Sexual Health
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Girls, are virgins a turn-off?

Lets say I guy approach you in a club and then admits he is a virgin, does that change anything? Is it a turn-off or maybe it's even a turn-on? And a last question, if he comes off as a confident guy, would you assume he is lying?
Updates:
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I might also add that I am 22 years old but look like I'm about 25.
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Just to make my question clearer. Don't focus on if it is brought up in a good or bad way, I am just curious if the knowledge that someone is a virgin will change the way you look at him and your attraction towards him.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Okay, so I've slept with 6 guys. For a little while I was known amongst close friends as the Cherry Picker because they were always virgins. That wasn't my choice, just how it happened. For the record, I'm 18.

    1st guy - we both got drunk at a party and I didn't stop to ask whether he was a virgin or not. Truth be told we don't know if he was a virgin or not anyway - he even lied about having slept with me because there was another girl he fancied. Verdict: painful.

    2nd guy - 1st relationship, we were 16, as far as sex was concerned I was just horny. Didn't bother me that he was a virgin. Verdict: not amazing but okay.

    3rd guy - 2nd relationship. Talking to him, I just thought it was kinda 'cute,' for lack of a better word. First time we made out we were pretty drunk at a party and shared a bed, started getting closer and stuff. didn't go any further than that because he was nervous. Didn't bother me. When we did get to it, he was eager to learn what I liked, perhaps more than I'm told some guys with experience are, because they think they know everything already. Verdict: really darn good.

    4th guy - drunken fling. VERY drunk and heartbroken. Didn't bother me that he was a virgin either. Verdict: not amazing but alright.

    5th guy - as above. I would note here that his virginity was something of a turn-off (or so I thought when I sobered up) but only because he came across as pretty desperate. Think American Pie. But then, there are all sorts of desperate people so it's not really BECAUSE he was a virgin. Verdict: not so good...

    6th guy - actually slept with people before me for once! Never particularly made a fuss of any of it, probably knew the odd thing or two about what most girls like/dislike but for the most part just went with it and asked what I liked. Which is, in the end, the only way you can please someone, because everyone likes different things. Verdict: unparalleled.

    Considering you're 22, if I was talking to you and that came up, the only thing that'd run through my mind is why you're a virgin. Like, is your penis so hideous that whoever sees it runs away screaming? There's probably nothing wrong with you really. Some people just don't get the opportunity to have sex with someone they're attracted to and who's attracted to them back for longer than others. I certainly had a long time when I was horny as hell and nothing came up. Then suddenly it was being offered to me on a plate everywhere I went. It's just coincidence. If you're interesting enough and sensitive to what that particular girl wants, then there should be no problem.

  • I would be more attracted to a virgin. I was a virgin quite late and I prefer a man who is not promiscuous, either. (Actually, I couldn't be with a promiscuous man.) I'm selective about who I sleep with (only one man so far and he's the one I plan to marry) and I want a man who is also selective. I'm glad my Boyfriend did not have much experience before he found me. People who are into casual sex may feel differently. Athough...why would you announce this in a club? The only person who should know is the woman you ARE going to have sex with. And she doesn't need to be told in a club. If you are looking to get laid by some random woman...well, I can't comment on how a woman who would consider that would react. I can only say that if a guy approached me and announced ANYTHING about his sexual life, I'd be freaked out. It just isn't an appropriate moment to talk about it. (No one but my Boyfriend knew I was a virgin, and the only time I told him was when the relationship was about to turn sexual, which was several months into it.) If you are just dating (and not trying to find a woman to take home and lose your virginity to) then she doesn't need to know that. Not right away.

  • Well if a guy come up to me in a club and we talked about his virginity I would be kinda weirded out that is TMI for first time you meet someone...I don't think its a turn off kinda hot that you know he is clean and safe if it ever came to that point...you will find a lot of girls out there that like to go on the mission of taking the guys virginity but they are much like the guys that do this only after one thing...look at Tim Tebow he is a very sexy very confident guy and is still a virgin some think he is lying but I truly believe him I know met several confident attractive men that are virgins they just simply want to wait until they meet the right one and are afraid of STD's or the wrong one becoming pregnant...I guess I would say that it wouldn't effect the way I look at him at all I would respect his decision and admire him for having self control that many men lack

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, at a certain age, people expect you not to be a virgin. But, it's all about how you carry the fact that you're a virgin:

    Carrying it with no dignity:

    - (Being really nervous about doing anything sexual)

    - (Trying to force sex so you can get it out of the way)

    - (Lying about it)

    Verdict: TURN OFF

    Carrying it with dignity:

    - "I have to warn you before we go any farther, I'm a virgin, I haven't ever found a girl I trust / feel strongly about before so I didn't get involved, so you're going to have to guide me to do what you like most so I know how to please you as best as I can"

    Verdict: TURN ON

    There's no more desirable quality than dignity. You can be a supermodel and be undesirable because your personality is shallow (you carry yourself without dignity, as though there's nothing more important to you than looks!). You can be a poor college dropout and be desirable because you wanted to travel the world to see how people in other cultures live to gain the experience to pick a career that truly is worthwhile to you (whole lotta dignity in that, that's sexy and interesting).

