Girls, are virgins a turn-off?

[Anonymous]

Lets say I guy approach you in a club and then admits he is a virgin, does that change anything? Is it a turn-off or maybe it's even a turn-on? And a last question, if he comes off as a confident guy, would you assume he is lying?

[Anonymous]

Okay, so I've slept with 6 guys. For a little while I was known amongst close friends as the Cherry Picker because they were always virgins. That wasn't my choice, just how it happened. For the record, I'm 18.

1st guy - we both got drunk at a party and I didn't stop to ask whether he was a virgin or not. Truth be told we don't know if he was a virgin or not anyway - he even lied about having slept with me because there was another girl he fancied. Verdict: painful.

2nd guy - 1st relationship, we were 16, as far as sex was concerned I was just horny. Didn't bother me that he was a virgin. Verdict: not amazing but okay.

3rd guy - 2nd relationship. Talking to him, I just thought it was kinda 'cute,' for lack of a better word. First time we made out we were pretty drunk at a party and shared a bed, started getting closer and stuff. didn't go any further than that because he was nervous. Didn't bother me. When we did get to it, he was eager to learn what I liked, perhaps more than I'm told some guys with experience are, because they think they know everything already. Verdict: really darn good.

4th guy - drunken fling. VERY drunk and heartbroken. Didn't bother me that he was a virgin either. Verdict: not amazing but alright.

5th guy - as above. I would note here that his virginity was something of a turn-off (or so I thought when I sobered up) but only because he came across as pretty desperate. Think American Pie. But then, there are all sorts of desperate people so it's not really BECAUSE he was a virgin. Verdict: not so good...

6th guy - actually slept with people before me for once! Never particularly made a fuss of any of it, probably knew the odd thing or two about what most girls like/dislike but for the most part just went with it and asked what I liked. Which is, in the end, the only way you can please someone, because everyone likes different things. Verdict: unparalleled.

Considering you're 22, if I was talking to you and that came up, the only thing that'd run through my mind is why you're a virgin. Like, is your penis so hideous that whoever sees it runs away screaming? There's probably nothing wrong with you really. Some people just don't get the opportunity to have sex with someone they're attracted to and who's attracted to them back for longer than others. I certainly had a long time when I was horny as hell and nothing came up. Then suddenly it was being offered to me on a plate everywhere I went. It's just coincidence. If you're interesting enough and sensitive to what that particular girl wants, then there should be no problem.

[Anonymous]

I would be more attracted to a virgin. I was a virgin quite late and I prefer a man who is not promiscuous, either. (Actually, I couldn't be with a promiscuous man.) I'm selective about who I sleep with (only one man so far and he's the one I plan to marry) and I want a man who is also selective. I'm glad my Boyfriend did not have much experience before he found me. People who are into casual sex may feel differently. Athough...why would you announce this in a club? The only person who should know is the woman you ARE going to have sex with. And she doesn't need to be told in a club. If you are looking to get laid by some random woman...well, I can't comment on how a woman who would consider that would react. I can only say that if a guy approached me and announced ANYTHING about his sexual life, I'd be freaked out. It just isn't an appropriate moment to talk about it. (No one but my Boyfriend knew I was a virgin, and the only time I told him was when the relationship was about to turn sexual, which was several months into it.) If you are just dating (and not trying to find a woman to take home and lose your virginity to) then she doesn't need to know that. Not right away.

[flchickypoo]

Well if a guy come up to me in a club and we talked about his virginity I would be kinda weirded out that is TMI for first time you meet someone...I don't think its a turn off kinda hot that you know he is clean and safe if it ever came to that point...you will find a lot of girls out there that like to go on the mission of taking the guys virginity but they are much like the guys that do this only after one thing...look at Tim Tebow he is a very sexy very confident guy and is still a virgin some think he is lying but I truly believe him I know met several confident attractive men that are virgins they just simply want to wait until they meet the right one and are afraid of STD's or the wrong one becoming pregnant...I guess I would say that it wouldn't effect the way I look at him at all I would respect his decision and admire him for having self control that many men lack

