A guy friend of mine who I’ve known for several months invited me over to his house to get drunk. Is he trying to rape me?

[Poppymarie]

He knows I am a lightweight and wants me to come over and take shots. He didn’t show any interest in me other than platonic until I broke up with my boyfriend, and now he wants to text and hang out all the time. I told him I don’t feel comfortable drinking with him. Is he planning to rape me?

[lightbulb27]

It could be worse than that, maybe he'll throw you into a life of prostitution or murder you? A few months, you don't know anything about him.

my rule with alcohol and drugs is... don't use it. If you use it, make sure you have people around you that you trust. The concept of a weaker being shutting down their nervous system and placing themselves at the mercy of someone they dont know... well... you fill in the blanks on this.

[Poppymarie]

Yeah that’s really how I was feeling tbh

[lightbulb27]

"just broke up". I would not go to a guys house and get drunk... and expect him to hold his space. Trust must be earned not given.

[Poppymarie]

Ok thanks so much I’m not gonna go

[OlderAndWiser]

He may think that you are more inclined to say "yes" if you are intoxicated, because that strategy has worked at least 100,000,000,000 times in the past. That doesn't mean that he intends to rape you. Assuming the worst about someone is't a great trait.

[Poppymarie]

Bro I just got out of a hella abusive relationship so you can hardly blame me for being careful

[OlderAndWiser]

How would you feel if someone assumed thew worst about you because they had a bad relationship with another chick?

[Poppymarie]

That’s not really the only suspicious thing he has done tbh. I don’t want to get specific but I understand another girl has made accusations about him recently

[OlderAndWiser]

I can only give advice based on the facts which you disclose.

[Poppymarie]

Ok well I heard another girl said he grabbed her sexually but he said it was bullshit. He’s got kind of a weird past. Dated at least 10 people and he’s not even 18 yet. I just don’t think I can trust him when I’m that vulnerable

[OlderAndWiser]

Those are good reasons to stay away from him.

[Anonymous]

He wants to get freaky with you. How did he respond when you told him you don’t want to get drunk with him?

[Poppymarie]

That the choice was mine but his “doors were always open”

[Opinion Owner]

That’s an easy invitation to free sex, right there. If you don’t trust yourself with him, don’t drink at all, because then you might have sex with him and claim it rape later if he stops contacting you. You have complete control of your actions.

[Poppymarie]

It’s not really that as much as I believe I’d be passed out on his couch completely vulnerable. I get drunk very, very easily and he wants to give me hard liquor

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I’m aware, so avoid him if the whole scenario makes you uncomfortable. He sounds like a pig.

[Opinion Owner]

But also, he doesn’t sound like he’ll have sex with you without your consent. Don’t spend the night, have someone pick you up.

[Opinion Owner]

Better yet, avoid him all together. Ugh.

[Poppymarie]

Yeah I think I will do that. I know him from university and I have to go home because of the corona virus anyway so it won’t be too hard.

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t praise or blame the corona virus for the outcome. Have will power, be strong, be a lady, respect yourself, and KNOW what the hell you want. ♥️

[Poppymarie]

Lol thank you. I definitely know what I DON’T want haha

[Opinion Owner]

Good!

[Poppymarie]

☺️🤗

[Opinion Owner]

💪😉

[AustinMan]

I seriously doubt he wants to rape you, more like fuck you with your consent.

[Poppymarie]

But he knows I get absolutely hammered super easily, and legally a drunk person can not give consent

[AustinMan]

So talk to him and tell him you don't appreciate the implications of the invitation.

[Poppymarie]

Yeah I’m gonna tell him no

[AustinMan]

But discuss it with him. Hear him out.

[Poppymarie]

I already politely declined his invitation

[AustinMan]

You can still discuss it.

[Poppymarie]

How do I do that in a kind and friendly way?

[AustinMan]

Just ask him out for a beer. Tell him, assuming it's true, that you would like to explore taking things to the next level but that you're worried that is you're drinking a lot, you won't be giving informed consent and that'd make you mad as hell.

