Do you think that males should earn sex from females? Why or why not?

I wholeheartedly believe that women should make men earn sex. Due to the growing number of low quality males who prove to be painfully disappointing and hurt the psyche of women for YEARS after they are gone, I believe that sex is something they should acquire or deserve as a result of effort and action. Now, am I here to impose my personal life choice on other women? No. I'm simply expressing myself and why I have made this decision. So don't mistakenly think that I'm trying to convince every other female to function the way I do because I'm not. However, this is what works for me and it has eliminated a lot of stress, frustration, and pain from my womanhood. Not making men earn your sexual side is the leading cause of getting played, getting used, and potentially getting knocked up by someone who genuinely would not have purposely chosen you to be their 18 year partner as the mother of their child *and vice versa: I know there are women out there who love their children deeply, but they would not have chosen the man who conceived that child* That is just plain, unfiltered honesty. Lets not be delusionaly optimistic and pretend that sex is just some free, happy thing that doesn't come with unfavorable repercussions. Making a guy earn sex is a woman's way of avoiding some of those unfavorable repercussions. Considering the decline of men who are well-rounded and possess genuine, solid integrity, it's not in your best interest to perform such a risky, intimate act with them. I think men should be deserving of sexual intercourse because there are so many long term emotional risks a female makes when she sleeps with someone. For me personally, a man must accumulate noble, honorable, genuine behavior before I even consider giving the most intimate piece of myself to him. At least that way if I do get hurt, I can proudly say it was a hurt worth having and not be overwhelmed with shame and regret. How about you? What is your personal opinion on this topic?
Updates:
+1 y
Do you think adopting this mentality would make womanhood easier for many females?
+1 y
Every female, please direct your attention to Hrothgar's answer. This is my point exactly.
2 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • You are taking your past experiences with crappy guys and, rather than putting the onus of learning anything from the experience on yourself, you are basically pushing it off onto the next guy you date who hasn't done anything to deserve your deeply rooted suspicion of his motives. I'm not saying that a girl should have to sleep with guys whenever he asks or even that there be some "standard" of 3 dates then sex kind of thing.

    I think both the guy and the girl should "earn" the right to sleep with each other. Your way the guy has to jump through some arbitrary number of hoops, and you don't develop any sense of who is a good guy and who isn't, unable to tell the difference between some crappy guy who was just there for sex and a good guy who was feeling hurt because you doubted him with no evidence of any false motive.

    I guess when it comes down to it I have a problem with being guilty until proven innocent just because I happen to be a male. It's pretty sexist. Your stance is pretty much the opposite of this girl's: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q962506-ladies-have-you-ever-truly-been-swept-off-your-feet-or-is-that-a , who advocates one of personal responsibility for all parties involved.

    And I'm someone who's never had sex in any of my relationships until at least 3 months in.

    • Do not try to tell me about myself, who I am, and what I am doing when you honestly have no factual knowledge on me as an individual. What you are doing is making an ASSUMPTION, then speaking on it as if it is fact. You do not know everything so you should not speak to a female like you do. I agree with paragraph 2, but I don't appreciate you coming here, with some false idea and trying to tell me about myself with it as if you were my therapist lol You are also being way to sensitive. No one called you guilty and no one said every male is the same. Don't come to my post being over emotional.

    • You seem... rather unnecessarily hostile. I simply responded with my answer to this: "How about you? What is your personal opinion on this topic?" And I may have made some assumptions, however they weren't exactly shots in the dark: "However, this is what works for me and it has eliminated a lot of stress, frustration, and pain from my womanhood." You posted a question with a ton of basis on your personal life. You're going to get opinions in response to that. And to be honest only 1 sentence in my response was even about you lol. How am I supposed to know what's fair game in your post and what isn't? You're the one who posted it...

    • I'm not hostile, it's just very annoying when strangers come to your post with the mistaken idea that they know everything, despite their lack of factual knowledge, then try to tell you about yourself. It's not about "fair game"; it's simple, do not try to tell someone who they are when you've never even had the life experience to discover them. Your entire false introductory paragraph where you tried to tell me who I am and what I'm about turned me off of your whole answer.

