He called me someone else's name during sex...

Question

He said it didn't mean anything... And I really don't think he's cheating on me. He said the name he called me isn't someone he knows in his life, or has had sex with. And that he doesn't know where it came from.But I'm really, really hurt and I don't know what to do. We've been together for a little over a year, and everything has been great, so I want to try and get through this, as long as it doesn't happen again.He wants to make it better, but neither of us know how. I can't see him or think of him without crying or feeling like I want to die. I feel so ashamed...What should I do? What should he do? Should I forgive him?

ThoroughFred · Accepted Answer

After reading all the responses, I don't think anyone really got to the heart of the issue. There are 3 reasons why anyone would call out another name, lets look at those and figure out which one by his reaction.

1. Accident - had a total brain fart, was preoccupied with something random and made a sincere mistake. (most likely NOT what happened, but you can tell if he laughed sincerely at himself afterward instead of getting defensive and made a light joke of it.)

2. Was fantasizing about someone he doesn't actually know - This could be a p*rn star, a famous person, a model, TV personality, whoever (If this is the case he would have been mildly defensive, but still light hearted about it until you reacted and it made him feel guilty about it - after which he was super apologetic.)

3. Was thinking of someone else - an actual person. (this doesn't mean that he is necessarily cheating on you, just thinking of someone he does know. Most likely he was very defensive and after trying to dismiss it as nothing got physically angry if you questioned him further)

Now then, what to do about it:

if #1, let it go. By being upset over nothing you are showing him that you are not stable in your security in the relationship and that any little thing is going to be a big issue and cause problems. The more you dwell on it the more it's going to become a sticking point for other arguments and issues in your relationship and ultimately ruin any chances of being happy together - and all over a pointless suspicion.

if #2, also let it go. Men fantasize. They all do it and they will ALL do it whether they tell you or not. There really is no harm in it as fantasies are just that. If he is the type to cheat on you, whether or not he thinks about it is irrelevant to actually doing it. Making him think it's not OK to fantasize is basically telling him you are too scared to let him be himself. Again it will be a rift in your relationship as he will start to build resentment towards you for trying to hold control over him. We each own our own minds and you can't tell someone what to think.

if #3, accept it first. Sit down and imagine the worst. Most likely it's NOT the worst, but if you can accept the worst than anything else will be easier to deal with. Then confront him and find out. Don't bring it up in a fight, just talk to him calmly. You've already accepted the worst, so even if he admits he is cheating on you will be prepared for it and then you can just leave him once and for all. Otherwise it's probably an old ex-girlfriend or someone he works with or whatever - just tell him it's OK to be honest about it because you want to work it out and honesty is the only way for things to be settled between you. If you can get him to open up to you, then you can make your decision based on what he tells you. If you encourage his honesty and tell him you won't hate him for it than that is the only way to get the truth.

This can be tricky and upsetting. good luck.

Fais911 · Accepted Answer

Should I forgive him" Absolutely yes, without forgiving him, you can't even initiate friendly, openly, and honestly conversation about the incident. You tell him you forgive over this and understand that language is symbolic which means it means nothing unless we make meaning out of it, which is why you can't understand what foreigners who speak foreign languages say.

Then you have to evaluate the situation by yourself. What are his behavior, is he abusive, doe she listen to you, does he love you, do you sense he has been ignore or disinterested in having sexy or has your relationship improving or failing a part. Who are his closest friends? Are they inspiring friendly educated people or they are club goers who do all sh*t things in the hood? Do you know his ex-girlfriends, where in the world are they living ( is important if they live in the same town, state, or country or else). Does he frequently say something about a ex-girlfriend, especially when you have a good time like Christmas, birthday party, reunion, surprises, vacation, or other happy times ( a sign he still loves and maintains relationship with ex-person)

How did his previous relationships ended? Does he consider all or most of his ex-girlfriends "crazy, psycho, or demanding" ( which is a sign of being a player)? Does he take you to dinner and does he avoid going to local crowded clubs, restaurants and sit with you in local isolated area? Does he avoid or make you avoid your friends and become bit isolated from your world ( another sign of being a player).

