Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health +1 y
What does it mean if a guy puts your hand on his.....
Anonymous
If you kiss a girl and then move your hands around her body then put her hand on you penis {Very gently - not like forcing it}. Does this mean you want her to just experiment? Do you want a hand job? Is it a way of asking of it is OK to have sex? Would you ever do it as a reflex response, without thinking?
Updates:
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I am worried like that guy said - it was rude. He did it in a very gentle way, so I was not feeling physically pressured... But I would not want him to assume I'm fine for anything... We have kissed. We never had THAT interaction . Thoughts help- Thanks
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Would any of you expect someone that you respected to do something that soon ? Would you even try that with someone you respected? Why would he not be concerned with my impression ... I suppose he may not know I have never had sex... Seems forward.
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What I want to know is if you guys think this is disrespectful... We spend lots of time together but he usually seems careful NOT to touch me. Maybe I gave him an impression I did not intend. It is just strange - I wonder if he thinks / feels differently?
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Oh! I forgot , it was on top of his jeans - if that makes a difference...
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For the guy who said it is disrespectful - I do not necessarily disagree... Does that mean you ask if you can place your hands where you wish to put them ? Everyone, feedback would be great, as this is someone I would otherwise like. Thank You.
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I know I can figure things out on my own, but I am asking for other perspectives... Do you think it is disrespectful for a guy to put your hand on his crotch if you guys had known each other for a while but had not been physical since a 9 months ago?
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Ok. complicated, going to sound supremely stupid but he had just offered to have sex - because he thought I wanted it, he misinterpreted my meaning. I did not respond because I thought he was joking, so when we were kissing, he might have thought...
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Someone wrote that nine months is a long time to wait... Sorry for the confusion. Went out nine months ago,for two weeks - had to travel...Then we just started kissing for the first time a couple of days ago, and other stuff... BTW -answer helped.!
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SkinnerOne.Well, I don't think obsessed ... I want to make sure I do not blow the wrong things out of proportion. I have a lot of curiosity and little experience. I would rather stress out about it before hand {Pun not intended}
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SkinnerOne I was not raised with a particular religion or faith... I have always believed in humanity and justice. It is very important for me to do things based on reason, and I am careful to about respect- both giving and receiving - even a HJ
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What Girls & Guys Said
21 25He wants to get funky.
No, that wasn't a reflex. He wanted you to rub it.
Do you think that is such a big deal? There seems to be two camps of opinion.... It's either disrespectful, or just part of making out..... We have known each other for a long time... We are not officially dating but we have been spending every day together month & I am the one who asked him if I could kiss him...... So technically we were not supposed to be making out or anything but I do not know if I would call it disrespectful since I was there of my own volition.... I was just surprised.
I don't know. It's not something I would do the first time I kiss a girl.
i don't think that's disrespectful at all.
"How he acts will determine his respect for you" Ok... He stopped right away , looked like he felt awkward about that or something else... Was totally cool about everything... The next time we hung out he would not even kiss me. THEN the next time did bunch of things to ,lead up to us doing SOMETHING{Can't say what exactly since we stopped again, and again he was cool about - but he did try again.... I'm confused.... He does not try anymore and we hang out a lot- make him a player or just guy?
Player
I do not disagree with you, and as I have asked for your opinion, I for the moment defer to you... I simply do not want to make hasty decision, as he is an important person in my life... If he is a player, I can have no friendship with him as I will have lost all respect.... I do not willingly have shallow friendships... Could you elaborate on "Player" in this scenario? I should add he no longer attempts sex.. We just talk lots, makes extra effort for no physical contact. Thank you.
He still has not tried anything, is he still a 'player'?
In my opinion He just wanted to see your reaction, or what you would do.
That way he knows next time he wants to try something that your up for it or just not.
I think you make a tremendous amount of sense.. Thanks.... It's a nice common ground, between player, & oblivious. :-)
..Was there anything about the situation that made you think it was that rather then just a sign for straight up sex, there at that point?