  • Low quality men lol, if you have been living in this modern world for enough time to become aware of how life is, you would know that making it in this world is becoming extremely more difficult.

    There are no good jobs without degrees, or a high amount of training, there is very little security. You can't just have a factory job and raise a family without going deep into debt, if the company hasn't moved all the factories overseas and killed thousands of jobs.

    To your question, I don't think that people should just give their body to anybody that they fancy on the surface. If you are with a player, a one night stand, you are my temporary fix while I scout for better girls kind of guy, you would know that right off the bat

    A good respectable guy wouldn't do that. Plus a players behavior is telling from the get go. If your with a respectful guy that actually likes you, I'm pretty sure that he would take the time without pushing boundaries. besides, any guy will work for the love of a girl, but he's not going to sit around like a new puppy hoping he's going to get a doggy biscuit if he's good.

    • *tear* For you, I really hope and wish that you find one of the few good ones left.

    • yeah this is good =)

    • Thanks for MH!!

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Most Helpful Girls

  • What you're saying can be equally as damaging as just 'giving it away'. You make sex sound like some sort of currency that a significant other would have to toil for. Sex is a mutual understanding, not something you bargain with. No one should feel obligated to have sex with anyone, but no one should feel obligated to 'earn' it either. Honestly, holding sex over people's head like this would probably be infinitely detrimental to any relationship. So, no, I disagree with this mentality 100 percent. You treat men like they're dogs who have to perform tricks in order to get a treat. Sorry to say, but you sound like a woman scorned, and nothing else.

  • Hmmm, I totally understand what you are saying, and I agree with you on some level.
    But I also know girls who are just looking for one-night stands, and completely willing to sleep with a guy one night and never see him again. So I think it depends on what the girl is looking for. If the girl is looking for something special / a connection / possible relationship, then yeah maybe the guy should earn it. But if both the girl and guy are just looking for a hookup? go for it.

    • That's the point where we've veered off into the various personal lifestyle choices as individuals. Like for me, I can't imagine having a one night stand. I try really hard not to reduce the intimate part of sex down so much that it just becomes a physical, recreational act. Because the reality is; 1.) You could get an STD 2.) You could get pregnant 3.) You could have to decide between sacrificing your dreams and who you want to be to raise a child with a man whom would have originally been momentary in your life or get an abortion 4.) You could have you reputation scarred which may be detrimental if news gets around to the person who could open doors for you 5.) You could meet an amazing, wonderful man one day who sincerely feels disappointed that his woman was 'that girl' then have some uncomfortable underlying shame or regret There are just so many risks and I know that most men are not worth those risks. What do you think?

    • I really like what you just said, Asker :)

    • thanks FlyingTurthe =)

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  • I agree with you. I'm not even attracted to guys unless they do something to earn it. I also don't care how good looking the guy is because you get used to looking at them and then their beauty or ugliness means nothing after a couple of weeks or months. For me it is all personality.

    • That's a healthy approach to dating. It's so important for women to discuss this open and honestly because there are a lot of guys who view sex as a game, an ego boost, one measly trophy in their collection; simple recreation. It sucks that women get exposed to that. And while some women claim that they can have sex and not get attached, that's usually bs and when a girl can do that, I've noticed there's a history of sexual abuse or general heartbreak from a man.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 15
  • No, I don't agree with this idea. I see this as saying that women should be allowed to use sex as leverage, and manipulate the man with sex. That's not how it should be. Sure, the woman shouldn't feel obligated to give the man sex, but she should still just have sex whenever she feels she wants to, not just when she feels the man's earned it. There are women who are perfectly happy with having sex with a man they just met, even if the man hasn't "earned" it, and that's fine, as long as they are being safe and responsible. Sex shouldn't be seen as a commodity, as something that needs to be earned. It should be seen as something people can do with each other when they both want to, as a form of pleasure, not reward.

    • Lets get one thing straight: Women using sex as leverage is an entirely different topic from what I'm speaking about here. You appear to have boldly misinterpreted my intent behind this message and constructed your whole answer based on a false interpretation. And no offense, but your words are not all that credible considering you're not even an adult and you may not have the hands on life experience to really contribute to this convo.

