How far into the relationship should sex be initiated?

Question

So - surprise! He agreed to a formal courtship. (It still feels weird to be in a relationship again...)

Anyway, he's kind of shy and unconfident in himself, so I don't think he'll initiate anything - he hasn't even kissed me yet. The thing is, every relationship I've been in, HE'S the one that initiates it!

So how long into the relationship should I try to start something? When (now that he's never tried anything) should I go for a first kiss? And how would I go about doing so?

So far, it seems like there hasn't really been "a moment" for it, mostly because our dates are usually in public, and he doesn't walk me to the door.

Rab1901 · Accepted Answer

There's really no specific time. Personally, I would've gone for the kiss already, but I don't think there's anything wrong with even going a year without kissing. It is def very different, but there are couples who do that. I definitely think if you both really like each other, and you want to kiss, just go for it. If he doesn't know what he's doing, just make it quick, and feel free to optimistically teach him. Don't be mean.

These days, sex isn't even that big of a deal for people, but I do think sex is a bit more complicated because it can be a big deal if you're not smart about it. I know a lot of guys especially will want sex right away because they're usually thinking about themselves, but if we're talking about these guys' sisters or daughters, the guys will usually tell their sisters to slow down. See the irony? I'd tell my little sisters to wait too.

Do I think sex right away is the worst thing ever? No it can be great, but slowing down is usually better. How long? It depends on the vibe. If you want a genuine relationship, then you don't want him to feel like a piece of meat and you don't want yourself to be seen as easy either, but you might make it easier for him someday because you really want him for him. Would some guys just be happy getting sex quickly? Of course but you want him to be happy getting sex from you because it's you. For him personally, I would encourage not having sex the same day you have your first kiss. If he actually tries to go for sex the same day, then I'd still say to try and hold off and slowly add a little spice. It really isn't terrible to have sex the next date, but communication is key, and I wouldn't encourage showing all your cards right away. He doesn't seem like a guy who would be so upset that you don't have sex with him on the next date. If for some reason, he actually does get pissed or too insecure, then I say leave and realize you really got yourself out of something bad before falling deep.

When you actually go for it, I think foreplay is good but not too much rough steamy excitement, especially on his penis. Starting soft and slow is good. You can still end with a banger! Give him some time to process what is going on and if he can put a condom on or not. If he's a virgin or inexperienced, then you might be in for too quick of a session without a condom or even with a condom if you're too wild. Again, feel free to express how you're feeling and ask how he's feeling. Communicate.

WeirdoFriendly · Accepted Answer

I'd say, hook your arm around his and have him walk you to your door. Of course, I suppose he needs to be ready for that himself or just needs a little push out of his comfort zone. And before an actual kiss, try a kiss on the cheek. Maybe he'll make his move before you walk away for the night.

Now, sex... Of course it's different for everyone. Some people would say they start right away and others would say to wait a while. I'll say, wait until you're both ready for such a thing. Then be safe with it until you're both committed in the relationship and decide to try for a child. (That is if you want a child).

Help him to be confident and encourage him slightly everyday. I hope your relationship works out as well as any other successful ones.

Much love to you

wingattebaby16 · Accepted Answer

my rules for intimacy for normal peeps. I go a lot faster.. lol

by 3rd date if he has not kissed you, you kiss him. AND hand holding is mandatory.

by 5th date, some physical touching should be going on while kissing. You should lightly trace his cock through his pants to see if he gets hard and hopefully it is big enough to know it is there.

by 10th date, he has already touched your breasts sans bra. Should be able to touch your butt, hips, and legs without you having to tell or direct him. Probably has had his hand in your panties.

You should have had your hand at least on his cock over his pants, if not unzipped them to make sure he has a nice package. And if you got it out, a hand job is vital!

if you are still dating by them, by date 15 at the latest, you should be riding the Skin Bus!

letuswaltzforthedead · Accepted Answer

It's still early in the relationship so it would make sense why there hasn't been a moment to initiate something like that. I would say there's generally three cases I've seen when it comes to the first time a couple has sex; they wait a while (even months or until marriage), they just do it when the time feels right, or they do it as soon as possible. If you both are traditional people, waiting could help since it's usually expected that a couple is going to wait anyways. If you're fully committed to him and know he won't leave you for another, doing it whenever you're comfortable to is a fine option as well.

dynamicyandere · Answer

You can give it time and wait for him to initiate.