I think you know your man, and people make mistakes, relations are not always solid because there are ups and downs. However, the answers of the above questions can give a clear picture of your man.

But make sure you don't attack him with argumentative questions when you confront him about the incident. It might create hardship between you because he will become defensive. Talk to him claimily, openly, lovely, about these things while you secret find the answers I listed above. You ask him a clear perception checking questions which means, you state what happen, you add what you felt or think and ask him to give clarifications of how and why these incidents happen? Thanks

azicr · Accepted Answer

OMG I feel so bad for you. I would be as hurt as you are, and to be honest I wouldn't be able to get passed it but than again I have never been in love so I don't know the decisions I would make based on love. So I guess getting passed it will depend o how much you care for and it seems like you do.

But I would feel so inefficient to him and I believe when you are giving yourself away to a guy than he should appreciate and treasure that and only desire you during sex. So for him to say someone elses name would just ruin all of my beliefs--and I probably couldn't look past it--unless his explanation was convincing, realistic and I loved him that much---

--but one thing is for sure-- I would be so deeply hurt and it would probably take a long time, a lot of patience and will on his behalf to help me get over in der to ever be physical with him again.

I know this was 12 days ago by now--but how you feeling about it now if you don't mind me asking?

girlbehindthechair · Accepted Answer

I think you should call him another name next time, as a joke, and see how easy it is to do that. I know you weren't trying to be kinky or anything, but sometimes its fun to call your man another man's name. Just because. it's interesting. try to flip the situation into something else, and lighten up. it's not the end of the world, and it's not like you had a bag on your head, he was still looking right at you, and loving on you! No big deal girl

AmberDeS · Accepted Answer

things like this happen all the time and sometimes people can get over this by choosing a name they would wish to be called during sex! it sounds strange and some people ARENT into it but its simple and no ones getting hurt! you choose a sexy name for him as he does for you role play with it! And if you honestly believe he isn't hurting you than you should forgive him it will be easier to put your heart at ease!

ArtistBboy · Answer

Get up and get on with your life; a word can have multiple meanings or a single meaning; but it always has one purpose, the purpose of that single word is only the purpose you give it.

If someone told your mother: "You are very sweet, thank you" - You'd probably think highly of them... On the contrary, if someone told your mother: "You stupid _____ ____ B!@#$! Go ____ yourself!" .. You'd probably think lowly of that person.

Words are meaningless. If you want to forgive him, do so; if you don't want to forgive him, that's okay too. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

Most people may agree with me, or be against me, but a word (or a name) should not be enough to break a relationship. I completely agree with you QA about being upset about it, or downright furious would be a better word ;)

But in the end of the day, who are we really kidding? You're crying because you care about him. If you didn't care about him, and he said the same thing, you wouldn't be crying. The only reason it hurts is because he means a lot to you and you probably didn't expect him doing that.

So what'll it be? Toss in the towel? Or buckle up and hang on for the rough and bumpy ride ahead?

Seek your happiness, and live your life.

~ ArtistBBoy

ty-lady · Answer

It has happened to the best of us!

p.s Although, tell your man that he's lying about just blurting out a name of someone he doesn't even know or never heard before. It's normal and healthy to fantasize, don't worry it's cool (unless the same name is blurted out again) Ty-lady!

ShesMygirl · Answer

Do you trust him?

Is he honest and open with you?

Does he SHOW you he loves you?

Look...this is a tough thing to deal with...until you quit looking at what happened, and look at him. Is he some guy you love or prince charming?

If he's the one you want forgiving is the easy part. the hard part is letting it go.

38rakia38 · Answer

I've almost called out the wrong name.

Not because I was cheating or anything like that.

For whatever reason, I was thinking of one of my friends and luckily, I was able to completely change the name into "God".

It's not that big a deal. It's just a name.

3v3lAngel · Answer

Thats a tough one. I can guarantee its either an ex or a girl he used to like. Nobody calls out a strangers name. I would hope for your sake he's not cheating but you need to do some research if he's gonna tell you a lie that obvious. Accidently calling out an Exes name is bad enough

scott63a · Answer

It happens. There are no accidents. Should you break up over it? Depends on who this person is. You have to ask him to be honest with you. If he is honest with you, you need to maintain your composure and not be upset with him if you don't like the answer. Getting upset is a sure way to eliminate honesty in the future.

