Does confessing your kinks attract or scare away potential partners?

Question

We've all seen those guys on here who ask "mmm can I eat your bellybutton fluff?" Then the next day they're asking "why am I single?
But on the other hand, I've noticed people with extreme kinks seem to be very good at finding each other.

Guys complain they can't complete because they're not rich enough, tall enough, beardy enough etc but I reckon if they just came out with their kinks they'd vastly up their chances.

For example when you start a new job or are introduced to new people just come straight out with it "hi, I'm John I'm the one who likes spanking." People openly state their preferred sexual pronouns so why are you scared to state your kinks?

Sure, some people won't approve but those girls who share your kinks will instantly put you top of their list.

Does confessing your kinks attract or scare away potential partners?

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

I feel like you're can usually tell when someone is kinky. They'll start very slowly dropping hints. In some cases without noticing it. This one girl I used to mess around with was kinda shy but pushed herself out of her comfort zone a lot. She left tough decisions up to her o the man but liked to throw her weight around when it seemed like a good time.

It didn't take long to realize she was a submissive who liked to be dominant sometimes. So I started a conversation with her and we talked about increasingly taboo kinks we had until we got somewhere interesting.

I could give a million examples but I'm gonna put it like this: generally the phases were

1. Establish that you're both attracted to eachother. Which means being friends first and building up sexual tension. It could happen in a few minutes, it could take months.

2. Show that you're trustworthy. Get her to open up to you. Don't judge her, show her empathy. Make her feel like you understand the position you put her in asking her to open up.

3. Talk about kinks, start off with the easy stuff like melting an ice cube on their breasts or something and then ask about rope and then get into the other shit. You can kinda gague the reaction to see if you're going at the right speed.

This is what usually works the best for me.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Lots of people have no kinks, or, to put it another way, their "kinks" are so common and mild that they don't really rise to the level of "kink." But for those who do have kinks - real ones - it can help a lot to find places where kinks are common and expected. FetLife is arguably the best known of these as far as online communities, but there are others. There are also lots of kink events that are open to the public (many require advanced registration, mostly for insurance and safety reasons with the venue), but there are otherwise no special requirements to attend.

The obvious disadvantage is that you are dealing with a smaller pool of people, but the advantage is that no one is going to be shocked to hear about your kink - though they may have no interest in it themselves. Still, it's going to be far easier to find someone who is open-minded about your kink if you are starting with a pool of people who have self-selected as kinky to begin with.

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

Definitely, I've seen men who say stuff to their SO, like can I watch you pee? and she says, no if you ask me again I'm leaving you.

So those men come to me and ask me if they can watch me pee, cause they are really curious.

I think, go ask her again... have her break up with you, then go find someone who is better for you. Easy way to get out of that relationship.

I tend to think men are more afraid to be honest about it, especially in things poop play or really off the wall like eating toe jam.

In a new relationship, I'll often ask him... what are your kinks and 99.9% are afraid to answer honestly.

Then if I get going on mine, they look like that little rabbit there. One guy once up on a time said "I thought I would be kinkier than you, boy was I wrong."

SaoirseS · Accepted Answer

I had enough trouble due to lack of fluency in gutter lingo when I started dating, which wasn't until I was 18 and out of high school. The first time I was asked what my "body count" was, I said "six this week, it was pretty busy." He didn't stick around long enough to get a breakdown of how many were burials and how many were cremations.

One guy asked me on a first date if I was ever asked to give a "happy ending," and I replied we tried to make as happy as we could make it for the sake of the attending family. It turns out he'd heard I worked in a massage parlor. When I corrected him and told him he got the parlor part right, but I worked in a FUNERAL parlor, he turned green then threw up in a plate of mozzarella sticks. Never saw him again.

Breanna_nonbinary · Answer

I think if you confess your kinks too soon that people may be out of by them. I say let them get to know you and that you’re normal before telling them that you have the kinks.