    • No. It's not at all unrelated. Women who do use sex as leverage do it under the exact same pretenses: That the man needs to earn the sex, and that it's something that she gives as a reward for being good. As I said, this view of sex is as a reward, not just as a pleasurable thing to do. It shouldn't be viewed as a reward. And though I'm certainly not as experienced, that doesn't mean I can't understand the implications of such ideals and offer my own arguments. Disregarding my arguments due to my age is effectively just Ad Hominem, and is not a valid counterargument.

    • I have no desire to talk about women who use sex as leverage. That is not what I came here to talk about and if you are so concerned with that subject, then work your mouse on up to that little orange box and ask a question about that yourself.

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  • Well, I don't think they should earn it.. but, I also don't think it should be given to them so easily

    • Eloquently put!

    • thank you =)

    • I was going to give you MH until anon stepped into the post lol

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  • I think we already work pretty hard to get it; it's up to the woman when she wants to give it, and if she gives it up too soon, it's egg on her face, not the man's.

    • what exactly do you mean "egg on her face"?

    • have egg on one's face
      Fig. to be embarrassed by something one has done. (As if one went out in public with a dirty face.) I was completely wrong, and now I have egg on my face. She's really got egg on her face!
      source: dictionary.reference.com/.../egg+on+one's+face,+have

    • I know lol but why do you think the girl would be embarrassed and the guy wouldn't?

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  • If you start using sex as a bargaining tool, you're headed for a very unhappy relationship.

    Apart from sex, you should both be doing things to please one another and enjoy time together. If that's not happening, you just call it off and leave.

    Sex IS some free happy thing that should come without unfavourable repercussions. He'll be giving as much to you as you're giving to him during sex.

  • Sounds like someone screwed you over as bad as my ex wife just screwed over me. And because it is the womans decision if sex will happen or not you have gone militant. A healthy adult relationship has healthy equal sex. It is not something to be dished out like giving a bone to a dog. Sounds like you need a lot of therapy. I wish you luck. If i find a woman like you when i start dating again i will promptly tell her to go fuck herself.

    • Actually no, it is possible for a woman to come to this very realistic conclusion without getting screwed over. My romantic record has been a breezy walk in the park BECUASE of this mentality. Yes, having sex can be healthy in the relationship if the RIGHT MOTIVE is behind it. But if the woman is unwilling or not ready *which could be for various reasons*, then spreading her legs and sticking his penis in her is not magically going to be healthy for the relationship. I don't need therapy simply because I don't agree with your view that simply spreading your legs adds endless healthy doses to an adult relationship. If you're going to come here and not behave like the 36-45 year old man you are, yet insist on being nasty and dramatic, then you will not be participating. Just like that.

    • You describe wanting a trained chimp not a partner. I was someone that may have fallen for it when i was younger. But after 25 years of a mostly one way relationship towards her i certainly wouldn't be now. You paint a picture of a chart on the wall that says : Take out the trash = hand job Fix the toilet = blow job Etc... I am sure there are plenty of very low self esteem guys out there that let you get away with it. It is just not me.

    • Oh, please. Can you just take your drama queen of the year award then have a _/ ? lol Nowhere in this post have I implied that I want a "trained chimp, not a partner." Just because you were passive and allowed a female to give you a negative, disappointing experience doesn't mean you should taint other people's atmosphere with your unresolved issues. Maybe your little speech is a message you should have delivered to the females who screwed you over instead of being passive aggressive and giving that message to some STRANGER online whom you don't even know.

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  • Um no Casual sex is fun , except that I'll only fuck cute men who aren't assholes or dumbasses. In fact sometimes I think of men as playthings , a good amount of the time. Also sex is wonderful because through its we can use it in opperant conditioning as a positive reinforcement and with draw our cervices as a negative punishment in other to manipulate them. Sex doesn't give men power over us , it gives us powers over them if we rock at it.

    • Kudos to you for such bold honesty : ) Yet, it suggests something about your moral compass if you sincerely view sex as an opportunity to be manipulative and gain power over men : / Just sayin.