Sex is easy. It's all the emotional BS that comes with it that causes problems. If his explanation is satisfactory to you, then you will need to get over it. If it is not satisfactory, well, then you know what you need to do.

elizabethcorpse · Answer

Hey accidents happen. Personally, I d laugh about it and call him an 'a-hole'. Then start joking about it.

donnie · Answer

you were together for more than a year and he gave you an unreasonable reasoning. How can he ever forget your name...

DrSanta · Answer

Well, if there is no suspension of him cheating on you, I would say let it go. After a year he may be getting board of everyday sex. That leads to men fantasizing about something that excite them. Next time you are intimate with him, surprise him with some sexy underwear or do something that does not happen often. Try to take his word for it, but keep an eye out for anything that might prove he is not telling you the truth.

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

that would p*ss me off for at least oh 2 weeks. at least 2 weeks. then depending on how he treats me and if he tries to be decent or if he really is a cheater, I'd dump him.

Jonny_ · Answer

How close is your name to the other name? Sometimes people do make mistakes like that. Even if the names aren't close some people do it... Although I've never called out another persons name in bed as I think I'd be very careful to get it right. I don't think about other girls during sex, but I don't think about anything in particular... I don't really concentrate on her either (as bad as it sounds) but I think about her every other time, during sex I think of pointless things like planning my day or what I'm going to make for dinner. It's probably just for self control, I'd be screwed if someone asked me a question during sex that didn't involve my daily plans. lmao

blackmaxpayne · Answer

if you really believe you can work it out. do it. you can get around it just watch him though.

otherwise its a beter idea to just pick up your stuff and split. I would have dropped everything when I get called bubba instead of paul, paulie or batman!

girl one time called me Terrance while I was still inside of her! I just picked up my sh*t and left.

cherrybonbon · Answer

This is what you do... have sex with him and call him someone elses name, there your even!

Butterfly_kisses09 · Answer

If you love him then you'll find a way to get through it. It was a probably just a mistake and he didn't mean anything by it. It always helps to talk about it though. Sit down with him, talk about the problem and find a solution.

Thedesendent · Answer

Hahahaha, sorry it's just that to an outsider this is a hilarious situation. If you don't think he's cheating then that's that, it was an accident. A very serious accident in a moment of passion, which makes this funnier. Lol but all and all I think you'll get over it. Sometimes everyone screws up so I think you should forgive him :) As for what he should do, I think he should practice saying your name for a little bit lmao

JamieOfCourse · Answer

Well, here's the thing...

While you may forgive, you probably won't forget this.

Every time he makes a mistake, you'll be reminded of this and it will hurt you all over again.

Even if he's not cheating, you'll probably feel suspicious from now on and there's a good chance you won't be getting over this in the near future.

tallnhungjoe · Answer

OK, this happens... it has happened to me... it is usually because you are doing something that reminds him of another lover.

There are two ways you can respond:

1. Start Raging at him like "WHO THE FLI C K is (Fill in name here).

2. Say, wow, (fill in name here) must have done really special things in bed with you, what did she do?

Yeah he'll be embarrassed, but you'll open a door to communication in Bed that will change your life and relationship FOREVER!

Oh yes, no, I'm not Naive... it can, in a very small number of cases, mean he's cheating, but that will become obvious over time.

Good luck,

Joe

BeerME · Answer

When in doubt, don't over think it.

misio · Answer

yeah I'm pretty sure it was a brain fart. :) dude I called my ex boyfriend derick. lol I don't know anyone named derick. it just came out.. I'm pretty sure it was nothingg like he says. but it sucks having those it creates a huuuuuge fight. but oh well... trust me it was just one of those stupid moments that people have sometimes :) don't worry. :)

anynymoooooose · Answer

I don't know what makes people do this or why he said it, but worst case scenario, there's another girl he has come across that he's attracted to, which is not to say he would choose her over you for any reason.