[s3tupMayne]

Well, at a certain age, people expect you not to be a virgin. But, it's all about how you carry the fact that you're a virgin:

Carrying it with no dignity:

- (Being really nervous about doing anything sexual)

- (Trying to force sex so you can get it out of the way)

- (Lying about it)

Verdict: TURN OFF

Carrying it with dignity:

- "I have to warn you before we go any farther, I'm a virgin, I haven't ever found a girl I trust / feel strongly about before so I didn't get involved, so you're going to have to guide me to do what you like most so I know how to please you as best as I can"

Verdict: TURN ON

There's no more desirable quality than dignity. You can be a supermodel and be undesirable because your personality is shallow (you carry yourself without dignity, as though there's nothing more important to you than looks!). You can be a poor college dropout and be desirable because you wanted to travel the world to see how people in other cultures live to gain the experience to pick a career that truly is worthwhile to you (whole lotta dignity in that, that's sexy and interesting).

It doesn't matter how your virginity is brought into question. You can't hide who you are by presenting yourself from one side or the other. A girl who gets to know you deeply enough to find out something personal like this (I assume it's personal unless you wouldn't ask this anonymously!) will see you for who you are. And in terms of what kind of a person you are, what you do is far less important than why you do it.

Keep that in mind next time you examine any quality about yourself. And also keep that in mind next time someone judges you. They simply may not understand, so don't let them rob you of your dignity. It's just about the most important thing you can have.

[sonic241928]

This is an excellent answer mate.

[toulouse]

I TOTALLY agree! I think that is a solid approach for BOTH genders.

[jusabarasida]

I like the last question you asked.. "would you assume he is lying".. I always wanted to know that too.. but once.. I knew this girl for a while.. like a year.. and the topic came up and I told her I'm a virgin.. and she suddenly gave me this reassurance like "oh its ok".. sh*t like that.. I don't get why girls do that. loll And she started acting a little different towards me even though we already had a great friendship and I had no intention of getting into her pants..

So I got fed up with it and one day I told her I'm actually not a virgin (just to f*** around with her).. and she got all excited and she goes "omg this takes our friendship to a whole other level!".. and since then I havnt been paying much attention to her.. Same thing happened with two more of my good girl friends.. and same story.. they always treat you differently when they think your not a virgin.. its like they think losing your virginity means gaining some superior level of knowledge or experience or something.. its kinda immature.. and a turn-off for me.

sorry.. kinda off topic from your question but yea I'm just sayin.. how they would act if you tell them your a virgin (which is the truth) and then tell them your really not (which is a lie)... its a good way to see if a girl is shallow or not.. (but then again, you would have to judge by your own definition of 'shallow').. maybe shallow isn't the right word.. Its a good way to see where her priorities are? I don't know.. figure it out yourself.. I ain't a genius.. Loll.

[purpleflames]

Not really do I think it might be a turn-off. First off, you don't really have to say it! You see, we girls are the ones about who you could always find out if they're virgins or not. The bigger problem comes with the female virginity, because it's not really comfortable for girls during their first sex, while virgin boys can just give into passion without thinking about physical pain, etc. In my opinion, it's more important if the certain guy just looks hot enough. :)

[PeachesAndCream]

I wouldn't find it a turn off at all. Just remember everyone has to loose their virginity, its part of growing up, and your not alone in being a 22 year old virgin. It would be a bit weird depending on how you brought it up but all in all I don't think it would affect anything. You just have to find the right girl I suppose.

[itssarahloveee]

Ok, if you're in a club, I doubt that that conversation would even come up. But no, it's not a turnoff. It is what it is.. I mean, that's serious stuff for a first date and if that's what's on the girls mind, then that's probably all that she's interested in anyways so she isn't worth the time.

[troamundos]

A virgin is a huge plus to me. I'm a virgin myself. I believe that whether you lost your virginity by either sleeping around like a man-whore, or simply having one good (say high school)relationship that you though would last, either way you bring baggage. (Although I would prefer the loss of virginity to a single person over a man-whore for sure.) I believe as it concerns sexual partners, more is not better...its just more, which has the effect of diluting the intimacy of every subsequent sexual relationship.

