Gave my boss a blowjob. It saved us but I feel terrible.

My husband and I (married for 1 year) work at the same place for the same boss. Totally different functions though, so we don't have any influence on each other's job. Our boss had to let 6 people go and my husband was one of them. We did not see that coming and it totally ruined us. We had to sell our car and were in serious dept. We just needed some extra income so he could get a new job, for which he needed a car and extra schooling. I asked my boss so many times for a promotion, did all the extra work I could but he wouldn't give it. He did always flirt with me and checked me out. I got desperate and thought I could use his interest in me as an advantage and I got on my knees for him. Now my husband has always hated this guy's guts. They went to school together and kind of bullied my husband, so he was not happy when he became the new boss of the company. I did get the promotion and it saved our lives tbh. My husband got his new job, got out of his depression and we payed our dept. But I of course am living with a terrible mixed feeling for saving us and living with a horrible secret. I keep thinking of how I was doing my very best to give the guy who almost ruined our lives the time of his life. I even acted like I was more enthusiastic than he was. I even told him I liked pleasing him better than my husband to get him off. I did a terrible thing yet do not know if it was the worst option. I also am shocked of how one asshole can play with peoples lives for a blowjob. Please give me some opinions cause I don't know what to think.
Updates:
+1 y
I went to a therapist. She said these things happen a lot more than most think. She said it was a terrible mistake but that I shouldn't keep it on my mind and that guilt doesn't help. Also said that telling my husband might not be the best choice.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You are absolutely disgusting and you honestly deserve every last ounce of guilt you are experiencing. How could you? Not only did your husband dislike your boss, but your boss used to BULLY HIM! He used to get pleasure out of puncturing his joy and tearing his self-esteem to shreds. You basically gave the asshole another reason to mentally, psychologically, and spiritually torment your husband. How could you dare even kiss your husbands lips knowing that his lifelong bully's c*ck had been on yours? Then you had the nerve to build up this "man's" ego while you were ripping your own husbands pride to shreds and undignifying him to epic proportions. You are the absolute worse example of a wife. I'm so disgusted by you as a female. You are continuing to let this boss make a mockery out of your husband, AS A MAN and as a provider for the sake of keeping this secret of yours. Do you see what you're doing? Giving this guy the power and glee to knowing that his wife enjoys sucking on another man's d*ck more than her own husbands. I'm so appalled and incredibly disgusted by you. I've never been so unwilling to even help someone here.

    • +1. I agree with you.

    • I'm glad your not excusing her actions as being a victim of the situation as so many girls are willing to do. Kind of makes me question female motives in general. You have restored a bit of faith though.

    • No, I totally disagree with the girls here who are trying to victimize the QA. She knew damn well what she was doing. Not only did she initiate things getting sexual, but she admittedly acted like she ENJOYED the act. Could a wife be anymore dishonorable? I don't mean to be b*tchy, but there's absolutely no excuse at all for her behavior. There were HUNDREDS of families across America who were in her situation with the economy and the leading "lady" of the household didn't offer up a blow job to remedy the situation. It's disgraceful. Point blak period. People need to stop making excuses for something so inexcusable.

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  • You only want to tell him to clear your own conscience, which is incredibly selfish. Do I think you should tell him? No. You know what you did was wrong and you should have to live with the consequences.
    Reverse the situation, if your husband did this to another woman, how would you feel? It would be insanely hard to forgive him, no matter what the two of you got from the deal (car, promotion, money, etc).
    I don't think it's right what you did and I think you know that. HOWEVER, I don't doubt that you truly love your husband and lies and deceit do not do good in a marriage. Honesty is the best policy... unless you end up hurting someone, right?

    My advice? Shut your mouth and don't tell your husband unless you want to destroy him.
    Apply and interview for other jobs and then quit so that your boss will never expect this of you again and so that you can have a safe and comfortable working environment.
    Go to HR and tell them exactly what happened, if you truly did this with your boss because he said you'd get a promotion, 1) you could get in trouble for it but 2) so would he.

    • Exactly. I know a few "very" successful ladiesmen. They've literally bedded hundreds (Plural) of women - in their marriage alone. It would crush their wives if they knew. Out of sight, out of mind.

