about a girl being lame at sex. She can learn. A guy can't learn to have a bigger d***. He might be able to learn how to f*** better but still. I think the pressure to be great at sex is more on a guy than on a girl. I mean how good do you have to be at taking a d***? Its not that hard is it. Granted riding it and BJs etc. are skills too but for the most part any girl can be at least decent. Some guys won't ever be decent.

[Asker]

And don't you think its f***ed up that sex has become more of a focus than love? I mean are we just a nation of sex crazed valueless nymphos?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

See, that's the problem. Sex shouldn't matter that much where people feel insecure and inadequate in any relationship. But that's what all the focus is about nowadays, and thus problems continue to arise. Like I said, I miss the traditional days. :(

[Asker]

me too. But great sex feels so f***ing good though. Its like a drug. Plus with all the media and p*rn people want what everyone else is supposed to be having, that is GREAT F***ING OFF THE WALL SQUIRTING MULTIPLE ORGASM BIG BLACK DICK PORNO INTERRACIAL MOTHER DAUGHTER TWINS HUNG STUD VICEGRIP VAGINA PASS THE F*** OUT TYPE OF SEX. I mean who wouldn't want that? Its hard to compare that and intimate loving sensitive emotional love making with someone that isn't your favorite lover ever. You dig.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I don't know, for me - making love with someone and having that tender passionate connection beats the hell out of any off the wall sex demonstrated in p*rnos. We can always experiment too with some of those crazy things. Sex is great and all, but I'd rather not have it if there's no emotion/love with it. And honestly, we have years to perfect our sex together, so if he's (husband) is not my best sexual partner, he will be soon enough.

[udolipixie]

"bottom line is no man wants to be compared to her past lovers, the less lovers she's had the more valuable she is, simple as that."

Same goes for men but it's too bad most virgin or inexperienced guys are bitter, ugly, or both.

[Asker]

Yes!

[udolipixie]

Any self respecting woman would feel like you're using her after you had your fun if you what women to value something you don't value in yourself.

[Asker]

by "using" do you mean supporting for the rest of her life?

[udolipixie]

lol more women are the primary earners if you meant support financially. If you meant otherwise in a healthy relationship you support each other.

[Asker]

I'm older than you. Lets just leave it at that.

[udolipixie]

So age = support. Odd. Or are you talking about in your case you're supporting her financially because as the facts show not all guys are capable of that?

[Asker]

I meant financial. Its a generational thing. Women your age are more likely to be providers now. We'll see in 50 years what kind of damage this does to traditional family values. I suspect more stay at home dads, more and more cheating wives, more open relationships, less marriage, more spread of disease, and a continued downward spiral of what's morally acceptable. Not to mention how this will devastate a generation of kids who are sent to day care whilst both of their parents work.

[Maddygirl]

QA what the f*** is your problem? The world, thank god, is no longer completely run by a**holes like you who treat women like children who don't know what's best for them. Genders are equal now and by the way I highly doubt you are a virgin so you shouldn't expect one

[udolipixie]

Not when the only way to get a husband who valued himself enough to save it for her is getting a religious nutjob seeing as how most virgin guys are unwillingly that way and not because they value themselves.

[udolipixie]

Really down votes? How many guys are willingly virgins vs how many are virgins because they can't get a girl to have sex with.

[Asker]

i think this is true. I lost my v card at 15 and was with 7 girls in highschool. I was a manwhore and not very proud of it. Looking back I wished I'd have done things differently and will teach my children from my mistakes but the sad thing is things are only getting more and more whorish these days. I'm sure my handom son will be a target of many slutty girls but I trust that he will be able to hold off for someone special. I think your comment about unwilling virgins is part of the problem.

[Asker]

no guy wants to be the unwilling virgin and so they feel pressured to have sex. I don't see how a girl could be an unwilling virgin unless she's just really fat or ugly or something. Women usually have sex when they want, unlike most guys.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

True, a lot of guys aren't willing virgins. But I blame society; men are taught to be highly sexual because it's something that's more of a man's nature, instead of being told to be responsible ( not in a sense of using a condom, but considering how many partners you have) and have self-control. Guys who are typically virgins just can't get a girl :( But there are the respectable few who can get laid but choose not too. But that's so rare to find...