First he wants a handjob. He won't stop you if you want to do it. 2nd he wants you to tease him through his pants. He is just horny. Don't overthink it.
Mmm not in THAT order tho right- h j then teasing , other way around - no? & if you know he wants me to tease him , then how do you know he wants a hand job..i mean are there a sign or something that says h j or teasing or sex etc - assume for a b j he'd be coaxing my head down..? & I thought guys don't like to be teased? (In that kind of situation what would he do if I moved my hand somewhere else- I mean how upsetting would that be & by the way thanks for the simple answer :-)
he just wants to know if you want to do something more and see how you react to when he does it like if you pull away after you do it he will know your not ready and if you don't then he knows your comfortable with it and then next time he will try alittle further and see whenever you comfortable for sex
Next time like that hour or like next time we make out? btw thanks for a freaking stragt-forward response ( really) lol Do you think if I seemed ok with it he would think I wanted sex? Is there something guys do that distinguishes weather THEY want sex or just touched or hj etc? Cause I am not ok with sex & if we did not talk about, it I would not want to lead him on. thanks a bunch!
He will certainly start being abit more sexual with you, if your ok with other sexual stuff with him that's cool like foreplay (hand job, him fingerin you, going down on each other) these thing do want to lead to sex but if you don't want that yet just let him know and discuss it. sometimes guys don't want to discuss it with a girl because it seems embarrising and some guys are afraid of the girls reaction so like people say actions speak louder than words. add me as a friend, lets chat more
Ok thanks!
No probs
You mean you GUYS are embarrassed, o worried that she will be embarrassed, cause I'd rather discuss it then end up near sex. lol When you say he will try more stuff - that makes sense, but I was wondering do you think he woud try more that DAY -ok imean lets say I did not take my hand away - would he think it ok to continue towards sex - is that necessarily a test ground for sex or could it just be for that in itself? I have never had sex & I really have not been with anyone so I don't know REALLY ^ ^
Possibly but discuss it with him and say you arnt ready but maybe try foreplay for the time being till you are ready
Yes of course lol but I was just wondering what would have happened if I did not stop things, like am I supposed to talk about it THEN, cause if I don't he will this I want to have sex? & Do guys get embarrassed talking about sex, or they think woman do - I mean what did you mean when you said guys think it is embarrassing to talk talk about sex ?
Its not embarrising for the guy, its just we don't know how you girls are going to react if we start the conversation, some girl will go is that all you want me for, or is that all you think about or we think your gonna get weird and might not talk to us for awhile, best if you start off the conversation, plus telling him your a vrgin will make him realise and won't pressure you till you are ready
Oh good answer cause I was worried like if he is embarrassed to talk about it & I need to explain it to him than we are going to have problems lol You guys worry that we will think that is all you want - well sometimes it is true right lol I would not stop talking to a gy just cause he talked about sex lol I don't think I ever would have when I was younger I mean.s long as he wasn't being crude - & even then as long as he stopped being obnoxious pretty quickly. I do think I may stop speek-
If we had sex tho, so that is part of why I don't want t have sex with him, I don't want to stop talking to him cause I like him a lot a a person I respect him... Sounds like a weird reason to NOT have sex with a guy lol - but it is true. :-)
he just want you to rub his d!ck...at least for a while...!
Its a different way to ask " Lets have sex "
Are you sure? Like if I had 'stroked it' or whatever , he would have taken that a a green light for sex? I mean is that how YOU would take, or is it a universal guy 'sign'.. I was worreid about that. I mean it was ON TOP of his boxers, so I would have been ok with just that, but I could not figure out how to do anything without him expcting sex, & or reciperacating.. I mean IS there a WAY to touch a guy somewhere, WITHOUT him thinking you don't mind him touching you in same way? --Thoughts?
Most of men will react like this, its universal. Top on boxer ? Seriously even on your trousers it will be considered same. However if you touch a man below their head, all of us will consider this for green light for sex. This is nature of men.
