Sexual Relationships
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How can I get over the intense fear of a threesome?

My boyfriends fantasy is, of course like many men, to have a threesome with another girl. He never brings it up unless I mention it, and he has told me he would rather have me than do it and it's not a must for him. He is being really sweet about it and it makes me want to please him even more. He also said it wasn't about having sex with other women, but to see her please me, and then join later. He said the focus would be me. I really want him to feel fulfilled with me but when I imagine us doing it, I feel scared out of my mind due to these things:

1. What if she is prettier /sexier, and he starts fantasizing about being with her?

2. What if he falls out of love with me?

3. What if I get so jealous I can't enjoy and will ruin everything?

Can anyone share your experiences with threesomes in relationships? Should you do them, or only as single people? What are some tips?
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Superb Opinion

  • I had many threesomes with 2 girls but also 2 guys (me and another) and can tell you nothing ever crossed my mind. I think that's because I strictly separate sex and love. Sure sex can be more intense if you love the one you do it with but in general, where sex is there is the animal me, the biology that wants to spread but also the fun.

    I also strongly believe in balance, how can I ask my wife to have threesomes with me and another lady if I'm not allowing her to have the same fun with me and another guy.

    I get that some boys argue there is another penis it might touch me that's gay, but you could say the same.

    So if he is ok with 2 guys or whatever you want than you can start talking otherwise it's not balanced and doesn't work out.

    I told my wife before we got married that I know that I enjoy sex too much I can simply not promise her monogamy it's against my and probably every humans nature.

    Tell a dog 🐶 if you fuck this dog you can't do it with that dog, he'll bark at you as if he'd understood and do it anyway.

    That's life and nothing wrong about it. These thoughts take time I wouldve told you the complete opposite in my 20s but slowly after every broken relationship and trying I understood what was wrong... Nothing.

    Look at most folks that are married 10/15 years they have flings (one of the mostly the guy / but also her if she doesn't get what nature requires) and one part finds out and there it is the divorce most of time not because he fucked another but because he/she had secrets and broke the bond of trust between them.

    I can only gratulate you asking this question.

    To come to your other concerns every feeling needs a counter part to work, if he fantasizes about another or goes out with her, you're not the right, same goes if you have 2 guys and you both fall for each other or you fall for the girl and realise it's nicer to be with her than with him, there you have your answer, nothing wrong about it.

    When I was 30 and had many broken relationships behind I thought maybe I'm gay, so I started to make out with man, even had a boyfriend for a while, I realized it's nice but not for me. That's how I do things I'm curious I try it.

    Don't think about the what if, just do it and the answer, your answer comes to you by itself, just stay true to yourself!

Most Helpful Girls

  • I can't say this will work for everyone going through their first 3sum but it helped me a lot.

    I wanted to try it with a man that I knew loved me. I didn't have to worry about him leaving me because we got freaky with another female. I knew he wasn't going to throw years away for a moment of lust. I researched online tips on how to get comfortable with the idea of a 3sum.

    1. Go out looking TOGETHER. Only decide on someone who you both feel is pretty enough for your comfort. (Much easier with someone who has had experience)

    2. Boundaries are a must. After you discuss the rules that you're both satisfied with, it's time to get comfortable seeing yourself naked. Not only will you have just your boyfriend, but another female staring at you. You need to be able to get out of your head and into the experience. Never will know unless you try it once. Women know how other women prefer to be touched. It's a completely new experience to have someone so gentle and soft touching you.

    3. Take your time and don't feel obligated if you're too uncomfortable. I wouldn't let my boyfriend fuck her without these two key points.
    a.) A condom
    b.) No mouth to privates

    We all had a few shots to loosen us up and it started with her going down on me. Then I decided to try going down on her (not a fan honestly). She then told me that I would have the best orgasm of my life if we scissored. (New to everything of this nature) she took control and eased me into one of the most intense orgasms of my life!!! Omg! This was turning my boyfriend on to the point he HAD to have me. He wasn't focused on her at all. It was the act of another female touching me that he enjoyed. He watched me finger her and suck on her nipples but that's all I was comfortable doing. It made me super wet KNOWING that my boyfriend was so turned on by me. I was the wettest I ever been (at that age). He eventually nutted and we called it a day. Everything kind of died down and she left. We never did it again because I PERSONALLY didn't want it. He didn't feel the need to bring it up because I enjoyed the experience with him.

    Research it for a while before diving in. Make sure YOU know what will happen and that he isn't going to leave you because of some other vagina. If he loves you (sure he does) then you are doing the experience for both of you. You need to feel equally involved or you'll feel like the third wheel.

    • So your boyfriend did nothing to the other girl?

    • Not the first time. He was too turned on by me even attempting a 3sum

    • So you did it more than once.

  • You don't have a threesom if you don't like to and/or don't have the right temprement the right lifestyle to have a threesom. If you feel possessive or if you're emotional enough to simply do it to please him, then it's probably not for you.

    On the whole, making that choice depends more on the type of relationship you have and/or want to have with a man.

