I just got dumped for not being sexually experienced and my self esteem is zero?

I confess I have never had sex, even though I am 28. I would call my self an average woman, fairly attractive who takes care of her body, mind and appearance. But I need to have some kind of emotional connection to get horny. And I felt it with this guy whom I met before Christmas. So I was a virgin, but willing to do it with him. I was not playing games. But I wanted to be honest before and told him I have never done this, so If I seem nervous it is not because of him, but because of doing something for the first time. I was not making it a big deal. He said this is so weird and what problems I have? I said I have no problems, I am fine with doing it. But he kept saying it must be something there. We stopped seeing each other.

Before you ask, yes, we talked about our intentions. We both said we wanted a serious relationship. I feel worthless, ashamed and hate myself right now and all the girls that are better than me. I feel like I will not date ever again to not get through all of this one more time.

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Superb Opinion

  • I understand WHY you feel the way you do, but let's be clear: HE is the one who had the insecurity in this situation, not you. Most guys wouldn't have had a problem, but there are a percentage - maybe around 10% - of guys who just get weirded out by virgins and the idea of taking a girl's virginity. That has nothing to do with you - it would be true with any virgin at any age, because it's THEIR hang-up.

    And while I'm sure you kind of just want to get it over with, you should be thankful that he didn't do it, because if he has a hang-up, he's not going to be interested in doing the things that would make it a better experience for you (such as plenty of foreplay, and going slow, and letting you guide his speed, etc.). The last thing you need is some guy freaking out and making your first sexual experience more awkward and painful than it needs to be.

    You need an emotionally mature guy, preferably with a decent amount of sexual experience, to make your first time a good experience. Clearly, that wasn't this guy.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Take a deep breath, step back, and lets engage the gray matter. The person with the problem here, is him, not you. Are you past the average to still be a virgin, in most countries? Yes, but so what? You were waiting for a possible emotional attachment, thought you found one, and he turns out to be a douche bag.

    Instead of feeling these things ----->
    * worthless, ashamed and hating myself right now and
    * all the girls that are better than me.
    * I will not date ever again

    ... hear me out... the first thing you should feel is HAPPY as fuck that you found this out this guy when you did, after only a few months! That's a blessing in disguise!! This person you "thought" there was an emotional connection with (really, it's a mental one first, but later for that) thinks you're WEIRD or have ISSUES or some undetermined set of problems because you've never been laid, despite having discussed it with you, and despite wanting a "serious relationship".

    Believe me, you've been handed a gift. You have NO reason to think any of those things above simply because some guy decided to be an asshole. His actions didn't change anything about you, so stick with who and what you are. There will be plenty of men who can relate to what your choices are, and many who will applaud it. Now that the schmuck is gone, give someone better the space to find you, and be totally upfront as soon as you think there's something between you and him.

    • how to do this again? I literally did not care. I did not see myself as special because I am a virgin, I just told him where I am in life right now. Never done it, want to do it, we can do it now, I trust you. Maybe it will pass another yer till I met a guy. I cannot trust anyone and i see myself as worthless. Then what? tell him i am a virgin at 29, 30?

    • First of all, you "can" trust whoever you choose to, but it's your CHOICE not to. You say "can't trust", but what you really mean is "won't trust". Maybe you SHOULD try telling a date that you are a virgin, the first time he brings it up. But you should also be really clear and communicative as to WHY you've remained one. Tell the man you don't see your virginity as a prize, or a gift, and that you didn't set out to "save yourself" for marriage, and that you don't have sexual issues because of it. You simply haven't felt a strong enough connection with someone - yet. How much "worse" could that possibly be than saying nothing and springing it on a guy after knowing him for 3 - 6 months?

Most Helpful Girls

  • I wouldn't listen to him. He's just one of those people who thinks by a certain age virginity has to be gone, which is immature. A mature partner wouldn't care that you're a virgin and would be happy to be with you regardless. I think you should still keep dating though, there's plenty of other people out there that would like you. He just showed to you himself that he wasn't the one for you.

  • Seems to me that you don't have to be a slut to have a relationship. I'm sure there are many guys who are in your shoes too. After all, everyone is inexperienced at one time. I would prefer that myself. Just think of it as being their loss, not yours. As the rooster crows cock-o-doodle-do, for some women it is any-cock-will -do. 😣

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I dont know what the question is, aside from the fact that you had a terrible experience with someone who wasn't compatible and it's called into question your desire to do anything more.

    For someone that doesn't know, you seem to be speaking in absolutes; hating yourself for a decision someone else made? Claiming other women are better than you? That seems like bad math on your part.

    You did everything right; got to know him, were honest and up front, you did literally nothing wrong. At the last minute, he got cold feet. It sucks, almost everyone has experienced something like that before, but its not the end of the world. It just means you won't be wasting time with him and can get right back up on the horse.