But HE PUT MY HAND THERE... I did not TOUCH hi.. I mean as far as EXPECTATION . I am not talking bout right or wrong, just expectation... If I don't put my hand there, but I do not move it away, is this taken as tho I put it there? ...& Outside of sex - which we just five min. previous decided NOT to do - what could be EXPECTED? I mean how could you do anything with CLOTHS ON withot it getting messed up??.. We were STANDING in the hallway... I was on my way to work. EXPECTATATON??
Chill down there will ya ? If he moved your hand, than you should interrupt it and move your hand. If you didn't resist, then he will understand this as lets have sex. That's all
Ha, ha. I am not upset.. I was using caps lock to emphasize different words, not show stress.. Though I am confused ,because it seems obvious to me that it is not logical. Everything that people say, makes sense, but the fact that he spent tons of time saying he did not want to have sex, is overlooked... It is not consistent , to say he would think it meant sex, BECAUSE he said no, right before that.... Unless you are saying, that guys except that they loose all accountability when -HORNY?
Men prefers to lie to once topic comes to sex. Seriously its very rare to see a man says " Yes I would like to go inside you " even not that they tend to they are not interested at sex. However this is known fact but some men denies those I listed. Also horny men is completely different then normal men
Well I do not like using the term horny, I just did not have enough space to rite "When a guy wants to have sex". Is this true that guys will not say they want to? I never heard of that before. This I have never hear much of anything which is why I am writing on this site.:-) Are you saying that it is likely that he wanted to have sex, when he said he ddi not think it was a good i.. I mean, it is true, he did say he COULD just that we SHULD NOT... Bit, still, the parting decision was NO SEX.
He wants you to rub his d***.
You mean as a means to an 'end' or just as a thing in itself-- I mean how do I know if he wants a hj or a b j- because I don't want to tease him, but I do not want to are I am not 'ready;' to do either of those.
To an 'end'. Just pull away then, he'll have to accept you don't want to.
Lolol I know! but how do know what he wants-- if its just rub it I m OK with that...but no the the stuff but how do I know?
yeah ok. that indicates that he wants you to give him a handjob.
but I'l suggest you and try and tease him for a while, like few days or so.
then do so if you get comfortable.
this way you'l get time to know the guy better and have good time together:)
Can you give a guy a hand job with one hand? If I do not intend on having sex and he wants to won't he get bored if I give him a hand job that soon ? If he really liked me wouldn't he have waited....We were physically intimate about 9 months ago. - first time we kissed since 9 months ago and about ten min. later he did that . ... I was extremely surprised. Do you think it means he lost respect for me ? What do you guys and you GUYS think - - Thanks!
9months is way to long period for your relationship according to me.mine doesn't even last for 2months at the max. What I suggest is that you should not think over it too much.because this over thinking is creating bad image about your relationship and if trust is broken then relationship has no value. So a solution to it is you get along with him,slowly slowly spice yp your bed-room life, cause if he's waited for so long then you need to respect him.secondly there isn't any prob in giving bj with one hand. Just give it up,relax your self. Enjoy wild time together I assure this with strengthen your bond with him.
He definitely wants something sexual.
noo I odnt think is disrespectful.. he wants you to touch him..if he's ur boyfriend then why not..but if you guys are not dating then yeah I would assume he jsut wants a bit of fun..good luck.. guys are pigs!
Well, I do not know what we are, I know has feelings for me- I mean other kinds of feelings not just sex- but I am not sure exactly what that means, I do not know what to do since we been friends long time. The whole incident was a bit of a miscommunication {He misunderstood my meaning , and thought I was telling him I wanted to have sex} Not sure what to do... Is it disrespectful if we are friends, and he thought I was asking- literally asking - not 'asking for it'}? Thanks!
Maybe he's trying to get you turned on. Heck, maybe he wants to get turned on too. Its probably a sign that he's really comfortable around you and he wants you to be comfortable around him too. I don't think it had to with sex, because he would have been ripping your clothes off. :)
Lol thank you very much for the direct accurate example .. I agree :)
Lol. Your welcome.
