Sexual Relationships
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How do I get my boyfriend to be less nice in bed?

He is super sweet and I love him. But he only likes to gently make love. He refuses to fuck my ass even when I beg him. He thinks anal and fucking my face would be demeaning. I love him but want him to recognize that I need him to sometimes choke me and pin my ankles behind my ears and just take me.

I’ve talked to him and the way he reacts makes my scared to tell him some of my other fantasies. Maybe I’m not the perfect princess he thinks I am.
2 3

Superb Opinion

  • Try to see his view. If it is about being demeaning to you, flip the script.
    You are asking him because you are comfortable with him. Because you know and trust him. In that way this is a form of sincere respect for your partner rather than disrespecting them. Of course whatever turns him on turns him on. Start light.

    Once you know where his current limit are, start from things he does like and try to get comfortable. A simple spanking probably precedes choking someone. As for you, get in his head a little - as in judge based on his view. That way when and if he tries you can acknowledge what might be a giant leap to him for the leap it is rather than being upset it is less than half of what you wanted.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I personally dont like anal but face? Thats weird. Make him go really crazy, really crazy and tell him to give you the dominant role, if he complained about you doing those, tell him to shut up (in a sexy way) either he really doesn't like these things or doesn't want to make you look bad or powerless. I personally refuse to spank hard as I dont want to hurt people but I usually compromise. If its the second case, show him you are okay with it but if the first case, its better to strike up a serious conversation about your needs

Most Helpful Girls

  • Honestly if you already talked to him not while in bed but just a regular conversation and he’s not receptive of hearing what you like or trying then you can stay and deal with it or you can find someone compatible and willing to please you how you want. It’s just anal lol that’s the last thing from demeaning …. I’m sure he likes doggy or head and guess what you’re on all fours or on your knees let’s be real if he’s saying demeaning.

  • I had a guy like that. He used to touch me so carefully like he was about to break me. Even another woman wouldn't be so gentle. He just couldn't do in another way. And it didn't change. I hated the sex with him after awhile.

    I hope it doesn't happen the same in your story!!!

    • I hope not either. He’s perfect in every other way. Maybe there’s a way I can change to not want these things. Sometimes I think he’s too good for me. I have so much baggage and he’s so decent. It sometimes hurts when he says I’m perfect and deserving of love because I want to scream at him that I’m not.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 26

  • Start slow.
    Maybe you overwhelmed him a bit with too many fetishes at once.

    Try to find one thing to start with and start with the most minimal thing that might do it for you and might be uncomfortable for him at first. Either by trial and error + intuition, or by talking to him about it. Like, finding out what the thing is he's the most likely to become comfortable with, even though he doesn't see it quite yet. Also finding out what the smallest thing is you two could incorporate into your routine, that might already do something for you, even though now you think that's nothing.

    Maybe him placing his hand close to your neck and applying minimal pressure during sex could be a starting point.

    • Maybe you thinking of it as "not being nice" is also part of the issue. Him accomodating to your needs and fantasied is actually the nice thing to do. Not refusing to do it. I know it's not like he's downright refusing it, it's more that he's uncomfortable with it. But try to approach it as a thing that he can do for you, because it makes you happy and appreciate him even more. Maybe he can't really see it as the roleplaying it actually is. Maybe he needs to see it as a performance (of his duty :P). Maybe he needs clear rules and boundaries so he can comfortably try that sort of stuff.

  • Perhaps you should suggest playing a game called "Winner Says, Loser Does."
    Need some excitement in the bedroom? Are you willing to take a challenge?

  • Share your fantasies with him and keep talking to him about it. make the adventure mutual.
    for example my girlfriend and I were both opposed to anal, but we slowly began trying it on each other, and we love it now

  • Unfortunately you lowered your standards thinking that maybe I can get him to do me but if you're not on the same page as it appears then you will have to accept what he gives and if it's up to par then it's on you because experience matters. No substitute. If they are not at least 80% of your characteristics then it will not work the way you want it to.

  • Start off by asking him if he would like to know about your fantasies.. If he says yes, tell him some of what you said up there. But importantly don't say anything else. let him think things over.. My guess is he might try in his own time to play along..

  • Be very blunt with him about what you want.

  • Next time you're being intimate, take charge and let him know exactly what you want.

  • Perhaps not, I don't know what you want me to tell you tbh

  • You may need to tell him to be open minded in bed. 😂

    • Also, tell him everything you want to do in bed.

  • I tell biitches all the time that when they settle for the goodie goodie BETA nice guys, they'll eventually cheat with a hot, alpha, bad boy prick like me eventually when they want their guts re-arranged. You might as well dump his Azz now, it' ain't gonna last too much longer any damn way. Hit up my DM if you're on the West coast

  • He's your average nice guy who treats you like the princess you pretend you are, however a dominant masculine guy can bring out that kinky side in you.

    Tell your guy to go to the gym, workout, increase his t levels, start doing nofap and give him hints when you want him to be dominant, he will pick those cues up and probably bring out this kinky side in you when you guys get busy

    • I don’t know if he has a kinky side. Compared to a lot of jerks I used to date, he’s amazing and I also don’t want to ruin it. Because maybe the person with the problem is me and it’s not him at all.

    • But i can see you miss not having a jerk

  • You should share your fantasies! Otherwise you will get bored very soon! I always like to change my style, like doing it roughly going anal or fuck her mouth or maybe cum on face lol! And sometimes i be gentle! Sex should be enjoyable

  • Male under pink account. 🙄

  • Well, if I were you, I would talk about is when you are alone and not in bed. Small steps.

  • Show him a video of what your want and while watching it show him how hot it makes you. You should use a dominant voice and tell him to get up here and do this and say how you want it , then rock his world. if that dont work , call and we can discuss. LOL best of luck

  • Ease him into it. It took months for my girlfriend to convince me to slap her ass during sex.

  • Well if you're actually serious, be mean to him. Take the initiative in foreplay to awaken the freak in your dude.

  • I would suggest roleplaying situations as a hint.

  • You sound perfect to me!

  • so maybe he isn't the man for you?

  • Show More (10)

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