Do you think there's too much weight added to the idea of virginity?

[ultimega]

This was inspired by my previous question.
In some religions, virginity is seen as a way to preserve ones innocence and often stress to wait until marriage.
Some people still uphold some of these values and remain celibate until the right person comes along.
However I was watching a YouTube video where some men were discussing virginity. One said it better to get the first one out the way and stated that losing isn't a big deal.

If this was case, why does society deem it to be strange if a person still has theirs past their young adult years?

This can add too much pressure surrounding the subject of sex which often ostracise people- whether its within a platonic or romantic setting and based on relatability.

What do you guys think?

[kaylaS91]

I agree that there's too much judgement towards what sort of lifestyle people choose for themselves. Which can be a mix of whether they (mostly women, but I digress) were raised to think that it's best to 'save themselves' for marriage, or if they're more new age and enjoying the freedom of NSA.

True that both ends of this spectrum leads to quite a bit of polarization... with some people being made to feel weird if they're still a virgin past a certain age, while others are made to feel ashamed for already being sexually active before a certain age. I feel like that might be because of globalization. Now we have probably the greatest mix of more conservative circles (be they people in the southern US or immigrants from super religious regions of the world) living within super liberal, non-judgemental communities. So basically kids who were raised with hte notion that anything before marriage is bad going to school with kids who might have two very sex positive, lesbian mothers.

Hopefully this will settle down and everyone will kind of reach a middle ground of understanding, at the very least, in a generation or two.

[KingdomForAKiss]

Yes, I do. I was taught by the Baptist church that my human value was tied to my virginity and if I didn't have it, no man would want me. I was terrified by my own body lusting for my boyfriend.
They didn't teach the boys the same thing about value being tied to virginity. That's just for girls, apparently.

Efffff all of that.


Respect your body. If you're going to engage in casual sex, do it safely and be ready for possible judgements from a potential partner.

I choose not to engage in casual sex. It's not something I want. I need a deep, trusting connection with a man, in a committed relationship.

But yes, there's too much weight put upon virginity.

[Lliam]

I, personally, don't think virginity has value.
I'm not so sure about having sex "just to get it out of the way". What I would recommend is being unafraid to have sex once in a relationship, even if you're not sure if you want to marry the guy. And it's okay to move on from such relationships.

As far as I'm concerned, the only way to find the right guy is to keep trying relationships until you find a guy who is totally right for you. Give yourself completely to any relationship and see if it works out.

The idea that a person can find the perfect person to marry without first engaging in a long term relationship with them (that includes sex) seems about as likely as finding a ten pound lump of pure gold in a stream or expecting your first job to be your dream job.

Sex is a good thing. I wouldn't just give it away, but I wouldn't shy away from it, either.
Your pussy shouldn't be preserved under glass. It's not a precious flower that will be ruined by sex. Go out, have relationships, have fun. Live life and learn from it. Don't let it pass you by. Enjoy your body.

[OnlyMyOpinion]

I would call it "sorta outdated". I'm too lazy to distill why I think so. Some of it has to do with modern birth control. It also doesn't apply to homosexuals in my opinion, only heterosexuals, except for risks of STIs/STDs.

[OnlyMyOpinion]

Also more than doubling of lifespans, things of this nature.

[ultimega]

True but the thing is- the ones who haven't lose theirs yet, people treat them a lot differently compared to ones that have. It shouldn't matter right?

[OnlyMyOpinion]

Start with worst-possible sexual worlds. Would it be strict in terms of monogamy, abstinence before some ritualistic commitment, or the most orgy-filled world where everyone has sort of slept with each other indirectly (ex: I sleep with a girl who my friend slept with who my father slept with)? To understand "good" and "bad", maybe we have to start with "worst" and "best".

[OnlyMyOpinion]

I do at least think that if virginity is to be prized before commitments, it makes no sense to distinguish sex here. Most theistic conceptions seem to place more pressure on female virginity than male virginity, and that makes no sense to me.