    • You are absolutely wrong. She should definitely tell him. I've lived a similar thing before and until you get in the shoes of someone who has, you will never know.

  • If this is real.. and not a troll.. ugh I am sorry! Sorry that you felt the need to lower yourself in order to help you and your husband out. I am trying to sympathize with you.. but it is hard. How would you feel if your husband did this? I think, you should sit down and tell your husband one day. It might eventually get out anyway. And, it is better to be honest about it. Apologize and explain why you did it.. and hope he loves you enough to forgive you. Though, I think this was wrong on your part.. you shouldn't EVER stoop that low. I understand things can happen in our lives that makes us do irrational things.. so I don't judge you and I am not going to be mean to you. Shit happens. Unfortunately, you thought it was the best move... however, the best thing to do is to think of the long term effects not the short term (example:promotion is short term).

    I would also talk to your boss.. and maybe look for another job. But, look for another job and have one lined up BEFORE you tell your husband. As, he will want you to leave immediately once he finds out.

Most Helpful Guys

  • If my girlfriend gave my boss, someone whose guts I hate and BULLIED me in school, a blowjob... that would destroy me inside. Out of all the people to do something like that with, someone like that is the absolute worst. I would much rather lose my job and go through a whole crap load of turmoil than something like that happening.

    I can understand why you did it I really can, but honestly knowing my wife did something like that with someone like that would hurt me infinitely more than anything I could go through financially. Maybe your husband will take it better, but it would destroy me and I probably wouldn't even be able to look at her anymore.

    This might be kind of scary to hear, but you have to tell him. Things like this are going to fester and he's probably going to find out sooner or later, better from you early on. You have to be honest with your husband, otherwise who can you be honest with? He might forgive you, he might not, but really it's up to him. And never do something like this ever again, financial security is important but not more important than your lover.

    • I'm suprised by a lot of the advice given here. He's your HUSBAND, do you really think lying to him about cheating on him is going to be good for your marriage? Anyone who advocates lying to their spouse because they cheated on them should be flat-out ashamed of themselves. Why wouldn't you tell him? Because your afraid the marriage will end? That's so incredibly selfish! You need to tell him, period!

    • I agree with you, and I think anyone who would disagree isn't ready for any sort of relationship. (Referring to the 4 girls who down voted your opinion)

  • I haven't read the other answers but the answer seems clear to me: you need to confess this to someone and get it off your chest. Do NOT tell your husband. No good comes from that. Find you a good therapist and go work through it there so it stops eating you up. Godspeed!

    By the way, desperate times call for desperate measures. While I understand and that the guilt is killing you right now, I can certainly see why you did what you thought was necessary. Don't be too hard on yourself.

    • Thanks for the answer. I've been thinking about a therapist as well. And now that you advise this too, I will go see someone. Thanks again. This might solve a lot indeed.

    • Best of luck to you. Hope you can let it go.

    • I actually agree with not telling her husband. That would absolutely kill him inside.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • No one can judge your behavior as good or bad, so forget any moral dilemma. Your dilemma is existential. The problem is not the blowjob but that your husband will find out (some states have laws against this, a form of sexual harassment). The outcome would be the same no matter how your husband might find out. So the solution is don't let him find out; you must weigh and choose among various courses of action to that end--getting jobs in other companies in another part of town or even moving to another city. Expectant waiting seems like a gamble. Deal with any guilt feelings later.

    • ''No one can judge your behavior as good or bad'' She's a slut & what she did was bad. hmmm Well then looks like your theory was wrong 'cause I just got done judging her now didn't I?

  • There's no excuse ever good enough to justify cheating on a partner. Ever. I think that is the worst thing possible that you can do to someone. I know in your heart deep down you think it's not as bad because of all the positive outcomes but the reality is that what you did was far worse than the problems that existed prior to the cheating. If you truly love someone and find out they cheated on you I promise you that the fact that are you broke and unemployed will hurt the least in comparison to being cheated on by someone you married and who made a promise to you. I can't give you any other opinion other than the fact that what I think you did is awful. That's all there is to it. If I were you I'd just tell him and get it over with. Are you really up for living with this lie for the rest of your life?