[swtlostchingrl82587]

I'd say someone who is 22 confident virgin is a turn on for most girls.

it's rare to find people that are still a virgins.

and by that age most people have at least been with one or two people.

I think confident is part of the personality. so I don't see how confident has to do anything with lying about being a virgin or not.

And I'm also 22 and still a virgin... so I mean is that a turn off or a turn on to guys? I think it depends on how you view yourself...be confident and proud that you are still a virgin because at least the decent girls will find you and your resistant a good trait for a potential boyfriend.

[TeresaTiger]

Confidence and being a virgin or not are two entirely different things. Anyone can easily have a confident attitude and be a virgin and any sexually active person can easily be very insecure. Attitude is everything as far as I'm concerned. As long as a person is healthy and reasonably fit (which shows that they care about themselves and treat themselves with care and respect) and has a good attitude, I don't really care what they look like or whether they are virgins. Virgins don't bother me at all. I prefer to fall in love with or have sex with an attitude and a real person not a status.

[checks]

I wouldn't have a one night stand with a virgin.

I would date a virgin.

Good sex really does take experience.

[lacrimati]

Some girls think it's sweet, others what I mean is, right now one of my friends is dating a virgin and when she found out and told me, she sounded freaked out - "i don't wanna be with a guy who can't hold his **** up for 5 minutes!" which is ridiculous, but then again she can be crazy. I have friends who look for soft guys, which is what you might come off more if you confess you're a virgin. I think it's ok - if the girl is kind, she'll help you out if need be. honestly, I don't know about others, but I'd be excited about getting a virgin guy - just to school him in my way :D

-- by confident do you mean cocky and making jokes, or an all-around-talk-to-everyone kind of confident? if it's the first, yes, I would think he's just playing. if it's the second, I'd probably assume he isn't.

[shazzababy]

I actually like the idea of a guy being a virgin. At least that way I know that I won't be catching anything anytime soon. :)

[Friends_Alibis92]

I think It's a turn on...firstly it doesn't change how I think about the guy but honestly I had this guy tell me he was and I didn't really believe him, the way he acted...I don't know...But I also like the idea that I would be his first and has nothing to compare me with, good or bad...and you can teach him so much :)

[cassandracain]

The worst is when he doesn't tell you he's a virgin, or if he says he's done it a lot but really hasn't.

Personally, I don't care if he's a virgin or not. Part of the fun with virgins is the corruption. ;)

[LukeReason]

taking our innocence away?

[dontknowanymore]

To be very honest. Men find it a major turn-off. Unless he's a virgin himself, or he's some mormon ready to get married to you.

Most men find it EXTREMELY stressful to date a virgin. Although it's flattering the he's her first, he just don't want to be a bastard who breaks a virgin's heart. No one wnats to be that asshole.

[CuddlyCarla]

If I was sincerely interested in someone, it wouldn't matter to me if he was a virgin or not. Any girl of quality isn't going to judge a man for that, if anything being a virgin can be a noble choice. Secondly, since when is confidence a bad term? If a guy isn't shy I have a much bigger chance not trusting him. Someone who is confident and straight-forward is not only more attractive to women, but they also have the bravery to lay their cards on the table and define what they want and what they are looking for, which is a total win.

[Mcstarr]

IT DOESNT CHANGES THINGS I ACTUALLY ADMIRE GUYS THAT ARE VIRGINS BECAUSE MOST GUYS JUST HAVE SEX WITH ANY RANDOM GIRL CAUSE THEY THINK THE GIRL IS HOT AND IT WOULD BE NICE TO TALK TO A GUY THAT CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AND YOU KNOW THAT HES REALLY PAYING ATTENTION AND NOT JUST FOCUSING ON YOUR BOOBS AND IT GOOD THATS THEIRS STILL SOME VIRGIN GUYS OUT THEIR

[bootcampboy]

Im sure by now you are tired of talking in all caps. well I would like to enlighten you about this special button on your key board called "caps lock", its almost magical how the words go back to lower case, then it doesn't seem like your yelling all them time. its on the left side of your keyboard right above the shift key(which if you can't find it and get despirate and can't find it, will also make the letters lower case), good luck though ;)

[Mcstarr]

I actually had set it that way I'm very smart when it comes to computers thank you very much

[Killfest400]

Not every guy is looking to bang any vagina within a 12-mile radius. Remember that.

