Not staying hard with the new girlfriend?

[motorboater]

Last year I got separated/divorced from my wife who I had been with for 6 years. Now I have been seeing this new woman and things are going great. So great that we had sex the other night for the first time. I was nervous because this was the first time with someone else since my ex wife. And we were getting on just fine with the foreplay and touching. And I got hard, we started having intercourse but I couldn't keep it up. And this isn't a line, this is the first time in my life this has happened to me. Actually my erection kind of came and went a few times over the course of the evening; but I couldn't keep it up once "inside" so to speak. She did everything wonderfully the whole time, and was totally cool about it. And we finished off the evening reasonably well using some well-proven hand-and-mouth techniques. But during intercourse, I know my mind was racing with all sorts of weird things, like this being the first person since before I met my ex in school, the first time for me since the divorce almost a year ago. So anybody go through this before, from either side? How did you clear your mind and help get over worries like this? Now I'm concerned about trying again because I don't want this to become a pattern, or probe that I'm too messed up for sex after the divorce and all that. I already know how to look into drugs and devices to help me out. But for this question, I'm more interested in the mental process that you've used (or would use) to get over this, to relax, to feel better and more confident next time. Any advice?

[liltexangurl]

I'm a 32 year old woman. This has happened to me with two guys. One told me that he was just intimidated. Are you worried that you won't be good enough for her? Is she the most wonderful/beautiful woman that you have ever been with? Maybe the more secure you feel with her the more relaxed you will feel about pleasing her. She wouldn't be with you if she didn't want to be. Women are just as afraid of pleasing men as well. We just cannot show it (in that way) if you get the drift. We worry about our bodies, if we will measure up, if we won't be as good as others you have been with. If you understand women at all, you know that we worry about EVERYTHING! She did great by talking to you and letting you know that it didn't bother her. That means that she feels comfortable with you and she understands that it is not her. Which also means that you have made her feel that way. Maybe you can talk to her and tell her what you were worried about and ask her if she worries about things too. Women love to talk about relationship "problems". Open up to her and she will open up to you. I think that will help you to relax.

[NotSoBad]

I went through this, I had been with the same girl for 6.5 years she was my first and only. Then we broke up! I was so nervous when I had sex with the next girl! I thought I was going to cry after I did it. Luckily I didn't! I can honestly say that what I did is was I looked at the new girl and told myself "I DESERVE THIS" I really like her but to help myself I made her my dessert! I wanted to make her feel real good! I teased the hell out of her! And gave her oral till my face was soaked! (sorry ladies) I got her to the point right before orgasm! And when she couldn't take it any more I let her have it! I made it about pleasing her which really turned me on! I took it as a challenge and wanted her to realize what she had been missing. I can honestly say that we were both were happy with each other.

Also watch some porno get some dirty thoughts in your head and then imagine you are in the situation! This is still new! You should be F*CKING like animals! Not "making love" GET CRAZY MAN! Good luck!

[katiekewl]

It's happened to me with my new boyfriend. He was married 10 years. Long story short, we kept at it. Too many thoughts were running thru his head. understandable. After a few times, I was finally able to distract him from his thoughts long enough to enjoy himself. It took all my little tricks, but I simply wouldn't give him a chance to wander from the sensations. Plus I started early in the evening with all kinds of naughty words and looks, so that he was so eager by the end of the night. We haven't had the problem again. A good women understands these things and will do what she can to help. Just make sure she knows its not her fault. which you did and is awesome! Hope this helps, but its definitely not permanent.

[Superstrength79]

I find that "getting into it" really helps. I think way too much, and when it starts to affect my performance in bed, I will start making those funny noises and grunts that people always laugh at. Not to be humorous during the event, but to distract my mind. Physical action is the real key. The rougher the better, doesn't give you the energy to think.

Just focus on the act itself, maybe go the opposite route. Think about each sensation and mentally say "yeah that feels great". Or out loud, maybe the sexual banter will turn both of you on even more.

[johnsmith2116]

It's not uncommon. You probably just felt awkward because it was with someone new for the first time in a long time.

The longer the time is that you spend with her, the more relaxed you'll be, and chances are the situation will just go away as your relax more.