[Asker]

You are so right. Guys are pressured to have sex early on. If you're not getting any by midpoint in high school there must be something wrong withyou. ie. you can't get laid if you tried. Its f***ed up and I hope I can teach my son the error of my ways.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yea, my father stressed chasity to my brother's a lot, and they are the most respectful guys any girl could meet, because now the focus isn't so much on women for sex, but on women for companionship - which was the way nature intended.

[Asker]

I love that answer. A women is a companion. That's lovely.

[udolipixie]

I hate that term- companion. Makes me think of a pet. I prefer partner.

[Asker]

that's what the gays use. So lets go with that.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol to each her own pixie :)

[selfishstars]

lol @ guys who think like this being "good guys". Sorry, but your opinions about women suggest that you are not a good guy. I'm glad that guys like you wouldn't be interested in dating a girl like me, because I wouldn't give a guy like you the time of day.

[Shaun]

I expect nothing less than shared values and similar life experiences and attitudes toward sex and intimacy. If you think I'm not a good guy, it can't be because of this stance. No hypocrisy here.

[selfishstars]

I have no problem with someone wanting a partner with similar values, life experiences, and attitudes toward sex and intimacy. I do have a problem with people who refer to women as "whores" and "come dumpsters" because they don't share the same views. Guys who act that way toward people with different points of view than them are not "good guys".

[Shaun]

Fair point.

[Asker]

I haven't been a good guy in the past and I know it. But some women are whores and cumdumpsters just like some guys are studs, prococks, stuntcocks or players or whatever youwant to call it. It is what it is. If someone doesn't like the label they shouldn't engage inthe behaviour. Or associate with those that do for that matter.

[selfishstars]

Or maybe you should just accept that some people have different views than you without negatively judging them. Live your own life the way you want, and let other people live theirs the way they want to.

[Asker]

We all judge and that is our perogative. If people don't wished to be judged by their actions than maybe they shouldn't take those actions. Judging is based on our own opinions and I don't expect everyone to share in mine but I won't stop judging and neither should you.

[selfishstars]

If their actions don't affect me, why should I judge them?

[selfishstars]

Interesting. I've told my fiance everything about my sexual past, how good it was, and the things I did, and I've never regretted my sexual past.

[Asker]

Is your fiance the best sex you've had or do you need to think about that one?

[selfishstars]

He is. Though, that's not to say I haven't had great partners in the past as well.

[Asker]

I guessed so. Its easier to tell everything when its actually the truth. Now if it wasn't would you be able to tell him so and so was better at such and such?

[selfishstars]

Interesting question. I've never had a guy ask me if he how he compared to my previous lovers. With my current partner, yes, definitely. He's the type of person who wouldn't take offense to it, get jealous, or allow it to affect his self esteem. He's intelligent enough to know that great sex sometimes takes time, since everyone is different and you can't automatically know how to pleasure a person---you learn that through communication and experience with that particular person. He would

[selfishstars]

probably just ask me how he could pleasure me better---and that kind of attitude would probably lead to him being just as good, or even better than the other guy. I don't think I could be with a guy who would ask me questions like that but not be okay with me answering honestly. If you don't truly want to know, don't ask.

[Asker]

Yes. I agree with you. But sometimes great sex doesn't take time. Sometimes you just have amazing sex with someone instantly. Now if that's the case I would assume from your answer that you'd just tell you guy that it was amazing and the best sex ever but that you guys will be able to work up to that and maybe at some point might be able to have as good of sex as that. You see what I'm getting at? The next question he'll ask is why or what made it better and if its something he doesn't have...:(

[selfishstars]

Yes. I understand what you're getting at. I would say that the thing that's most likely to make sex amazing right off the bat is sexual chemistry. Sometimes sexual chemistry is instant, and sometimes it takes more time to develop. But to be honest, if I'm going to have a long-term sexual relationship with someone, it doesn't really matter to me if its amazing right off the bat, or if it takes some time time. What's important to me is having a partner who cares about my pleasure and is

[selfishstars]

open-minded and enthusiastic.