[ultimega]

I agree and also ties within your point of it being a dated concept. Its almost seen as property when it's connected to religion especially when if a woman was to marry. Hell some cultures have their parents disown women if they have pre martial sex. Which I think is just as crazy.

[OnlyMyOpinion]

I can only confidently speak here like ex-smoker. I used to chain-smoke. I had a lot of fun (at least in the beginning). Seems like it would have been better if I never started, but I don't know for sure. Maybe the whole way many people pursue relationships these days is kind of fucked up. It's like pursuing happiness. You don't do that if you want to be happy.

[ultimega]

I believe it could be cause now modern women are owning their sexuality and almost towards a competitive rate as men. Which is fine - but its like eating at McDonalds vs eating at a fine dining restaurant. Mc D is fast quick and easy where as fine dining is a little more expensive and you have to wait longer for it to be prepared. However its more satisfying when you do get to taste it for what its worth.

[Kkaos]

Yes, I don't place a heavy emphasis surround sex. Yeah, it's cool and everything, but anyone who uses it to define themselves needs to wake up and realize there's far more to life.

[ultimega]

Indeed, thank you for sharing

[NamerOfStars]

I agree. I think most people cling to the idealization of virginity through simple ideological inertia, not realizing that, while sex is an important part of life, it's not all of life- or even of a relationship. Some people choose to wait until marriage, and I respect that choice (and respect even more the will to stick to it), but if you're expecting your first time to be something grand and magical, you're probably going to be disappointed.

Many aspects of sex are skill-based, after all; it's kind of like expecting your first time juggling to be something fantastic; it's not gonna turn out that way.

[DizzyDesii]

I think people should cherish their virginity... a lot of people regret losing theirs and others had theirs taken away by peer pressure or rape. Its def a big deal to me

[MissDawn7961]

God does not go for premarital sex ! whoever has premarital sex is just not mature enough to keep their ugly bodies to themselves but will wish they had ! God loves virgins for their are intelligent enough to keep themselves PURE until their on their honeymoon with their opposite sex spouse ! thanks

[nonratracereality]

Its societal norms. Depending on whose point of view you take at the time one has its sacred to women and some men. Some men are turned off due to the fact their novice. And some dont give a damm.

[Secret6620]

I completely agree with you 💖

[TonyV]

I still have it and dont want it. I want to experience what nearly every other normal my age or much younger has experienced. I feel like a freak for not having done it yet.

Indont know if it should be some big deal or not, sure I kind of want to loose it to someone special, but I also feel I think about it way too often and I need to just do it with any person, get ut over with and off my mind, and just move on with my life.

[TazWax]

Yes, especially for girls.

[Jjpayne]

I feel like virginity is less about a right or wrong choice these days and more about a life style choice that has clear pros and cons. Having sexual experience can be important for a partner but being a virgin shows that you were saved for them 🤔 so I guess it depends on how you view it

[_Ved_Dev_]

To put it simply. Yes.

[CrossfitKristen]

The whole world is obsessed with sex. It is important, but not as much as some people think.

[DCooper]

I don't know but I got a good chuckle out of the picture :)

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes I think so

[Thatsamazing]

No. Guys want the girl they fall in love with to be THEIRS. And that's the way to do it. A girl to fuck casually or casually date or whatever, it doesn't matter, but if we're in love with her from an early age, knowing that other guys have run through her ruins her in our mind.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Yes. Most virgins weigh too much. That's why they're still virgins.

Okay I'll go stand in the corner now and think about what I've done.

[Tattia]

i agree

[MountAverage]

Absolutely. Virginity is such a weird, vague, and inconsistent concept to begin with.

[bannacookies]

I do.
It's no biggie to me if one is or isn't. I don't care.

[COMMODOREII]

Yes there is. And not only religion but what if you just not ready or you are not wanting to have sex yet. You should have a right to choose when you want to give it up on your terms and not be all the peer pressure by those trying to get you to do it or by the religious nuts trying to make you feel ashamed for doing it.

[In_Trance]

yes. Way too much