Sexual Relationships
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Got rejected in lingerie, how to cope with it?

I feel so humiliated, disgusting, and terrible about myself and I just can’t stop crying. I’m mostly crying out of embarrassment. I’m not one who feels confident in sexy clothing, and today I actually did, and my boyfriend just totally rejected me. How can I get over this and get over the embarrassment I feel?

Also, sorry if this is in the wrong category, I didn’t really know where this would fit in.
Updates:
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Here is the full story because many people are confused, and I’m a bit more calm now. So my boyfriend told me he’d stop by after work since I wanted to see him, and he said he could only stay for 5 minutes. The weather is cold, so I’m wearing a baggy sweatshirt and sweats. Underneath them though, I decided to wear lingerie to surprise him, and I figured we could have a quickie before he left. He shows up, hugs me right away, and leads me to my couch. He sits down and has me sit on his lap, and I
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flash him my lingerie. I then bring up the idea of a quickie, and he says no. I got upset so I got off of his lap, and then he decides it’s time to leave. He tells me he loves me and leaves. So basically, I’m sitting on the couch alone in my lingerie, and I start to cry.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He said he loves you, so my guess here was he was just insensitive, and didn't necessarily mean to make you feel bad. Something else was going on it sounds like. Just talk to him about it when you've calmed down and try not to take it so personally. I don't think it was his intention? Just ask him why or what was going on with him, and explain how his actions made you feel. Most guys would never turn down a quickie so that's why I think something else was going on and he didn't have time? Or, maybe just not in the mood and/or stressed? Again, ask and talk to him about it. This will ease your mind.

  • I don’t understand why so many people think men have to be at women’s feet if she wants sex. Oh but if women don’t want sex we have to respect her.

    No.

    I think your boyfriend simply didn’t wanna have sex that’s it. It didn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. Men aren’t always up for sex.

    Sorry you feel that way though.

    • I can understand that. I AM immature for reacting the way I did, but I was hurt.

    • THIS !!!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand your initial reaction but it seems like he just wasn't in the mood today. That doesn't mean that he doesn't find you sexy. Try to not take it personally.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 25

  • So your boyfriend is the Joker? and you are Harley Quinn?

    tvtropes.org/.../IgnoreTheFanservice

  • The problem is not you or your lingerie. The problem is your boyfriend. If he can't pay any more attention to you than this, it's time to dump him and find a new boyfriend. You gave very little detail, so there may have been mitigating circumstances. But in general, if you are in lingerie, he ought to pay some real attention to you, play around with you, make out, and head for a good fucking. If he won't, or can't, do this at least the majority of the time you dress in lingerie, then dump him.

    • With the new information, as he told you ahead of time, that he only had 5 minutes, that modified the situation a lot. Personally, when in similar situations in the past, I've found five minutes great for a quickie. Did he really have a lot on his mind, about where he had to go, etc? He may not have been able to concentrate, due to worry or concern about where he was going, to get it up and fuck for a quickie. Try this again, when a quickie is not likely to be wanted, and see how he responds. You could also talk to him, get the issue out in the open, where it can be dealt with and resolved, ask him why he didn't go for the quickie.

  • well... what do u mean by "rejected"?

  • why did he have leave so fast? cause if he had to go doing important than it makes since why he said no.

  • He was busy with something else. It's not a reflection of you and your underwear.

  • Its all good. He just had to get more money to buy you more lingerie. Don't sweat it girl 😉

  • Oh shame he ain't shit...

  • Dump him thats how if he doesn't see you as beautiful when you are most vulnerable then he doesn't deserve you

  • This is not a good reason to get sad. I can't believe you are living a shallow life. Try to think of his position. He could be busy or could have something on his mind about some work. He's not there for you to get a quickie. You are the type of woman I don't ever want to share my life. Thanks for letting me know people like you still exist. I would be cautious.

    • Whenever he wants sex I’m always there for him. But the one time I want it to surprise him I’m shallow? You do you man.

    • I can understand your need for sex but you should have checked the logistics. You should have cleared it if he is free afterwards or how is his mental state. Example:. If I have an important meeting with someone which can affect my life to some extent then I would want to think and work on it instead of having a quickie. He loves you as he said. You were just unlucky at that time. I am sorry.

  • He’s not rejecting you. He’s rejecting the clothing.

    • Just read the update. Do you suspect he’s cheating on you? Or maybe just really exhausted to the point of no PP time?

    • Definitely not cheating. He was only interested in video game girls and cosplayers before me.

    • Was the lingerie a superhero costume? Maybe try that

    • Show All

  • Maybe he was tired after work? Duh

  • He could only stop by for 5-minutes... it depends on what he had to go to afterwards... I would find it so difficult to limit myself, sexually, to just 5-minutes, especially if she had gone to the trouble of getting her lingerie on... that would be at least a half hour session right there. That's the way I see it anyway, not as a rejection, but he had time constraints he couldn't avoid...

  • He is a fool. Don't beat yourself up over other peoples reactions. I appreciate when girls make the effort to look sexy, sounds like that is what you did.

  • Newsflash !! Men do NOT want sex 24/7 !! It's NOT you , yes men on average DO have sex drives many orders of magnitude greater than women do...( not me anymore thankfully ) ... but we do have other areas of focus , and we do get stressed/ tired / sick / injured too !! Women simply are not used to sexual / romantic rejection , as it happens far less to them , than their male counterparts.

  • Did he break up with you?
    Or just doesn't like the clothing?
    The context for "rejection" is quite confusing here...

    • Oh, so your plan of trying to seduce him failed... nevermind, try again, harder

  • What do u mean by rejected?

  • Why did you get rejected?

    • Why didn't he have more than 5 minutes? What was so important that he had to leave right away? Sounds a bit suss to me.

  • Fuck him you need a boyfriend that thinks your sexy all the time not one who rejects your body that’s a bad boyfriend 😖 makes me want to knock his ass out for being a dickhead

    • And plus if I was 18 and had a girlfriend that did that for me I’d gladly stay the night not even a quickie just there the entire day because sometimes a relationship is more important

  • How about leave him?

  • Omg what a epic disaster. Get over yourself. You think no-one ever been told no before.

  • Show More (7)

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