You've likely met someone else over the course of your relationship where you felt the same for him. Consider how you still feel about your boyfriend, how you can be attracted to another guy and still care for/prefer to be with your current boyfriend. If you can do that, accept it not as a threat but as something that just happens, and do what you can to maintain his interest if you're not already.

I know it can hurt, but you have to remember how you've felt towards other guys, and not beat him up for feeling the same way, or yourself for that matter.

jackflynn7 · Answer

From an old stand-up comedy routine: I once f*cked a girl who was so self centered, she hollered out her OWN name. duh duh tsshhhh

jackflynn7 · Answer

Yes.  Get over it and either cashier or get on with the relationship.  That is what is called a "brain fart".  Forget about it.

daniellealicia · Answer

Lmfao! thats...crazy? Let it gooo! what's in a name anyway that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Right? It might just be the p*rnos. lol

KinkyBBy · Answer

He has to know that name. No body just says random name during sex.. Sorry but I think you should forget about him.

Littletad · Answer

He's almost for sure lying. I know for a fact that calling a girl another name is asking for a severe punishment. Now saying it during sex... well, I'm surprised you are still with him. Most guys would be dumped in a jiff.

BillyTheMountain · Answer

The mechanism your brain uses to 'look up" a name generally has to do with thinking about some characteristic of that person, then recalling the name.  But there can be mulitple names that are associated wtih that characteristic and sometimes the 'lookup' gets the wrong one.  Doesn't mean anything.

soowhat · Answer

its a mistake and I know it hurts, but you'll forget about it over time... eventually you'll make a silly little mistake like that.

Pati3nc3 · Answer

ouch.. I"m yeah. I mean if he says its nothing and if you believe its nothing. I think you should jus get over it. no harm no foul right? =/

dro305 · Answer

I think you should forgive...yes. I mean it only happened once. As far as why it happened...well let me give you a quick story of something that happened to me.

I called my girlfriend by my ex's name once during sex. My girl's name at the time was Yanara. My ex's was Yeney. Honest mistake I mean come on. But I understand how it made her feel. But she forgave and let it go. And everything went fine after that. That was my situation with the name calling.

Hope that helped.

aussie-bloke · Answer

lol believe it or not this actually happened to me, I called my girlfriend stacey when we were going at it.. and I don't really know any hot staceys.. and I was like.. why the fk did I say stacey...

my girlfriend didn't hear me over her own moaning so I was lucky haha.

but seriously don't worry about it, I reckon it would be a 1/100 chance his thinking of another girl.

CandydChalazn · Answer

It's possible that he could hav had a dream about some stranger with that name and it mite have been lurking in his subconcious. You could have reminded him of her.

Anyways to make it short he probly wasn't thinking and you shoud forgiv him ^.^

Good luck

Natalie

iXenomorph · Answer

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2) What should you do? Get over it.

DanielSan · Answer

Liar. Why would he just call you a name... I bet its someone he used to like or be with...doesnt mean he is cheating now

freehuggs · Answer

Create a sexy alter ego of the same name. Sorted.

dreamishobby · Answer

he might be lying to you...i mean he might not be cheating on you right now...but she'd have been his past and he doesn't want to tell you about her...

borealis · Answer

Just a brain fart if you want my opinion... It happens to me often to call my friends by someone else's name by mistake.

flammabledude · Answer

I wouldn't take this to heart at all...

For example I called my girlfriend another girls name.. and I completely don't fancy this other girl in any way nor have cheated.. it just happened to come into my head for some reason.

Do not take something stupid like this seriously and make a big deal out of it, give the guy a break. We all think about random sh*t at times.

