She won't give me oral?

[Anonymous]

Okay, don't get me wrong here. I'm not some asshole who tries to force girls into this, but this situation needs to be taken care of. When we first met, we talked about our pasts. I've only experienced it one time before, but she has given blowjobs many times before, mostly with her asshole ex-boyfriend. He would force it on her, and this is why she hates doing it, which is understandable. He would gag her with it, and she said he tasted terrible. When we started dating, she told me she would NEVER EVER even put it near her mouth. I was fine with it at first, but obviously, I'm a guy, I WANT IT. We've been dating for a while now, and sex is a very usual thing. I do everything I can to please her as much as I can, everything from fingering and oral, to the real do. I don't enjoy eating her out at all, but she loves it, so I do it for her. But it keeps bothering me that she won't ever return the favor with oral, no matter what. She says that she feels bad about it, but she never shows it. A good blowjob can feel better than sex to me, and I've told her that. She got upset when I said that, and still nothing changed. Again, I understand that she does not enjoy it, but I don't enjoy eating her out either. I do it because she loves it, and it hurts to know that she won't do it even once for me. She won't even give me the chance to prove that its not all as bad as it was with her ex. I've talked to her about it before, and she just gets angry for asking her for it. I am understanding enough to not shove it down her throat like he did, and she knows that. Nothing will change her mind. I feel like she is receiving all the pleasure and giving out almost none. Even sex is less pleasurable for me knowing that she's getting so much foreplay before it and I'm getting nothing. After one small argument over it, she told me it MIGHT happen when she's drunk or maybe in the shower. We have been in the shower together 3 times since then, and I've gotten nothing, not even hand action. However, when we were drunk one night she just teased me with it and put it half in for about a second. That just made me want it even more, but she quickly moved away and started kissing me again. That same night, I was left blue balled (which also happens very often). Another thing - it's not that its not clean down there. I shave daily, and clean very well down there. She must think I'm like her ex (dirty, smelly, etc). We truly love each other. I know that she loves me, and is not using me. We have a near perfect relationship. love her with my life; we have out future planned out, and I do not ever want to break up with her. However I'm still quite confused with this. She hated it from the first time he made her do it, but she continued to give them to him for months, and they had a terrible relationship. We love each other, and she won't even try it once for me. I'm not angry at her because of this, just disappointed. I need advice on what I can do/say to her to fix this Thanks

[Amiler1214]

hmm. I can say that after some terrible blowjob experiences I would probably still have done it already for you, you seem so genuinely nice. It still kinda makes me uncomfortable but I do it anyway because the results are worth it to me. The only things I can think of is maybe try it once with a flavored condom (I understand it's not as pleasurable for you but it tastes so much better), or eat a lot of fruits the day before and day of the blowjob (that makes it taste better too). And for heavens sake guys do not push our heads down -- if we like you enough to have your d*** in our mouth we'll get it in there on our own terms. make sure she knows she can choose to stop midway if she's freaked out. tell her you've fantasized about it and think she'd be great at it (maybe she's insecure about her talents in that arena?), that it turns you on thinking about it. I'm not sure I agree with witholding oral sex because it seems like it escalates this argument to the point where it might jeapordize your relationship. But, if you think that will emphasize how important this is to you, then go for it I guess.

basically I have no clue, you seem so flexible and considerate. I mean what girl can say no to a shower blowjob? haha

[Asker]

i very much appreciate your answer. I will try telling her about how it turns me on so much.

[Asker]

and a quick note on the shower part. She never said no, she actually suggested it! However, after 3 times in there with her and still nothing I'm starting to thinkni got my hopes up too high :p But its cool, somewhere down the road it might happen, or it might not. either way I'm always going to love her :)

[timetowaste]

The girl sounds traumatized by what her ex boyfriend did to her.

No wonder she doesn't want to do it. People tend to try and avoid situations that trigger memories of trauma.

I had a similar experience with my first boyfriend.. some events of my childhood left me scared to death of anything sexual with anyone. He pushed the issue a lot, and got angry about it, and made me feel really awful about it because I didn't even want to discuss "sexual" things with him.. I still wasn't over the stuff that I experienced. Him bringing up the issue, and making me feel guilty about it, and then telling me that he could go get it from someone else.. it only made me withdraw farther from him.