    • I meant to up vote your opinion, my bad.

  • You should have asked your husband. It’s too late now but that really should have been his call. I would let my wife do that but it would have to be my decision. If she just did it because I’d be okay with it, I wouldn't be.

    If I gave the go ahead my only question afterward would be “did you swallow?”

    You never know he could be the type that is into sharing his things.

  • I've known people like this. They are bullies in general. They just don't treat people right. He's a jerk. He's an asshole. He just has to pick on that one person.

    honestly, he knows what he's doing. He knows you're married, and knows the possibility of sex for career advancement in this day and age. And he's using you to, undermine him, even though its secret.

    he's just a bully. And the only two things to do is to either stand up or walk away. By buying into it, you satisfy his bullying need.

    if you were in that situation, you both should have talked about it.
    also, you should have looked for another job as soon as possible.
    or you could have looked for the proof and send it to corporate.

    • I'm sorry for the should've would've could've. You must feel terrible I can't imagine. forgive yourself. Start there. Guilt can really get in the way of your marriage. also, bullies oppress. Dont keep letting him oppress you. Dont keep buying into his crap. He is the kind to undermine. He doesn't care about you, your marriage, or, your husband. To undermine is exactly, what he would have wanted. if you're going to tell him, you have to take measure of, what you may gain or lose. Your conscience? Your marriage? The one you love? also, the douche is in a way to blaim. He is not stupid. He knows the position he put you in: financial difficulty, bullies your husband, keeps you down in your career, and flirts with you? Sounds a bit orchestrated, like he took advantage of the situation. both of you did wrong. And if you do come clean and he forgives you, there's a chance of, getting, back at the douche? Or if you tell, there's a chance you, can lose your marriage.

  • I'm disappointed in some of you people trying to understand such a thing. Granted it was a mistake, but she knew what she was getting herself into. If I was her husband I wouldn't have wanted her to do that kind of thing.

    I think you have to tell him. You already smashed his pride and his ego on so many levels. Him going back to work will only lead to further humiliation.

  • I think you made a mistake for cheating on ur husbad. But its been done and its benefited both of you so you should try to find ways to fix it instead of worrying about what already happened. You can come clean and ask for forgiveness (although this is risking ur marriage) or you can try to hide this forever. but there are no secrets that dont come out.

    • I don't think I could ever tell him. I don't see why it would do any good. I didn't do it out of love or lust for my boss. Just out of desperation. I think it's best to keep it a secret.

    • It would do good because you'll be honest with your husband. Face it, you don't want to tell him because you're afraid he'll end the marriage, but that's his choice to make. Not telling him because of this is incredibly selfish and shows that you care more about your own happiness than his. Knowing his wife did such a thing will definitely hurt, but finding out that his wife did such a thing and lied to his face about it throughout the whole relationship? After that you don't just end the marriage with the person, you hate the person.

    • I understand why you dont want to tell him. The reason I suggested you tell him, even though I know it could possibly end your marriage is because if your boss is the asshole u described him to be, i doubt he will keep this deal a secret. Especially since he bullies your husband I think word will get out eventually and it would be better for your marriage if ur husband heard it from you than anyone else, especially ur husband

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  • OMG if i were your husband i'd never be able to look at you again and i would leave you immediately. It's things like this that people do that makes me so sickk. You know all of this info about the past, yet you still did that. You already knew how your husband feel about the man and u do this? Wow... sorry im just disgusted by this. I hope this is just some joke otherwise i feel for that man. I dont care if i had nothing... not even a penny to my name id never be ok with my wife doing this and dont try to justify this with your debt. Husband and wives suppose to stick together with each other through the good and bad, and you go and try solve things on your own by doing this. All those stuff are material things that u went to try and salvage... and in the process u will lose one person that should have meant the world to you... the one person you made a vow to. PLEASE TELL YOUR HUSBAND NOW... IF NOT YOU WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS AND IT WILL NOT BE GOOD OR FUN FOR YOU! AND IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM YOU WOULD AGREE WITH ME WHEN I SAY I BELIEVE HE DESERVES BETTER THAN THIS!

