Anybody, Am I the only woman with this problem? My husband likes it when I give him oral but he won't actually fulfill a kink?

[MistressLirael]

Okay, so I am happily married except for a few small things in the bedroom. I have kink/fetishes that my husband has known about since we got together almost a decade ago.

He satisfies me except for one small thing. He loves it when I give him head but refuses to just... Throat f*** me. Like I've talked to him about it, told him I WANT him to, that it's not demeaning because it's between us, but he just absolutely refuses to do it?

Does anyone have a suggestion to help me out?

I won't leave him over this but he already knows it's disappointing me that he won't even consider it.

[SteveSmith1985]

You're in the wrong here. Very clearly in the wrong. This is very simply a case of you demanding something sexually your partner (I don't care if it's your husband or not) does not want.

That's something you have to accept. Period. No complaining. No anything.

This is exactly. And I mean EXACTLY the same as if he wanted you to do ANYTHING you can think of (any of the weird-ass-kinks people have. Ones that YOU do not want).

Just think of anything that your husband could ask you to do. If you say there are none. You are a liar. Or do not know the crazy-array of out-there kinks that men have. So let's assume there are certain things you just would not ever do. Things that aren't sexal to you. They are a turn OFF.

Isn't he clearly wrong if he pressures or expects you to do something sexually that you absolutely do not want to do? Unarguably yes, that's wrong.

This is exactly just as wrong. You need to accept this quietly. Or leave your husband. Those are the only acceptable choices here. As much as you may not like it. You are totally wrong for demanding or expecting this. HE DOESN"T LIKE IT. No means no. It's not just for women. This is a situation you need to rethink here. Your position is really really wrong. Especially wrong if it's someone you love.

[MistressLirael]

I'm not demanding anything, my husband likes me giving him oral but will not touch my head while I'm doing it. He'll smack my ass while we're having sex but won't grip my hair while I'm giving him head. All I want is him to consider it when I'd do the same for him when we've discussed hard limits and this is not on his list and he won't add it to the list. That's why I'm confused.

[SteveSmith1985]

In regards to your update. This makes no sense now. Either I have NO CLUE how hard limits work. Or he needs to just add this to his hard-limits list. Why in the fucking hell would he not just say "Let's put that on the hard-limits list."? Either I'm missing something. Or this is the dumbest problem I've ever seen. What am I missing. If you respect his hard limits. Why won't he add this to that list. And there better be a damn good reason... because seriously? What am I missing here?

[MistressLirael]

That's what I'm saying! I've asked him are we adding this to your hard limits and he says no, but still acts like it's a hard limit. He won't explain why either, he just shuts down and I don't know why. It's honestly starting to make me think he suffered some kind of situation or trauma before me. If he would just say something happened or a bad experience I'd leave it alone, but he won't say anything.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, then he's being an idiot. Plain and simple. You could very well be right that he has reasons to feel the way he does based on some bad experience. In fact, you should assume that you're right about that (and leave it alone for that reason). Because this isn't something most people are going to have any strong feelings about at all. The fact that he does, means... you might as well place it on his hard limits list unilaterally. You can obviously see that it is a hard-limit for him. You can see that by his behavior. Now, perhaps his inability to put this on the hard-limits list is ITSELF part of his response to whatever bad situation resulted in him having this reaction to these specific things during sex. That's the only way I can reconcile being unwilling to put your hard-limit on the hard limits list. He has a problem with viewing it as a hard limit for the same reason he has this unusal reaction to begin with. You don't know what that reason is. But I think you're very safe to assume that there is some trauma of some sort behind anyone feeling so strongly averse to this. Since you would leave it alone if you found out it was caused by some past trauma, you should leave it alone now. Because that's clearly the only reasonable explanation. But the right to know what that trauma might be, you don't have. So assume it's something... even if you don't know what. Act accordingly, and add this to the hard limits list yourself. And problem solved. You can see this is a hard limit for him. Just respect it. Don't worry about why he won't put it on the list. That's so absurd that the only possible reason someone would ever do that... is if there were some significance (trauma-based) to specifically not calling it a hard limit. Just put it on the list without him. And your problem is as solved as it can possibly be.

[SnowedIn]

You're probably not the only woman with that problem, in answer to your title question.

You're not going to change him.
At least not on your timetable.

Just let him know every now and then that this is something you'd like.
He might do it.
He might not.

Here's the thing: he sounds like he's not comfortable with it. But, from your comments and replies, it sounds like your mind keeps repeating the refrain "but I want it". That's great, but in sex, the other partner's comfort comes before your want. That's how good, mature sexual relationships work.

Let this go.

[LivDev]

Unfortunately, and I mean UNFORTUNATELY, you might just have to miss out :T

You can't force a grown man to do something he doesn't want to. Even if you wanted to.

Maybe if you cede and offer him something he wants that you might not particularly like, he'll consider it more?

[katiesmuff]

If I were you I'd just let it go! Your hubby just can't get it out of his mind just how demeaning that act is and loves you enough where doing a demeaning act on you is just out of the question

[RobT312]

Do you talk about that kink? If not I would revisit it and talk about your kinks. Learn why he may not want to do it.

[Red_Arrow]

Maybe he is afraid of hurting you. I have no idea how to change his thoughts.

[MistressLirael]

Well you might have a point there, it took me two years before he became comfortable with even play fighting, goofing around with each other.