[CountDove]

I personally don't think its something that needs to be brought up until you are very well acquainted with someone. I think it is a great thing, but it isn't the type of thing you want to be pointlessly shouting from rooftops. I think the only person who may care is a prospective wife.

-Count D.

[drummerdude27]

u probably would say it when you are about to get laid, like right befor so why would it change things unless she is really shallow

[midwestangels12]

it wouldn't cahnge my opinion in the least though I wouldn't probably have a long term relationship with a virgin because I've had really bad luck in the past with that, but other than that it wouldn't change any of my opinions and I can't think of too many guys that would lie about being a virgin so I definitely wouldn't assume they were lying

[aeon_flux]

If that's his opening line then yeah its a put off because there's no introduction to who he is and why he's telling me these things. Worse, is that the environment your choosing to talk to approach girls about in this matter is in a club, which should be left for when your get to know them a little better.

[Starling]

I'm pretty sure I'd be like wtf? I'm at a club, I have no reason to know anyones sexual history. It would turn me off, but not because he's a virgin, but because that would come off as totally creepy, and rude.

[girlsguys88]

No not at all. But I am one of those (when I was in my 20s) hot good girls who was experienced but promiscuous and would never go for a player/promiscuous guy.

A good looking guy who's a virgin is even effing hotter because he likely had opportunities whether he realized it or.

[girlsguys88]

Who was experienced but NOT (correction!) promiscuous

[nelsonel]

no absolutly not. It actually kind of says something as in you may be someone who is waiting for marriage. so your good to go! :-)

[kcm_05]

well anyone telling me he's a virgin when I'm drunk off my ass at a bar... I would probably think he's a weirdo...

now... if it progressed from bar-club we got home and he was like bam I'm a virgin I'd b elike ya right...

but honestly. good for you for still beign a virgin, its commendable...

[AllyAnaBell]

No, I don't think so at all. It just makes it safer to know he doesn't have some sexually transmitted disease. And you mean confident as in what? If it was too good to be true like the 'I'm just gonna say I'm a virgin so she might be more willing' thing that yes we can catch that.

[Reeses-pieces777]

not at all. I think that a guy's personality is the most important thing there is. and if he's a virgin, then that's even better. it's not the main thing ina relationship anyways. if he has character a good career and he loves me, then why would I care if he's virgin or not? got to see the bigger picture if you want a relationship to last, that's what I think anyways

[alessia93]

It's a good thing. and it's cute

[m1988]

I'd rather be with a guy with some experience but I would still really wana have sex with you if I was into you... I'd be indifferent to it

[0llie]

Yes it would be a turn off if he approached me in a club and then out of the blue said "By the way, I'm a virgin" - I'd thought he's nuts. But if he'd told me this when we'd be in a relationship or after few dates then I'd be okay with this.

[WolffyLove]

It would be a turn on for me because that means you have a clean slate. I would look at him with great attraction and wonder why such a sexy guy is still a virgin and that would interest me a lot more lolz. If he's confident and his ego is larger than the club itself, I would wonder and try to test his statement and if he is false, I would call him out and deflate his ego because no girl likes an overconfident guy

[kalabama]

I would dfinetely be interested in a virgin guy, sadly I never got the opportunity..