[selfishstars]

And the things that make sex great to me are all things that anyone could have.

[Asker]

what do you think I'm getting at?

[selfishstars]

Well, I assumed sexual chemistry. Was it something else?

[heatherlu]

Why would they be able to tell their husband honestly about their sexual past, how good it was and the things they did?

A virgin certainly wouldn't be able to do that.

[Asker]

A virgin could say she's a virgin and all is good. But every guy knows you girls lie about all kinds of sh*t you did. They go and get married and lie to their husbands about the freak they used to be (still are by the way) and then have to look themselves in the mirror and see a low life lying whore who is keeping her husband in the dark. Now don't get me wrong some women would be open and honest but that is extremely rare. Most women would just lie. Tell me I'm lying.

[udolipixie]

You're not. Just like most men would lie to get sex. People lie especially about sex.

[heatherlu]

I'm pretty sure you're lying. I don't know why anyone would lie about their sexual past to someone they're prepared to marry. If I was going to marry a guy, it would be someone who I felt I could be honest with.

[Asker]

So when he asks about how he stacked up and you know you've had better lovers what are you going to say?

[heatherlu]

I'd be honest. I don't expect the man I marry to be the best sex of my life. Relationships are about more than sex. And, considering how long we'd be going at it compared to the other guys I've been with i.e the rest of our lives - if he wasn't the best I'd had - we'd have plenty of time to try and top it.

[Asker]

Go ahead and tell him that so and so was better in bed and see how that goes over. Get used to premature ejaculation and several affairs in which he's looking to be somebody's best.

[heatherlu]

So you want to marry a virgin so you'll know that you're the best sex she's ever had?

[Asker]

I don't need a virgin to be the best she's had. I just don't want to compete with the entire starting line up for the Miami Heat.

[Shaun]

Any self respecting man would feel like you're using him after you had your fun. You shouldn't think in terms of 'types' of men to screw and types of men to settle down with. I guarantee that you'll find yourself lying to the 'settle down' man because of it. Why not just lay in the bed you make with the hot sex man?

[Asker]

I agree with Shaun 100%! You would lie to preserve the relationship. Its the instinct of a woman. This is even more true once kids enter the picture.

[heatherlu]

I'd not want to be in a relationship where I felt I had to lie to preserve it. Why is that so hard to understand?

[Asker]

So would you tell your husband/boyfriend that he wasn't the best? Would you tell him if he didn't have the fattest/longest d***? Would you tell him that so and so did things to you that he has never been able to do? Be honest now. We still want to know.

[Shaun]

Because there aren't going to be tons of men out there from which to choose who would be happy to settle for someone who doesn't think they are really good in bed. You're the one who implied you have one type for fun and another type for serious. That's not fair for the serious guy, what does he get out of the deal?

[heatherlu]

I never said there was a different type for fun and a different type for serious. And I never said that the guy I ended up with would be bad at sex - it's just possible that he wouldn't be my best - and if asked I wouldn't lie. And I wouldn't tell him he was. And yes, I'd be honest with a guy whatever he asked me about my sex live, or ours together. I guess I'm just one of those people who value honesty above sweet little white lies.

[Asker]

See there you go! Its not a "sweet little white lie". Its just a lie period! And you say now that you wouldn't lie about it but you know in your heart that if you loved a guy and you knew it would bother him then you'd lie through your f***ing teeth.

[Shaun]

I'm not saying you should lie. My only point is that the same self-respect that you have which will make you want to not lie, is the same self-respect a man will have who doesn't want to be with a woman who went out and had her fun and who now wants someone a little more boring and stable. That man values what he has to offer at least as much as hot sex guy values what he has to offer. And he's going to want something of value in return. That's all.

[udolipixie]

"Get used to premature ejaculation and several affairs in which he's looking to be somebody's best." So if a girl feels like you're not the best she had or you don't satisfy her can she cheat as well?