    If you want commitment, especially lifelong, you will have to limit your sexual partners to one and control your sexual fantasies to a degree or find other ways to fulfill them, develop more compatible fantasies etc.

    We're not strictly monogamous animals like wolves. Sexual commitment, especially lifelong, is an adopted behavior and needs control, maintaining and care. If you prioritize your sexual fantasies, without thinking and choosing the ones more proper with your lifestyle, your relationship breaks quite easily. And it's not always that the man didn't love you or you didn't love him. It's just the fact that fulfilling your sexual desire has become stronger than your wish to stay with another person. Everybody says that doesn't happen, but it simply does.

    If you're not after a long term committed relatinship, that's a different story.

Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. As much as guys might want to have sex with every attractive woman they see, the emotional bond is going to be what he's seeking for the person he stays with. He will absolutely fantasize about being with her... in bed. I can assure you that he already does that about other women anyway, but he's still chosen you.

    2. If he ever falls out of love with you it will not be because you allow him to be satisfied sexually.

    3. Jealousy can be a factor in these things. I would urge you to keep in mind that he has chosen you to be the person that he has an emotional bond with. Not that there can't be any attachments to the other woman (friendship, admiration, etc.), but he has already made it clear that he puts your relationship as priority. As long as he continues to do so, you have no need to be jealous.

    3.5. Also, I've heard a lot of stories from other couples who have done this, and shockingly enough it is often the man who will become jealous when the fantasy turns into reality. So be prepared to reassure him, especially after the heat of the moment. I've never understood men who would react this way myself, but it is pretty common I hear.

    I have had great experiences with threesomes. There are a number of things to explore that you could not with just the two of you, and it can be a lot of fun for everyone involved. When my girlfriends have been involved with them in the past it made me feel closer to them, and gave me the opportunity to include them in more conversations that would typically be reserved for my male friends otherwise. Jealousy can lock a lot of doors. My advice for both of you would be to change your idea about who should get the most attention though. It's best if you try to make sure everyone is getting plenty of attention and as equal as you can manage, depending on people's stamina or desires. It's not fair to the person outside of the relationship to be made to feel like a prop. They deserve a good experience too.

    I'm not sure it would be appropriate to go into detail about positions and all that, so I won't, but if you have questions on that I can give you a few ideas.

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What Girls & Guys Said

21 103

  • Teach him what you value and enjoy, so you can discover other options both of you appreciate. It sounds like this is something you'd tolerate at best. It will probably be more likely to have a negative than positive impact on your relationship, especially if either of you feel any insecurities in any area. It would be different if you were as interested as him. I understand you wanting to please him, and he claims his goal is to have you feel pleasure, but there are so many more options both of you would probably appreciate and enjoy more. Don't put so much value in a single option. Look for what works best for both of you.

  • Definitely never do this unless you are completely into it. If you have any doubts at all about your comfort or how your relationship would be after, just don't. If it's something you would like to maybe work up to trying in the future, you could slowly incorporate more "bedroom talk" to see how you react and if you become more into it.

  • go with a swinger couple i think their way is better... they don't have sex unless all 3 are in the room... and it won't be your boyfriend... generally they're very glad and don't push much... although strangely the women will get mad if you don't pay attention to her husband so you might have to at the very least give him some head... women are the best part... often they want to kiss and they will give you oral sex... the husbands generally like giving oral sex back... men aren't big on kissing but women are... that was my experience with couples... i was with 3 couples and i remember 1 where i had to give a lot of oral sex to the man and the woman kind of demanded that of me but she treated me well and we had a lot of nice times... but i recommend dropping your boyfriend if you want to do a 3 some.

  • Talk to him about your fears and remember that it’s ok to not do things which you are not prepared for, especially when you have fears. I can understand that you want to do it for him, but there is no hurry and I recommend that you wait until you have addressed all your fears.

  • Why are there so many threesome questions lately? I've counted 4 different threads on threesomes, including having a threesome marriage What is the thing here, that no one can have a satisfying and loving relationship with just one person? That is very sad to me. But you can kind of expect that kind of weirdness here.

  • For most people, it is impossible to separate sex and love, and it is something that should be shared only between two partners in love. If your fears are causing you this much concern, then you are obviously one of the "most people" I'm talking about. There are many things you can do to make him happy without doing this. Why should you take a chance on a relationship that obviously means so very much to you?

  • That is not my fantasy. This is a set up for absolute failure of a relationship. You now introduce extra variables like you mentioned, then you have the issue of what if you start to like her more then him, what if he ends up getting jealous and now he sees you as a cheater? What if you end up feeling like a cheater because of this? None of those things are going to go away, once you have done something you cannot undo it. I would very much recommend not doing this, it may be a fantasy but fantasies are just that and for good reason as they never go past that moment, those fantasies never play out what happens after the act is done and the inevitable consequences that they will bring.

    Obviously its your choice but I would highly recommend not going along with this (life is filled with disappointment, he will live).