[CrazynKinky]

My question why are you telling girls at the bar. My answer is it makes me want to run away. No offense I think that's amazing that you've been able to keep your beliefs or standards or whatever. But to me it freaks me out because:

ONE: Virgins tend to get clingy afterwards (Yes guys not girls I know more guys than chicks

that do)

TWO: I'm not a fan of teaching and when you start out you won't know what your doing

[lelebear]

I would just think that it would be weird to go up to a girl and tell her that. It would be a turn off not because he was a virgin but because he relayed such intimate knowledge to me when I don't even know the guy. And no I would not assume a guy that looked 25 was lying only because most would not want to admit that.

[jtj25m]

Most wouldn't admit it, that is what the ones that would lie about such things would be counting on you believing! Although I don't really see why one would lie about such things, as if it is really that big of a deal. I'm with you on the bringing that up too soon and unprovoked though...a bit odd.

[Asker]

I did not necessarily mean just walking up and saying "I'm a virgin" out of the blue. Even I would think that was weird. I am talking about if the subject sex would come up, then would it be a turn-off to admit you are a virgin?

[lelebear]

If it just came up in conversation no it would not think it a turn off.

[danalane]

It would turn me off to be honest. I definately wouldn't want to hear that when I first met you. The reason it's a turn off is because they'd think you were unable to satify them (if they're not a virgin). You can't get away from this so maybe find a girl who's a virgin? I might think you were lying though, because of your age, ask yourself if you'd believe you.

[Asher1337]

When I was younger and never had sex before I had girls wanting to sleep with me becuase they knew I hadn't had sex. It's a massive turn on for many women, they feel dominating. I'd say don't rush and sleep with anyone. Wait until someone special or at least someone high in your books. ;)

[CanadianGuy87]

Above best answer.

[sarahjohnston09]

Honestly I don't mind if a guy is a virgin or not I don't think it matters. as long as being a virgin you are up to trying different things when you find that one you wanna loose it to.

[wtfamidoinghere]

Virgins are a turn off if the girl likes more experienced guys. It just depends on the girl's taste in guys.

For your second question, no I wouldn't assume he's lying.

[Ronbabii98]

I feel as if I could only be intimate with very few people in my lifetime, so when I hear someone else feels the same way, it give me a respect for them, it's special.

[jazzlussh]

well at first thought I'd think "...not experienced so probably no good" THEN second thought would be" I can teach him!" and plus that'd be fun to like be there for someones first experience of something. corrupting the virgin hah

[ILUVHIMSM]

definetly a turn on I mean who doesn't want to have sex with some inexperinced person like they might have some GR8 ideas 4 their 1st time

[red91]

It could be a good thing or a bad thing.

-He could be one of those virgins that try to have sex but fails miserably because no one wants to have sex with them.

-Or it can be a great situation where this guys is very selective and just doesn't have sex with anyone.More thatn likely he is a keeper because he thinks about his actions and has morals.A typical nice guy that wants more from you than the physical but be with you because of your mind...I would date this type of guy.

If a guy just met me in the club and told me he was a virgin then I would believe him but I would have to ask why he is telling me all that so soon.

[Dela1111]

I think for guys, being a virgin is frowned upon, though it probably shouldn't be. If you are a virgin this doesn't mean you need to bring it up as common conversation. If a girl really asks how many girls you've had sex with (she's a slut) then you should tell her, but if not, don't bring it up. Same goes for single moms out there, the fact that you have a kid shouldn't be the first thing you tell a guy.

[BlueBlood92]

sometimes I think that guys that are virgins are rare and makes it seem less likely if he was realy confident. The big turn off is that how many girls you have slept with and lye if it was just 1 or two women

[Hughman]

Depends on how it's brought up.

Good example - Girl: "I bet you're a player"

Guy: "Nah, I'm a 40 year old virgin" - cue laughter and her being all flirtatious and 'aghast'

*proceed to high jinx*

Bad example: *dancing with girl, cue nervous mumble* "I er have something to say. I er, don't know much about girls. I'm...er...a..virign."

You'll kill most attraction with most girls. You might get a sympathy f*** or maybe she's just really horny/ and/or desperate if you are really lucky.

[Pleasehelpmeplease]

Umm it he would probably look different in my eyes. But I think that would be in a good way. I would find him more genuin and I would feel like I was not just another girl.