[Asker]

I'm not saying that. But guys will cheat if they feel they aren't their woman's number one. That's fact. They want to be someone's number one and if not their wives then maybe someone else. That is one reason why nearly all women who've been promiscuous feel they need to lie about how good their husbands are in relation to their previous lovers. They want to protect the relationship.

[heatherlu]

As far as I'm concerned you both have a pretty messed up view of what love and commitment is. It's about honesty and integrity - not feeling like you're someone's number one lay; or boring because someone's decided that they love you enough to stay with you - instead of continuing to sleep around.

[Shaun]

Go ahead and continue to sleep around, I'll go ahead and continue to not sleep around. You keep missing this point. Your 'settle down' man may not be there to settle down with.

[Shaun]

Then again, I'm not insisting on virginity by any stretch. Just someone who isn't into casual sex and who practices serial monogamy.

[Asker]

The settle down guy doesn't want to catch something.

[Shaun]

That's not my main concern. I just don't want to be someone's 'settle down' man. And I won't be. Have your fun, but when the music stops and there aren't enough players to go around, don't say you weren't told that it might happen.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

i'm a virgin but I don't live my life worrying about what my future husband will think about what I did before I even met him. why should I make decisions based on that? he won't wait for me, I'm 99% sure I will not marry a guy who saved himself for his future wife so its not relevant whether I save myself for him or not. my happiness and pleasure is more important than his judgment. if I decide to f*** someone tomorrow I will and that'll be something he'll have to get over

[Red_Raconteur]

I didn't save myself for my husband because I believe sexual compatibility is a big part of any relationship, and being able to give yourself to your partner in that way is a large gesture of trust.

I would never sleep with a guy I wasn't in a long-term, committed, serious, and loving relationship with. I've only been with one guy in my life (my boyfriend of almost 5 years), but if I were to be in another serious relationship somewhere down the line I would be able to say I only gave myself to someone very special.

[Shaun]

Exactly.

[Asker]

Perfect! Wish there were more like you out there.

[little-miss]

well iv bin with my man for 3years,i lost my virginity to him and we're getting married, I value the idea of one man and one man only, not all girls are whores? but I do dislike girls who obviously have no self respect I mean I know girls that give it away like candy its not right! x

[junebugj]

yes! my virginity is my most prized possession that's why I'm waiting tell marriage (not just religious resones) I want only one guy to ever hold the prize of my body and one that relly loves and respects me. and I want to be his first too and many people feel the way I do. :)

[Bazinga]

I will have sex with who I want and when I want, I will do what I want with whomever I want and if a future husband doesn't like that he doesn't have to marry me, but if he doesn't for a reason like that - he's not worth it anyway.

I am not put on this earth to service and look after a man, therefore I will not save myself or restrict doing what I want to please a man. You talk as if we owe it to men to be innocent just so they can have a tight wife whose innocence they can take, well a lot of men don't feel the need to wait for their wife, so why should we wait for the sake of a husband?

I don't regret doing anything thus far, and I never will, so I am perfectly fine with sharing my sexual history with a man I want to marry. Plus, I don't want to marry a old fashioned guy like you who thinks women are on the earth to please men, so I'm good.

[udolipixie]

+1 It's not just old-fashioned guys who think women are here to serve him but most guys.

[Asker]

I like your attitude. Just know that it will severely limit the quality of man who will marry you. When you realize that you will lie to him to protect his false impression of you and boost your attractiveness and suitabililty as a mate.

[Asker]

I'm not old fashioned I just think that modesty is undervalued by young women today. And the guys that marry these girls are either p**** whipped, lied to, or just plain losers that couldn't get a decent girl and instead settle for one that's shared her p**** with the varsity football team.

[Bazinga]

A good man to me is a man with an open mind and a open heart, someone who is patient, kind, caring and considerate. This also describes the type of man who wouldn't care about something as stupid as sexual history. I don't want to marry a closed minded man who thinks I'm there to service him, and if my history prevents people like that, then I'm pleased it does. I won't ever lie about my history though, not to please anyone, I regret nothing and I'm not ashamed of anything I've done.