chiefnavarro · Answer

thats funny

El-Niño · Answer

is the name a real one or is it kind of a nickname ? and is he a playa ? need to know more

ladyinred1989 · Answer

f that girl! I would be like "see ya" if you want to be really juvenile you could shout another guys name out during sex next time...just an idea ;)

rakar · Answer

maybe she was on his mind don't read to much into it

kebirungi · Answer

jst give him a second chance

PatrickHimebaugh · Answer

YES!You should forgive! I have Called out one of my EX's Names out during sex... my situation I was really drunk and the Jack was talking for me... I was near passed out when this happened I remember her on top and I said Rachel... when her name was Elsa... I literally thought it was Rachel ... she slapped me a few good ones and said what's my name... and I kept saying rachel, rachel (rachel was an ex of mine and when we dated she turned from stripping into an escort and then a p*rn star))so she was a slut in my eyes for doing what she did behind my back and ruining our really good relationship... and I freaked the hell out... And Elsa just beat the crap out of me... the next day she was upset... and told her Rachel would never be a girl I would sleep with or have sex with ever again.. and said she doesn't even live in this state no more and I have Stopped communication with Rachel for 2 years at that time.and I really don't care where that girl has been... and I thought I was dreaming and I apologized.. So that's my story... it happens. there is more to your story I bet...just like I explained in mine...but you should always forgive... because if you love him then you must trust him...and don't let that get in your way when it was just a mistake...

bibian · Answer

hey you should let him go because mere calling you some ones name means he is not thinking about you but the other person he is screaming out , run for your life before its late.

siggy · Answer

God, I imagined this if it happened to me, I would go ballistic! Find out what's up, and make your own decision from there

xdidix · Answer

Lol I flip out when someone calls me a different name just like that, but during sex it would be DONE with lol. There's no excuse, at least for me, I would bounce. You have to respect yourself.

mslanny · Answer

Was he drunk? I don't make sure it really isn't someone from his past? I would not like it. And if it really came out of no where isn't that just weird and if it keeps happening you will just end up feeling uncomfortable every time and eventually uncomfortable to even have relations with him and eventually the next man... things drag out it starts with one little thing and they just keep coming worse...

firebear09 · Answer

id  say you have to pick your battles

kylie909 · Answer

Well its a hard situation because there could be many reasons the top 3 I can think of are 1 that he is cheating on you and was lying 2 you 2 he called you a name to make it seem sexier and 3 he was calling you a name from a previous relationship

Anonymous · Answer

Ouch!

I'd say its worth it to forgive him.

But at the same time... that's got to mean something... Lets hope its just a fantasy girl and not an actual chick.

Get to the bottom of it, or let it go... Its your choice.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless it was 'Oh God', I would probably be a little suspicious too.  I may not keep on him about it, but I would definietly have my guard up...tuck it away and see what else plays out.

Anonymous · Answer

I hope it was a girl's name, at least.

Anonymous · Answer

wow..turrets syndrome..maybe

Anonymous · Answer

Was he behind you grabbing your hair and holding on for the ride? This is a 'rodeo' move where the guy holds on and calls out another girls name. She bucks like a bull. If he knows your female BFF's name, he'd use that.

Anonymous · Answer

He knows who it is but isn't going to admit it. But just see what happens, I can tell you this though, he's obviously in contact with them. There's no way you accidentally say someone's name that you haven't spoken to in a year. Try a week. I'd confront him and tell him how little sense he's making claiming he doesn't know where the name came from.

Anonymous · Answer

Hes not over who ever it is he mentioned, was thinking of them. Most people still think about exs you don't completly get over them, or forget.  If its a deal breaker deal with it  otherwise just accept he has a past and baggage as do you...

Anonymous · Answer

My friend used to always joke about an ideal girl, and he'd always give her a name like Ginger or something. We don't know any Gingers. In fact, he uses this name so often, I wouldn't be surprised if he repeated this mistake as well!

As for why your man did this, only he knows the answer. It's natural for you to be upset and take this as a warning. During sex though, that's pretty serious... and a simply tell you "I don't know where it came from" is a common cover-up lie that men use on the fly.

I don't know about your personality, but personally, once someone damages the trust between us, it's pretty much done for. Friendship or relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

"And that he doesn't know where it came from."

That's a lie. I don't call out random names during sex and I don't know anyone else who does. He knows this girl, I don't know if he knows her well or if he saw her in passing, but he knows this person, was fantasizing about her while with you. I do think this is a big deal and that you need to get to the bottom of it

Anonymous · Answer

Find out who it was... it was probably just an accident, but you can't really know without at least knowing who the name was. You shouldn't feel ashamed! It's 100% his fault.

He called me someone else's name during sex...

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