Or, since you said, “…it seems like there hasn't really been "a moment" for it...” Wait for that moment. There’s no need to rush. It should be a moment that feels right—an intimate moment you can share together for your first kiss.

That’ll make it feel more special and it’ll be fond memory you two can look back on.

laurieluvsit · Answer

As soon as the chemistry feels right. It could be the first date or it could be several.

Screenwriter · Answer

How old are you two? Is there a possibility this guy is a virgin? You need to ask some questions of HIM!!

Guy13 · Answer

Relax…not until you two are Married 🤵‍♂️ 👰‍♀️, therefore, no 🤰🏻 before 👰‍♂️. Got it ⁉️

Lochlan · Answer

Six dates and no move. Just set up for a date at either one of your places with whatever activities as an excuse, and let it happen. You obviously feel secure enough with this fella. In the capacity of courtship, there's room within that context for a kiss in of itself. From a healthy couple who have a solid connection and chemistry, a kiss can be on the first date and coitus on the second.

It depends on the experiences of the individuals, the circumstances of their initial interaction, and "where they are in life" in relation to each other.

irmaavila301 · Answer

Wait until you feel comfortable and it’s because you want to not because you feel pressured in any way.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Ask him to walk you to your frnt door at the end of the next date. Tell him that you had a great time, then lean in for a full body hug. Hold it a bit longer than a "friendly" hug, then keep your arms around his waist but pull your face back and look in to his eyes. Tild your head slightly to the side and then slowly move your lips towards his. If he doesn't stat moving in for a kiss, say to him, "Kiss me." And he will.

MrHopper · Answer

Hmm well whenever your ready I guess, the first kiss if always difficult... I mean it's not as awkward as the first fart though but I guess you guys not there yet! 😅

From my experience is best to just do it, apart from that one time where she moved away from me on the 4th date as I went to kiss and my heart died... But you be fine 😉

spartan55 · Answer

Wow, from a threesome to courtship just like that!

Lionman95 · Answer

Since he doesn't seem comfortable I would wait with sex because chances are that he's not confident especially because of that either he's inexperienced or has issues concerning his private parts.
If you wanna iniate something go rather for rather for events where you two are not alone the whole time but are also close to public.
It may be uncomfortable for you but you're probably dating a guy who's not good at reading a woman's body language so if you want him to know something you have to communicate with words either by telling or writing him.
So if you try to find something you both can enjoy.

ZackBan · Answer

Hate to point it out sis but if called it "formal courtship" the guy is either a psychopath or someone so broken socially that he will never make a move

You have 2 choices:
Dump him and break his heart so he gets his head together and becomes a man.
Or push him yourself to suck it up and do things with you.

Either way if you go at his pace you will be constantly frustrated from the lack of initiative

Bratsondanielle · Answer

I'd say an hour to 90 minutes minimum. You must be able to remembr his first name

NathanDavis · Answer

as much as both of the involved agree to

Birdlegs · Answer

Just do it there doesn’t have to be a moment

IJhonnyI · Answer

Gotta say it really depends who the person is, when they think is okay, when you are ready for it, what's the best time, what's the best place, it is all those things at once.

QuietVerbena · Answer

Invite him to come in and just go for a long soft sensual kiss. If he seems like he’s into that, push it as far as you’re both comfortable with.

slatyb · Answer

When you both want it.

ethanallen · Answer

After three dates, you should have her clothes off and be inside her. If a woman declines sex on the third date, kick her to the curb and move on. Some alpha guys require sex on the first date and women respect that.

Crafteroon · Answer

When it feels natural. No need to rush it, but there needs to be kissing and physical touch to keep the tension going. And you shouldn't have sex if you feel one is getting distant on the physical front.