[Poppymarie]

Actually I don’t want to take it to the next level. We did talk about it last night though and I feel a lot better now

[RemoErdosain]

I see a huge red flag, yes. If he wants to have sex with you, he could at least leave the alcohol part out of the equation. Be very careful. I wouldn't agree to his offer

[Poppymarie]

Yeah I’m not gonna go. Do you think I should stop being friends with him too? I hate to just drop him like that but I’m kind of scared tbh

[RemoErdosain]

Maybe there is no need to stop being friends. Just don't put yourself in that sort of a situation with him or anyone else

[Poppymarie]

Ok thanks

[MrNameless]

Rape? I think that's pushing it. Wanting to have sex with you, probably.

[Poppymarie]

The reason I asked if he was planning to rape me is because I would likely be passed out or at least too drunk to know what’s going on. When I say I get drunk easily, that’s an understatement, and he knows that.

[standingUP]

HEY HEY HEY settle down with the rape fear geez.. maybe wants to play, sure but to accuse a guy of illegal conviction before doing anything is absolutely absurd.

[Poppymarie]

I did not accuse him of anything. I’m asking if this is safe or not since I’d most likely pass out.

[standingUP]

If you are getting RED FLAGS then that is your hint to not invite him over ! Obviously lol

[ZackBan]

Technically he's invited you. To rape is to do something you're not conceting to.
Now he clearly has an interest in you but it's not necessarily a primal instinct to fornicate.
Maybe he wants to see where you two can get and getting drunk is his idea of a good time.
Do or don't that's up to you but you got nothing to worry about either way.

[Girther10]

Not to mention that it’s sick to immediately jump to the “rape” scenario...

[abc3643]

He may not think it's rape, but yes he wants to get laid.

[Grkgod12]

It might be exactly that.
Or it might just be that he wants to hang out, have fun.
Are you thinking of going?
Or, did you go yet?

[Poppymarie]

I’m planning not to go

[Grkgod12]

I understand. How well do you know him?

[Poppymarie]

Really not that well. I met him in January and we only usually see each other in class

[Grkgod12]

Are you attracted to him at all?

[Poppymarie]

I mean he’s a physically attractive guy but I’m not interested in having sex with him. Even if I was, I could get in huge trouble since he is only 17 and the age of consent here is 18.

[Grkgod12]

Lol, do you think he would report that?

[Poppymarie]

I don't know but idc. I really don’t want to have sex with him or anyone right now

[Grkgod12]

I understand

[AndyOh]

Follow your intuition. If you think it might not be a good idea to go to his house and have shots, or even just be at his house... don't!
Guys will take advantage if they have the opportunity.
Be smart. I would say 'No don't go over'.

[Poppymarie]

Thank you I’m not gonna go

[AndyOh]

Thank you, I am glad. He will keep hitting on you and inviting you. Just be strong and smart. Good luck.

[Poppymarie]

Thanks

[AndyOh]

Welcome :)

[saggittarius039112]

Well thats kinda jumpin the gun isn't it?

[saggittarius039112]

Well can you elaborate on those red flags?

[Poppymarie]

Umm apparently he’s been accused of grabbing a girl before. I didn’t believe it, but then he invited me over and said he could get me drunk... and that he would not be drinking, just me. He also has a bad dating track record. Like 10 girls total and he’s not even 18. Every one of his relationships failed.

[Girther10]

Why do you call it “rape”, when he’s just being friendly?

[Poppymarie]

Again, I’m not accusing him. I want to assume the best about him. But that puts me in a very vulnerable position and I want to make sure I’m safe.

[Girther10]

If you’re skeptical, don’t go. Duh! Why put yourself potentially at risk over someone that’s really only a so called friend? Even more compelling, is why areyou asking the fools on here something you already know the answer to?

[Bananaman177]

I would suspect that if he really wanted to rape you, he wouldn't need to use a ruse to lure you somewhere.

I think he could very easily rape you anytime, any place, and there'd be nothing you could do to stop it.

[Poppymarie]

I mean no not really because we only see each other in class usually. There are always people around

[Bananaman177]

So what would his endgame be? To rape you and then hope you don't snitch? Or would he have to kill you afterwards to keep you silent and hope the police don't ask too many questions? What would be his plan for getting away with it? I know that lots of girls are too ashamed to report rape, but he can't just assume that you would stay silent, right? Unless he is a total out-and-out psycho with no impulse control, who can't even string two thoughts together, there's no way he hasn't considered what comes after raping you. Assuming he is considering rape at all, he must have some plan for what to do afterwards. Does he have any friends who are pig farmers? To dispose of your body? Or would he have to drain the blood, chop you up, hide your pieces in several trash bags, and dump them off at various locations? He must have some endgame in mind. IF he's planning rape.