[Asker]

What's wrong with being there to service him? Especially when he no doubt is there to service you?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Right; when a man loves a women enough to marry her, he accepts everything about her. Plain and simple. Servicing? You mean like working to help pay OUR bills and stuff? Help take care of OUR home? Help raise OUR children? Both partners service each other, not one over the other.

[dudeman]

open minded and apathy are two different things lady

[Asker]

That was my point

[Bazinga]

There's nothing wrong with servicing him, but you act as if that's our only purpose in life. You may be fine with him paying your bills and looking after your home, but I plan on doing half the work for everything we share, I'm not going to depend on a man for a good life and I'm certainly not going to not enjoy myself to repay a man who does take care of me. A man can not care about a sexual history, it's not "cares a lot" or "pretends he doesn't".

[Asker]

So you're accepting of a man that has to pretend he doesn't get bothered by all the d***s that have been up inside you? You don't think intimacy is lost by sleeping around do you? How is sleeping with your husband as special when you've done it with so many other people?

[selfishstars]

+1

[Bazinga]

Because I married him. By being my husband anything that happens with him is more valuable and more special. I don't have to go an extra mile sexually just because he's my husband, and it doesn't bother me to know how many girls he's been inside, and if I'm not embarrassed by my number then he shouldn't be either.

[Asker]

so you don't think it diminishes your intimacy?

[Bazinga]

No.

[Asker]

well that says a lot about your values.

[Bazinga]

Fanf***ingtastic. At least I'm open minded.

[udolipixie]

@QA Do you think all the whores you f*cked diminishes the intimacy you want to have with a woman that values herself? If not you're a hypocrite and have the same "lesser" values as her.

[Asker]

I think the women I've f***ed diminishes the value of what me and my current girl have. Yes I very much do. Which is why I asked the question.

[Asker]

I regret giving my d*** to so many women. They weren't deserving and I feel like I left a piece of me with them. Totally regret it in everyway. What can I say, I was a misguided youth.

[lala-193]

let me preface this by saying I'm still a virgin. marrige just isn't that important to me and I definitely plan on giving up long before I get married. I mean half of all couples get divorced these days so marriage seems like kind of joke to me. also no one expects a man to "give themselves" only to there wife so I don't see why wife should eb expected to.

[Shaun]

link

[Asker]

Surprised by the lack of "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" answers. Of course there were only 2 responses thus far. But you see what I'm getting at.

[Shaun]

Well, it's a well known fact that when women lie about sex, they round down and men, when they lie, round up. All these women who are saying it doesn't happen are full of it. There used to be a joke formula running around about how to get the 'real' number from the 'given' number.

[Asker]

a guy that lies about his number is a chump. a girl that lies about her number is a slut. Or at least they both feel like that, hence the lying.

[irykiryk]

If you don't like it that's your problem. What is it with people thinking they can tell others how they should be living there lives. Damn insecure people!

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

BEST ANSWER XD Exactly; who are you to dictate how someone should behave? All to satisfy someone else? Humans are by far the most selfish creatures- definitely not put on this planet to serve or satisfy the needs/standards of others.

[Asker]

Actually its not my problem because I'm in a committed relationship so its really not a problem at all. Its more of an observation. And having an opinion about how things should be is the freedom that comes with being human. Now if you don't like my opinion than that is your problem not mine.

[christy1350]

... its not just girls; its guys too and yeah I understand and I am waiting till marriage .. so are you saving yourself for your wife?

[Asker]

I love this answer. Smart and fair. Touche!

[christy1350]

haha thanks

[lolli]

It's the wave of the future!

[Asker]

What is? Slutwives?

[udolipixie]

Why not there's slut husbands. Women no longer want to be pure since the guy won't be as well.

[Asker]

Either is just nasty but women are the gatekeepers to sex. It's on them.

[udolipixie]

It's also on guys not to pass through the gate. Just because it's open doesn't mean you lose all responsibility.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Udolipixie - kick ass response about the gate keeping thing. That's the problem; men have it in their heads that everything they do is fine (sexually) and that women have to follow a set of strict rules to stay pleasing to a man's eye. Honestly, if every women on the planet was a whore, we'd still be getting married so what are you trying to prove QA?