[connemara_crocodile]

Does he have a kink you can exchange for? "I'll do this if you do that?"

I feel you, my current partner won't do my major kink (every now and then I like a girl to piss while I'm giving her oral sex) and I think I'm missing that since I'm with her.

Asking while they're drunk is not fair cause then when the drunkenness is gone they'll feel bad about it.

[MistressLirael]

I have but he just refuses no matter what. He doesn't drink but I'd never dream of taking advantage of him if he was to ever be intoxicated. Anytime we are playing we have strict guidelines we follow and not be intoxicated is one of them, cause we need to be alert and pay attention if non verbal cues are given.

[VanillaSalt]

Hard to use a safe word with a dick in your throat. He’s free to decline any fetish he wants. Just cause you do his does not make him obligated to meet yours. There’s a clear difference between fetishes for example pulling hair and nipple torture.

[AMS700CX4u2]

Could be that he loves you enough to not do something that he sees as abusive. I read an article in the bad girls bible that states that if a man want his girl to do oral on him more than once, he should keep his hands off her head and behind his back. I think you are going to have to do you best to convince him. Back him against the wall and you control the penetration.

[stratford]

That's even more frustrating for me - I would do anything for a woman who likes to be throat fucked :-)

[Fireguy17]

Huh, anytime someone that I was having sex with asked for something you betcha I would make sure to do whatever they wanted.
he might think that it isn't something you would do to someone you really care about, even though you said it was fine, or may not know how to do it?
Maybe start slowly and work into it.
Can you initiate the act while giving him oral sex somehow, maybe once you start he might like it.

[RavVid]

I'm not sure what to say.

I take it he is declining to say why he doesn't want to and just says NO. It might have got to the point where saying NO is easier. Perhaps rather than making it seem to be a demand, ask about what he likes about getting head from you. Start with a position you have a common position on. Then move to what he doesn't like about Throat f***ing you from a curiosity viewpoint. His answers have to be allowable and not disputed.

It might be he doesn't get much out of it and after head he is just eager to get in. For me it is all too friction-less and doesn't have any resistance. So it can be more frustrating than anything.

It might be he wants you to be an angel rather than his cumslut and is being altogether far too respectful of you and he needs to be educated out of that.

That's all I can think of.

[Finchie40]

Why he doesn’t want to throat fuck you is blowing my mind, as to why he would say no to that to be honest? , I know everyone has their own fetishes and kinks and sorts but for a guy not wanting to throat fuck his girl is shocking to hear honestly. Are you more dominate to him in bed? Meaning do you have to initiate sex more that he does? I can’t really judge your husband cuz I don’t know him , but it definitely sounds like something is off , This is something you are going to ask him about as to why he doesn’t want to do that to you? Maybe he doesn’t like being dominate is my guess? Has he tried on your underwear before? Lol

[Heterosketero]

Talk super dirty and put him down, tell him you are going to buy a strap and teach him on his knees and to fuck your mouth lime a man. Sorry if thats blunt, such a waste.

Or molly...

[Heterosketero]

Update, facesit the shit of him and just go make yourself a snadwish after and tell him, I felt it was time ;) youbwant a samdwich, you know what to do... But seriously, good for him lol

[Subarugirl]

If that isn't something that he feels comfortable doing you shouldn't keep pushing it... you should never push someone into a sexual act that they dont want to do.

[Gibbons44]

Good on him. I was recently served the one thing I did not desire by a girl I like and her village - so am glad to hear someone treats a female equally derogatarily.

[UncleBilll]

Drop your phone number and I'll be happy to help

[MistressLirael]

605-475-6968

[Nikki1989]

You can't make someone do anything sexually.

[MistressLirael]

Yeah I know, I'm asking for advice on how to talk to him so he'll at least consider the idea that it would make me happier that he's not afraid to try something he's never done before. We already have safe words and non verbal cues and oral sex is not a hard limit for him. But he just sits there while I give him head, he will not touch my head or anything and sometimes i'd like his hand in my hair keeping me down on his cock if he likes it...

[Mangospacho]

I mean, there’s no way you can force him to do this. I can tell you, from the male perspective, we are always worried about hurting you by accident. The throat is an easy way to hurt someone so he’s probably not going to want to do something that might accidentally hurt you.

[noohair]

I guess it is that he respected you or he could have another reason. I will also make the observation that women don't know how to get information because they do not ask direct questions. This is a discussion that need to be done with direct probing questions. He might have a bad repressed memory.

[Backwood1988]

Well darling how do you make him happy and make him turn on and how do you do it to him and what does he like and don't like

[MistressLirael]

He tells me he's perfectly happy with our sex life, I just don't know how to make him feel comfortable with f***ing my throat. I know stupid thing to complain about but it's the one thing he just won't do. I just don't get it.

[Backwood1988]

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[Backwood1988]

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[Backwood1988]

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[peterrezeeek]

for me i dont like to do it cuz i think it may hurt u...
but if u really interested in it i, ll do it for u..
u can tell him ur reasons and how do u like him to do it... try it slowly

[sidhagain]

Can we discuss in DM

[sidhagain]

Hahah Read your update... Be ready.. May be the day is coming soon

[In_Trance]

What are you possibly gonna say to change his mind?

[MistressLirael]

I don't know, I'm out of ideas and was hoping for some advice. I just may have to live with it being a mere fantasy.

[Backwood1988]

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[Backwood1988]

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