Bye bye to my sex life?

[Anonymous]

So my husband is 40 and I’m 32. I have such a high sex drive and his seemed to decrease … unless he watches porn 🙄

I try and try to initiate sex and he seems uninterested. He says he’s tired and has a lot going on but I catch him every now and then watching porn. I don’t get it. I’m not bad looking at all! I know he’s not cheating. I don't know what’s going on and when I bring up our nonexistent sex life he gets defensive. We’ve had sex 2 times in 3 months. It’s crazy. There’s not affection cause that’s just not him but I feel like I’m getting nothing. He said I’m needy but I have to get something in order for me to be needy and I literally get nothing. It feels like we are great coparenting friends. I feel lonely and I tell him it’s the lack of sex, lack of affection, all of it. He doesn’t work. So it’s not like he’s consumed by work. I work and still want affection at the end of the day.

It’s like he doesn’t fear I may look elsewhere. I already think about being with other people cause he gives me nothing. We been together 8 years and it’s like …. I just don’t get it.

[Samantha36]

Very much like my last relationship. He wouldn't come near me. We had sex a few times a month and even then it was over in a few minutes. He was too busy getting drunk, gambling and playing computer games.

I talked to him and talked to him but nothing changed. In the end I started talking to an ex friends with benefits and we were sending nudes to each other etc. My boyfriend found out but didn't care.

We split up and then funnily enough he wanted to still meet up for sex.

If he doesn't listen to u, call his bluff and leave. It's not fair on you. You have needs to and life is too short to be unhappy. Good luck

[Effably]

Absolutely sounds like he needs a mental shift. Sex is largely headspace.

The man you describe seem stressed. Depressed. Probably guilty from not satisfying you. Sometimes doing nothing can be terribly draining.

So my honest suggestion is to roll it back a little. Cuddle up to a movie. Talk about nonsense. Go do something you both enjoy. Focus on feeling happy outside of sex. We fix the headspace, remove pressure but maintain being desired, and drive usually goes up.

From personal experience I was with a girl who's drive was much higher than my own. Ended up going from my normal levels down to a fraction of it. Then at some point things clicked. We talked. Got a little heated. A little nerdy. Just relaxed fun. And what do you know. A while later a purring girlfriend.

[Tim2nice]

It sounds like he’s suffering from depression. Ask him to get professional help. Tell him you love him but will not continue like this. You have needs and will leave if he doesn’t do anything about it. Give him a timeframe and move on if nothing changes. You’re too young to give up on sex. Good luck!

[Truthatanycost]

People always underestimate the damage porn can cause. Until he acknowledges it is a problem, nothing will change. It seems you don't realize either...

[HighValue]

It sounds like he is either very stressed or is depressed about something in life. Did something change in his life? Something major that could change how he views himself?

[Hellur991]

Look more and more sexy towards him

[bowenw]

It could be any number of things causing it. This site lists many common causes:

https://www.healthline.com/health/low-testosterone/conditions-that-cause-low-libido

[Kinkyhubby]

I have the same problem but the other way around, my wife has become less into sex.

[gorydetails]

have you tried talking to him?

[Asker]

Yes. He gets defensive or he says he’s tired, has a lot going on, isn’t thinking about that, etc. or he says I always have problems. But literally the problems are the same things cause nothing changes.

[gorydetails]

maybe plan a weekend away to destress.

[Emanon25]

Ask him what he finds better than you of what he watches.

[noohair]

He might have a medical problem he is hiding from you. Porn can desensitize his brain to arousal.

[abc--123]

Sounds like you need a bull

[MasterKS]

This is common story of all mature woman, very sad and that is what building more divorce and cheating.

[negrl4a69]

Call me