Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Hey everyone,
I don't know if this was a big mistake. My boyfriend was always loving and kind during our relationship of 4 years. I discovered a tendency to be bisexual during this relationship and asked him whether I could kiss a girl or even make out a bit,.. he said - after thinking about it for 6 months - yes you can. I had a date with a girl and almost kissed her but I didn't.
He also said if I am the only girl he sleeps with in his whole lifetime he'll be the luckiest man on earth.
Still, when I asked if he would participate in a FFM he said he wants to live it once.
Then I broke up with him as he would fuck another girl. He said it's not a must have for him. But it's something he wants/ would like to experience.
Is the break up okay, or am I totally wrong? And: Would it be totally legit if I wasn't bisexual? Cause I think then he'd still like to f another girl together with me...
we have a bad past. maybe that's why I snapped. I feel guilty for breaking up bc of a wish. I hope you guys won't judge me. I am the nicest girl ever normally. I just don't unterstand my rage quit.
Lots of thanks for reading!
Break up over his sexual fantasy - right?
laracr0ft Xper 2
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What Girls & Guys Said
15 46Girl you have psychological issues
You asked him for a FFM threesome.
And already decided what you wanted to hear before he answered and then flipped out when he said. What you didn't want him to speak..
Boy you just used NetDoc to Diagnose some „issues“. You May say logical Problems not psychoLogical
Okay i apologize... You have logical problems.. But you still need to consult a therapist.. Just one session and see if he approves your behavior to be normal
I was exposed to traumata in life But i don’t have PTSD
this is a prime example of "women say they want honesty but really dont". you got upset he gave you an honest answer to your offer of a 3some and after he was ok with you dating another to boot. yeah he is better off without you. simular to sonethibg often portrayed in sitcoms when one spouse asks the other about "after i die would you?" and "which celeb would you sleep with?" and "i dreamed you were cheating so am now pissed off at you for what an image of you did in my subconcious mind".
So.. the problem is not the answer, the problem is the question, right? So, in your opinion there is anything in anyone I could find that I'm not happy with but it really depends on not asking stuff, where you don't accept every answer right? I learned a lesson, that's for sure :) Thank you!
Ah and when you feel like you're asked something critical. Why not asking: Okay girl can you deal with every answer? Because otherwise I won't answer. Also, please share your opinion on bringing another girl into the mix first.
I couldn't tell how you guys discussed this but I think that he was taking a risk being honest ans open with you about something that was difficult for him to discuss and you should possibly see this as an act of trust on his part. I'm not saying that you should find any of his fantasies hot but he was open and honest about it and you gave him shit for it. Could be completely wrong but he could have been doing something admirable to which you reacted in a way that would discourage him from ever coming uo with any kinky ideas in future.
Just have some confusion with your base question. 'Break up over his sexual fantasy' as per my understanding FFM was never his fantasy, you asked him that.
You asked him if you can make out with girl and would that be fine with your boyfriend for which he took 6 months to think and understand your side and said ok.
I guess your boyfriend gave a thought for FFM just to participate in what makes you happy that FF thing.
If you both have love, trust and respect for each other, you guys shouldn't breakup... Go talk to him😉
I Hope my opinion helps😅
If you have a bad past then maybe I understand why you did it, but just from what you said, you way overreacted. He was just being honest with you, being happy only ever having sex with you is a big complement to say, but it doesent mean that he wouldn't prefer to have sex with another or more women, and you kind of started it.
no "kinda" to it
You sound like a jerk ending a four year relationship over him wanting a near universal male fantasy.
He's probably better off on the long run finding someone who isn't such an idiot lol
I think you should not have broken up with him
You're wrong. It's your fault. You're the one who asked him that question. It was a setup; a trap. You shouldn't have gotten mad at him for answering honestly.
I Promise. It was no Trap.
Okay.
His „I would do it“ was a Standard answer for guys?
I would say that is the universal opinion of nearly all men.
That’s completely bizarre. You’re a massive hypocrite.
Why is that bizarre? Because if I wasn't interested in females, he'd still be wanting a ffm. I just felt somewhat disappointed.
People are allowed to have fantasies. You punished him for being honest after you asked him a question. He didn’t cheat on you.
