He choked me during sex from behind and said it was because he got so turned on. Is this abuse?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No, many of us enjoy being choked during sex... That teetering on the edge of consciousness and potentially death, or at the very least complete loss of control, can be incredibly erotic... On his side of things, as you fade in and out the muscles of the vagina and anus all involuntarily contract around him far tighter than usual.

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

He's watched too much porn, it's become completely normalized to him now. "So turned on"? No. It used to be about mild asphyxiation to enhance pleasure for the receiver. But guys have turned it into a way to exorcise their aggression. Teach him. Don't stand for it.

slatyb · Accepted Answer

It could be. He should have asked you when you started. Did you object? If you did, what happened then? His stated reason is very poor. Sexual arousal is not an excuse for anything. Either he needs to apologize and genuinely change his attitude or he needs to be gone.

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

If anyone does anything like this without the consent of the other person it’s pretty much going to be abuse.

it’s not really hard to work out.

it does not matter if co worker or not.

It’s also a red flag he did it for HIS pleasure.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

It might be, did you talk to him about it later and say don't do it again and/or let him know you weren't into that before starting? maybe you didn't think you needed to but setting limits beforehand is a good thing to avoid misunderstandings.

Guy13 · Answer

Not an expert. Try 800 or 888 abuse hotline?

Daniela1982 · Answer

I take it you won't be having sex with him again then. Did you tell him to stop, by the way, or just take it. If you kept mum it is not abuse but seen as consensual.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Did you consent to being choked? Did you have a chance to tell him "no?"

dustybiker · Answer

If he did it without asking or gently letting you know going into the move. It’s important to be open with each other. Especially with the physical.

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

If you didn’t consent to it it sure the fuck is.

ethanallen · Answer

Hell no. It is fucking hot!

Th3ft · Answer

I mean it is a thing that a lot of guys are in to and some times they get carried away. Did you enjoy it? Did you talk to him about it at all?

Càitjet · Answer

Most definitely and needs reporting. The fact this is your Co worker is concerning in its self. The first rule is concent, if he doesn't understand he shouldn't be demonstrating bdsm.

anon1903 · Answer

If you didn't like it and told him to stop and he didn't, then yeah, that's abuse

andreasderjuengere · Answer

No, it's practical: when you feel scared, your vaginal muscles will contract.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I wouldn't put up with it!

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

It could be his turn on but hell you don't want him to kill you?

beernbacon69 · Answer

I'd say that's very aggressive and borderline abusive in a way if it wasn't discussed beforehand. I don't think I'd ever think of doing something a bit out of the norm like that without talking about it with the woman first.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Never fuck with your co worker rule 101

TheFlak38 · Answer

No. This is pure masculine behaviour to dominate you.

MountAverage · Answer

Are you seriously asking if being CHOKED without consent is abuse? I'm sorry, but are you dumb?

kellytheman · Answer

Only if it really hurt and he thought you might like it cause some girls like being choked a little. If you don't  like being choked just tell it's too rough for you.