    It doesn't matter how your virginity is brought into question. You can't hide who you are by presenting yourself from one side or the other. A girl who gets to know you deeply enough to find out something personal like this (I assume it's personal unless you wouldn't ask this anonymously!) will see you for who you are. And in terms of what kind of a person you are, what you do is far less important than why you do it.

    Keep that in mind next time you examine any quality about yourself. And also keep that in mind next time someone judges you. They simply may not understand, so don't let them rob you of your dignity. It's just about the most important thing you can have.

    • This is an excellent answer mate.

    • I TOTALLY agree! I think that is a solid approach for BOTH genders.

  • I like the last question you asked.. "would you assume he is lying".. I always wanted to know that too.. but once.. I knew this girl for a while.. like a year.. and the topic came up and I told her I'm a virgin.. and she suddenly gave me this reassurance like "oh its ok".. sh*t like that.. I don't get why girls do that. loll And she started acting a little different towards me even though we already had a great friendship and I had no intention of getting into her pants..

    So I got fed up with it and one day I told her I'm actually not a virgin (just to f*** around with her).. and she got all excited and she goes "omg this takes our friendship to a whole other level!".. and since then I havnt been paying much attention to her.. Same thing happened with two more of my good girl friends.. and same story.. they always treat you differently when they think your not a virgin.. its like they think losing your virginity means gaining some superior level of knowledge or experience or something.. its kinda immature.. and a turn-off for me.

    sorry.. kinda off topic from your question but yea I'm just sayin.. how they would act if you tell them your a virgin (which is the truth) and then tell them your really not (which is a lie)... its a good way to see if a girl is shallow or not.. (but then again, you would have to judge by your own definition of 'shallow').. maybe shallow isn't the right word.. Its a good way to see where her priorities are? I don't know.. figure it out yourself.. I ain't a genius.. Loll.

    • Not really do I think it might be a turn-off. First off, you don't really have to say it! You see, we girls are the ones about who you could always find out if they're virgins or not. The bigger problem comes with the female virginity, because it's not really comfortable for girls during their first sex, while virgin boys can just give into passion without thinking about physical pain, etc. In my opinion, it's more important if the certain guy just looks hot enough. :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

101 14

  • I wouldn't find it a turn off at all. Just remember everyone has to loose their virginity, its part of growing up, and your not alone in being a 22 year old virgin. It would be a bit weird depending on how you brought it up but all in all I don't think it would affect anything. You just have to find the right girl I suppose.

  • Ok, if you're in a club, I doubt that that conversation would even come up. But no, it's not a turnoff. It is what it is.. I mean, that's serious stuff for a first date and if that's what's on the girls mind, then that's probably all that she's interested in anyways so she isn't worth the time.

  • A virgin is a huge plus to me. I'm a virgin myself. I believe that whether you lost your virginity by either sleeping around like a man-whore, or simply having one good (say high school)relationship that you though would last, either way you bring baggage. (Although I would prefer the loss of virginity to a single person over a man-whore for sure.) I believe as it concerns sexual partners, more is not better...its just more, which has the effect of diluting the intimacy of every subsequent sexual relationship.

  • I'd say someone who is 22 confident virgin is a turn on for most girls.

    it's rare to find people that are still a virgins.

    and by that age most people have at least been with one or two people.

    I think confident is part of the personality. so I don't see how confident has to do anything with lying about being a virgin or not.

    And I'm also 22 and still a virgin... so I mean is that a turn off or a turn on to guys? I think it depends on how you view yourself...be confident and proud that you are still a virgin because at least the decent girls will find you and your resistant a good trait for a potential boyfriend.

  • Confidence and being a virgin or not are two entirely different things. Anyone can easily have a confident attitude and be a virgin and any sexually active person can easily be very insecure. Attitude is everything as far as I'm concerned. As long as a person is healthy and reasonably fit (which shows that they care about themselves and treat themselves with care and respect) and has a good attitude, I don't really care what they look like or whether they are virgins. Virgins don't bother me at all. I prefer to fall in love with or have sex with an attitude and a real person not a status.