[dalila]

I think is a turn on, but it's weird that you tell that right away...

But if the guy was good looking and hot I wouldn't believe him...

[Littletad]

Why would a guy admit he's a virgin at a club? I think it's something that should be private, and something that you should be proud of.

[mistake22]

personally I think that if your a virgin, it is all the better. for some ladys, but not for all.

[DIPEPDINGOLD]

I think its a turn on for a guy to be a virgin. It can be kind of hard to believe that a guy is a virgin...but I mean why would a guy through all the trouble and lie and say he's a virign...BUT IT IS a CLEVER trap. Some guys lie and say they are virgins just to get laid.

[soccerchick]

yea def. weird if that convo happens on a first meeting but no not a turnoff...it would be nice to know that not every guy has slept with a million girls

[HaleyElizabeth]

it is NOT a turn off!

[kiddosalias]

Being a virgin myself, I prefer virgin > non-virgin. And being a virgin or not is not really a matter of confidence, but personal values and whatnot. Though I have to be honest, if I heard this in a club, from a guy, I would think he's lying, which is a HUGE turn-off--especially if I'm meeting him for the first time! It's just TMI.

[BoudourB]

Kind of. Because he might not have enough experience. Its not a turn-off. Its just ackward. If a girl has already done it lots of times and the guy is still a virgin than yeah it is a turn off. But if your both virgins then I guess not.

[ButterflyBabe8433]

That would be a very good thing to me!

[Ollie]

For your first time I think it's best you don't have a one night stand, but have it with someone you're more confident with or someone you know is also a virgin.

No matter what, you shouldn't say you're a virgin. But I'm not answering your question (though I'm still assuming you asked for indirect reasons, you don't simply want to know if telling someone you're a virgin will make a difference for the sake of it)

But yes, the psychology changes. It doesn't take an expert to tell you that.

[Sexy-Senior-09]

The girls at the club don't want to hear that your a virgin.There's nothing wrong with being one its just the club is the wrong place to say it at, and realistically you don't go around saying your a virgin to every girl you just met.

[TwistedLogic]

True, I agree.

[dallascheerleader]

uhm I find it a turn ON if he's a virgin, a sense of innocense is attractice, but id hate it if he lied about it I like the truth as most girls do. its a turn on because it seems as if it won't be a night stand and he might have been CHOOISING to wait for the right girl...which makes me cute and not a man ho :)

[Hisbaby1]

I would def. be turned on by that, finding a virgin guy is WAY to hard

[love1210]

definitely NOT! I would love to date a guy who doesn't care if people know that he is a virin.

but yea, if he seemed overconfident then I might suspect that he is lying. but sadly, there's no real way of knowing =(

[cakelin]

yyyyyyyyyumm, I looove virginss. they're so sweet and innocent, I love teaching them how to do it and showing them how good it feels. I also like having that one thing that no one else can take & the fact that I'll be remembered for a lifetime.

[wywynot]

I need to find a girl like you!

[LukeReason]

@cakelin What if the virgin guy was in his late twenties? (28 for example)

[Happyfeet]

It's a turn-on if the guy's a virgin by choice. However if it's not by choice, then yeah we have a problem. Turn-off.

I never assume someone's lying until they give me reason to.

[PrinceOfDrarkness]

Can you elaborate more on this especially on the choice part.

[Happyfeet]

I'm just saying that if he is a virgin by choice, be it for religious reasons or whatever, then I think it's perfectly fine. It's not a deal breaker. However, if he's a virgin because he just can't get any, then that's just pathetic and sad.

[rockstare]

I think guys who are less sexual than me are sort of turn offs because you have to be on the same sexual level, have the same sort of desires but virgins are fine. I like guys who are sort of experienced because then I don't have to do any work but I think virgin guys are sweet. Any girl that rejects you for being a virgin is a moron. I don't think confidence is a red flag reading virgin/liar just be cool.

[ayannabarnett]

No it's really rare to find that I think it's cute I'm a virgin also