    • Its called the art of seduction and that trick has been around for thousands of years

    • I guess. Doesn't seem very honorable to me but whatever makes you happy I guess. Sex is a very natural thing that can be so amazingly beautiful, with the right people and right motive, but using your vagina to get what you want seems slightly... not cool. : / just sayin

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  • Typical. The assholes all get a free pass in the beginning and after that the good guys have to pay for the fuck ups.
    If women would have been a bit more careful with who they date to start with, they wouldn't have to become all paranoia about sex ultimately.

    Of course a guy should "earn" sexual privileges, but don't give him an quick pass just because he's cute and then give a less cute guy a hard time about it because of your own mistakes.

    I hate it when people project their exes' behaviour on their new partners.

    • My post has nothing to do with that. Don't use this topic to subject about an entirely different topic.

    • Not only that, but for your information, I've never even been hurt by an ex lol I'm one of the lucky girls who chose wisely and had positive results due my sense of reasoning. Being hurt by an ex is not the only possible way to come to this conclusion.

    • lmao, what I meant was 'don't use this subject to vent about an entirely different topic'

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  • No. A girl should sleep with her guy when she wants to. Vice versa.

    • *meant to give you thumbs up*

    • Lol thanks

  • Dang, if only more people thought like you, there would be a lot more love and a lot less heartbreak in the world.

    • awwh, that's so kind of you to say

  • are you for real?
    half the worlds population are women, if you get on like that men will just go on to the next woman who isn't so uptight! you will end up very lonely.
    that's like me saying ''if you want a baby you have to earn my sperm because your a low quality female in my eyes''
    yes its ridiculous!

  • It might, if all women adopted that approach though it may also increase the indidents of rape and men going to prostitutes, they will get it one way or the other.
    Or to turn the question round, how about men hold something back from women because we are "sick of being led along for weeks/months when you can't decide if you want to be with us or not, even if a man tries his best"

    • lol, you sound like such a horny pig.

    • Erm yeh? im a guy in his mid-twenties, kinda normal actually? Wanna take a look whats happening in places like China and India where the numbers of men FAR outweigh women? Tis allready happening :-)

    • ... okay?

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  • I disagree. If a woman were to make me "earn" sex from her then I'd feel like she's using it as a means to control me, and pursuing such a woman would be a waste of time since I don't want a relationship that revolves around sex. That being said, I don't think that sex should be something that's given out so easily either. Sex is something meaningful that's meant to be shared (not given or obtained) between two people that have a connection with each other. A relationship shouldn't revolve around sex, sex enhances an already great relationship. You get into a romantic relationship with someone because you like them, not because they earned the right to. By saying men should "earn" sex from women, you're saying that women are something to be earned, and you're objectifying women into a material thing.

    • Hmmm well maybe you need to be more humble and consider that the growing population of shitty, dishonorable men have caused many women to be more consciences about sexual activity.

  • If you love him shouldn't you be happy to? This is ridiculous.

    • People are ridiculous. It blows my mind too

  • i think your right... it's the only way to weed out the scumbags

    • : O wow, a guy actually agrees. I'm surprised. Thanks for being able to humble yourself and not feel personally attacked as an individual : )

  • Sex shouldn't be something thats earned. Now granted this depends on the people in question. Because blanket statements never work. Now with that said if a woman wants to sleep with a guy when she first meets him whatever thats her choice, but there needs to be a betterment in education about sex and the general attitude towards sex for both men and women. I applaud you for finding what works for you, but I disagree with your attitude and opinion that the adoption of this attitude would better things for many females.

  • I think how a woman chooses to use her sex is up to her. If she has really high standards in order for some guy to get it, so be it.

    • Right? Then the guy can just move on if he's not trying to wait.

  • No. Sex is a mutual feeling so I disagree

  • Of course they should, But most Womens Standards are way too high which is why they have trouble finding a decent Guy.

    Dating is only going to change for the better when Women change, But that's gonna happen any time soon.

  • Yes and no. Women shouldn't just give sex out to anybody, however since sex is mutual pleasure I think men are getting the raw end of the deal, since they have to work for it and your both enjoying it. No offense, but i see this approach as somewhat lazy, and the fact that they have to earn it from you makes me think you think you are above men. This is not meant to be disrespectful, just my observation on the matter.

  • No one should pay/get paid for having sex.

    • No one here said they should.

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