Eventually, on my own time, I became comfortable with those things.. with someone else who didn't push the issue. And now I'm a very sexual person. If you want her to do it, stop pressing the issue, and she will get comfortable enough once she's dealt with her issues to try it out. And who knows, maybe after that it'll become one of her favorite things to do. But your mentality about her being selfish is going to push her away.

[Asker]

You're probably right. I think it just takes time. I will take it slowly until she gets more comfortable with it. Thanks for answering!

[Ellaaa923]

Hopefully things have changed in the last year for you, but aving been in her situation, I can understand how she's feeling...a lot of guys will say things like "Just put it in your mouth...see how it feels...just put the tip in..." And while I thoroughly understand that is NOT what you're doing, this is one of those situations where you have to blame the a**hole for ruining it for the rest of you nice guys. I have a boyfriend, I give him head every day, and he never gives me oral. It's frustrating, and I wish he would, but I understand that he's not comfortable doing it. And if you don't like giving her oral, don't. It's nice that you're doing it for her, but it SHOULD be an even trade off. Ask her to stick it in her ass if she's not gonna put it in your mouth. But on the other hand, if she gives you head and REALLY DOESN'T WANT TO, it's not going to feel good. And in her defense, she DID say she'd never give you head. I don't know man, some people just don't like it. But, luckily for her, you've already overlooked all of that to be with her, so good for you :]

[Phoenix52]

Your girl has that blowjob issue that she needs to fix up. She has to find some way to enjoy giving you it, as much as you give her. Her Ex was a forceful jerk and I hope every girl he meets up with is resistant to his controlling behavior (however, if that DOES happen, he'll come knocking on her door, like a total d*ckhead). But, according to your last paragraph, perhaps it's just all on her. She's not up for sucking things that look like hot dogs/snakes.

Since you're eating her out and giving her enjoyable sex on her end, I guess she figures that she doesn't need to do anything about it. So my suggestion is to withdraw from oral AND sex altogether. It's not satisfying you enough, so perhaps you could start 'hanging out' with new girls you meet and find one who has no issues in the bedroom.

The idea is, you're not trying to change her. But hoping she can change herself and appreciate your privates. It really is up to her to make it an evenly-satisfying experience. Or find another girl, despite how much you love this chick.

[Asker]

Ehh.. I don't like the new girl idea.. but I was sort of thinking the same way here as you here. If I stop doing it for her, she might realize she needs to make things more fair to get what she wants. Thanks for the input.

[Phoenix52]

I figured you wouldn't like my idea of searching for new girls. It's the 'player' mentality, thinking that girls are abundant and available out there. The thing is, I believe it's the best way to actually find a good girl who does everything right for you. It takes a good while to find that special someone. This girl is very close, but since you're disappointed with this issue, she falls a little short. P*rn is a good option if you don't want to find new girls.

[Asker]

alright. I'm gonna try some of the other answers and if she still isn't comfortable with the idea, I'll do something about it. thanks again for answering

[Impex]

Listen, its a little selfish of you to keep demanding this blowjob from her don't you think? Her boyfriend was a big asshole and he most likely instilled some sort of mentality or trauma into her about blowjobs and that may be the true reason why she doesn't do it.

Blowjobs are not the at the center of the Universe, for christs sake man you are getting to have SEX with her, and you still want a blowjob? Come on... Just chill out a little bit and cool it with the BJ asking.

If you really "lover her with my life" than instead of putting the pressure to get the blowjob help her get over this hurdle she is facing over her ex boyfriend. Just put her needs in front of yours for a little while alright?

Just becasue she doesn't give you a blowjob doesn't mean that she doesn't care or anything like that, just that she doesn't want to do it, for the reasons I believe are to be true above.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer, but I disagree. It seems like its very one sided for her, and needs to be more fair.

[Impex]

But how can you expect her to be fair when she obviously hasn't gotten over what happened with her last bf? And I know you eat her out for her benefit bust does she know that? maybe she thinks you do it because you like to, not for her benefit, and if she knew that she might think you do it just so that she will return the favor, basically, you want her to feel like she owes you something.