& I only just gave you an arrow lol sorry :)
he just wants you to rub it for him that's a guys way to start off something that is gunna happen sexualy
Soo, it is a prelude to MORE? It doe not just end there/ I mean obviously it s sexual, I am just wondering if it represents something, I mean what is he point? - I guess. Why not just let the girl go to it if she wants to? Or is it just like putting her hand anywhere else, like your neck or stomach or something- I mean do you think it's suppose to be a big deal? - Thanks . :)
You mean you GUYS are embarrassed, o worried that she will be embarrassed, cause I'd rather discuss it then end up near sex. lol When you say he will try more stuff - that makes sense, but I was wondering do you think he woud try more that DAY -ok imean lets say I did not take my hand away - would he think it ok to continue towards sex - is that necessarily a test ground for sex or could it just be for that in itself? I have never had sex & I really have not been with anyone so I REALLY dk ^ ^
He just wanted to mess around, it doesn't mean sex exactly.
Does it mean anything in particular - in your opinion... Ok, what I want to know, is guys say you can't get aroused & not cum.. But you can't come in your cloths - I mean you could but - gross.. So what is expected here.. I men even if I gave him a hand job, he would have come in his boxers & if not he would have been frustrated& we already agreed NOT to have SEX??
Sooo, what is a'different' way to say 'no' ? :-) & if yo do , does that mean that you have to stop kissing & etc. ? Do guys typically stop everything after that?
i would never touch my crotch when talking to a girl but that's just me
No. Her hand, like while kissing. etc. Sometimes guys put the girl hand there. Sometimes- Some guys:)
He wants you to touch his penis. Simple...
And why? Because it feels good.
Ok. Thank you - Sooo if I don't move my hand away, it doesn't mean I want to have sex? I mean is there a way to do that without implying you want to have sex? WE had already talked about NOT having sex, like 5 minutes before that... Everyone says that means sex, so I was confused. Also, how would I know when to stop, I mean is there a standard time you are supposed to do that for? If he puts my hand on TOP of cloths, -different meaning right? Do you think it is ok for guys to DO that?
By having him put your hand on his crotch, it doesn't mean that you guys will/want/will have sex. It has nothing to do with sex. He wanted you to touch it because it feels good. It's not as complicated as you're making it seem. If you didn't like it, then don't do it. ArabSweetie had it right. If you didn't like it, just move it, and say "I don't want to go any further with you." If you want to give him a handjob, well then you'd have to touch it. And next time, he may want to put it in
Your mouth. You don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to.
I am not worried about ihm MAKING me do something - or even TRYING tomake me do something I don't want to,. I am just worried about giving ihm the wrng idea.. Like I am ok with touching it on top of cloths & I am ok with stroking it, but I do not want to give a HJ , BJ or have sex. I am nt really making it complicated, I do ont know enough to do that, I am just comparing everything people have been saying trying to make sense out of it. There is no way I am having sex- no need to warn me :)
Regardless of what idea you want to give him, he will still want you to touch his penis. He probably wants to have sex with you too. So, you can't really determine what idea you're giving him, only what you're doing with him. You can only control your own actions. So, to not give him any idea, then don't go any further with him. But, don't act surprised if he wants it (regardless if you want to give it to him or not.)
Ok. Don't go further as in do not touch him ( penis) , or do not do MORE than touch him? I wouldn't accidentally do anything more, because I have no experience with this, so it doesn't naturally occur to me... I was totally shocked when he put my hand there - I can't imagine doing that to anyone - I forgot people do things like that lol Thanks.
It's up to you. If you never touched a penis before I could see that it's a bit nerve racking. The more experience you have with being sexual the more you will know what you want, what you like, and if you want to just touch a guy's penis because you like it.
Do people usualy like that? I thought it was just to pleasure hm? Do uys think that girls like t, I mean is it suposed to be a nice thing t- to invite someine to touch your penis? I just don't want to give the idea I want sex & people say talk about but liker in that situation we just DID talk about it it for 215 minutes. - I figured I was blowing it out of proportion ,but just I case I stopped everything... You see, I had never said no, because he DID say no, so I didn't think I' had to.