    • If they will just stop sucking it, the problem will go away. Prostitution isn't a great character in a wife.

  • Seriously? You did your best? By betraying his trust? By acting like worse than a common prostitute?
    Well done for having work ethics... I feel terrible for your husband. Don't pretend like you're the "martyr" here. Your boss didn't take advantage of you. You did it on your own, you acted on your own free will and conscience. No one pressured you. Don't put the blame on the boss. You made the decision. There are other ways to get out of a situation or just embrace the bad situation with the person you love. Therapists are not going to save you from the guilt you feel. You will always be tormented by it, so talk to your husband. A marriage shouldn't be based on lies and pretenses.

    • This couldn't be any more correct. She volunteered to get on her knees and put the penis of the man who shitted all over her husbands dignity in the past, present, and future, in her mouth. So dirty.

    • Thank God for this, I'm amazed at how many other girls on here on willing to just lie straight to their partner's face about cheating on them. This isn't just common ethics, it's common sense.

    • Thank you both. I am amazed too.

  • If you have a shred of human decency you'll tell your husband. Your first betrayal was being unfaithful, the second would be to not tell him. Even though what you tell him will devastate him, that will also give him a modicum of dignity because then HE can decide how to proceed and he deserves that. To just go on living a lie will make a further buffoon of him and better to hear it from you than the boss who bullied him, or later on when he can sense something about your behavior reeks of guilt. You may not want to lose him but that's too bad, it's his choice and you've no right to take it from him.

    You also need to get the fuck out of that company because yes indeed your boss is a fucking creep. If you try to go to HR it could totally blow up in your face. They may side with him to protect the company from a sexual harassment lawsuit and find some reason to fire you, because it would be your word against his.

    Good luck.

    • Very powerful, helpful answer.

    • Thanks. I've been cheated on and coming from that side I can tell you 100% that honesty is the way to go and with that, the sooner, the better.

    • Never Tell your husband!!!

  • I cheated before. Except the guy I cheated on was a boyfriend of less than two months, not a husband I had promised to be faithful forever to. And I was 18 on a college spring break trip. And I am honest enough to admit I WANTED to have sex with the guy I cheated with. No lame excuses. He was hot and I was horny, the opportunity was there and I took it. Yes it was wrong, and I admit that, too. I didn't ever tell the boyfriend (who didn't go on the spring break trip), as I didn't see how it would be of any benefit to him to know. I broke up with him soon thereafter, and sort of helped him and a girl who I knew liked him to get together (they are married now) and went on with my life.

    Now, all that said, stop with the charade about giving blowjobs to your boss to "help" your husband. You did it because you wanted to. It's that simple. Literally that simple. Yes, you probably do feel some guilt given that you stood before God, family, and friends and promised to be faithful forever to your husband. But that's just a selfish guilt trip. Deal with it on your own, and never ever tell your husband. I also say you should do your best to find a job somewhere else, and get 100% away from the cheating partner, and never do anything like that again. Finally, you deserve whatever inner turmoil you have created for yourself; yet, to inflict that same thing upon your husband by telling him would be cruel.

  • Does your husband know about this? If this were me, I'd have to much guilt and end up confessing.

  • You have a very distorted definition of (to) save, and I feel sorry for your husband. I am not shocked that "one asshole can play with peoples lives for a blowjob"; I am shocked that you are now projecting your self-hate onto your husband's enemy whom you willingly sucked off without his proposing a promotion if you did; and, to top it off, you told the jerk how much you liked pleasing him more than your husband. You are a morally bankrupt person and deserve to suffer this guilt for the rest of your miserable life.

    • "Morally bankrupt"... I bet that stung.

    • I hope so. She deserves nothing less than the scorn of the world. Traitor!

    • : / Loyalty is huge, ESPEICALLY in a marriage. It's bad enough that she initiated unfaithfulness, but with the man who used to tear her husband down : / with the man whom provides her husband with a paycheck so that they can survive. Every time I feel like a horrible person, I'm going to look back on this post.