[Asker]

Yes, she does know that I do it for just for her. but I guess you're right with the idea that I'm sort of making her feel guilty. thanks for the answer

[udolipixie]

I was fine with it at first, but obviously, I'm a guy, I WANT IT.

So you should have bailed from the beginning she told you her limits. You either leave or accept.

I don't enjoy eating her out at all, but she loves it, so I do it for her.

If it's really for her you wouldn't expect to get a reward.

Stop doing it if you only want to be rewarded.

Either accept her limits or leave her. She told you from the beginning if this was going to be a problem you should have left when she told you,

[Asker]

thanks for the answer, but I think I'm gonna stay with her for now.

[udolipixie]

No other answer other than you're just in this to get what you want regardless of what she wants. That's cool most guys are.

[Asker]

wrong. If I were, I would break up with her over this. I love her, so don't think that I am in any way using her.

[udolipixie]

Uh no most guys only break up when they have a new girl ready to fill the previous position. You're doing typical guy behavior get her to do what you want regardless of what she wants.

[udolipixie]

Doubt that's love. Well it's definitely not true love or unconditional love. But it's cool most guys can have sex without love but can't love without sex.

[udolipixie]

Do whatever you need to convince her to blow you if you can't leave her & it's that important since you feel jealous she gave it to another guy but not you. I think I'm going to try explaining to her again how much I want her too, and how much I would love it, while still reassuring her that she can stop at any time if its too bad. I will make it as easy for her as I can (taste, gagging). However that reassuring bit is bs since while you will stop but you won't quit until she does the deed.

[Asker]

I have many girls ready to fill her position.. but I don't want them. id rather stay with her and have no sex at all then have any other girl. You are making me out to be a typical guy, and I can understand why you think that, but I know I'm not.

[udolipixie]

id rather stay with her and have no sex at all then have any other girl. you do realize you made a she won't give me oral question right? and that you're planning on doing everything to get that oral. you may be an okay guy but to say you'll live with no sex for her is a blatant lie if you can't even manage to forgo oral

[udolipixie]

Whatever just do the guy thing. Ease her into it, reassure her you'll stop & that you love her even if she doesn't do it. Of course a half-lie because you'll stop at the moment but you'll never stop trying to get her to do oral. Doesn't matter what I think of you just matters if you're happy with her & get what you want from her. Have you thought about asking her to get your bjs and bjs only elsewhere? Some girls are cool with that since they know guys don't relate sex to love.

[udolipixie]

I would just prefer she did Yes but it's despite the fact she doesn't want to

[udolipixie]

Wasn't trying to make you out to be an asshole sorry if you felt that way just saying you're a guy & you should have been with someone who can keep you sexually happy.

[Asker]

Yea, you're right. I probably never would permanately stop. But I didn't quite understand your last question?

[Asker]

And yeah it just seemed that you were saying I'm like that. Its fine and I really do appreciate hearing your opinion.

[udolipixie]

Ask her is she's comfortable with you seeing girls to get a blowjob from them. Do NOT make it seem as a manipulation tool to get her to give you one. In fact even if you say it's not she'll most likely try to give you one to keep you. Actually... That will solve your problems never mind just ask her about it & wait for her to offer to blow you.

[udolipixie]

When you put "I would just prefer she did" I meant that you prefer it despite what she prefers. You putting you won't ever stop goes back to you really should rethink.

[udolipixie]

your options are 1. respect her & leave her (you're biased against since you "love" her [not true love if you won't stop]) 2. respect her & stay (you won't ever stop, you'll be sexually unhappy) 3. respect her & stay & get a bj girl (you get bjs from another girl, you get what you want & so does she) 4. break her limits (ease her into it with false reassurance [false because you won't ever stop])

[Asker]

Okay. That sums it up pretty well. Thanks again everyone for the input.

[udolipixie]

No problem Good luck Hope you're happy with whatever decision you make to get what's important to you

[cindys]

toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long

[Asker]

what is? the question, or me? :p

[Phoenix52]

Soooooooooooooooo FAKE!

[Asker]

you think this is fake? hahahaha why?

[Tschil200]

If you eat her ass she’ll probably do whatever you say you want from her and suck ya balls too