My advice is stop hanging out with this guy altogether. His sexual experience is clearly making you go nuts (pardon the expression. I'm not sure if you really are nuts.) Since I had more sexual experience, something like that wouldn't bother me. But, I do remember a time when I never did anything with anyone and it DID bother me. What I did in that situation was STOPPED hanging out with that guy. OR, I touched his penis because I wanted to see what it felt like and his reaction if I
Stroked it. The first time it happened was with my really good friend and he told me what he liked and didn't like so it was easy to do it and I could tell he enjoyed it. If this is a RANDOM guy, then don't touch his penis. Find someone you have a connection with.
:-) I've known him for three years. When we met he never dud anything like that but he knew I was not very experienced, he doesn't know that now.. I like ihm a lot & I have no reason to top hanging out with him because of one misunderstanding, he didn't try anything again as I was obviously not comfortable.. Anyways I was also curious about guys in general. I do not now why it would help me to stop hanging with him when all guys have a penis. No worries - I don't feel crazy just curious*
He wants you bad tbh...
Define TBH......
Oooops. I'm kinda tired. Meant it to be "imho" not "tbh". Putting your hand onto his penis when it's hard. It's to tell you he's horny really.
Telling me he's really horny - - is that supposed to be a turn on a just a notification? I mean did he just want to let me know & decide accordingly, what I FELT like doing .... Or was he EXPECTING me to DO something about ? {In your opinion, of course.
my boyfriend did that to me and I thought it would be a "it turn on because I have never had sex" and that's what he told me when I asked what are you doing
Was it a turn on to you? I was to surprised to think about if it was aturn on.. afterwords it was till a weird thought- I'm not used to thinking of myself and a penis in the same thought- then I got caught up trying to figure out what he wanted me to do.... I really do not know what I thought because I was busy trying to figure out what he thought I wass thinking... me I probably would not do that with some one unless I knew they wantedme to, but he is different and I think he likes the risk
WERE you turned on? I was too shocked to know I felt, then as soon a is realized what the implications might be I was trying to figure what he was actually thinking , or thinking I was thinking... I was not expecting to be doing much of anything.. It was a bit weird just because I'm not used to thinking of myself in the same thought as a penis lol.. I guess I personally would not hasve done that, but he likes to shock people somtimes - in a relatively safe way {Hand was on top of boxers}
I am not sure if it really was a turn on lol I was to busy think what he was doing! but because he knows that I have never had sex before he know I would not know what he wanted me to do..... lol I pulled my hand away
It's only disrespectful if it's inappropriate to your relationship (eg, you just met, etc.) Given that you'd apparently had some type of intimacy before, then no, it isn't disrespectful, especially if you are in the middle of making out. He was just making further advances. If that's not what you want, just move your hand and let him know you aren't ready to go there. If he continues to advance, THEN he's being disrespectful.
Well, I stopped things {calmly} because I did not know if that meant he wanted sex..... Or even if he just wanted a HJ what if he got really aroused and then wanted it to go further? Also I was a little worried - this sounds weird but I was on my way to work and what if it got 'messy'. We were together for a couple of weeks nine months ago - it was intense for me because that was my first anything... He's had experience.... I value the friendship so..... RESPECT is major. How can you know?
How he acts next will determine his respect for you. If you respectfully said that you weren't ready for that and he accepts that without become abusive, argumentative, coercive, or pouty, and he continues to date you (while waiting) and get to know you, then you know he respects you.
"How he acts will determine his respect for you" Ok... He stopped right away , looked like he felt awkward... Was totally everything...Next time we hung out he would not even kiss me. Then the next time it lead up to us doing SOMETHING {Can't say what exactly since we stopped again, and again he was cool about it).... After he found out I was a virgin, he does not try anymore, and we hang out every day-- a player or just a guy? I know this is old - I just noticed sent it to wrong poster :)