  • I wouldn't have a one night stand with a virgin.

    I would date a virgin.

    Good sex really does take experience.

  • Some girls think it's sweet, others what I mean is, right now one of my friends is dating a virgin and when she found out and told me, she sounded freaked out - "i don't wanna be with a guy who can't hold his **** up for 5 minutes!" which is ridiculous, but then again she can be crazy. I have friends who look for soft guys, which is what you might come off more if you confess you're a virgin. I think it's ok - if the girl is kind, she'll help you out if need be. honestly, I don't know about others, but I'd be excited about getting a virgin guy - just to school him in my way :D

    -- by confident do you mean cocky and making jokes, or an all-around-talk-to-everyone kind of confident? if it's the first, yes, I would think he's just playing. if it's the second, I'd probably assume he isn't.

  • I actually like the idea of a guy being a virgin. At least that way I know that I won't be catching anything anytime soon. :)

  • I think It's a turn on...firstly it doesn't change how I think about the guy but honestly I had this guy tell me he was and I didn't really believe him, the way he acted...I don't know...But I also like the idea that I would be his first and has nothing to compare me with, good or bad...and you can teach him so much :)

  • The worst is when he doesn't tell you he's a virgin, or if he says he's done it a lot but really hasn't.

    Personally, I don't care if he's a virgin or not. Part of the fun with virgins is the corruption. ;)

    • taking our innocence away?

  • To be very honest. Men find it a major turn-off. Unless he's a virgin himself, or he's some mormon ready to get married to you.

    Most men find it EXTREMELY stressful to date a virgin. Although it's flattering the he's her first, he just don't want to be a bastard who breaks a virgin's heart. No one wnats to be that asshole.

  • If I was sincerely interested in someone, it wouldn't matter to me if he was a virgin or not. Any girl of quality isn't going to judge a man for that, if anything being a virgin can be a noble choice. Secondly, since when is confidence a bad term? If a guy isn't shy I have a much bigger chance not trusting him. Someone who is confident and straight-forward is not only more attractive to women, but they also have the bravery to lay their cards on the table and define what they want and what they are looking for, which is a total win.

  • IT DOESNT CHANGES THINGS I ACTUALLY ADMIRE GUYS THAT ARE VIRGINS BECAUSE MOST GUYS JUST HAVE SEX WITH ANY RANDOM GIRL CAUSE THEY THINK THE GIRL IS HOT AND IT WOULD BE NICE TO TALK TO A GUY THAT CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING AND YOU KNOW THAT HES REALLY PAYING ATTENTION AND NOT JUST FOCUSING ON YOUR BOOBS AND IT GOOD THATS THEIRS STILL SOME VIRGIN GUYS OUT THEIR

    • Im sure by now you are tired of talking in all caps. well I would like to enlighten you about this special button on your key board called "caps lock", its almost magical how the words go back to lower case, then it doesn't seem like your yelling all them time. its on the left side of your keyboard right above the shift key(which if you can't find it and get despirate and can't find it, will also make the letters lower case), good luck though ;)

    • I actually had set it that way I'm very smart when it comes to computers thank you very much

    • Not every guy is looking to bang any vagina within a 12-mile radius. Remember that.

  • I personally don't think its something that needs to be brought up until you are very well acquainted with someone. I think it is a great thing, but it isn't the type of thing you want to be pointlessly shouting from rooftops. I think the only person who may care is a prospective wife.

    -Count D.

  • u probably would say it when you are about to get laid, like right befor so why would it change things unless she is really shallow

  • it wouldn't cahnge my opinion in the least though I wouldn't probably have a long term relationship with a virgin because I've had really bad luck in the past with that, but other than that it wouldn't change any of my opinions and I can't think of too many guys that would lie about being a virgin so I definitely wouldn't assume they were lying

  • If that's his opening line then yeah its a put off because there's no introduction to who he is and why he's telling me these things. Worse, is that the environment your choosing to talk to approach girls about in this matter is in a club, which should be left for when your get to know them a little better.

  • I'm pretty sure I'd be like wtf? I'm at a club, I have no reason to know anyones sexual history. It would turn me off, but not because he's a virgin, but because that would come off as totally creepy, and rude.

  • No not at all. But I am one of those (when I was in my 20s) hot good girls who was experienced but promiscuous and would never go for a player/promiscuous guy.

    A good looking guy who's a virgin is even effing hotter because he likely had opportunities whether he realized it or.

    • Who was experienced but NOT (correction!) promiscuous

  • no absolutly not. It actually kind of says something as in you may be someone who is waiting for marriage. so your good to go! :-)

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