Saramad_Hill · Answer

I have some pretty degenerate kinks, so I normally just refuse to talk about them until the right time. I give fair warning and several chances at changing the subject, since I'm not always sure how some will react to them. Mostly so far it's been neutral, or accommodating... That's the thing, though. If you're polite about it, don't force them on someone, and don't make a big deal about it, people are usually fine with it. And if they love you a whole lot, they may even try to compromise and play along even if they're not into it themselves. My first ex was a superstar for doing most of those things for me in her own way.

But again: this is only information reserved for your partners, and even then, you should wait for a proper time before even bringing them up. I've seen some folks make their fetishes their whole personality, and it's no surprise to me why people won't give them the time of day.

katiesmuff · Answer

I would guess it would all depend on what the partner thought about your kinks.

sarahsmile8839 · Answer

It depends what the kinks are and who the potnetial partner is

weysally · Answer

I am forward with my sexual desires and benefitted from them

RobT312 · Answer

Yes both can happen! I broke up with a girlfriend because she wasn’t into my kinks.
i have also had girlfriends totally into my kinks. I’m best when I’m honest about them, I’d rather have a girlfriend who can accept what I like

SnowedIn · Answer

I've never had to try, thankfully...

NathanDavis · Answer

never seen anybody run away...

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Depends on the person in more ways than one.
To your point, i’ve met TWO women who who VERY into my armpits stink. I was sure that was bizarre until i saw “Friends with Benefits”. Now i’m not so sure, and i try harder to not judge people for their “kinks”.

oddwaffle · Answer

Unless you are in a sugar relationship, nobody is going to come out telling people their kinks. It's like staying anonymous on FetLife. You don't want everyone to know you like drinking piss or something.

Bricealan · Answer

Well, I told this girl, I liked to do some things with a girl where we could get our "hands dirty"... and she asked? Gardening? and I replied, no 'Grave digging"  Never saw her again! ?

Dargil · Answer

I have some kinks in the "Ewww" range. When I think she is more accessible to them, I will ask for them.

RavVid · Answer

Possibly. I have had girls express interest in my kinks.

mstbooblover · Answer

Being widowed and not young, in order to find a partner, I decided to not hide my preferences, which are certainly not very original. Very quickly some well thinking people willing to help, as well men as women, urged me not mention any particular kink or even preference.

Without willing to rub them in, I stick to not hiding what I like, but indeed, I had to notice women becoming suspicious when I tried to approach them very politely but still explicit.

Thus my conclusion is sadly one should not tell anything in the field of kinks before being more intimate, which is actually a rather amusing but embarrassing contradiction...

Fireguy17 · Answer

It doesn't hurt to do that.
For some possible kinks, maybe hard core you may want to ease into it, but I let women know that I am into feet and have a foot fetish.
Some are more than happy about it and their foot is in my mouth in a flash, others not so much.
Like the picture you posted that is what you will get, either they are interested, or they are not.
Some might be willing to try something, others no.
If your kink is important to you, then it might be good to find out right away, rather than after investing a lot of time only to find out that she is repulsed by you and turns you away.

bean2k21 · Answer

Exactly, but you can be tactful about it, like in a job interview, where you ask behavioral questions. Example: "Tell me about a time you made a mistake and how you fixed it." No one is perfect, so show a willingness to correct behavior.

billmunch · Answer

Drive away. I'm too weird. I'm a straight guy who regularly wears dresses. All the underwear I own is women's. I'm completely hairless from the neck down and I have my cock completely tattooed. I also have a prostitute fetish and have a cuck fantasy. I also lost my virginity at 30

humanearth · Answer

Before my wife was my wife. I told her I wear women's clothing

While I shopping for lingerie at the lingerie store.

We were both customers back in the days before the internet and shopping malls were big hang out spots

Once I told I was shopping for myself, she starting helping me shop and I started to help her

Now 31 years latter we are still together and I still wear

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

Zootopia 😅😅

FilmGuy93 · Answer

It's definitely not a first date conversation, unless you're a sex worker or you're into something really niche.

Does confessing your kinks attract or scare away potential partners?

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