But he wanted to live this fantasy IRL. That's not a fantasy, to me it's a wish.
He also said he was willing not to do it. And he gave you the freedom to go date someone else. You’re absolutely a hypocrite.
Oh. Well it's still that you're offending me but I agree that this is a massive double standard here. thanks for that.
Oh the hypocrisy. Yes, you were in the wrong.
Why hypocrisy?
Because you wanted to have with a girl, but he couldn’t.
I don‘t mean to justify that Double Standard. But he would have wanted that without my bisexuality too. Also I am not super sure that I am bisexual.
Well, you won’t know till you try right?
That is such bullshit! You said you were together for FOUR years, you also made a point to mention that during the FOUR years, he was “loving and kind”! LOVING AND KIND… YOUR WORDS! All guys fantasize about sex with other women, but for FOUR YEARS à he was faithful to you! How do I know? Because I’m a girl, if my boyfriend cheated on me, it would be in ALL CAPS right at the top, and I don’t know any girl who would ever leave that out! The hypocrisy is clear… you can date whomever you want, you can even try to kiss them, but if he even THINKS about another person, (EVEN WHEN YOU SUGGEST IT) his ass is out like last weeks fish!!!
Yeah you're crazy
We are programmed since childhood that it's one woman for one man. I've never had a threesome since I'm programmed to satisfy one woman at a time. YOU have to decide if you want him fucking around or if he wants to be with you exclusively. I WILL say, if he says you're it, then further down the road you may find him straying because he couldn't bone someone else before he got married.
Could you please explain what you mean by „, if he says you're it“? Thank you so much!
If, after you have had the "it's me or the road" talk, he says "it's you". You have him for now and once you're married, and possibly have kids, he gets bored because he thinks back on the choice he made to stay strictly with you, he might decide to stray again. Some of us are made to love one woman at a time. If I am committed to one girl, then I remember my vows. Still beyond that, if I am in love with someone, I can't imagine wanting to stray. Is this who he is?
Well that was basically my fear. I know that choices should reflect hopes, not fears but that's exactly the point. It's not a problem if he wants to stray now. But he's got basically no experience in bed apart from the 4 years with me and some one night stands. It was a huge problem that he said I don't want it now but it's maybe my future plan. I'm not good with building on that, building on "maybe I want to stray again". Maybe that's what every guy thinks and every girl but it was like he was telling me "Yeah one day I'll want to sleep with other women again. Actually in every moment from now. But I'll tell you when it gets specific. Maybe in one, maybe in 20 years." Is that somehow understandable? Might have reacted too much here, but still. Also I am grateful for your answer.
All I can say is from my own experience. The love of my life and I married in 1967. I made a vow to love, honor, and cherish her 'til death do us part. We were married until 1988 when she contracted cancer and was gone in less than two months. My commitment could have stopped if I were selfish, but I gave my oath to her just like I gave my country my oath. Some men can't commit to this. Oh, they will say the words when they're standing in front of witnesses. But their heart may not be in it. YOU have to decide if it's worth the risk.
I think most guys would like to indulge in ffm. It's a common guy fantasy, but something that never happens in reality. I can only give an opinion here, so please don't think that is definitive advice, but maybe you were a little harsh? It seems like you were both happy together, and you posed the question, to which he gave an honest answer. If my wife posed the question hypothetically to me (or in reality) I'd say yes, too. But this situation is complicated by the fact that you may be feeling some attraction to girls. One of the most overlooked and difficult things in life, is figuring out what we actually want. It takes some time and consideration. Perhaps if you spend a little time considering this seriously, you'll arrive at a decision which is right, for you. I hope this isn't coming across as patronizing - if it is, i'm sorry. Good luck, to both of you, and stay safe.
You are in the wrong
You asked if ge would participate in a FFM, that's essentially asking him to have one with you and another girl. If he asked you for one and got mad or pulled some shit like "if you loved me you'd do it" then I could see you breaking up. FYI, most guys would like to be with more than one girl at a time, at least once.
I feel bad. Now I lost him. But I didn't know that before. Even guys in relationship? Shit. He was just being honest.