  • your jealousy is the only thing to fear... the other things will work themselves out in the manner that they are meant to be... you can't change fate.

    the other thing is, he may really really want a threesum and he's being gentle and trying to get you involved because he does want to be/stay with you... but if it doesn't happen, he may go looking for it elsewhere... and your fears will be realized for a different reason than what you are currently thinking about...

    as for the jealousy, you need to keep in your mind that even though he is aggressively getting into the other girl, he STILL loves YOU, and he will be with you after she leaves... and no matter where he sticks his dick, or how many times de does it, you are still the one he comes back to... not because you are second choice, but because you are first choice, you are home base, you are the center of his world... he comes back because he loves you, because you love him, you have respect for one another, and you allow him his little fantasies from time to time... if he is as smart as he should be, he should know that type of love is extremely difficult to find, and so he will hang on to you like you want and need him to...

    and like my wife says, she doesn't care WHO or what i fantasize about, as long as it gets me in the mood and she is on the receiving end of my efforts... and yes, we have had 3sum and 4sum experiences...

    my suggestion would be to make a deal with him... he gets to have his m-f-f 3sum if you can have a m-m-f 3sum... after all, you should be able to get as good as you give...

  • Go start a fire. Overcome the logical parts of your brain that tell you not to shoce your hand into that fire.


    It makes as much sense as what you’re on about

  • Why a threesum? He doesn’t talk about it until you bring it up. Why do you bring it up? Do you want to have a sexual relationship with a woman? Why? If you and your guy were not very serious, then it could be fun. But since you are serious, do not screw it up. No threesum!

  • I think once you invite someone into your relationship that is the beginning of the end that's on what I think if you have a relationship there's no room for three people not even for someone to visit for a one night of sex to see how it will go it may not go good at all what if it does go good that would scare me even more someone is bound to get jealous and will probably be you since he does not really want it he wants you over anything I think leave it alone don't go there

    • Honestly I don't believe that you will ever get over this fear of a threesome because it's not a normal fear of a threesome this is a fear of I'm going to lose my boyfriend or husband if I let him f*** another girl and you know that the guy wants to see the girl eat you out but what if things goes a little farther you don't know you'll never know I've been there the threesome thing it's not all what everybody thinks it is matter of fact it's a whole lot better with just two you can try it but remember you can never forget what you see and what happens there's no delete button up there

  • Like you said your trying to please him and he wants to please you and like you said it's every man's fantasy I to have had that same fantasy. And one day it happen and to be 100% honest it was ok but nothing like my fantasys,, and learned something. ,, and that is I'm only a 1 woman man at a time me experience was I would just start getting the girl I was with so freaking hot just ready to burst in to flames and the other girl would pull me off and it was likes no waittttttttttt lol and all night it was like that ,,, I want to start with a girl and finish with the same girl

  • Ok

    1 your doubts are your insecurities. Be happy with yourself, and if your boyfriend was given a gift by you, and then chose to not want you, that's his dumb choice.

    2 if he would look at someone else over you, your his second choice, instant dump

    3 you should only do it if you want to, that way you have no regrets and what happens after is all about him and you won't feel like "if you hadent done it for him then you would still be together", because you wouldent have done it for him.

  • Speaking from multiple experiences, they are definitely not all they are cracked up to be.

    • Really? Why?

    • Pm me please

    • Don't want to discuss it publicly, up to you.

  • When I was a Sophomore in college my girlfriend told me that her roommate (Who was way hot) wanted to have sex with us. I was a horny 19 yr old so how could I say no. Anyway the three of us talked about a few days ahead of time on what we like and what it might be like. I did not jerk off for 3 days prior so I had a full tank so to speak. Any way we spent an entire afternoon and night naked and having tons of great sex. We first just got naked and laughed a bit and did not jump into sex for about an hour ( I was as hard as a rock)
    I had to take a few breaks to recharge and eat but it was fun. The next morning I was kinda sore but I had a big smile. Your thoughts?

  • I wouldn't do it. Mostly because I would tear a hoe's head off if she touched my man. Secondly because me and my boyfriend are comfortable in our relationship and we don't need anything but each other. 💕 But this is your life, not mine. If this is something you both want and you both don't think there will be any repercussions from this then go for it. Get your freak on.

  • You could flip this and see how he feels:

    “He also said it wasn't about having sex with other women, but to see her please me, and then join later.”

    Switch:

    “I also said it wasn't about having sex with other men, but to see him please me, and then join later.”

  • Don't do it.

  • Well ask him to bring in a guy and then he can feel your pain

    • Agreed if we wants a girl then make it even and you choose a guy, make sure you guys come to agreements and communicate.

    • @olive96 exactly

    • The 3 some I had was with my boyfriend and his friend and eventually I dumped the boyfriend and went out with his friend and now we are married so... Our story worked out great

    • Show All

  • Sometimes fantasy is better left there I know couples who have not been able to forgive the consented cheating If your not happy with it don't do it This is very drastic move for any relationship

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