  • even if you did it to save your economic situation you did the wrong thing
    I know that you think about it now but can you look your husband in the eyes and tell him that you love him after what you did?
    that guy abused of his power to get what he wants from you
    there's always another option when times get hard by getting a second job that could help
    never put your pride or value on the side for that
    I dont want you to feel bad but I'm pretty sure that many people in your job heard about that story and you're stuck with a bad reputation and you don't know it
    tell your husband the story but I can't garanty you that he will take it well
    and you have to do something about that guy because now in his head you're his bitch (sorry but it's the way it is) if you want something he will ask again
    denonced him for what he ask from you

  • Odd's are with your husband and this boss being of the same age, going to school together that your husband is going to eventually find out. Your boss will at some point if not already told close guy friends about how eager you were to suck is cock and how well you did it. It will filter back to your hubby!
    It was a very dumb thing to do regardless what you got out of it.

  • How long until he tells you its a fuck or your job?

    Anal or no Christmas bonus?

    • Exactly. "I'm sorry but we have to re-structure the company and i may have to let you go, unless of course you have something else to offer me and can prove why I should keep you here." (in my office, on my dick)

    • Wow bullseye, Sharpshooter. Extremely likely.

  • Well my opinion in this is, you're a troll.
    But thank you for a well written story.

    • Wow, that is so incredibly self-absorbed to deny someone who may be in need of genuine help all so that you can arrogantly show off what you think you know.

    • I'm not denying anyone help. I have chosen not to help this person. Like I have chosen not to help a lot of people on this site. My opinion is the writer of this post is a troll. You might want to get off of your high horse little girl. One day someone will knock you off. The landing will hurt. Have a nice day. :o)

    • Okay, that's nice that you have your opinion, but the point remains: you come off as being so concerned with arrogantly trying to impress others with what you think you know that you could be wasting someone's time who sincerely needs help. Doesn't mean I'm on a high horse nor am a little girl because I'm not over 45 lol

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  • Now that your husband's established in a new job, get a new job yourself so this guy is gone from your life.

    • Agreed

    • Plus 1

    • Exactly.

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  • You didn't cheat on anyone. The fact is that you made a great sacrifice, and it wasn't because you enjoyed it.
    Don't tell your husband, but if he ever found out he'd probably realize you did it for all the right reasons when there wasn't any other easy alternative.
    Don't feel guilty. You've sacrificed more than most people would be prepared to.

    Don't take any more shit from your boss. If he tries to pressure you for more, have him for sexual harrasment in the workplace.

    • I'm not surprised by the downvotes from women. Most women would let their family starve, before they'd ever sacrifice their body. I have some respect for those who make a bigger sacrifice and won't let their family starve.

    • Who says they would've starved? You're assuming just because he would've lost his job that they wouldn't have been able to get through it together. If someone is holding a gun to your spouses head and telling you to have sex that's one thing, but doing it just to keep a job is entirely different.

    • Tractorbeam, Yes she did cheat on her husband now shut it beta...

  • Holy people are ignorant. Yes that was a bad choice but I think you already know that. Does your husband know? This thing couls skiball fast, you think you burried the hatchet but what if your boss sees your husband? What then? I don't know whats wrose, not telling him and him having to find up from his ex bully or obviously still bully or you telling him yu give head to your boss to save your family. Well maybe I do and maybe you do to. Look there was other options you could have taken when dealing with this, you could have found a new job but now there's no point pointing fingers anymore its too late but I think ypur going to have to tell your husband. It will definitely hurt him worse hearing it from someone else. Remeber ever action has a reaction, its unavoidable. Its your choice if your going to make it easy on yourself or not.

    • I really don't think my boss will tell this around as these things can turn into a harassment case pretty easily, even if he didn't rape me. He told me to keep it quiet himself.

    • Oh ya that makes since. there's two parts of me that want to five u advice. The god driven side of me says if you love him u should still tell the truth but the hates complications parts says work there till you can find a better job then leave so you never have to be reminded of what you did again, totally up to you obviously though

    • Sense*

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  • this is disgusting, i feel so sorry for your poor husband!!! i don't care how desperate you were for that promotion and the extra cash you cheated on your husband when arguably he was at the worst possible time in his life

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