What about reaching to him, is that an option.
@NathanDavis it is but.. I feel like it's too late. Out of anger I was dealing the whole topic as if he was the bad guy and I discovered a somewhat bad secret. I was afraif of getting hurt again. Our story is quite sad. Thank you, your words mean a lot to me. I do those things out of self-protection so might as well let him go.
That's understandable, but if I meant to ask about it, in case you could reach and explain your side, and than you reacted right away, talking things true after the facts can bring some understanding and some healing., both for you and him (would not be about getting back together), But you would know better at which place you are,
@NathanDavis That's true. I will definitely say sorry for blaming him for being honest. After I could open up, he gave me a chance for exploring. And then I blamed him for showing his vulnerability. I will tell him that I've done him wrong. When we met, 4 years ago he didn't see that I was the girl he loved. He was incredibly hurt because of his ex girlfriend. His eyes were shut, and so he hurt me. He told me: I'll meet a better girl and replace you. Then slept with another girl. We ended dating then. Then he realized that I'm the woman of his dreams, he fell in love out of sudden and until now he says he's never loved a girl so deeply, and that I healed his wounds. But I've still got a scar from our story. I guess I never knew this, but this ffm topic was a trigger. So I ran.
Well, I hope you two have the chance to talk sometime, and that it can bring some understanding, and help with some healing too. We all make mistakes for many reasons, but if all we meant was to hurt each other for the sake of hurt, we would not be here at all. This does not seem to be your case, I think you both deserve some consideration from one another.
Wanting it and pushing for it are different. I want it, my girlfriend doesn't so we don't consider it, but she knows I would like to try it once.
@NathanDavis Thank you. We'll talk one last time tomorrow, he says he'll hand me over my stuff. Guess hurt people hurt people. It's not for a bad reason. That makes it hard to stay mad. And it's just the experience of being human.. right? Emotions.
that's right, sometimes our emotions just rush ahead of our reasoning, but your heart seems to be in the right place, which unfortunately is always in the middle.
You are right @Twalli by the way can I ask where does your girlfriend know from you 'd like to do it - did you just ask her? Plus: Do you think your wish will just disappear without living it?
She knows because I told her. I honestly don't care if I ever have one, but other girls are hot and I like seeing girls have sex. So I would like seeing it with me plus it'd be better than masturbation.
Okay thank you a lot. Does that mean you are happy if you guys always stay monogamous in your life. But would take the ffm if she‘d Offer it?
If my girlfriend wanted a FFM, I would agree, but I won't seek it.
I would appreciate the fact of you being open like that. I personally would think it’s hot and take my dick out and jerk while watching the both of you. I have been with a girl that wanted another guy with us.. I didn’t mind. Hope it all works out
I guess that’s the problem with three ways. It creates jealousy.
You each can have different sexual fantasies. Just because you have a sexual fantasy doesn’t mean that one you want to share it with your partner or two if you do choose to share with your partner that actually actually want to play it out or actually experience it you may just want to role-play it or talk about it. All that to say I think for me it would be a mistake to break up with someone just because of a fantasy they have that I don’t share. But I can’t necessarily speak for you maybe it was the right thing for you to do.
I really like this answer. So I learned breaking up over a fantasy is not the right thing. Is it okay to break up if the person would actually DO this fantasy? I really am okay with incompatibility, but I think I was hurt. Because of a past story with him. Guess there was more. Maybe it was still the right thing.
That depends on the nature of your relationship. If you have a very strict monogamous relationship where in him acting on those fantasies with another person would violate the boundaries of the relationship then maybe it was the right thing to do to break up with him
If my girlfriend wanted that, it would turn me off too.
When I’m with a girl it’s for 100% for her.
he was "open and honest" with you and you punished him...
jep because I could not unhear what I've heard..
fantasies are never realistic. it's a question that "you" should never ask again...
I agree. But if he says He wants to experience this in our bed it suddenly got realistic.
yeah, he should have lied to you, you're right
love that sarcasm @waldoe
@magiusX26 he's right not sarcastic.
alternative solution... tell him, 'it's Never gonna happen", and see if he accepts "reality" that would have ended it and not the relationship
Hugs honey, and sorry