[Poppymarie]

I would most likely pass out from the alcohol and not remember anything. I didn’t post this to accuse him of plotting something evil, but I wanted to know if it was safe to hang around him.

[Bananaman177]

You know him better than a bunch of strangers on the internet.

If he's a good guy, he just wants to hang out and maybe play his cards right and get Muchas Smooches, maybe even talk you into a second date, and hurting you or raping you doesn't even cross his mind.

If he's secretly a psychopath, then yeah, something bad will happen.

You could go and just drop a hint early on that somebody, your parents or a girlfriend, knows where you are and who you're with, that might keep you safe. But depending on how psychopathic he is, it might not.

Nobody is more qualified to a judgment call than you right now. You might try carrying knives in your pockets or a little gun in your purse. Little guns still make a big hole, and even a little hole in the right place is enough to cool off any rapist. Or, you could also suggest meeting him someplace more public like a bar or coffee shop, get a better feel for what his intentions are before you go waltzing into his lair.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Poppymarie]

Thank you

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

That's one hell of an assumption. But if you don't feel safe around him., you're under no obligation to spend any time with him. He probably wants to have sex with you, but you jumped straight to the thought of non-consentual sex, without considering the more likely possibility he's just a normal guy who wants to get laid. But in the end it's your own safety that's important, so you should do whatever makes you feel safe.

[Poppymarie]

Like I said, I’m not assuming anything. I’d like to assume that my friends wouldn’t do anything like that to me. I just wanted to make sure I am safe.

[MackToday]

I don't know but he's not planing anything good, you should stay away from him, he sounds kind of weird.

[Poppymarie]

Ok thanks. He knows I’d be passed out so that’s what makes me worry

[MackToday]

No sense even talking to someone like that, find a man that acts like a man not a piece of shit. He doesn't value you as a woman in the slightest and a man should value women and respect them.

[Poppymarie]

I just hate to straight up stop talking to him because he claims to be my friend but I’m definitely not going to his house

[MackToday]

He's not your friend or he wouldn't be trying shit like that. You don't owe him jack shit. Find a man that you like and concentrate on him this clown is nothing but a predator.

[Poppymarie]

Ok thanks I’ll steer clear

[leonidas69]

I only read the bold. Wtf, 😂 Why use the rape word? He might be trying to get with you but that word is terrible for your thought process.

[Poppymarie]

Read the non bold and you’ll understand

[leonidas69]

Nope still doesn't suggest rape. If he was planning rape he wouldn't have to invite you anywhere. He might be hoping to have sex or something but the fact that you used the word rape is fucking ridiculous. You shouldn't be seeing anyone until this changes!

[Browneye57]

It's safe if you're DTF. Otherwise don't go.

[mickcurious]

He definitely has been biding his time till you broke up maybe he was just pretending to be your friend and waiting which is kind of a sneaky thing to do what's that would be something a guy does that has to get drunk get a drunk drunk to be able to score because he's just not that smooth because of the dude really genuinely like you he would go ahead and be goofy and stumbling at first feel nervous like we do subconsciously I don't think he's going to rape you although I don't know the guy you know more than I do and you feel like something's going to rape you and you don't know them that well

[worldscolide]

It's very possible

[Poppymarie]

Yeah he knows I get drunk from 2 ounces of champagne and he wants to give me vodka. He also said that he doesn’t plan to drink. He just wants me to.

[worldscolide]

Yeah that's a massive red flag, don't go..

[Poppymarie]

Thank you I won’t. Should I stop being friends with him too?

[worldscolide]

I definitely would

[Poppymarie]

Ok thank you so much

[BuilderMike87]

I doubt he is trying to rape you, although I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was trying start something.

[Poppymarie]

Ok thanks for your input. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t putting myself in harms way. I still think I’m not gonna go though.

[COMMODOREII]

I don't know about rape but for sure trying to get you to let your guard down.

[pizzalovershouse]

You should only go if it's with other friends female you trust or family members you trust