    Describing yourself, you seem attractive enough to catch men's attention. You're intelligent enough to express yourself. And caring enough to take the rejection to heart, if not a little harder than necessary. There isn't much you could've done differently without violating your own moral code; there's nothing to examine or unpack, it's just a rough lesson that sometimes people suck for no reason.

    You're far from worthless, by the way. The most precious of gemstones lay in the dirt, unnoticed by many; their value does not drop by every foot that treads on it. It is the person who seeks out the gemstone that recognizes it's true value and gets to experience its beauty. So while it's okay to be hurt, don't let this eat at you, okay? You will survive. In a few years, you'll be able to look back and laugh at this situation, likely with someone who loves you sitting next to you.

  • You did nothing wrong and it was good of you to be upfront about it. Most guys will accept your decisions about sex. Wait for the right guy at the right time.

  • Sounds like your best without him.
    In my opinion an inexperienced girlfriend willing to try new stuff and experiment is perfect. In that situation I would get to share a number of first with her by involving a lot of new stuff gradually.

    He sounds very selfish at the end of the day everyone has a first time and he just wanted to put little or no effort in

  • Still a virgin? a girl that got virgin-shamed? the gods send nuts to those who have no teeth.

    I just got dumped for not being sexually experienced and my self esteem is zero?
  • Honey he is the one who is worthless! Don’t pout yourself down for having more self respect than to have done it before with some worthless guy and more respect for him to have told him. You did nothing wrong and honestly I would say you did everything right! Being a virgin is actually a great prize and although most men don’t see that it is true! Because you can give yourself wholly to the man you choose!

  • He was a jerk.

    BUT...

    You are 28. You get to choose whether or not to feel shamed, worthless, "self esteem is zero" etc. Those are choices.

    You have made a choice to be a virgin until now. There is nothing wrong with that choice. But when a guy is a jerk about it, you, don't then choose to wallow in woe is me. Check him off your list as a jerk and move on.

  • what could he possibly have wanted you to be experienced in? unless he's one of those submissive type men who lets the woman be the dominant one

  • Nothing wrong with you. The man's an ass.

  • Wow. Very sorry for your situation, that sucks. Although surprising that you're still a virgin at 28, it's not a bad thing and more common than you think for a woman. What's surprising is that he couldn't accept that you're inexperienced, seeing as most men are desperately hungry for virgins and love the idea of deflowering an inexperienced woman.

    What I can tell you is not to let this one experience with this guy break your spirit like that. It showed you who he is, so be glad it's over with him. There's nothing wrong with you being inexperienced at 28 and there are plenty of other guys who would appreciate you.

  • None boffins this is your fault you were open, honest and willing to be intimate but this dork obviously wasn't mature enough to understand what you were saying snd didn't respect you. I cannunderstand how you feel but don't let this idiots immature treatment of you put you off as it's entirely his fault and doesn't reflect on you as a woman at all. If you'd like to chat about it feel free to dm me.

  • You should not have been expected to be experienced like an Escort. Sex should be a learning experience full of joy and exploration. Sorry. You picked the wrong guy. Someone else may feel you are The Creator's gift to mankind.

  • a lot of giys out there i think want a not so used vagina

  • I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so upset and ashamed about this experience. It's important to remember that everyone's sexual journey is different, and there is no "right" age or time to have sex. It's also important to remember that being a virgin at 28 is not uncommon or abnormal, despite what some people may think.

    It sounds like you were honest with this person about your lack of experience and your desire for a serious relationship. It's unfortunate that he reacted in a negative way and made you feel ashamed for your choices. It's important to find someone who is supportive and understanding of your feelings and desires.

    Please do not feel worthless or inferior because of this experience. You deserve love and respect, and it's important to find someone who will treat you with kindness and understanding. Take some time to focus on yourself, your goals, and your interests. When you're ready, you can start dating again and find someone who appreciates you for who you are.

    Remember that it's okay to take things slow and to prioritize your emotional connection with someone before becoming sexually intimate. This is a valid and important aspect of any relationship. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

  • If he's run away, he wasn't the right person for you. Move on.

  • there is nothing wrong with you. I do not know what the guys problem was but it is definitely his loss. I think you dodged a bulllet You will meet a guy that will treat you the way you deserve and it will be worth the wait.

  • I am in same boat!.. But at 26 yr age!..

    You missed out on your youth!..

    Girl's best youth is from 16-30 to find partner and enjoy sex!..

    Even after 30 youth is not gone!.. Its just Younger girls come in and competition increases

  • Virgins are better, experience is bad in my opinion.

    A sexually experienced woman either doesn't know what she wants, or is bad at choosing a guy, or is not wanting commitment.

  • There is nothing wrong with you. He's the one with the problems. He got scared of you. Because of you being a virgin.

    You waiting as long as you have is a good thing. Some people on here might admire it, IF THEY ADMIT IT OR NOT. Trust me, you'll find that right guy. You'll both feel that moment of (blank) when y'all finally have sex.

  • If he dumped you over but being sexually experienced, that's his hang up and nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with not having experience and the right guy will understand

  • Their loss.

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