[Asker]

If every woman on the planet was a whore you'd not be getting married. Why do you think so many guys are marrying foreign chicks these days? They don't want american whores to be their wives. The more a woman whores around the less desireable she is. The same is not true for a guy. Yeah a whore can find a husband but she won't get a very good one. She'll get the leftovers after the best ones have married the girls that aren't whores. Dont' believe me? Check the quality of guys dating single moms

[lolli]

Just because someone is a single mother. Does not mean that they are a whore!

[udolipixie]

So QA that responsibility? Takes more of a man to keep his d*ck in his pants then to stroll past an open gate. @oOsweetonessOo Guys love talking about how women only want certain things of equality when mendo as well. They want to be able to view the women they had sex with as less without themselves being less for having sex with her. If single mom = whore then father of the children = whore.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I said every women on the planet is a whore in my setup, which includes the foreign women. And yes, they'd still be getting married. You can deny the reality all you want lol Anyway, your not God. You don't know nor dictate any rules that regulate how every man thinks or should think. You have your standards - I totally respect that. But your standards aren't every other mans, that's why you can never win this argument. Plus there's whores in every country so what's your point?

[Asker]

of course a single mom doesn't equate to a whore. Why would you even bring that up? That is just stupid. BUT it does speak to a guys willingness to be with someone with past sexual baggage. The more baggage the lower the quality (and quantity) of guys she'll be able to attract and retain. Why would you argue this point when you know that its true?

[Asker]

OK Sweetness, in your scenario all the women on earth are whores. Guess what? Why on earth would any man get married? What's in it for them?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol Idk, maybe love, companionship, making a family...isn't that why people get married? Oh no, I'm wrong, they get married only to have sex. That's it. Lol, come on man, you know sexual history doesn't have that huge of an impact with marriage. Once the whore (male or female) decides to settle down; they'll tie the know with someone. Because there are more important things for building a strong marriage.

[udolipixie]

These single fathers have past sexual baggage too does that mean all women for them are lower quality? As for you all women are whores scenario QA now you know most women feel about men. He's either a slut, wanted to be a slut & is bitter about it (unwilling virgins), or a virgin. Now how many guys are type 3?

[Asker]

single fathers are put at a disadvantage too. A lot of single women won't date guys with kids. So its nearly the same. One difference is that women who've had kids usually have a less than prestine p**** whereas a guys d*** doesn't change with by being a parent. Even if she had a c section her body will have stretch marks and saggy breast feeding titties. So yeah single moms stock is usually pretty low. I'd say in some cases unless she's really pretty its lower than a whore. in some cases.

[udolipixie]

I like you. This stock talk of women makes me feel better about how I view & treat all guys. I like this site because guys like you confirm my views.

[Asker]

Well its true. I know from your posts that you're a virgin so your stock is pretty high:) And what's good for the goose too...A guy with multiple kids, divorced, cheater loses a lot of his stock value too. Not many self respecting women would date this guy for anything more than short term sexual pleasure. Of course he might be fine with that.

[dudeman]

in western nations people are not getting married or having kids the native populations will be half of what they are today in 40 years if the trends continue so to answer your question no they dont

[Asker]

Great! Too many kids anyways. Everyone is just slutting around these days. I hope by the time my kids get to the sexual years they value chastity. And I'm no religous nutjob. I just think they'll lead richer lives by waiting until they meet someone really special, or at least special at the time. Doesn't even have to be a marriage, just someone worthy. Girls now suck cocks like they're shaking hands or something. That's just nasty and results in sores on the lips/genitals that don't go away.

[Glittergirl6]

Im sixteen and lots of people/friends I know have had sex. But I can honestly say I haven't had sex and I won't until I am married. A lot of people who think they know me say I'm a 'goody two shoes' but I don't see anything wrong with my choice. I'd rather give my virginity to someone I know truly cares for and loves me then give it to a guy I probably won't marry.

[sarahz]

you are very mature for your age. And don't worry, you are not alone in your decision. I felt the same way when I was your age. :)