Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Getting over rape?
kmarie3 Xper 3
First, I don’t know how to start this off so I’m going to get right into it. I was friends with a 32 year old coworker of mine who I also knew outside of work. I liked him as a friend and he wasn’t bad looking. When we began working together, we started texting a lot more and it turned flirty fairly quickly, and me being 18 with absolutely no sexual experience or previous boyfriend, I was very uncomfortable. He met me outside of work one day and pushed me against my car, stuck his tongue in my mouth, and grabbed me extremely hard. Because I refused to meet with him previously, he began telling me I owed him. It turned into a Jeckyll and Hyde situation, to where he was always nice to me in public but would text me that he was going to continue waiting for me outside of work. He texted me before work one day and asked me to come over. I did, and this is where I feel the most regret. I went over there, against my better judgement. I figured if anything got out of hand, he would listen to me. I went inside and he told me to “get naked” like we (he) planned, and I just stood there terrified. I told him I didn’t know about this situation and didn’t want to do anything and he just asked if I needed help getting undressed. During this, he hit me a couple of times (I think he meant it to be sexual; but he hit my back instead) and when I told him he was hurting me he mocked me and went harder. After this whole thing, he kissed me once, opened the door, and I left. I told one girl about it, who asked if I was okay, and she told everyone. He got word of it and so I played it off like it was a hook-up, and that’s where I’m still confused. I have to own my part in this; even though I didn’t want to happen what did. I went to his place one more time to bring him to work (he doesn’t have a car from DWI charges) and he made me blow him. That’s why I don’t know what to call this.
Updates:
+1 y
While he was telling me that I owed him, he was telling everyone we worked with that I was a slut. I had to quit my job because of this and recently ran into him at my new one, where he was drunk, and told the entire place that I lost my previous job for hooking up with our manager and that I “cheated” on him. I just don’t know how to feel.
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What Girls & Guys Said
38 21He raped you. He deserves to be in prison.
I was raped too. You can talk to me if you want.
talk to QoC
Therapy is always a good start, I was raped at 16, I consented to it but it was pressured onto me, the cops didn't do anything because I consented. Therapy and talking to friends and family you trust is a great stress reliever.
Was there actual sex involved?
There was penetration
I'm sorry. I've been through this and I've had friends that have gone through it as well. Really, coping strategies vary from person to person. For me, just talking to a close friend helped. Vent, let them talk and help you, and eventually the conversation will lead to something else. Just make sure you're available for a long talk.
Assault. You call that sexual assault.
Its rape and slander, report him to the authorities especially since there might be physical evidence since i assume its recent and the colleagues can probably testify. You may also need to seek help with the mental baggage if it caused any, but from the stories i hear of people who where raped its going to be mostly healed when you find someone who helps rebuild your trust in people.
Omg this horrible, I'm so sorry this happened to you. what sick disgusting thing that man is you should report him immediately. I just hate men like this who love to play incorrect and think their gods gift. Lie and manipulate people.
Nobody deserves what you've been through and hopefully if you were able to open up on here, I know it's scary but maybe you could start opening up to people your close to and trust, who will help and support you.
If he ever comes up to you again rember to show him your not scared and be brave. If he starts telling people lies about you confront him and stick up for yourself in front of everyone, in public, were he can't hide and tell him what he did to you and how much of a disgusting human he really is.
You do not own him shit, kick his ass to prison
Contact a therapist and/or talk to your family and friends
Regardless of your decisions and judgement you were raped. Getting over it isn’t going to happen but with counseling you can learn to live with it. You did nothing wrong and I mean NOTHING wrong. I was sexually assaulted at 19 and I still think from time to time I was partly to blame for my decisions but nothing we could do or wear could deserve that sort of punishment. Take control of your life. Don’t let him dominant you because he knows he can. Call the police. If you can’t do that then tell the truth by telling everyone he raped you. He had no power over you! You are more powerful and you deserve respect. He deserves nothing. If he comes within 30 feet of you, call the police. Don’t threaten it, call! Seriously start talking to a counselor. They will not only help you work through this but they will empower you to stand up to this scum. Just remember you did NOTHING to deserve his actions and you owe him NOTHING
No easy answer to that one. I've not gotten over it yet. Did you ever report it?
I didn’t report it for a long time. I did get into contact with my former boss last month, however, after more complaints came forward about this guy, and he actually laughed when I told him. I was crying and he told me I didn’t have any evidence and he can’t do anything because I don’t work there anymore.
I tried going to the police with an advocate from a rape crisis center but they dismissed it as a “he said, she said”
A lot of people can be dismissive like that, rape and sexual assault cases are awkward things to get into. Have you ever had any professional help?
Your former boss is an asshole too.
@jacquesvol I think that’s part of why I never told him after it happened. He didn’t take any issues seriously because he never wanted to deal with them, and simply turned a blind-eye. I agree with you. I lost all respect for him after that.
I've met that kind of managers. Hypocrites
Its definitely sexual abuse/rape and you are well in your rights to report him to police. If not for yourself odds are he will do something like this again. Check in with a support site who will help you with the reporting, if you want link you up with counselling even get support of the forums on the site.
You don't owe him anything. Stay away from him and try your best not to think about it again. Life is hard, but I believe that there gotta be better someday.
You don’t owe him shit.
Your not alone
I am so so sorry for you. Stay far far away from that asshole and contact the pigs, honey. We all support you.
xx
~ Mrs Manson
You call it what it is, rape, sexual abuse, harrassment. He is a lying manipulating rapist scum. He took advantage of your niceness, inexperience, and trust, now he's making you believe you are to blame. He slanders you in public.
You make a complaint to the police, you have him charged with rape. Then you get help, professional or from a women's help group. You'll easier be able to deal with this and stop seeing yourself as in any way to blame Scum like him have to be removed from the streets.
Will I ever be normal again? ↗
From my experience you have the ability to thrown this person in jail. I have gotten a restraining order from these people who have done what they have done to me. I'm sorry that happened to you and the way I'm coping is by prayer
You can not get over that. That is harmful. Never happened to me but I heard that it is one of the worst things that can ever happen to you. Why do men even like it. It is just RUDE. You just want to hurt them really bad and JUST hit their head in the wall so many times to give them a better payback.
Praying for you. Namo Kuan Shi Yin Pusa. If you feel the need, reach out to someone. Wowgirl's awesome. There are lots of people on this site who can help and offer advice.
Wowgirl is awesome.
Yep. She is.
I think it's best if you get a restraining order, and talk to someone about this, maybe a therapist. I also think you should cut all ties with him.
I'd file a restraining order against him, hire a hitman if you have the money, OR pay some big personal trainers to beat him up for it.