This happens. I would not read more into it than that. My guess is that he is exhausted, and besides being physically tired, he may be mentally tired too.
As yaddayaddayadda02 said, he should give up some of the time he is doing other things for time in the relationship.
Instead of bringing up sex, since you've already done that and he got defensive, maybe bring up doing other things. Tell him you want to go out some evenings. You want to have dinner at home. Something. Plan something in advance by a week or more, rather than just spring it on him the same day or the day before.
See if he will agree to give up some of the time he spends at the gym for time spent with you.
If he is really not willing to make efforts such as this to spend time with you, then that is a bigger sign of problems, in my opinion, than the lack of interest in sex.
But also know that the two of you have been together for around 3 years now, and it is easy to fall into a routine. There are also points in a relationship where both of you will, frankly, get a little tired of each other. You'll want some outside company - friends to do things with. This is normal. It's only a problem if it never resolves itself.
If giving him blow-jobs is making you unhappy at this point, because your sex life feels so one-sided, then decide which would make you less unhappy: not giving him the blow jobs, or continuing to give them. You don't owe it to him to continue.
I think making that decision and knowing why you stop or continue is important, as otherwise these feelings of unfairness continue, and sex of any kind turns into a bartering system. "I did this to you, now you owe me that."
That's so easy to do, and such a lousy kind of sex life, in my opinion.
That's my advice anyway.0 0 0 0What hurts me the most is that he doesn't seem to really care about my feelings or how this makes me feel, he thinks that since it's not a big deal to him, it shouldn't be a big deal to me. he gets so angry and defensive whenever I mention it. maybe I mention it too much? I don't know, im just frustrated.
I'm sure it is very frustrating, and probably makes you angry and resentful too. The bad news is that the more you confront him about sex, the more defensive I think he will get. Many guys think they are supposed to want sex more than girls. Many guys also think it is "unmanly" to not want sex, and they find this association potentially threatening. That means they get very defensive, very fast.
so you think I should just drop the subject and kinda sit back and see what happens? I'm afraid that if I never initiate it, we will never have sex. I don't want to lose that connection completely. what do you think I should do?
I think he's just being lazy and taking your kindness for granted. Either way you control the sex. Withhold it from him and see if he's still not interested. Worse case scenario is he's lost interest but is staying on out of guilt. Thats what my friend's doing and he hasn't touched his girl in 6 months.
0 0 0 1I like to think he's just being lazy too. And I think the fact that I sleep at his house doesn't help much. Maybe I should limit it to a few days a week instead of every night. I'm also going to cut down on the blow jobs. He got extremely upset when I mentioned it last night though, how I want him to try to be more intimate like he used to be. Why do you think it made him so upset and offended?
Nobody likes to hear criticism and nobody likes to be told what to do. Sometimes we need to be intelligent and make people do things we want indirectly because it causes less friction. That's my opinion at least.
but I have mentioned this to him before many times, sometimes I see a difference sometimes I don't. why after all this time do I still see barely a difference? hardly any effort put in on his part. when he does put in effort its great, but its very rare these days, since starting this new job.
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0 2What a weak bastard. I've worked 20+ hour days and still been interested in sex. I've worked 4 days x 24 straight with no sleep and still been interested in sex. I have never refused sex with a partner in my life.
He's not taking care of your needs, and he needs a kicking. You're being too kind and generous.0 0 1 0I don't think you're being too needy. I think you need to discuss your concerns with him openly and honestly. choose your words carefully so as not to become acusatory so that he doesn't get defensive. Speak to him about how it makes you feel. Make a compromise. While I get fitness is important.. I don't think you need 3-4 hours at a gym, 5 days a week. How about substituting one day of gym, for one day of sex... it's a workout, too.
0 1 0 0He plays in a bball league at the gym and they play almost every night, so he plays basketball and works out as well. But yes, for 3-4 hours daily. I tried talking to him about it last night and he got really really upset. He said I was making a big deal out of nothing. He also said sometimes I make him not want to have sex by bringing it up so much. I don't want to push him away, I just want us to be more intimate. Do you think that's a sign that he's bored with me? :(
I don't know. Usually sex leaving the relationship is a symptom of another issue.
so based off the information I've given you, what would you think the other issue is? is being extremely exhausted and just wanting to relax really a good reason to not initiate sex that much? or do you think I should start worrying about there being another issue.
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